So the big question of this week was "Can The Amazing Race still be entertaining without Jonathan and Victoria?" I think the overwhelming answer to that is yes. Yes it can. Is it actually more entertaining with them gone? Well, it's hard to say. To be honest, I vaguely wanted to see them maneuver an elephant or climb a palm tree, but I tend to think we were better off having put them to pasture in the reality graveyard. Of course, without the terrible twosome on the race, we now had to change our outlook from rooting against a team to rooting for a team. Easier said than done. Every season I seem to face a reality TV version of Sophie's Choice as I try to weigh which team I could possibly spare at the end of each episode. This time around, however, I've only formed fleeting attachments to the racers, with most of my favorites already junked in the loser bin. I guess there's always Kris and Jon, the peppiest couple since Jon Vito and Jill, but considering that last night's episode presented us with the final five teams, I found myself alarmingly apathetic about which duo might be eliminated. That's okay though. As long Lori and Bolo are around, I'll be happy...
The show began on a grim note as Phil told us that this episode was filmed in Sri Lanka months before the deadly tsunamis. Therefore, the next hour was dedicated to the victims of the disaster and their families. Hmmm... can't be snarky about that. Luckily, Amazing Race remembered it was a reality show and quickly cut to footage of Jonathan and Victoria freaking out at the mud huts last week. Phew. I thought we were gonna get all serious and tsunami-telethon-ish for a moment.
After the credits rolled, we began the race in earnest with Phil asking his usual provocative questions. This time he was curious to know if Adam and Rebecca will be able to mend or will their fiery relationship cause them to lose. As Rebecca would say, "So many questions..." Anyway, teams learned they had to head to Lalibella airport and take a charter plane back to Addis Ababa where they'd find they're next clue. Bolo once again proved that he was not, in fact, hooked on phonics as he pronounced "Lalibella" like "Labia" and "Addis" like "Adidas." He then turned to Lori and said "Okay, so we're looking for a giant vagina and a sneaker shop. Let's go!"
Fresh off proclaiming how Ethiopia has a cute and special poverty, Kendra began this leg of the race with that trademark of Third World ailments: nausea. Gone were her precious memories of the local village children as she seethed, "It was the Ethiopian food!" I half expected to see her in some old courtroom drama where a prosecutor asks "Would you please tell the court who upset your stomach?" and then Kendra points to a pile of Ethiopian food and yells "It was he! It was he!" Nevertheless, Kendra found a shabby little bathroom in the Labia Airport — I mean Lalibella (damn you, Bolo!) — and puked her heart out. Amazingly, Freddy did not chime in to say "You'd be surprised at how good that stuff tastes."
In Addis Ababa, teams had to make their way over to a stadium where they would run a 4 x 4 relay race with some locals for the next clue. Bolo and Lori arrived first at the track and immediately took flight. Now if there's anything funnier than watching Bolo trying to pronounce things, it's watching Bolo running. The man is like a giant windup toy - limbs flailing, legs chugging, but still not going very fast. What Bolo lacks in speed though, he makes up for in motivational heft. "Run like the cops are chasing you!" he encouraged the Ethiopian track stars. Yeah, a white man telling the black kids to run from the cops. Had this been L.A., Bolo might have been running too. Lori meanwhile had her own unique motivation: she had to pee. I feared that her lap would be marred by some ungainly bladder incident, ultimately ending with her patented scowl of "BOLO!!!" Luckily, Lori kept it all in. Good girl!
Comments (27)
Best recap ever.
I happened to have a notebook next to me last night and I had to write down what I heard Bolo call Sri Lanka. I heard, "Ska Loo." I could be wrong. I still can not look at him without seeing that piece of raw bratwurst hanging out of his mouth from the sausage making contest.
We TAR fans have been kinda lucky with Chip and Kim and Chip and Reichen being two (un-hateable) teams the past few editions. I hope that Kris and John join em. Kendra and Hayden are "The Heathers." Aaron and Freddy are "just playing their reindeer games." Rebecca is cool, but; as bad as the sausage hanging from Bolo's mouth, a worse image is of Adam's sausage hanging from hers.
http://thecoolstore.blogspot.com/
1 of 27 | Posted by mick | Posted on January 26, 2005 7:49 PM
I have it as SeeRee NaLanky.
And I liked the edit of Bolo scratching his face to the monkey scratching his neck.
2 of 27 | Posted by sgw | Posted on January 26, 2005 7:51 PM
aaron to hayden: i've had enough with your b*tch'in! QUIET!
hahaha
3 of 27 | Posted by tvgfan | Posted on January 26, 2005 8:42 PM
"Nancy Boy." Another wonderful Freddyism.
Bolo, you will be missed, BROTHER!
4 of 27 | Posted by ChristianV | Posted on January 26, 2005 8:58 PM
That photo of Bolo makes me think of the LotR line, "We Dwarves are natural sprinters. Very deadly over short distances."
5 of 27 | Posted by Lady J | Posted on January 26, 2005 8:59 PM
WHEW!!! I can sleep peacefully now that I've had my recap. Thanks B-Side.
6 of 27 | Posted by wheatjumper | Posted on January 26, 2005 9:25 PM
That recap was so hilarious I woke my sister up laughing!!! I will read again and again! Thank you!
7 of 27 | Posted by mar | Posted on January 26, 2005 10:03 PM
What about Rebecca's not-so-graceful dive into the pool? If you look closely, we were inches from a very bloody pool swim. Seems she missed a step. Damn that clear water!
8 of 27 | Posted by VOO | Posted on January 27, 2005 5:46 AM
The water looked cold in that pool.
9 of 27 | Posted by Marc Rice | Posted on January 27, 2005 6:25 AM
adam, adam, adam. he was so sure they were out of it, and then, lo and behold, the playing field was leveled TWICE MORE in the episode, and despite nancy-boy's ineptitude at lion rock, they came in ahead of the wrestlers, back even with everyone but kris and jon (who, despite being ultra-cool and nice and competent and ridiculously good-looking, are just too normal and self-aware to get much airtime, what with the rest of these morons eating their own puke and stuff).
Here's to Rebecca. Repeatedly hugging and kissing her hated ex--who also happens to be the biggest douchebag in the history of the amazing race (what was she ever doing with him in the first place?)--is thus far the toughest thing I've yet seen anyone do for money on TV.
10 of 27 | Posted by jack | Posted on January 27, 2005 6:26 AM
Kris is so sweet she was consoling Bolo with "positive thoughts" after Lori screamed at him for forgetting to give her the ticket. I love her.
11 of 27 | Posted by Kirby | Posted on January 27, 2005 7:08 AM
B-side, the show just wouldn't be the same for me without your reviews-Hilarious!
Maybe it's because I'm a sarcastic bitch but Twinkie Team, Kris and John just make my teeth ache everytime I see their smiling mugs.
Go Hayden and Aaron! Go Rebecca and the BigFatBaby!
12 of 27 | Posted by Retroqueen | Posted on January 27, 2005 7:36 AM
I told the wife that had I been Kendra, I would have thrown up on the poncho, because of the poncho.
And yes, I too noticed and laughed at the Bolo/monkey edit. Hilarious!
Ha!
13 of 27 | Posted by ha! | Posted on January 27, 2005 7:43 AM
Did anyone else see Adam's entry into the pool? He sorta stumbled, tripped and fell into it, once again proving that he's not only a wuss, but probably the least athletic personal trainer EVER.
14 of 27 | Posted by TexasK | Posted on January 27, 2005 8:29 AM
Oh man that was some good recapping there!
I can't believe Freddy said "nancy-boy?" Who does he think he is? Mr. Model who wears large glasses that makes him look like he is incredibly awkward and in his freshman year of high school?
I also loved the chainsaw/Lori's voice part. That made me pee a little.
15 of 27 | Posted by Pat | Posted on January 27, 2005 8:29 AM
What I don't understand is how Freddy and Kendra are models? Is the bar that low for modeling these days? Are they hand models? What's the deal?
Also, did you notice how deep Freddy had to dig to complement Kendra? When they ran out of the train station, Kendra spotted a tuk-tuk, after which Freddy gushed, "Good eyes baby! Way to go!" Freddy, I'm sure, also believes that Kendra is really good at opening clues and telling time.
16 of 27 | Posted by Brian | Posted on January 27, 2005 10:31 AM
I am amazed how sucked into this show I have become after last season. I am convinced that my boyfriend and I would rock this game, however I am also convinced that although in real life I am like Kris, I'm sure I would come across like Hayden or worse Lori. Damn those editors! I'm sure that wasn't roidrage Lori was spewing all over Bolo, I think the editors just made it out like she was yelling at him, but really she had just been choked by a large harry monkey and was really yelling at the monkey. I'm sure of it...
And just for the record Jon and Kris are a restaurant partner and a student/waitress...they are neither actors or models...yet
17 of 27 | Posted by smithie | Posted on January 27, 2005 11:27 AM
well, brian, both freddy and kendra know how to puke like good models do :-D
18 of 27 | Posted by Frank N. Stein | Posted on January 27, 2005 11:50 AM
I know kris and jon aren't technically actors/models, but seriously. look at them. they're so pretty. and nice. like you said, Smithie, they're not actors/models *yet*.
19 of 27 | Posted by b-side | Posted on January 27, 2005 12:14 PM
On 'The Early Show' Bolo said that the water in the third world countries gave him diarrhea. I just thought I would throw that out there. Kendra wasn't the only person suffering from nausea, but she was the only person complaining about it. I am sensing a first place finish for my least favorite team. And when they win I hope Freddie is wearing that ugly poncho and those thick black rimmed glasses. Does 'The Amazing Race' have the same rules as the Army or something? Is Freddie only allowed to wear the stupid glasses or is he wearing them by choice for some dumb fashion statement?
"He then turned to Lori and said "Okay, so we're looking for a giant vagina and a sneaker shop. Let's go!""
HaHaHa That's a good one B-Side, but something you said has me wondering...
"I know kris and jon aren't technically actors/models, but seriously. look at them. they're so pretty."
Do you think Jon is pretty? I mean, I know he's not bad looking but I don't think I would go as far as to say pretty. But I do agree that Kris is pretty and she doesn't even look 30.
One more thing, the show is much better without JV or VJ or whatever you want to call them. It's a good thing they got eliminated when they did because I was worried they might actually win it all and that wouldn't be good.
20 of 27 | Posted by Lisa | Posted on January 27, 2005 2:31 PM
BSIDE is the funniest writer on the site. Thanks for the recap.
One thing about Kendra & Freddy - They give Americans a bad name by being so rude to people in THEIR OWN COUNTRY!!!!! I can't wait for them to be cut and for Freddy to throw down his bottle-caps, yelling, "WHO DID THIS? I WANT TO KNOW WHO? WHO?"
21 of 27 | Posted by Tony B! | Posted on January 27, 2005 3:57 PM
"Rumor has it that next week teams will drive Volkswagen Beetles while holding puppies and kittens."
ah, I'm still crying. funny funny funny. you made my day with that.
22 of 27 | Posted by me | Posted on January 27, 2005 4:02 PM
Thanks guy, seriously. I appreciate all the love y'all give me on these comments.
23 of 27 | Posted by b-side | Posted on January 27, 2005 4:52 PM
"On 'The Early Show' Bolo said that the water in the third world countries gave him diarrhea."
I believe the exact quote was that he had the "Hershey Squirts", oh please Bolo tell us more!
Loved the recap! What a freak show...
24 of 27 | Posted by Marbacca | Posted on January 27, 2005 5:18 PM
Well, if you have access to an ABC Distributing catalog, Kendra is featured sporting some really cheap clothes, but they look really good on her, actually. Maybe because we can't hear her talk.
I took a few pics (badly) of it and uploaded them here: http://www.pbase.com/brockman/argal
Since I had to keep the flash from reflecting I took them at an angle, so it's a little foreshortened, making her look squatter than she is. There is also another picture of her, but I forgot to upload it, and I'm not home.
(Just got around to watching this ep off the replay last night.)
25 of 27 | Posted by Nick Postagulous | Posted on January 28, 2005 5:34 AM
Okay but really, who's stupid enough to drink water in a third world country? Models and Wrestlers.
26 of 27 | Posted by Betsy | Posted on January 28, 2005 7:13 AM
Well I mis Jonathan and Victoria. The show is boring now that they are gone.
27 of 27 | Posted by lisa | Posted on January 31, 2005 12:21 AM