***Note from the Editor: As we gather around our TV's as a nation for the seventh season of American Idol, it's easy to start looking at the whole show as a big circus act and forget that real dreams are made and broken for our entertainment. Another week's worth of recaps ridiculing the sad sacks who offer their pride up for our consumption is on the way, and in the meantime we thought it only fair to present to you a real story of love and loss to balance out the general crappy attitude we here at TVgasm have towards, well, everything. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm round of applause (whether you mean it or not), for our very own Nick the Intern.
Confessions of a Hollywood Week Failure
by Nick the Intern
Fans, friends, fellow Claymates. I write this post to you from my low lit, one room studio apartment, complete with a hot plate in the corner. I'll try to keep it short, because I'm stealing my neighbor's wireless. Life never used to be this desperate. That is, until American Idol changed it. Rewind back to a few months ago. I was just a normal kid, living in my lush apartment in the historical city of Philadelphia. Life was good. I had money in my pocket and a new video game to show for it. American Idol Karaoke Revolution. It doesn't get much better than this, am I right? WRONG.
Of course, never having any formal vocal training, I didn't think I would progress very far in the contest, so imagine my surprise as I finished my rendition of Fall Out Boy's "Sugar We're Goin Down" and Simon, Randy and...Laura (more on HER later) all told me I was going to HOLLYWOOD! Start spreadin the news! I packed a bag and headed out west with a pocket full of dreams and visions of doing FORD Escape commercials live every week to the tune of "Proud Mary". BIG WHEELS KEEP ON TURNIN!
Luckily TVGASM's video crew was there to capture my catapult into reality tv stardom! Move over Lauren Conrad! I immediately worked on an image strategy. Something to help me escalate in the game. Clearly my voice wasn't going to take me very far judging by my weak score for "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Surely I could be the next Antonella Barba!
But hotter.
My "scandal" came and went, and the judges brought me back down to Earth by reminding me it was a singing competish. At one point Laura had her hands over her ears, shaking her head in pain, wincing as if I was gouging her ears out with barbed wire. Laura is NO Paula. You know you're not singing your best and you think you can count on Paula to bring it home and give you some sort of confidence boost like "At least you're cute!", while spinning in her chair, clapping and barking. Laura, on the other hand, turns to Simon after he tears you apart and says she couldn't agree more!
It was day two of my Hollywood Week auditions, and I needed really wow the judges to stay. I needed to send them a message that I was here to be the next American Idol! Look out world, it's Nick, bitch! Unfortunately I quickly realized on stage that I only knew the girl part to "Don't You Want Me Baby". Laura had that twinkle in her eye, a look I'm sure Nina Garcia gets every time fresh meat walks down the Runway, that "Ohhh yes, can't wait to eat this one alive" look. The judges could take no more, I didn't even get to sing "I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar..."
The lights faded. The tears flooded. The slow motion, black and white montages began. And there I was. Down and out in Beverly Hills. I traded my life for a chance to be on American Idol, all thanks to Karaoke Revolution. This all but true tale isn't told for your sympathy, dear reader, nor is it a warning. If you have that dream, that American Dream, then you chase it! And sure my American Idol dream may be idle for now, but I bet that's how Justin Guarini felt after losing A.I:1, but then he got a movie deal and starred in FJ2K, and had the last laugh! ...right?
A video of my journey:
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Comments (3)
My my, it must be slow in LA this week with everyone in Arizona for the Super Bowl. Nick, you shouldn't tease us with such a little clip, give me more, give me more!
1 of 3 | Posted by Giffordsaz | Posted on January 29, 2008 8:10 AM
Want more Nick (and Praz)?
Check out Youtube for our series and other videos!
2 of 3 | Posted by praz | Posted on January 29, 2008 10:57 AM
Want more Nick (and Praz)?
Check out Youtube for our series and other videos!
3 of 3 | Posted by praz | Posted on January 29, 2008 11:07 AM