Tonight's show was kind of a clip show, kind of not. In one sense, it was assembled from the scraps of other audition episodes. However, all the material was new, which kind of made less clip-showy. Basically, it was like "Oprah: After The Show" but for aspiring musicians. The producers framed the hour with a series of lessons that we, the audience, were intended to learn from the experience should we plan to audition next season (don't count on it).

Lesson 1: The Look.

Seacrest sarcastically told us that would-be singers should have a distinct look that would separate them from the crowd. This meant we then had to sit through a montage of oddballs in strange costumes until we reached Christa Fazzino, one of Birmingham's finest. She was dressed in some weird outfit that was nearly impossible for me to describe with my limited, non-Michael-Kors-ish vocabulary. She wore checkered pants, a black and red corset, a red shawl, and a little, retro, round hat-thing on her head that I'm sure has a proper name, but again, since I won't be a Project Runway judge anytime soon, I'll let the fashion aficionados cough up the terminology.

(Let it be known I just spent ten minutes surfing the internet to find the name of the hat. I was unsuccessful. Oh, what I'd do for a visual dictionary right now...)

Anyway, what Christa lacked in fashion sense she made up for with... well... nothing. She was the typical, terrible singer -- flat, weird, off-key. The judges panned her, and when Christa asked if there was anything else she could do to change their opinions, Simon suggested she juggle. Needless to say, there was no juggling. Instead, she slunk to the door and started to cry about how she really, really needed this. The tears were enough to change Paula's vote, but no one else's. And with that, she disappeared into oblivion (although, she did promise to be back).

Next was Tami Gosnell, a cheery and energetic woman who may or may not have been a lesbian. Didn't really matter, but it would have been a rare sight for Idol. Anyway, she was a pedicab driver with a textured voice. She easily won over the judges with her take of "Whipping Post," and in no time, she was collecting her ticket to Hollywood. Sounded promising, but I'd be shocked if Fox would let a lesbian get to the semifinals. For now though, she could be happy in knowing that Simon loved her. I mean loved her. Personally, I think he was just trying to charm his way into a free pedicab ride.

We then learned lesson 2: seek inspiration.

Seacrest informed us that auditioners should have a role model in mind when they try out. This kicked off a montage of people comparing themselves to other, more talented Idol stars -- with the exception of Paul Kim, a pool boy who held William Hung as his inspiration. Before you start groaning, hear Paul out. His whole beef was that William Hung was essentially the reigning Asian male singer in pop culture, and Paul wanted to change all that. I hoped for his sake, as well as Asian American males across the country, that Paul would be an improvement.