Oh J-Mo I love you! I was so happy to see this up this morning. Kara's a bitch. I haven't decided if thats a good thing yet or not. I'm leaning towards not. She really got her knickers in a knot over bikini girl!
Oh and by the way my new favorite word is "squeezytuggles" !

Loved the recap!

**waves hand in the air** I've heard David Foster sing!! His "big release" was Who's Gonna Love You Tonight...and yes, I have it on 45. (That's one of those small vinyl discs.)

You can look it up on YouTube.

Yea, J-Mo!

I'm so happy you did this recap. These early Idols require that great mix of hilarity and ruthlessness that you do so well. The DeBarge joke killed me for some reason, although now I've got Rhythem of the Night in my head.

I don't like Kara. She seems really full of herself, but not in that "I don't give a shit what you think" way that Simon does or that "What, who said that...damn child proof bottles" way that Paula does either.

one more thing...I think Paula said she didn't WRITE Straight Up.

Other than that, great recap. I commend you on watching the whole show...I couldn't do it, at least not without a considerable number of margaritas.

Hmm, soon as I saw 'Bikini Girl' I said to myself: "Self, that there is the granddaughter of one of the sponsors, who only agreed to flood this shitty show with his shitty commercials touting his shitty products if they put her on.

"'Fine,' the producers reply, 'but only if she wears a bikini.'"

And the rest is history.

I only started watching this show last season (and only watch the audition show, and only while I'm working), but if you'll be doing more recaps J-Mo, I'm all in!

This is SUCH a stupid show. But even more than that, it's barely watchable -- I watch it online, so I don't have to put up with the commercials, but fully half of the remainder of the program is spent either telling us what we just saw, or telling us what we'll be seeing sometime or other. In the end, there's time for one real and one or two bogus auditions before the next fucking commercial break.

Trim away all the filler, and the show is really only half an hour long.

This recap was hilarious, J-Mo! I especially liked your trademarked sayings.

I'm not really sure why Kara is on the show. Now Simon basically has two votes because he breaks the tie. And Kara was way too bitter about Bikini Girl. Apparently she made some comment about her "body being better than her face" on Seacrest's radio show. Jealous much??

Who doesn't like attractive girls in bikinis? And she could sing. I don't understand what all the animosity's for.

Big old pop kisses to you J-Mo for this fabulous recap! Thrilled you are covering the dawning(place sarcastic tone here)..of what will soon be I'm sure the birth of more music history(blah blah blah)
Horrid hair & hygiene girl according to TMZ was in a bit of trouble and must now wear a "scram" anklet & was in the room when Britney went wacko & shaved her head.... cant stand the new judge, i couldn't quite pin point why in the beginning, but know that i know she is responsible for "ashlee simpson" i need look for reason no further.........although I feel the need to qualify that with it's not just that Ashlee cant sing ...KER-uh cant FUCKING write...i look forward to despising her weekly........thanks for the laughs. I'm off to the oxycodone & vodka bar (priceless by the way) to see if Paula still has a pulse

I LOVES me some J-MO!

I was so mad at this episode because my fast forwarding finger nearly cramped up from over use! I mean come ON!
They started talking about blind guy 33 minutes in and he didn't make an actual appearance until the last five minutes of the show...

SO GLAD for the recap. I can read it sans commercials and it's like watching tv with my snarky best friend.

Girl in the bikini DID have a nice ass, at least Kara gave her that. But did anybody else notice the OTHER bikini girl in the background?? Weird how she didn't get any camera time.

Eye heart J-Mo. Squeezytuggles...Personal pond of bitterness...
HA!!

So glad I found TvGasm to distract me from this cubicle job (that I somehow managed to get even though I've got a bunch of tattoos...Why did you lie to me Kelly?! You said the ink would PROTECT me from this dreaded 9 to 5!!)

Great recap J-Mo.

Your comments and jokes are perfect. I bow to the master.

TVannie/AnneM

Loved it J-Mo. I too will jump on the I HATE KARA TRAIN. I couldn't watch the whole thing either. Our good fortune that you did and delivered another masterpiece recap. Fox produces this show like it's the Olympics. Actually, it is their Olympics. Besides, there was too much other trash reality to watch on Tues - and I still don't have a dvr-fucking Santa.

Love your tm's-all of em. So admirable of you to do volunteer work too. Is it really better to give than to receive?

J-Mo;

Great recap! I only saw part of the show - now you filled in the holes for me (you are SO good at that).

I missed all the Kara-oke trying to show up Bikini-Girl, but I bet it was entertaining, to say the least.

As usual, they show way more "characters" than singers during the auditions. I really think that this show has enough of a following (by now) that if they were 100% sincere and REALLY tried to find talented singers, it would be more popular than what this Poop-Fest has become. AI - watch out for the shark - it's getting awful close. YAY for "Vote For The Worst"!

I'll be bummed for you if your Driller Daddy doesn't hang around 'till the end - he is a cutie and seems like a real sweet guy. You could probably lure him over to "the dark side" if you really tried - wife and kids or not!

Boo for Bikini Bitch and Yay for Blonde Blind Boy! Thanks for the recap and keep it up for us!

Lots O' Love

No, being gay has nothing to do with having disgust for women, not at ALL. *sigh* I would never miss a recap of yours, though.

Have you heard of WEHATEIDOL.com ? You should submit your articles there, it's a really funny site with Idol recaps and news, and they would probably love it!

Cherie... Awww, shucks, I wuv you, too! Glad you enjoyed the recap and the new vocabulary word! xoxo

DrJerkass... I wasn't sure if people would remember DeBarge (weirdly enough I'm a huge fan of them, especially El, I have all his solo albums, but then again, I'm a tad twisted) but I'm glad you picked up on it! LOL @ child-proof bottles, too! Glad you enjoyed it! xoxo

cattyfan... Wow, David has... an interesting vocal quality. He SO wouldn't make it on Idol. As far as the "Straight Up" comment goes, I could have SWORN she said she didn't "like" it, but then again, her speech struggles through so many chemicals to make it into the open air, it's quite possible you're right and I didn't hear it correctly... thanks for catching it, though! (maybe I need to get my earsies checked) xoxo

itchy... I totally agree, Idol is alllll about filler and product-placement, and the "results" shows are the worst (how else can they stretch 1 minute of kicking someone off into an entire fucking hour?) I suspect your theory on Bikini Girl may have some truth to it as well. Glad you liked the recap, though... xoxo

BRaps... Ooooh! I didn't hear about Kara's further bitchiness towards Bikini Girl! Wow, Katrina really got up her ass, huh? I was just shocked that a so-called "judge" would have attempted a sing-off with a contestant. If Kara really were an awesome singer, she'd be the one releasing albums. Thanks for the BRaps Lovin'™! xoxo

Hey Buddy... everybody loves hot-assed girls in bikinis, that's why the producers put Katrina on the show! It would also follow that hot-assed girls in bikinis create catfights as well (seriously, in just about every shot of Katrina in the holding area, there was some other girl giving her a death-glare) and Kara fell right into that trap! xoxo

nubby17... Ooooh, I just heard about Emily's little run-ins with the law. Damn, if only I had known that when I was writing this week! I'm sure her band loves her even MORE now! Thanks for the love! xoxo

Nemesiis... you are so right, the blind guy was being pimped out almost at the half-way mark (same with Bikini Girl) and that shit is always annoying! Glad you enjoyed the recap, and welcome to TVGasm! xoxo

TVannie... Shucks, you are sweet, but I'm no master (except of baiting), I just have a long-standing love/hate relationship with Idol that predates my tenure at TVgasm. You're doing a fine job yourself! xoxo

shantigal... Hahaha, yes, volunteer work is the best, I feel so fulfilled, even if my hands get kinda icky. Welcome to KaraHate Express, next stop, Kansas City! xoxo

arizonatom... LOL, love Bikini Bitch & Blind Blonde Boy! But as much as I'm feeling sexified over Big Driller Daddy, I would never try to steal him away from his wife and kids, that would be downright mean, and contrary to how I come off here sometimes, I'm really not a big meanie, I'm more of a loveie. Glad you enjoyed the post, though, and YAY, glad to know you're a Vote For The Worster, too! xoxo

DaffyMaiden... Eeeeee, did I screw up somehow and make you think that I hate women? Not at all! I thought I made fun of both the girls and the boys in this recap, and I am not a misogynist by any means. In fact, I thought I was way harder on my gays this time around, since so many of them were on the Mess-Train bound for Crazyville. Anyhow, I apologize if you felt I dissed the girls too much, but I'm glad you still like (most of) my work... xoxo

acousticani... NO, I hadn't heard of that, but maybe I will check them out (I might have to get permission from Daddy Flipit to repost there). Thanks for the lovin'! xoxo

As always, you guys are the best, I love all your comments! I just have to clarify something, though: I am *not* the official recapper for this show, this was my one and only episode to work on for this season... you will be seeing recaps from several different TVGasm writers in the coming weeks as the remaining audition shows and Hollywood Week roll around, and you will be treated to a wide variety of styles and opinions, which is what makes this place so awesome. And never fear, because the show will be in great hands when the actual competition starts... and those hands belong to none other than Flipit.

love to everybody, Double Shot At Love will be coming in the next couple of days (it'll be a little late, and I'm sorry, but two shows in one week is a major drain on the energy, I need a little bit before I start back in on the Ikki Twinz).

love, J-Mo :)

Cody? Making horror movies on your camera? Yeah, Dawson Leery did that circa 1997. You may want to rethink your "schtick". Just sayen...

Great recap.

All things combined, I thought Kara added to the show. She met my "bare" minimums when she had bikini girl spin.

Jmo, HEARTS!!!! So lovely to feel you're snark, perhaps you'll fill in again, as this is lots o TV to cover . . .

As for the carpal tunnel, try one of those never dry lubes instead of the lotion, just a thought!

I just got a house, and I'm in that hell called moving and settling in . . . sigh . . . and I'm TV less for a while . . . so thanks for making this so irresistable that I may have to go watch the sing off on-line, also wanted to see the sass exchange with Simon, he is so humorless and seems very homophobic, considering he and Gaycrest have likely been bumping no-no's for seasons and seasons!

Big Daddy here was cute, but he was no Matt (hubba-hubba) Rogers!

xoxoxoxo

hey J-MO love all the comments hope you get to write more later if you aren't too busy, Lots of Love, shawn

Great recap, J-Mo -- congrats - you got to cover the episode with the greatest number of train wrecks (so far).

I'm with cattyfan -- I'm pretty sure Paula pouted that she didn't WRITE Straight Up.

OMG - how fucking threatened was that excessively conceited Kara chick by bikini girl?! Trying to out-sing her?!?!

W O W

And how about the growling serial killer kid?

I swear, if they made an annoucement in the stadium and asked everyone to raise their hands if they have never sung in front of a mirror AND/OR recorded their singing and listened back to it, I swear about 80-90% of them would leave the room.

Ok so I'm totally late on posting but I was LOL'ing about Miss Gay AZ. I went to it last year since some of the girls bought their gowns where I work and it was a blast.

LemonSugar... I agree, they've run out of new and interesting backstories for these people... I think Cody's more interesting pastime would be the pornos he's making behind the garage at home...

fire@will... Somehow I figured you would enjoy that part of the show... I'm just glad there was some eye candy for ME this time around...

juddfan... Yes, Matt Rogers was superfine and I still hold out hope that he's a 'mo like us... Big Daddy will do in the meantime...

shawn samuell... well, aren't you the sweetest? Thanks for the lovin', big boy!

Donna Martin Graduates! I just watched your episode a couple of weeks ago, now I know where your nickname comes from! You hit the nail on the head with this show, it is soooo insane...

teetle81... OMG, OMG, OMG, I was at Miss Gay Arizona this last year, too, I actually danced backup for Miss Gay Arizona 1990 Devina (she did the Christina Aguilera retro-number, we were all in these big red pimp-suits and the DJ messed up the first part of the mix by making it sound like it was coming from under-water). Isn't it fun? I love that pageant...

love, J-Mo :)