This week on American Idol, Paula and I were on the exact same page.
I woke up for this?
My first question is...
How in God's name is Til Death still on the air?
Tink is in a good mood tonight so instead of fat, tone deaf and dickish, he introduces the judges as "superstars". They all smile big and fall for it hook, line and tinker. Guys, just in case you haven't met the fairy, he's just blowing glitter up your asses. You're not so much superstars as creepy adults who diss teenagers and try to break their spirits so you can have the opportunity to wear fingerless pleather gloves and your entire tacky line of cheap jewelry on TV instead of just giving up and taking a nap like you should have done fifteen years ago.
Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got,
I'm still Jenny From the Been Around the Block.
The Top Ten comes out and lines up at the front of the stage. Brooke and Ramiele are kind of off to the side like "These people cuss" and "Nobody has talked to me since the gay dude left."
The songs tonight are going to be from the year the contestants were born. If Fetus doesn't sing Fergie's "Glamorous", he's insane. Ramiele is up first. In her "get to know me" clip, she says that she learned to sing at family parties on the karaoke machine. That this girl is so willing to just say "f it, I'm gonna be a sushi slingin' karaoke crooning Asian and I'm gonna be proud of it" sort of endears me to her. Her hair always stood straight up when she was a baby and she had issues with biting. Her mom tells us in a clip not to worry though, because she got over that when she was three. Actually, she still bites it quite a lot.
Ramiele says that she knows she's lucky to still be around to talk about her childhood and if she doesn't nail it this week she's gonna be back sticking rice to seaweed paper before the summer's out. The whole underdog thing gets me every time, and just like that, I like this girl.
And then she goes to the garage, gets a shovel, and bludgeons Heart's "Alone". Loved that song until right now. Wow, this is an emotional roller coaster already and we're just in the first number. No one messes with Ann and Nancy Wilson! At first, Ramiele sounds like she's gonna do well, but then she goes way off key and belts out froggy noises. Not good. Ah well, maybe Noriega will let you bunk with him on Rosie's cruise. You'll be real popular there.
Aaaahhhhhhh-choo!
Ramiele's sick. So that's why she was painfully off the tone and rhythm of the song. This week. Randy doesn't care. He says she picked a song that was too big for her and Carly's already done it way better. Why would she sing a song Carly's sung before? Dang, girl. Smarten up. Paula says something about bravery and pride and packages as she jangles her QVC line at the cameras. Simon says that she wasn't as sucky as Randy said and that if she was still in the running after the hot mess she plopped center stage last week, even this slight improvement would keep her here another round. You suck. See you next week! The audience screams and applauds like he just told her she won the whole thing.
Ramiele isn't crying yet, so Tink asks Randy why he's being so mean. He sticks to his guns. Rami sucks and when Simon listens later at home he'll hear that she was all over the place. Simon clarifies; he didn't mean to suggest that the performance was good or even decent, it was just better than last week. Then Randy makes it as clear as possible that she sucked last week and she sucked tonight, double suck sucky suckage. Rami still isn't crying. Congrats! You've finally managed to steal Rami's soul.
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Comments (20)
We have this airing on pay tv in Australia, so this is the first time I have been able to comment on your recaps and know what you are talking about!
The song fetus sang - Your The Voice - was originally sung by John Farnham in Australia. Was a MASSIVE hit here, but he has an awesome voice and has actually gone through puberty.
Congrats on the great recap
1 of 20 | Posted by Aussie Girl | Posted on March 26, 2008 11:24 PM
I've said it before and I'll say it again ...Flipit .. your screen caps and snark are the absolute BEST! Love, love, LOVED your recap. I was LOL the entire time while reading. And although I don't agree with some of your choices, I have the best time reading your comments. I LOVE David C. I think he's better than Daughtry, and yes ... that may sound like blaspemy b/c altho I love Chris D and bought his CD's ... the way Cook hit that second "I" then raised it a register ... it was like ... well ... music to my ears. I would love for a rocker to actualy win the whole thing. Go Cook!
2 of 20 | Posted by cbc-cca | Posted on March 27, 2008 4:24 AM
I agree with you flipit. David Cook really is talented but he BOTHERS ME. A LOT. i think its all his bartending stories- I waitressed all throughout college and I worked with so many bartenders just like him. In a restaurant the 'hip'/'hot' bartender with crazy hair and painted nails is the only employee allowed to openly be an asshole to everyone- staff/customers/managers and I've found that many of them exercise that option regularly. He looks like everyother douchily hot guy who takes himself way too seriously and only takes time off from his true passion-his 'music'- too sleep with the entire female population of the staff. haha not that I'm projecting or anything. He really is talented and I think he probably could win this year.
long live the fetus!! he has a gorgeous voice and once he cuts the apron strings with his dad he will make a glorious comeback.
3 of 20 | Posted by chunkymonkey | Posted on March 27, 2008 6:28 AM
Ramielle~ Sang like she had a penis in her mouth. Stop like Brooke did, take it out, and start again.
Castro~ I've always liked him. He's just so adorkable. But he has done nothing but disappoint me lately. Ive often thought, like Simon, He's not trying to win.
Syesha~ was a bore snore
Chick~ suddenly aged to 60 and wandered into a karaoke bar.
Brooke~ I have always lovED that song. But I just dont think it is possible for me to like anything she sings. Also if her fingers "just knew what to play" then why does she have to look at the keys all the time.
MJ~ I thought it was horrible. The judges were way off. Randy was paid off. Paula had probably just taken a fresh dose of her meds. And Simon must of been flirting with some young thing in the audience cause he didnt see what I saw.
Carly~ All I could think about while she sang was the wedding scene in "Old School" where the wedding singer was singing that song. I laughed the whole time. Anybody else remember that.... "But then I see the fuckin' look in your eyes...everynow and then I wanna Fuck and I need you now tonight I fuckin' need you more than ever."...hahahahaha oh I love that movie.
David A~ My two year old daughter loved the song he sang. Maybe she saw the "animated creatures" Simon spoke of. But he may have a career in childrens music.
KLC~ ooooooh please! Patriotism is great and all but I thought it was cheesy.
David~ So thats why he wears his hair like that! Cause of his gynormous noggin. His baby pics look like an "animated creature" Anyhow, I loved his performance. I cant stand him as a human being, but I am becoming a fan of his preformances. Oh the shame.....sigh
4 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 27, 2008 7:08 AM
Ramielle~ Sang like she had a penis in her mouth. Stop like Brooke did, take it out, and start again.
Castro~ I've always liked him. He's just so adorkable. But he has done nothing but disappoint me lately. Ive often thought, like Simon, He's not trying to win.
Syesha~ was a bore snore
Chick~ suddenly aged to 60 and wandered into a karaoke bar.
Brooke~ I have always lovED that song. But I just dont think it is possible for me to like anything she sings. Also if her fingers "just knew what to play" then why does she have to look at the keys all the time.
MJ~ I thought it was horrible. The judges were way off. Randy was paid off. Paula had probably just taken a fresh dose of her meds. And Simon must of been flirting with some young thing in the audience cause he didnt see what I saw.
Carly~ All I could think about while she sang was the wedding scene in "Old School" where the wedding singer was singing that song. I laughed the whole time. Anybody else remember that.... "But then I see the fuckin' look in your eyes...everynow and then I wanna Fuck and I need you now tonight I fuckin' need you more than ever."...hahahahaha oh I love that movie.
David A~ My two year old daughter loved the song he sang. Maybe she saw the "animated creatures" Simon spoke of. But he may have a career in childrens music.
KLC~ ooooooh please! Patriotism is great and all but I thought it was cheesy.
David~ So thats why he wears his hair like that! Cause of his gynormous noggin. His baby pics look like an "animated creature" Anyhow, I loved his performance. I cant stand him as a human being, but I am becoming a fan of his preformances. Oh the shame.....sigh
5 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 27, 2008 7:10 AM
Ok this is pissing me off. Just about everytime I post a comment it posts it twice
6 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 27, 2008 7:38 AM
This is the 2nd or 3rd time they've mentioned Chik's Nigerian cultural music. Why don't they ever play any of it? I want to know what the hell is sounds like, so I'll know why he thinks of himself as a next Luther Vandross from Inglewood?
Brooke's song choice bugged the crap outta me. It's a sinister song about stalking and brooding about someone that rejected you. She tried to turn it into a sweet ballad, and Simon didn't even call her on it.
Every one of David Cook's performances is a rip of someone else's cover. Simon was interviewed last night and said he's smart to do that, but I disagree. It's irritating that he has no personal style. The fact that it's not poppy is the only reason they don't call it karaoke! Because that's what it is.
Rami needs to stop dressing like a Filipino hooker. And go home. She's in over her head.
When Archuleta complained last night that he loved the Farnham song, he actually said "farn ham" in two syllables with a hard H. He doesn't even know how to pronounce the guy's name. Give it up, Fetus.
7 of 20 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:59 AM
Donnac923: totally stole my thought (twice!) re: carly. My boyf and i were singing the old school version the whole time she was singing "turn around bright eyes.... SHIT turn around" "once upon a time i was falling in love, and now i'm fucking falling apart"
it would've been so much better if she had done it that way. but i still love her.
and the judges NEVER know about modern covers of songs (liek the "billie jean" cover that David Cook did). They also didn't recognize that Noriega did the pussycat dolls version of tainted love. which i'm embarassed to know. but yeah, if i were a contestent i would just sing a cover, and get praised for my "courage"
8 of 20 | Posted by beccs98 | Posted on March 27, 2008 11:36 AM
Thanks for the shout-out, Flip! Rami's going to kill my chances this year, who is voting for her . . . hmmmmm . . . I don't dislike her, she's sweet, but ho hum, she's picking all the songs that have been on the show, and doing crappy pitchy stand still f*in' dull wanna be versions of them all!!!!!! Is it me!????
WHAT is WITH the HIGH WAISTED EVERYTHING!!!! Stylists--stop it now!!!! How can you turn these cute shaped young girls into paunchy grannies every time--do ya try em on first? Is it me???? (again)
Glad Syesha's gettin' better, liked D Cook's "BJ" but after seeing his baby pics, now I know what the aliens are up to with all that kidnapping and genetic shit! Cover's are less inspired, but hella yes, he generates more excitement each week than the other's put together!
Still not lovin that Carly chicky--lot's of picks for her to go in pool--I'm just sayin'--horrible outfit, looked like she had Depends on, even lumpy on top--lot's of back up singing carrying that one, and I still say, Girl, get on that treadmill and work on your cardio lung power, it looks like it hurts getting that voice out--I'm serious, lung power is all you need--ask Debra Byrd, she'll steer ya right!
KLC is still rather weak, but I knew she wouldn't be going--someone's gotta pick up the B Belt vote . . .
Love Ya, Flip, thanks for the speedy, tasty snark fest as always!
ps. You said pot bellied Dad like it was a bad thing . . .
9 of 20 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 27, 2008 12:39 PM
Wow. As my father used to say (a lot), I love you, but... in one recap, you managed to insult my race, my patriotism and my religion... LOL...
Am I the only one who cringes when they see Carly's husband; and wonder what kind of man lets his kid scribble all over old dad's face with a permanant marker?
Agreed KLC's song choice was very "smart" - love that song - but found it's use in this context a tad creepy.
10 of 20 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 27, 2008 2:55 PM
When which gay guy left? They're all gay. I HATE that no talent ass clown KLC (from Office Space). The stylists dress Rami terribly and she's so cute. Speaking of cute, lil David is still my fave - please win! I am starting to like David Cook more and more, but wow thanks I didn't realize that was a MJ cover already done. Lil David, please win.
11 of 20 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 27, 2008 3:10 PM
How the hell can they praise Brooke for her "professionalism" in re-starting her song, when, in fact, it was rank UNprofessionalism to commence a song without giving yourself a key note to get into pitch.
Ugh!
And if Brooke had grabbed the mike and strutted to centre stage once the band kicked in, she would have won so many points for performance technique.
Obviously she's uncomfortable being on stage -- so the powers that be should be coaching her on some basic choreography and on how to comport herself on stage!
*sheesh*
Yes, the stylists should ALL be sacked. These contestants are looking fuglier by the week in their wardrobe choices. WTF was Carly wearing?!
I know everyone gives Kristy Lee shit for her outfits, but what she wears always looks flattering on her tall and admittedly modelesque form.
Shrewd move on the song choice, Kristy Lee. Well played.
Okay, I agree with Flip that Fetus should have fessed up and just sung last year's hit Glamorous. Very funny, Flip!!
BUT if Fetus can do Farnsey, then Michael Johns, or even better Carly or Cook, definitely should attempt Barnsey, say Khe Sanh
BTW I tried to put a link in here -- do a youtube search for Cold Chisel, live, Khe San (he spells it wrong)
youtube [dot com] watch?v=vfDI2ZjXwK8
What else?
Poor Chikiese -- what a shame. His usual showmanship was nowhere to be seen.
Stupid Ramiele and her off-key caterwauling needs to GO! So does Dred-head's lazy arse. Practice more, you loser!
I loved the Chris Cornell-style version of Billie Jean that Cook performed. It was just fantastic! I'd never heard it before and once I tracked it down on youtube, I felt that Cook's version was significantly better, but that just may be the thing we do when we attach to the song version we heard first...
I think Cook is much better than Daughtry and probably deserves to win.
Or Carly, or possibly Fetus.
Those are my top three.
12 of 20 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on March 27, 2008 4:40 PM
donnac, honey - re the pesky double posting. (I have to say something bc you are giving us donna's a bad name -- kidding!)
Just hit post and wait. And wait and wait. If it tells you it didn't go through, shut down the browser and check first as sometimes it *does* go through.
13 of 20 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on March 27, 2008 4:46 PM
HOLLA!!
guys thanks so much for reading. you seriously kill me with your comments, and i hope someone out there in ai land is reading this. especially the stuff about how carly dresses. did she seriously say last night that she boned it on tues because she was wearing spanx? lol. best excuse ever. i am using that every time i am late for work from now on.
anyhoo regarding commenting, our system sucks ass. we have changed it twice over the past year and are working to find something easier for us all. just press post and open a new window to browse while you wait. then you won't just be staring at the screen wondering what the monkeys at the gasm are doing with themselves.
LOVE
14 of 20 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on March 27, 2008 5:25 PM
To other Donna: My "bad" on the double posts. I swear I am not a retard! Maybe a little impatient but definitley not retarded. I will work on my posting skillzzz. haha!
15 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 27, 2008 5:53 PM
Got to say, even though I agree with the most of you on Chick's rendition, the dude has an AMAZING vocal instrument there. He can do so much. He went for the ballad, it didn't work for him, but in his going home song, he rocked it out.
16 of 20 | Posted by FuriousFlipper | Posted on March 27, 2008 8:59 PM
Best recap ever! I am here laughing my ass off at work.
17 of 20 | Posted by kaina01 | Posted on March 28, 2008 9:56 AM
WOW i wasn't gonna comment cuz i have no time but i must admit-i haven't laughed this hard in ages-I LOVE YOU FLIPIT!!!!!!
18 of 20 | Posted by yud101 | Posted on March 29, 2008 7:58 PM
Flipit - I'm not a 12 year old girl, so I feel free to say - FINALLY! Someone has mentioned the gasping, wheezing singing style of David A. I thought I was going nuts because it made me crazy - and no one ever said anything about it! Love you recaps - don't ever stop!!!
19 of 20 | Posted by kdfinjpn | Posted on March 30, 2008 2:16 AM
I'm guessing your favorite is carly. 2 thumbs up! i love her and i am laughing my fucking ass off "those people cuss and nobody's talked to me since that gay guy lefted" hahahaha your fucking halarious. bravo.
20 of 20 | Posted by kbomb7 | Posted on March 30, 2008 6:34 PM