Oh shit. I promised myself I wouldn't go off into one of my rants... and then Church Lady just has to start singing about Jesus. Oops, I mean, shouting. Why is he always shouting? What's he so angry about anyway?

Oh.

Well, at least he's going to heaven, right?

So, on the one hand, there's this fat ugly yelling douchebag, and on the other hand, there's this truly gorgeous, hot weird chick with awesome (in the Bret Michaels kind of way) personality...

Well, excuse me if I choose her 'uniqueness' over the douchebag.

I have to say though, after this show, I've come around to Hambert...thought he was funny as hell, just over the top, dancing on the grave of one of my favorite singers and one of my favorite songs (although he admitted this was someone else's arrangement) --just fantastic to watch.

Although I suspect he's going to be losing the straight vote pretty soon...I suppose he'll keep the young kids, who might not realize there's something 'different' about Uncle Hambert...

LOL thanks for the recap! Didja notice during blind Scotty's critique the judges managed to mention two blind piano players and one of them twice? Hambert is going to lose his 70 yr old widow's vote with that act. Megan has no talent.period. I loved how she was able to make it through the song but 'cough' couldn't 'cough' make it through the 'cough' critique without coughing! Sanjaya was better than Corkery, I bet Lamebert goes home tonight or gets a save by the judges.

LOLOLOL!! Darling you are so going to hell!! Next December you are definitely coming up to negotiate the apocalypse that masquerades as hanukahmas!!

Well, the gates of hell open for me once again, coz I think Dandelion's going . . . I'm sorry, that sucked! I'm sure he doesn't want to be treated differently becoz he's got a disability, so I wont . . . that blew babe. Boring as hell, not too well sung to start with (which all the verses in all these songs seemed to suffer from) but even when he kicked it in on the chorus, talk about pitchy!!! Anyway, he seems really sweet, esp the "you can move closer" comment, but he's not up to par, even with Oil Rigger, tho it may be his time to go too.

I actually thought most of them did better tonight, and the Top 3 did lamer. I was glad to see Church Lady eat some humble pie, why doesn't that song seem so draggy when Carrie does it!? I still don't hate tho . . .

Anoop was a huge surprise, Kris less of one, but both tender dawgs (LMAO) were great! I may have liked Kris' better if I knew that song, and I agree that Adele is fantastic, and I can just imagine how great her version is . . .

Caw Caw needs a bra, Lil needs that yellow and black outfit in ten colors, Allison is still one of my faves, but I want her to sing something I know again, Gums is still so much better than Dande--I'll die if he doesn't surpass him--and Paula is right on this season, her comments are shockingly accurate, despite some slurs and gratuitous jewelry placement.

For once, Randy made me laugh with the tender dawg comment . . . I almost wanted to hug him.

Lastly, Ham . . . well, well, well, if that wasn't the most amazingly hysterical performance of the season, I'll be shocked. The more I think of it, the more amazing it seems . . . the recap at the end, me and my viewing chums just burst . . . but again, Paula got it with Kashmir . . . Go Seal Claps, Go!!!

Thanks as always, Flip it!!! HEARTS and FLOWERS!!!

Coming from the straight guy...

I don't care if Hambert's gay, he wails. I didn't like the song at all, but you have to admit, he sure put his flava on it! If he was only born 10 years earlier, he would totally be made king of the hair bands, ala Skid Row, et al.

Flipit: you made me laugh myself into an asthma attack SEVERAL times this recap. I love you man! The boobs giving directions...ooooh, I'm still ROFL about that one.

About Megan: I was smugly waiting for the judges to shred her hot self... and then they said what they said, and all I could do was say "what? What WHAT?" To quote Will Farrel in Zoolander, "What am I taking crazy pills?"

And not even in the bottom three. Flipit, you can't let that go on the recap of the results show. UG!

I love you, Flipit!
So many LOL moments...I can't even remember them all! Note on Randy Travis: why did he only have positive things to say about each and every person??? I'd love to see Gordon Ramsay or Anthony Bourdain be a guest star sometime...yeah, I know it doesn't make sense, but it does in my world! :P

LOL! I envisioned that same box of PrepH as Hambert sang "Ring of Fire." Does anybody remember Dilana doing that version on Rockstar Supernova, only better?

When Simon said Lil was short for "Little" I wondered why no one corrected him that it was short for Lillian (which is what I'd thought). Now I'm thinking: Oh, like Li'l Kim? Does anybody know Lil Rounds' real name?

Glad Anoop did such a great job. I think we all knew he had it in him, he just needed to find the right song.

Timberwolf, I totally agree about Megan. I think they must have been being nice because she had the flu. Nothing else can possibly explain it.

Thanks for all the great and gleeful guffaws Flipit. You're impossibly clever.

Ok, Hamberts' Ring of Fire made me think of something waaaaay dirtier than a PrepH commercial, but whatevs...

I completely agree with ur assessment Flipit and kudos on another great re-cap! I look forward to these more than the actual show :p

I wish Sarver and ChurchLady would go home but alas, you can't always get what you want...

Hamberts' performance was over the top and masturbatory, but the vocals were awesome :D

Love you, Flipit! :*

Um, timberwolf, if you were actually able to hear MEgan during her performance, than perhaps you're not as straight as you thought you were.

I think she did GREAT. The BEST of the night. Truly FANtastic.

And juddfan: I tend to fall into the 'less is more' category when it comes to hot women and their clothing choices.

Oh yeah, Flipit: I don't usually do the 'wow great recap you da best' thing (even though you're clearly the One True Son of All Recaps), but you had me laughing out loud through the whole time.

That arrangement could have worked for someone else, but Hambert didn't have it, whatever "it" is you need for that, IMO.

I canNOT believe Alexis went home! Oil Rig should have gone home. A country singer horrible on country night -- that should have been it.

"a Willy cover"

lololololololol

Another great recap, Flip! Sorry to hear you had to go to Gateway, but your recaps are making much more sense now. ;) I was dragged to one of their Bible study classes and pro a well-meaning friend and am pretty sure lightening would strike me if I ever dared to set foot in there again.

Oil Rig should have blown this one out of the water so why did he pick one of Garth's lamest songs? And butcher it? I like him and all, scruffy teddy bear boy, but if he can't even sing the genre suited for him, well, you suck. Sorry, Rigs.

Sure, Country's about fun -- and getting drunk, having your dog run over, your mama in prison, and your wife sleeping with you best friend. Real fun! OR's idea of fun -- underage teens banging in the back of a truck and disobeying their parents' rules. Go OR! Make us Texans look like a backwater state! (Like we needed the help.) Go teen pregnancy!

Lil, honey child, "Independence Day," despite being Sean Hannity's theme song, is *not* a patriotic song unless your idea of patriotism is an abused woman killing herself and her arsehole husband by burning their house down in front of their kid. On July 4. If that *is* your idea of patriotism, then, Whoot, America!

Woman in the song must have been Texan, b/c she killed herself. In this state we tend to stick needles in women who protect themselves by killing their abusive, slimeball husbands. (See, backwater!)

At any rate, Lil, if you wanted a patriotic American song, you should have picked that Toby Keith song about sticking bombs up evil nations' evil arses courtesy of the Red, White and Blue. Consider it for if they have God Bless America Week, k?

Huh, I forgot Twink performed. And it was another lame Garth song. Garth Brooks has some kick-ass songs in his inventory -- what's with this crap?

Hambert. Loved it. Loved that unlike the most of the rest of these bozos who picked watered down soft rock versions of country songs, Ham picked a Country classic with a clearly non-country arrangement and blew it out of the water.

Haven't any you guys heard Johnny Cash's take on the Nine Inch Nail song "Hurt"? Or "One" by U2? Yeah, it was a lot like Ham's version of "Ring of Fire" -- creep as Hell and so totally different you have to rewind to make sure you saw that correctly the first time. I turned to my roommate and asked him, "Was it good for you?" b/c, damn, I needed a cigarette after that f**kfest. (And I don't smoke.) My ears are no longer virginal, poor things.

Scott. Boring. Lacked personality and sounded like the last two songs. Stop comparing him to Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, because he is *so* not either of those guys, Paula. Take a Vicodin, hon.

Megan needed a bra...so badly. Her boobs looked like two grapefruits in a plastic produce bag. Go Anoop! And yes, I am going to hell too, I thought Scott sucked.

That whole section on Hambert and Linda Dano had me laughing, man. I especially liked the picture of the SEAL though I had no idea what it meant. (He was very cute though!) I really don't think ANY of these people are talented (Can't they have a MASS ELIMINATION round? They could make them all drink Kool-Aid and whoever survives gets to go on?!) but for the first time I enjoyed Hambert's song.

Regarding Danny. I LURV that song but frankly whenever I sing it -- it sounds better than Danny's rendition on Tuesday night. And while I wouldn't download the song (I'm not a 16 year old girl) I think it was a good song choice for Danny 'cause I think Danny is trying to change American Idol into Christian American Idol. I predict good times ahead because there is nothing more enjoyable than to ridicule the pious, the religious and the self-important.

Haven't finished the recap yet, but let me just say that I love the Adele version of the song as well.

"I don't think I will forget Hambert's performance as long as I live." um - DITTO!

Seriously, I must've re-wound "ring of fire" like 3 times, each time asking myself, did I really just see that? And, I have to say, color me impressed Hammy! Now, this is kind of difficult for me to explain, but I don't like him in an Elliot Yamin way (rooting for the extremely talented underdog) but I like him in a WTF is he gonna do next and I just can't turn away, and OMG, is he like the love child of Freddy Mercury/Mario Cantone/Liza Minelli kind of way!

Flip - I watched that youtube clip of Adele (which I'd never seen before) and wow - that was amazing! Totally make KA look like ass....

Oil rig blew - I mean - it was like back in the early 90s when cassettes were the thang, and you put one in the walkman, pressed play, and the tape got jammed up and played the song on triple fast-forward! (by the by, people look at you funny if you listen to a walkman at the gym, - what? I'm keeping it real, just like my dawg Randy!)

Speaking of Randy(s) - I would like to punch Jackson in the friggin face for RECOMMENDING a contestant to sing a song that was recorded by Whitney, why didn't he just recommend Lil sing Vision of Love next week and My Heart Will Go On the week after? Seriously, do it Lil, it will go well, I promise ;)

Oh and Randy Travis..it was like his humongous head was constantly being pulled north, trying to escape from his body or something...freaked me out!

Guys - I am so bummed about Alexis, not so much that she got booted, but more cause my dumbass picked her to win the whole f'ng thing! Screw you America, and your Gokey-loving asses!

Bravo on the excellent recap!

It drives me nuts when the judges display a complete lack of knowledge about music. Like complimenting the cute boy for singing "Make You Feel My Love" without sounding country? Um, that song was written by Bob Dylan. It is not an inherently country song just because Garth covered it.

And I almost threw something at my TV when they told "Little" that she should have sung "I Will Always Love You." Why? Why?? This show drives me crazy...I wish I could stop watching it.

Lil's name is Lilian. I don't blame her for being pissed.

Danny. I totally blocked out his performance after they said he was doing "Jesus Take the Wheel." He looked like a sanctimonious, bespectacled Michelin Man.

So is it supposed to be The Devil (gay, overly madeup, "Ring of Fire" singing Adam) v The Angel of God (widower, Christian-music-class teaching Danny)? Because that's pretty hokey even by AI standards, but looking back on their lighting on the stage and song choices, it certainly could be played that way.

I do think Skara saying Danny nailed his Jesus song was a bit tasteless. Just saying is all.

I just want to know who keeps voting for Scott.

And so glad Anoop did well this week. I just love his personality and when he sings like that, wow. There's a few videos of him singing r&b songs w/ unc's treble clefs, he's so awesome when he sings in that style. No more faster "fun" stuff.

Great Recap (of course).

The good: Anoop and Matt stepped it up. Adam was interesting.

The bad: Alexis had a bad night, while blind guy, Oil rig and Megan shoed no improvement

The ugly: Megan's arm tatoos. She is so naturally beautiful - it is like someone scribbling with magic market on the Mona Lisa - without the permission of the original artist; and thinking they are making an improvement. It is just wrong on so many levels. I have seen no evidence that she can sing, either.

LOL, Jennaboa--I too caught the "nailed the Jesus song".

I can't stand Megan and I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't stand looking at her arm.

I want Oil Rig around long enough for Songs from Broadway week...

Excellent call on the Devil vs Jesus plot!

And that explains why they're keeping Scott around...maybe they plan to have the Church Lady heal him?

I wholeheartedly agree on the arm tattoo. It's a true shame. Because she SINGS so DAMN well. I love WATCHING her sing. Yum!

Greetings All - I just discovered this blog and I am hooked! I was laughing throughout the whole thing and at one point soda actually came out my nose! You are hilarious and I can't wait to explore your site.

Regarding Country Week, it was indeed something.

Not much I can add, but I agree with most everyone about Hambert. I really felt like I needed an antibiotic after that. I am puzzled by the Dynasty shoulder pads however. The whole thing was like the doors appearing on one of those cheesy 60's variety shows. Very twitchy indeed.

I also agree that Miss Megan needs to get a bra stat! Those bad boys will be down to her knees by the time she is 40! The convenient coughing throughout the critique was genius! What ploy will she use next week?

Paula trying to say the word "authenticity" and then having to settle on "authentic" nearly made me lose my shit! Hilarious.

Why does Simon insist on wearing an undershirt? An old one at that? And the whole "Little" thing regarding Lil's name was awesome! And he said it a number of times. He knows her name, he is just being cheeky!

After listening to Hambert last night, I called my doctor for a colonoscopy this morning. Yup! It's the missing butt plug. He should too, just didnt seem right for him to sound so painful....

Skara and Randy telling Danny to sing the 1st half of the song better will not work because his voice is just not good enough in the lower registers. That’s why he falls short when compared to Gums or Elliot Y.

For the last 2 week I have gotten what Megan is about and I see why the judges like her. She is not one of my favorites but I see what she is about. Some people say she is trying to sound like Amy Winehouse or Duffy but instead of old soul style Megan has more of an old Billie Holiday kind of jazz sound with a folk twist. I think like Hammy she is going to be someone some people love and others hate.

-ChurchLady looked like a marshmallow, or the Pillsbury Doughboy. hate him.

Hambert was like a mockery of everything Idolish - loved it because it was so bad. One day it will be revealed that he is really 40 yrs old. I hope he stays around long enough to sing Lola.

The 16yr old - whats with the rubbery face. good singer though.

I love matt the bestest, I even love his gummy smile.

LOL @ oil rigger doing broadway!

I don't like this new trend where they talk back to the judges. I think they should just stand there and take the abuse like they used to do.

I have an aunt named Lil, so it cracked my up when Simon called Lil "Little." Flipit, you are the best. You make me laugh so loud! My favorite line "Jesus, take the wheel and get this boy to a GAP." Keep up the great work.

Um, Flippy? I think you mean Cook, not Daughtry, right? (from page 3): "This is like when Daughtry kept doing rock versions of songs last year and the judges called him totally original even though some of them were still playing on the radio. LAME."

Oh, and my husband said that Kris reminds him of magilla gorilla, and ya know what? He's right! Watch him and you'll see. Oh, but you need to look at his face to see it, dirty boy.