Hey Gasmi, Tuesday has come and gone, and you know what that means? Well, yes, that if I don't do that load of laundry tonight that I was supposed to do over the weekend, I'll end up wearing my high school graduation gown to work tomorrow (Go Falcons!), but more than that it means a new episode of American Idol was on, and you know what that means, plenty of good voices, double plenty of notso good voices, and sob stories that may or may not involve co-joined twins. So enough yapping about it, let's make the jump and get to the good stuff.
Our episode starts with some pretty shots of tonight's city, Chicago. Hey did you know Obama is from there? I was stunned because on Fox News they always say he's from Commieland, but it gives the producers the perfect excuse to get all our hopeful idols to keep screaming "yes we can", to start the show. Okay there are 12,000 of them, and they give out like 10 golden tickets tonight, so 99.9% of them should be chanting "We're doomed, doomed I tell you, doomed" but I guess that didn't test as well in focus groups.
They cue up the credits and after seeing that Randy either can't or won't button his shirt in the morning, we find out who is supposed to make us forget this week that Paula went to that big QVC show in the sky. Err, sorry, I mean who are fabulous guest judge is going to be tonight, and oh we hit the jackpot Gasmi, because we got Shania Twain.
Well that makes sense because the show is in Chicago and she's from Canada. I mean she sings country music and we know how much Idol loves country, right? No, wait, her entire act was conceived by her Svengali like producer who had her churn out album after album of pop music? Ding, ding, ding, chicken dinner, we have a winner!
Anyway, that's the meanest thing I am going to be able to say about Shania, because she's super nice, perky, and is all set to provide plenty of helpful feedback to the hopefuls. She's like Paula, only coherent and not doped to the beejusus belt, which means she's just the same. Oh and we find out she's apparently using the show Cougar Town as the bedrock for her life, but we'll talk about that later.
Hey, speaking of Paula, okay we weren't, but I need a segway so we are going to pretend we were. Anyway, our good buddy Skara shows up with a big grin on her face because they dumped Paula and kept her, so that must means everyone loves her right? [Sound of crickets in the background] Yeah, um nope Skara, it means all that duct tape they were using to strap Paula into her chair during the show was going to shred the budget after Simon and Tink got their new raises. But don't feel bad girl, let's hear it for cost effective mediocrity, yay!
And then finally after some more aimless milling around Simon herds everybody into a conference room. He makes a big deal about pulling the drapes back, because I guess crushing dreams in natural light is more rewarding, and we get our first audtioner. Yes, I know that's not a real word, but Chicago is the city of Harry Cary so suck it grammar Nazis.
The girl's name is Katelyn Epperly, and almost as soon as we see her on screen we hear the tinklely music, and you know what that means, sob story! Oh I love me some sob stories, and as soon as I hear the piano I start chanting to my TV, "co-joined twin, co-joined twin!" Sorry, but I've got that in a pool at work, and this little waffleboy needs to get paid.
It turns out to be a big letdown because recently Katelyn's dad left her mom. For a co-joined twin? Well we don't find out, but Katelyn's mom is sad, and this is what Katelyn is doing to try to cheer her up. FYI for Katelyn, ice cream works in these situations too.
So, after making sure the judges know she's dealing with some problems Katelyn lets us check out her voice, and she's really good. At least that's what I think, but I can't carry a tune in a sack, so my opinion is even more suspect here then usual.
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Comments (11)
Is it wrong of me to want something bad to happen to RERUN so she can't continue to compete? Nothing major --maybe, a minor accident where she breaks a leg or she could be sent to jail for another non violent ticket?
She'll never win so she might as well be fodder for viewer amusement.
Thanks for the recap Waffle.
1 of 11 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on January 21, 2010 7:43 AM
Actually Rerun has had even MORE bad luck since this episode was shot. Her mother is now missing.
2 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on January 21, 2010 8:23 AM
As a matter of fact, Mr. D., apparently Rerun's mother went missing during Hollywood week, and she had to drop out yet again.
These audition episodes are bullshit-- at this point you can pretty much assume that none of the people they highlight will make it past Hollywood week. They're all just cannon fodder to cover the various ringers and plants that usually stock the stage.
At least last year they had a chick in a bikini. They're not giving us much to work with this year.
3 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 21, 2010 8:40 AM
I think Amy Lang and Tink would make a cute couple.
I also think Amy might be just the ticket to bring Tink back around to fornicating the way God intended: one man and a whole lotta woman.
4 of 11 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on January 21, 2010 8:49 AM
A case of 'The Christinas' had me rolling. I absolutly hate that crap. I can stomach it when Xtina does it because her voice is so amazing but when anyone else does it I just want to hurl.
P.S. I'm a falcon as well! Was there a pregnant girl at your graduation too?
5 of 11 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on January 21, 2010 8:58 AM
When I ride the T in Boston, I bring my dog with me. She's my "assistance dog". I wear dark glasses and act vaguely out of it. No one's ever asked me what the condition is that I need a dog for, but the T drivers are starting to give me the stink-eye.
I'm going to record the Tinkly piano music and play it whenever I get on the bus. Instant sympathy! No WAY the driver can throw us off when the Tinkly music is playing.
Also: Itchy, et al. I will NOT hear anything about "ringers or set ups" on AI. This show is as honest as Chris Harrison on the Bachelor. It's as sincere as a Grey's Anatomy voice-over. If God Himself had to choose between taping NCIS and American Idol, you know which one He'd choose.
6 of 11 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on January 21, 2010 9:12 AM
@NWMTV: You're right. My apologies.
Personally, I think God just watches endless re-runs of Forever Eden, while drinking beer and scratching his balls.
7 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 21, 2010 10:13 AM
Someone please get me Katelyn's mom's number, address and/or email... I have a great urge to wipe that sad expression from her face. (Something is wrong with her ex... nuff said).
I think you guys are right about most of these tryouts just being bull fodder. I haven't seen many I expect to make the big show.
There must be better singers that get rejected just for not having a catchy back-story.
Love the recaps (and coments). It's almost like having actual friends (dang restraining orders!)
Shania - call me. I'm available. Or Scara. Or Rerun. Or...
Seriously - I'd like to see Scara perform again... and show off her singing voice and her body... and her talking voice, not so much.
8 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 21, 2010 10:17 AM
We ARE God's TV.
And, unfortunately, it's a sitcom.
9 of 11 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on January 21, 2010 10:25 AM
Waffle...thanks for a great recap! I also thought of Pvt. Pyle when I saw Tulips....guy was scary looking. He looked like he could have shot up the place instead of being a contestant.
I still hate Kara.
10 of 11 | Posted by marijai | Posted on January 21, 2010 11:44 AM
I actually thought Tulip had a lovely falsetto . . . missed half of this, but I guess it wasn't much--duddiest of duddies for an audition epi--but a delight to read your first recap Waffle! Keep up the good work, and when you say Christina's--I think of wire hangers.
XOXOXOXO
11 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 21, 2010 1:28 PM