Tonight on American Idol, Ryan tells us we will be bouncing back and forth between Puerto Rico and New York. Oh joy! Nothing I love better than flipping between time zones! Of course it helps if you are plastered. Here we go!
Well lovies it looks like on the last night of auditions, you guys are stuck with me again. Why you ask? Because of my mad skills yo! Or because there was no one else to do it. Kinda like getting picked last for volleyball because your boobs are too big and every time you try and hit the ball it just sticks in your cleavage. But enough about flipit! On to the show!
Ryan tells us some crap about Puerto Rico, 1957, Westside Story...I don't know. My brain rejects knowledge and that sounded too much like history class. His point is, if he will ever get to it, we are in Puerto Rico and New York tonight! He already said that. He tells us there's twice the talent and two times the terrible. Uh huh. Then why is this show condensed? If it's four times the show? I don't even have my shoes off and that math don't add up! Oh and he added that there is double the danger. I'm a skeerd now!
Oh he's finally starting the show! Ok Ryan says two different islands, one a metropolis and one an enchanted island. Oooh do you guys play Metropolis on facebook? It's kinda lame but it passes the time. Kinda like tonight's show.
Anyway we are shown scenes from both cities. Screaming fans and all.
Beans and disease to you too.
I miss Redd Foxx. Fred Sanford was the best. Ok I think we are getting closer to actually seeing a contestant! Nope, it's Randy, Paula, Simon and DioBitchi arriving in New York via helicopter. Wouldn't ya like to be a fly on the wall inside that chopper?
Paula- Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (has airplane arms)
DioBitchi- Touch my hair and I'll slit your throat you loopy talentless dwarf.
Randy-Yo dawg, stop that. My grub holder is acting whack.
Simon- Can I please be deported?
Paula-WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
Randy-Barfs in DioBitchi purse.
DioBitchi- Strangles Paula with her own extentions.
We also get to see the screaming fans of New York. Most of them screaming "Fuhget about it!"
I wish I could.
Finally! First up is Adeola Adegoke, she tells us that "mos uh de tigh, I get compare to Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blighhhhhh." Oh jeez, you know where this heading. She tells us she KNOWS she will be a superstar and in an entirely too happy way she says "I quit my job cause I know I going to Hollywood!" Awww, No you're not but thanks for playing.
No need to go on wi duh show. I have arrigh.
DioBitchi asks her if she really quit her job? Yes she handed in her resignation letter. The judges are all "wow". She will be singing And I am Telling You. Simon says "Big song." And so it begins........
"We paht of duh same blood. We paht of duh same time." And it's pretty much downhill from there. Simon rolls his eyes. She keeps singing/strangling a cat. The judges try hard not to crack up but she is hideous. DioBitchi stops her and Simon asks "Did you actually deliver the resignation letter?" Yes she did. Simon tells her she needs to get it back. Quickly. She wants another chance. Simon would rather suck a sock. He tells her she's very nice and blah blah. He offers to phone her boss and get her job back and apparently she stepped on a tac cause she starts screeching bloody murder.
Ooohhhaayyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaooooooooo!
They all tell her she's awful and DioBitchi decides it's time to vote. Ooh I wonder if she gets a golden ticket! Simon says absolutely no. Paula says "Its not your thing honey." Randy does Randy speak about not having any ski's or something and Miss Brilliance herself tells her to keep her day job. Wow, that was clever! The poor thing shuffles off and tells her family. Simon tells them to get her boss on the phone. Ryan, who will do anything for a scrap of Simon's love, grabs the nearest phone.
My boyfr, uh Simon wants to speak to you.
So Ryan actually gets this woman's boss on the phone and he agrees to talk to Simon. And he gives her the job back. Simon being nice? What's next, sober Paula?
She tells us that she always knew that deep down in Simon there was something good and he just proved it to her. Yeah well the sun even shines on a dogs ass some days.
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Comments (8)
This was a very weird episode. How is it that P.R., which only produced 9 worthy of Hollywood, and NY, which produced 26, get equal time?? Anyway amen to the of auditions. I'm trying to avoid all the spoilers out there about who makes it out of Hollywood, because I find those episodes to be the most compelling tv of the whole season. Great recap Cherie.
1 of 8 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on February 2, 2009 2:46 PM
Good job Mon! I still won't watch till they are down to a six-pack, but you made it entertaining.
2 of 8 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on February 2, 2009 4:51 PM
I agree JasonR. I was actually surprised 9 people made it through from Puerto Rico. It seemed like they hated everyone. I started getting annoyed and wondered if they went there just to get a vacation. Obviously the contestants would have accents. Dumb.
3 of 8 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on February 2, 2009 8:45 PM
^ "I ... wondered if they went there just to get a vacation."
ya think?!
4 of 8 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 3, 2009 8:39 PM
This whole episode seemed to be just filler. Not sure why they even bothered. I've seen/heard enough crazies now. Thanks for reading though!
5 of 8 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on February 3, 2009 9:33 PM
I believe the appropriate spelling is: "fuhgeddabowdit"
At least that's what my Word 97's (huh? why use anything else? duh?) spellchecker comes up with.
6 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 4, 2009 5:25 AM
thanks Cherie!!! I must say it's nicer to read about Paula's recycled gases than to be in the room. Diobitchy seems gratuitous and useless. Simon looks better with teeth, and I guess Randy's been quiet as he never comes up in these . . . . I say, replace him with a bobble head, you never know what he'll say next, but it will be one or six things . . . TG it's finally Hollywood week!
7 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 4, 2009 10:50 AM
I heard only 300 people showed up to audition in PR. That would explain all the filler.
8 of 8 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on February 4, 2009 10:52 AM