T.VO: I am glad to see someone call Paula out on hallucinating. She's out of control.

Song is put together of spliced Simon-isms. "You suck", "that was awful", etc.

FLIPIT: This is better than either of the original songs. Fetus should have sung this.

T.VO: He would've stumbled over any of the "negative" words, which was like...all of them.

T.VO: He's got a filter.

FLIPIT: Hahah his neck alarm would have shocked him.

T.VO: His electric collar. Exactly!

Closeup of Randy and that hideous outfit. Tink makes a smart ass comment about it.

Picture 5-39

FLIPIT: Randy is wearing the winning design of the coke cup.

The boys come on and sing "Summer of 69"

T.VO: The stripper's back!

FLIPIT: Ugh. When he was eliminated a reporter asked if he thought it was because of the stripper gossip and he said "I'm a great singer. Can we concentrate on that?" A. No you're not and B. No.

T.VO: Listen to Johns rock it out.

FLIPIT: He's a better rocker than Cook.

T.VO: Does Fetus know what "69'ing" is?

FLIPIT: Maybe the stripper can teach him while they tour this summer. Look at him squatting. He's all open legs and bug eyes.

Picture 6-33

FLIPIT: Yay! Isaac from The Love Boat is back!

T.VO: Chikeze my neezie!

T.VO: I like Michael Johns for shaving.

FLIPIT: I like Michael Johns for being hot.

The Davids walk down center, singing together.

T.VO: Make out! Make out! Make out!

FLIPIT: They should at least be holding hands.

FLIPIT: "Now, nothing can take you away from me..." What a sweet song to sing to each other.

T.VO: Can Fetus sing "Somewhere Out there" dressed up as Fievel the Mouse already?

FLIPIT: We should have sent him the hat as a finale gift.

T.VO: Oh, that's out of tune.

T.VO Even to deaf people

FLIPIT: The stripper is trying too hard. It's making me uncomfortable.

Bryan Adams comes onstage to sing.

T.VO: Is this a new song? It's lame.

FLIPIT: He looks like a Lyle Lovett/Sting love child. That's not good.

T.VO I just saw Lyle Lovett at the Ivy on Sunday! He looked like beef jerky.

FLIPIT: What were you doing at the Ivy? That's fancy. I mean come on. LYLE LOVETT eats there!

T.VO: I was walking past it. I had investigate an eco boutique that claims to be sustainable but all the dresses there were 3K and up. But hey, paperless potty!

FLIPIT: Anything "green" is inherently snotty.

The song morphs into "Somebody Like You"

FLIPIT: He had a backup song too. It's like Nigel is worried that old stars can't do new material. Just in case you didn't know who the hell this guy is, here's "Somebody Like You!"

Navigation system commercial.

T.VO: Uh..navigation system? Find a hooker.

FLIPIT: Find crack cocaine.

A commercial for 3D mascara (?)

T.VO: 3D extreme mascara porn!

T.VO: "Extremely Extreme"

T.VO: Somewhere out there, there's a failed English major who never discovered the thesaurus.

FLIPIT: Speaking of failed school, why is Jessica Alba EVERYWHERE tonight?

Ashton Kutcher phone commercial.

T.VO: Dammit Ashton Kutcher. This whole night is about bad stars with bad movies out.

FLIPIT: Ashton's like Demi is making me pay the rent so i had to do this commercial

Jordin Sparks comes on advertising the new AI ride at Disneyland.

FLIPIT: Spanx!!

T.VO: Jordin, "As you know, I am living the Idol dream. My vocal chords are fucked and I might not open for Alicia Keyes anymore so I guess I'll go to Disney World" Sparks.

FLIPIT: I sold 10 albums yay for me!

Picture 7-33

FLIPIT: Look! She's finally wearing Spanx! I knew she was reading last year's recaps!

Cook sings "Sharp Dressed Man" with ZZ top.

T.VO: "Sharp Dressed Man"?

T.VO: Clearly not alluding to Randy.

FLIPIT: ZZ top eats at the restaurant I work at. The first time he came in I almost kicked him out cuz I thought he was a homeless guy.

T.VO: Paula nip slip in 30 seconds...wait for it...

FLIPIT: She looks more wasted that usual tonight. I can't believe her top's not off yet.

T.VO: Is this a David Cook wet dream? Or did we die and go to Hell?

FLIPIT: I love that Paula is always clapping off beat. Every single time.

T.VO: ZZ Top looks super-jewish to me.

T.VO: mmm bagels.

FLIPIT: HAHAH hassidim night out

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Comments (23)

Gildedlulz:

THANK FUCKING GOD.

That's all I need to say.

gildedlulz:

Oh, and Amanda's amazing performances last night made me love her even more. She so obviously hated being there; I about died laughing.

I really loved how she was dressed in a pleather vest and pants while the rest of the contestants were wearing tuxes and dresses during one of the last group performances.

LOL, Amanda!
You're my Idol.

JustJesse:

Awesome recap guys! I had a lot of fun reading it. Just a few things though. You said something about David Hernandez teaching Archuleta about something out on tour, but only the top 10 will be there, and finishing 12th, Hernandez won't be one of them. The top 12 gets to come back for the finale, but only the top 10 go on tour. And when you were talking about Carrie Underwood's songs, "Jesus and Gravity" isn't one she sings. Dolly Parton sang that when she was on the show, so maybe that's where you got confused. Other than that though, nice work! Glad to see Cook win!

T.Vo:

Heh. JustJesse -- I was making fun of Carrie Underwood since she looked like she'd borrowed Dolly's clothes, so naturally, I pretended she was going to sing "Jesus and Gravity" too.

renoblondee:

Hey guys, you made me laugh so hard during this season, but not feeling it w/ the finale so much. I think you all felt like I did LAST season. It sucked. I didn't give a flying fig WHO won. But THIS season I fell in love w/ Cookie like so many others. He. Is. The. Man.
Don't understand the hateraide. Also, maybe you all are just too young, but Bryan Adams and ZZ Top and George Michael fucking ROCKED the house God Damnit. Anywho, love ya anyway, and I'll always be back. Cheers.

JustJesse:

Whoops, my bad. :-/

georgiababe:

BREAKING NEWS: Carrie Underwood's Pants Stolen from Dressing Room, She Still Performs

LMAO Thanks for the shoutout! Glad to know that my CookLove (patent pending) is so infamous lol. And, for the LAST TIME, I will annoy all of here on here again by professing my love.

I still don't really know why you have such a problem with him, but meh. He WON (part in partial to me) and he already has a number one hit in the Philippines. I thought the Mike Myers thing was hilarious actually, especially when he implied that Fetus hasn't gone through puberty yet lmao. As well as Myers trying to shave Cook - frankly, I was rather surprised (and slightly disappointed) that you didn't comment on that.

Whatever. I think the Cookie scruff is HOT. Although I'm sure I've made that clear by now lol. I had a mini-viewing party with some other Cookie fans and you have NO idea how excited we all got when the Guitar Hero commercial on. We sent him a meat basket, actually. I'm not even joking. Shameless sexual innuendo. But I mean, have you see the size of his boots....? Lol

Anyway, the right David won, hands down. Archuleta is destined for Disney and HSM forever. I was SO happy for him - whether you like him or not, he's struggled really hard to get where he is and he deserves it.

Pretty great recap - although I was rather disappointed that you didn't comment on Cook's adorkable little dance during "Sharp Dressed Man". But probably everybody but me thought it was lame.

Anyway, I will stop my Cook Love, once and for all and say thanks for a great reason. Even though I didn't really like the way you portrayed Cook. But, like I said in another post, at the end of the day TVgasm is all in good fun. Plus, Cook won. So I'm cool.

And shout out to renoblondee - clearly, you have good taste.

georgiababe:

Okay, I lied, I'm not quite done.

There is a GH commercial on the Tube that is twice as long as the one they aired. Both Archie and Cookie have one, but obviously Archie's is like child pornography. But in Cook's you see BRIEFS. I almost died.

JustJesse:

georgiababe-

Archie's is like child pornography? Don't you think that's a bit much? I mean hell, you see more of Cook then you do of him. We all know you prefered David C so I think the Archuleta bashing can stop.

georgiababe:

Archuleta bashing? DUDE. It was a JOKE.

Don't get your shortchuletas in a knot.

BRaps:

I’m so sad for Fetus! My heart broke for him when he lost. I thought he was a shoo-in all season long, and when it came down to him and Cook I thought he would prevail similar to sugary teenybopper Jordin over wiggy-wiggy Blake. But judging by the record number of votes cast, I definitely underestimated Cook’s fanbase. I mean, Fetus must have received like 43 million votes, which probably would have been enough to win most seasons. But Cook crushed that amount by a healthy margin.

Even though I am not a Cook fan, it would be nice to see him become a success so that the show gets some of its credibility back. And I would love to see Fetus break free from his nutjob father and go on to do great things. The poor thing always seemed so nervous and tense. Hopefully he can improve his stage presence and personality like Carrie Underwood has done since she was on the show. Pants or no pants, she looked and sounded awesome on the finale! Lastly, kudos to both the Davids for being gracious in victory/defeat, and to T.Vo and Flipit for a great season of recaps! xoxo

JustJesse:

Shortchuletas? Wow, how clever you are...

georgiababe:

Hey, don't blame me, the Archies made that little gem up.

fire@will:

I wish both them - and all of you - the best. I'd love to have either of thier voices, but I don't envy them the kind of lives they are liable to lead.

Thanks again for some of the best. recaps. ever.

juddfan:

somehow, I missed the risky business send-up-and thank the lord in heaven above . . . I don't really want to see either in skivvies!!!! ick . . . the screen grabs are bad enough . . .

So thanks guys oh so much for hanging in there despite the obvious burnout, that gets worse at the end of each of these, no?

How much do I HATE Jordin Sparks . . . just puke city!!! She was on the news after and they asked her to give advice to the winners (besides fake cry) she said, "Get ready to have no sleep, I haven't had 8 hours sleep in a year"

Bitter little biotch! She's frigin' 18, I so didn't get 8 hours then, and still don't in my soon to be 45 years!!!!

I knew from the Simon apology what was going to happen, and I figured the unhypnotised masses would rise and revolt and vote for the one who wasn't shoved down our throats and Randified--I'm not sure I can watch this show anymore, toxic vomit festers in my guts and threatens to spew every time that stuffed doll spits a cliche--can't he just step down, please . . . I don't know what brought on all the hate for me, but I'm glad Cook prevailed and since I don't listen to Disney channel, I'm unconcerned about Fetus' fate . . . I'm sure he'll find his niche, and Cook, well, I'm not likely to get that CD either, but I bet it'll do well!

Kisses Flip and T.vo!!!!

JasonR:

Great liveblog guys.

At this point I've posted so much about Idol I'm just out of things to say, except for one observation: Oh, Amanda, how can you be 22 years old and still seem like a 50 year-old drunk aunt, or better yet Sally O'Malley from SNL . . . "I'm FIFTY yeahs old, and I can KICK and KICK!"

Congrats to Cook.

itchy:

The recap was so much fun, I figured, what the hell, I'll have a look at the show itself...(which I haven't bothered to do otherwise)...

First, there was, what, 10 minutes of filler before the show actually started?

Second, georgiababe, I'm sorry, but...are you not seeing the same stupid hair? The lopsided head? The stupid pubic-hair beard? The fat butt? The girl hips?

Especially this episode...I'm trying to figure out who the hell he is trying to fool with the mess he made of his hair...

In fact, I get it now, he really DOES deserve to win this show.

The fetus? giggle giggle grin gosh....

georgiababe:

Hello again, itchy.

I like his hair and I like his beard. And I haven't noticed anything else - I am sorry. And I am willing to bet that most women ages 16+ are going to agree with me.

itchy:

Ah, georgia, apparently much of America (that is, the segment of the population that actually votes in this...er...contest) agree with you!

For better or worse...

Problem for Cook is, he's posing as a rocker. But no one seriously interested in rock will ever take him seriously. Ever.

So even if he succeeds in making a career at this (Vegas will love him, after all), it will never be the career he wanted. It'll be the opposite of that.

And he knows it. You could see it in his eyes.

yuds101:

I have to say i never laughed to hard to when they both went to visit the "Guru" OMG-the looks on both thier faces were priceless! David a. looked clueless... very dissapointed u guys didn't comment on the funniest part of the show...but great recaps thoughout-thanks!

Boris8:

Did anyone catch what George Michael said to Ryan Seacrest regarding his compound after he was done singing? It sounded like flirting!

juddfan:

OMG Flipit!!! I forgot to mention

"If she wants a choker she could use my palms"

That is soooo F in' funny!!!!!! LMAOAJORIBW (Laughing my ass off and jumping off the roof in bubble wrap)

HEART

carmelicious:

FLIPIT: It's like Heaven, only gayer and whiter.

- officially my favorite thing you ever said!

I just wanted to thank you both for enduring this ridiculously long episode for our reading pleasure - and for a seasons worth of awesome recaps!

Embarrassing admission #1: I actually stood up and cheered when Cook won - don't judge!

Embarrassing admission #2: I still think Hanna ManTana should've made the final 2 - again - DONT JUDGE!

Soooo glad this board is anonymous!

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