This round's song selection was made by Clive Davis, Chief Creative Officer of Sony/BMG and Rock and Roll Hall of Famer.
Where are my teeth?
Boxing Coach Says: "Don't use all of your energy. Pace yourself." Thanks, Captain Obvious!
FIGHT!
David Cook, Song #1: "I Sill Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," U2
Keep your eyes on the prize, homies. Clive's chosen U2's iconic tune for David Cook, which is apt and surprisingly recent compared to anything Fetus sings (Chris Brown Catastrophe excluded). If you have been living under a rock, it's about a generation's yearning for love and the meaning of life.
The song starts out incredibly earnest and soulful, and I keep thinking this is an ad for the World Wildlife Federation, set to "Forever Young." I'd like to see what Cook would do to that song, by the way. "I Still Haven't Found..." is mellow and keeps the guitars sounding pretty '80s. Once the drums kick in, Cook's voice gets more gravelly and gritty and he starts to belt it as he walks through the mosh pit of Hell and up onto the judges' podium.
He stays relatively in tune, although he struggles on the lower notes. He bends the pitch upwards on the last note, which is pretty cool (it's a feature on my Korg Triton keyboard, hee), but overall, he doesn't modify the song structure, style, or melody as much as I expected. I enjoyed it, but it didn't rock my socks off. The audience is supportive but not raucous. Hmm. Cook's also managed to find a new method of inking his palm (Sharpies are so hard to scrub off!) for a shout-out:
Give back, you corporate whore.
Randy says he feels comfy calling Cook "D.C" since they're Boyz now, and he liked the scoop up in the note at the end, it was hawt, baby. Paula says she's found what she's looking for in David Cook, and they need to look no further, and he's arrived, amen, amen, great voice! Paula always makes me feel like I just ate a rofl waffle covered in lolcats syrup. Simon says that Cook looked very emotional and tense, but the performance was phenomenal.
Fetus, Song #1 "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," Elton John and Bernie Taupin
Let me sum it up for you visually. I can't be the only one who immediately thought of the scene from The Sound of Music, right?
"The sun has gone to bed and so must I..."
Weber weighed in earlier that Fetus has what it takes, provided that he doesn't sing with his eyes closed, driving us all mad. Well, he still screws his eyes closed, but he imbues this arrangement with a gospely, inspirational soulful flavor that confuses me. Am I supposed to call in and pledge money to Pat Robertson for some gold-plated Bibles or something? Yes. I simply must. The power of Christ compels me!
"Here at the 600 Club we need your money to spread the word of Jesus and build more advanced deflector shields for our galactic cruiser. So we're gonna need an ionic tractor disrupter. Now, not a regular ionic tractor disrupter, but a negative tractor disrupter to spread the word of Jesus."
Fetus has excellent phrasing as usual, magical riffs and runs, but I'm still laughing at the kid. I can't help it, I'm sorry. I know some of you love him. But doesn't it ever feel like you're getting sunshine pumped up your asshole when you watch him?
Intentional crotch grab, or prostate pain?
The crowd is deafening, and it's totally obvious that the audience is tipped in favor of Fetus. Randy doesn't even bother to come up with any new phrases, deeming it one of the "best performances of this whole season season, flawless, unbelievably molten hawt" and says, strangely, that Fetus picked the right time to pick with his crazy vocals. But hasn't Fetus been at this pro level all season, without much criticism from the judges? Paula's got chills, yet the sun is never going to go down on our nation's most prominent man-boy. Simon tries to say something more coherent, but proclaims that it was Fetus' best performance ever, and that round one goes to Archuleta. WTF?!
I can't believe I cured cancer!
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Comments (15)
I have been waiting for your snarky recap. Love it!
I hope to hell that Cook wins tonight.
Archuleta is SOOOOO boring.The poor kid looks terrified that his dad is going to beat him if he doesn't "perform". Two words---Elevator Music.
1 of 15 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on May 21, 2008 6:33 PM
Cookie for the MOTHER EFFING WIN!
Check his back for tire marks, because the judges threw him under the bus, then reversed and drove over him again.
Honestly, I think it was strategy. Archuleta DID show SOME personality last night, but too little, too late. And I am sorry, but it was NOT a knockout. Simon had been going around saying how he wants Cook to win - methinks the producers wanted to make it more exciting. I think Simon did it to infuriate the Word Nerds - which he did. I voted 3000 times.
Frankly, Cook is going to be the winner here, no matter what. Archie has a Disney contract already - he's going to be starring in Disney stuff until he's no longer cute. Cook - going to sell.
And thank you, for acknowledging that Cook IS sincere. I honestly cannot figure out where this "Cook is arrogant" garbage comes from. He has always been gracious and humble - maybe not when perfroming always, but it's a rocker persona. So what if he winks and half-grins? I don't think he's ever meant them to be disrespectful. Honestly.
If you think he's arrogant, provide examples, please. I will bet that you are taking them the wrong way or out of context.
He deserves this, more than any Idol ever has. He's the most original and most creative contestant they've ever had. And, quite frankly, he is EFFING DELICIOUS.
Thank you. I will get off my soapbox now. COOKIE BOOTS FTW!
2 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 21, 2008 8:09 PM
Also, your theory about Simon = totally right. He was on Leno the day before and Ellen the day OF saying that he wanted Cook to win. And I think he was genuinely upset with Cook for not pulling an old standard out.
But he did make me furious. I was having a mini voting party with a whole bunch of other Word Nerds and everyone was just livid at the judges (though esp. Randy) and was voting like MAD to prove them wrong.
Cowell, you are smart.
3 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:22 AM
Am I the only one who caught Randy saying something about this "being the hottest idol ever for 2007". I'm not sure what his specific words were, but he definitely had the wrong year in there. That, plus his "you could sing the phonebook" line, I really thought he was looking at notes he took from last year. Please replace him!
4 of 15 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:08 AM
T.Vo, I just did an obnoxiously long post-mortem on the finale in the forums, so I won't repeat it here. I totally agree with you on the musical merits of D.A. vs. D.C. and I was shocked and thrilled to see D.C. pull it off, and it wasn't even close!! Cook nearly shot himself in the foot, but obviously fans were voting on the whole season's cumulative performances and future potential and not just on those three songs. I also agree that Cook seems like a decent and humble guy and I never got the arrogance accusations like he was the second coming of Constantine Marulous or something.
Anyway I mainly just wanted to say thanks for the great work recapping all season. I assume Flipit is recapping the results show so I'll give him his props then.
5 of 15 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:36 AM
Aww, georgiababe -- We knew you were rallying for your man, David Cook!
JasonR -- I'll head to forums to read your take on the finale; I'm still a "Bloody Donkey!" with no posts. As for the results show, uh, you will either love us or hate us for it (but hopefully LOVE) because we did it together!
6 of 15 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:53 AM
T.Vo, One question. I mean the one that really matters most of all here in this awesome recap:
Korg Triton Extreme or Studio? I've got the Extreme and it kicks Studio booty!
7 of 15 | Posted by timberwolf | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:56 AM
I was rallying for him T.Vo, I was. My man. Hmm. That sounds lovely. :)
Thanks for a great recap and a great season, even though I almost always disagreed with how you and Flip portrayed Cook. But alas, what would TVGasm be without snarkiness, right?
8 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 10:14 AM
yeah...Randy had the wrong year. If it had been Paula, it would have been a headline.
I also caught Randy take a back-handed slap at Cook, saying his third song was one he could "get by with" in the real world. Very rude.
I'm so glad Gasper The Friendly Mormon didn't win. I can't stand that vacant little boy.
9 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 12:17 PM
"A heavyweight title reserved only for superstars (clarification: Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, and Carrie Underwood, but no one else)."
I thought that was hilarious...a title DAUGHTRY NEVER HELD...yet the producers included Daughtry's photo, hoping the audience is too dumb to remember.
10 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 12:21 PM
I've got a korg too, but I don't know which one--the one that nearly plays itself, coz with my chops, it would have too!!!
I did think Fetus sang his patooties off, and most of it was pretty good--he ruined Imagine though, I mean, yeeeechhh--and I was actually looking forward to it, and thinking it would be longer and not start on the third verse again . . . alas. I dunno, I was so sick of it, when gaycrest ever asked what they needed to do to win, I was wishing I had a magic bullet to take him and Randy out in one blast, but instead, I ff'd all the judges all the way thru--LORD, if I heard the phone book cliche just one more time, my TV would have looked like flip it's does after a year!!!
(not pretty--we saw it after the Brooke stop gate)
thanks for all the guffaws T.vo, I'm headin' on over the finale cap now!!!
HEART to all . . . and georgiababe--so nice to see you basking in the gasm spirit, some people get sooooo upset when they're fave is under fire . . . I appreciate your good sportspersonship!!!!
11 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:18 PM
Thanks for another FINE recap.
I almost choked when my DVR cut off right after Tink said "And the new American Idol is David..."!
The final two shows were much better than I expected (proving Homer's law of low expectations).
Best TVgasm tag-team recapping ever (you dawgs could recap the phone book :)
12 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:59 PM
Aww, thanks for all the love, ladies and gents! I was thrilled to be a part of this with you all (and Flipit, of course). And thanks to ChickBomb and HugoStop for their cameos during this season!
juddfan -- Does this mean that Flipit owes you 20 bucks? Did you win your AI office pool?!
timberwolf -- I have a Korg Triton LE 88 (Music Workstation), and I got it in 2003. So it's probably not as Extreme as yours. *cries* I would've loved have dragged my upright piano to college back then but it was out of the question. One push of a button and a turn of the wheel does turn any room into an insta-rave, though.
georgiababe -- don't worry, I defended Cook last night while chatting with Flipit online. You'd have been proud.
13 of 15 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on May 22, 2008 3:23 PM
Lol, thanks T.Vo. My heart is swelling with pride.
14 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:48 PM
Okay so I had a revelation...Britney should try out for AI...Or like show up and be added as a surprise finalist. How juicy would that be!? She'd do it, you know it. Redemption! Mortification! WHO KNOWS! Oh wait she can't really sing...hmmm...well at least her and Paula could play with eachothers' hair and pop pills in the dressing room.
15 of 15 | Posted by ttsnibbly | Posted on May 26, 2008 7:02 PM