I'm grappling with this David vs. Davliath face-off, since one's more of a solid musician who sings, and the other is just really a gifted, precocious singer who's ready to go pro.
They're both fantastic at what they do, personality aside, but what they'd do in the world of music would never, ever overlap. It's like pitting Rihanna against Dwight Yoakam. I haven't seen any fan posters for Cook, but Fetus certainly has his share. Not only did a bleached blonde girl in a halter ask him to prom, he's got to cougars to fend off and uteruses to inseminate:
It's The Age of Love all over again.
ROUND TWO
Round two's songs come from the songwriter competition. After last year's debacle, where Jordin and Blake both had to sing the winning song and the song clearly lent itself to Jordin's style, the producers are letting the contestants pick from the lot.
Boxing Coach Says: "Winning the fight is like climbing the stairs. You want to poop yourself after getting to the top."
Lord Weber is psyched to see what the kids will do with songs that are unknown and poorly-written.
David Cook, Song #2: "Dream Big," Emily Shackleton, a 22-year-old from Minnesota
Listen to the original here
Please join me in mercilessly mocking a song that includes the lyrics "If you don't dream big, what's the use of dreaming", "It takes one hope / to make stars worth reaching for" / and "Faith is something I can't see." Among other things, the song helps me to find the path in life, I could never have imagined it. I'm not waiting for it to happen; life's just too short to not take chances. Oh Cook. Why did you have to go screw yourself with a song that's a terrible fit?
What happens when Cook takes a song written by a Nashville-based country/folk pop rock singer and tries to make it his own?
Cook^2.
And that's all I have to say about that. He did what he could to salvage the song, but bring back "Always Be My Baby" or "Eleanor Rigby." Please. You could be so big on STAR 98.7 FM before it turned into a crappy station. Now I guess you're destined for KBIG.
Randy hates the song but says that Cook sang his face off and saved it, Simon hates the song and says it doesn't feel like a winning moment at all, while Paula tries to point out that it wasn't the winning song. Le sigh.
Fetus, Song #2: "In This Moment," by Ryan Gillmor, who also happened to write the theme song for a FOX sitcom, "Unhitched" - nepotism, much?
Listen to the original here
What happens when you mix all the worst parts of Jason Mraz, Sugarcult, and Motion City Soundtrack
Isn't there a clause against that sort of shit? Anyway, it's symptomatic of this entire season, having seasoned veterans entering their songs in an "amateur" contest.
Anywho, Lord Weber suspects that Simon wrote this song when he and Fetus get to the line "Staring through windows at my own reflection / how can a window encompass perfection." Hee. Oh well, the song's about being born without vision, so Fetus should be able to close his eyes all his want.
"It better be appendicitis, Fetus." - Lord Weber
Clad in another blazer, this one festooned with anchors, Fetus sings a song about a beautiful world to live in and a chorus that includes "In this moment / No one can take it away from meeeeeeeeeeeeee." He picked the right song for the crowd to squeal over and wave their acrylic-tipped hands. It's not the best song ever, but it's better than Cook's, and hey, what do you expect from a songwriter with a soul patch and greasy hipster hair? After listening to the two songs in this round performed by the original songwriters, I have to concede that Fetus picked the winning song. The melody and hooks are better, and it's got the soaring chorus that works (even though it totally evokes Shania Twain's "From This Moment On" for me).
Randy pulls out a trusty line during his critique, telling Fetus that he didn't really dig the song but Fetus could sing the phone book and it'd still be good - way to be in the zone, baby! Paula affirms her belief in true magic, and that it doesn't matter what song Fetus sings, he's on fire. She can barely move her face, so perhaps they gave her Botox injections during the commercial break. Simon loves the "fantastically self-centered, egotistical lyric" and agrees that Fetus chose the better song in keeping with the night's theme and declares round 2 goes to Archuleta (again).
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Comments (15)
I have been waiting for your snarky recap. Love it!
I hope to hell that Cook wins tonight.
Archuleta is SOOOOO boring.The poor kid looks terrified that his dad is going to beat him if he doesn't "perform". Two words---Elevator Music.
1 of 15 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on May 21, 2008 6:33 PM
Cookie for the MOTHER EFFING WIN!
Check his back for tire marks, because the judges threw him under the bus, then reversed and drove over him again.
Honestly, I think it was strategy. Archuleta DID show SOME personality last night, but too little, too late. And I am sorry, but it was NOT a knockout. Simon had been going around saying how he wants Cook to win - methinks the producers wanted to make it more exciting. I think Simon did it to infuriate the Word Nerds - which he did. I voted 3000 times.
Frankly, Cook is going to be the winner here, no matter what. Archie has a Disney contract already - he's going to be starring in Disney stuff until he's no longer cute. Cook - going to sell.
And thank you, for acknowledging that Cook IS sincere. I honestly cannot figure out where this "Cook is arrogant" garbage comes from. He has always been gracious and humble - maybe not when perfroming always, but it's a rocker persona. So what if he winks and half-grins? I don't think he's ever meant them to be disrespectful. Honestly.
If you think he's arrogant, provide examples, please. I will bet that you are taking them the wrong way or out of context.
He deserves this, more than any Idol ever has. He's the most original and most creative contestant they've ever had. And, quite frankly, he is EFFING DELICIOUS.
Thank you. I will get off my soapbox now. COOKIE BOOTS FTW!
2 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 21, 2008 8:09 PM
Also, your theory about Simon = totally right. He was on Leno the day before and Ellen the day OF saying that he wanted Cook to win. And I think he was genuinely upset with Cook for not pulling an old standard out.
But he did make me furious. I was having a mini voting party with a whole bunch of other Word Nerds and everyone was just livid at the judges (though esp. Randy) and was voting like MAD to prove them wrong.
Cowell, you are smart.
3 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:22 AM
Am I the only one who caught Randy saying something about this "being the hottest idol ever for 2007". I'm not sure what his specific words were, but he definitely had the wrong year in there. That, plus his "you could sing the phonebook" line, I really thought he was looking at notes he took from last year. Please replace him!
4 of 15 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:08 AM
T.Vo, I just did an obnoxiously long post-mortem on the finale in the forums, so I won't repeat it here. I totally agree with you on the musical merits of D.A. vs. D.C. and I was shocked and thrilled to see D.C. pull it off, and it wasn't even close!! Cook nearly shot himself in the foot, but obviously fans were voting on the whole season's cumulative performances and future potential and not just on those three songs. I also agree that Cook seems like a decent and humble guy and I never got the arrogance accusations like he was the second coming of Constantine Marulous or something.
Anyway I mainly just wanted to say thanks for the great work recapping all season. I assume Flipit is recapping the results show so I'll give him his props then.
5 of 15 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:36 AM
Aww, georgiababe -- We knew you were rallying for your man, David Cook!
JasonR -- I'll head to forums to read your take on the finale; I'm still a "Bloody Donkey!" with no posts. As for the results show, uh, you will either love us or hate us for it (but hopefully LOVE) because we did it together!
6 of 15 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:53 AM
T.Vo, One question. I mean the one that really matters most of all here in this awesome recap:
Korg Triton Extreme or Studio? I've got the Extreme and it kicks Studio booty!
7 of 15 | Posted by timberwolf | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:56 AM
I was rallying for him T.Vo, I was. My man. Hmm. That sounds lovely. :)
Thanks for a great recap and a great season, even though I almost always disagreed with how you and Flip portrayed Cook. But alas, what would TVGasm be without snarkiness, right?
8 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 10:14 AM
yeah...Randy had the wrong year. If it had been Paula, it would have been a headline.
I also caught Randy take a back-handed slap at Cook, saying his third song was one he could "get by with" in the real world. Very rude.
I'm so glad Gasper The Friendly Mormon didn't win. I can't stand that vacant little boy.
9 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 12:17 PM
"A heavyweight title reserved only for superstars (clarification: Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, and Carrie Underwood, but no one else)."
I thought that was hilarious...a title DAUGHTRY NEVER HELD...yet the producers included Daughtry's photo, hoping the audience is too dumb to remember.
10 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 12:21 PM
I've got a korg too, but I don't know which one--the one that nearly plays itself, coz with my chops, it would have too!!!
I did think Fetus sang his patooties off, and most of it was pretty good--he ruined Imagine though, I mean, yeeeechhh--and I was actually looking forward to it, and thinking it would be longer and not start on the third verse again . . . alas. I dunno, I was so sick of it, when gaycrest ever asked what they needed to do to win, I was wishing I had a magic bullet to take him and Randy out in one blast, but instead, I ff'd all the judges all the way thru--LORD, if I heard the phone book cliche just one more time, my TV would have looked like flip it's does after a year!!!
(not pretty--we saw it after the Brooke stop gate)
thanks for all the guffaws T.vo, I'm headin' on over the finale cap now!!!
HEART to all . . . and georgiababe--so nice to see you basking in the gasm spirit, some people get sooooo upset when they're fave is under fire . . . I appreciate your good sportspersonship!!!!
11 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:18 PM
Thanks for another FINE recap.
I almost choked when my DVR cut off right after Tink said "And the new American Idol is David..."!
The final two shows were much better than I expected (proving Homer's law of low expectations).
Best TVgasm tag-team recapping ever (you dawgs could recap the phone book :)
12 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:59 PM
Aww, thanks for all the love, ladies and gents! I was thrilled to be a part of this with you all (and Flipit, of course). And thanks to ChickBomb and HugoStop for their cameos during this season!
juddfan -- Does this mean that Flipit owes you 20 bucks? Did you win your AI office pool?!
timberwolf -- I have a Korg Triton LE 88 (Music Workstation), and I got it in 2003. So it's probably not as Extreme as yours. *cries* I would've loved have dragged my upright piano to college back then but it was out of the question. One push of a button and a turn of the wheel does turn any room into an insta-rave, though.
georgiababe -- don't worry, I defended Cook last night while chatting with Flipit online. You'd have been proud.
13 of 15 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on May 22, 2008 3:23 PM
Lol, thanks T.Vo. My heart is swelling with pride.
14 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:48 PM
Okay so I had a revelation...Britney should try out for AI...Or like show up and be added as a surprise finalist. How juicy would that be!? She'd do it, you know it. Redemption! Mortification! WHO KNOWS! Oh wait she can't really sing...hmmm...well at least her and Paula could play with eachothers' hair and pop pills in the dressing room.
15 of 15 | Posted by ttsnibbly | Posted on May 26, 2008 7:02 PM