Is Simon throwing the competition to Fetus to galvanize Cook supporters and reverse an inevitable outcome? Because that would be sweet. People do tend to resist Simon's blunt truisms, and vote against him, which saved Syesha for awhile but not Castro. Awesome TV would mean seeing Cook win against all odds. Just for the upset of the season.
Round 2 Verdict:
FETUS WINS!
ROUND THREE
Ding, ding! Will Fetus deliver a T.K.O to Cook? Will it be our featherweight or heavyweight David? Our two finalists get to pick any song, and traditionally, this is where our would-be Idols pick one of their "Greatest Hits" from the season.
David Cook, Song #3: "The World I Know," Collective Soul
Really? You get one last song and you pick that one? It probably won't work with the audience since 60% don't know anything earlier than Hannah Montana's "Best of Both Worlds." Cook attempts to reassure us that there are "heavy-hitting parts" in this song.
Weber, of course, advises Cook to sing as if it's his last time singing on the show ever (thank you again, Captain Obvious!), and to make it a cry of passion. Right-o.
Picking up his acoustic for this number, Cook's performance is very consistent and sincere considering what we've seen from him in the past. Problem is, there are like, two people in the mega-audience who are really digging it.
Oh, there you are!
Cook really needed an almost universally recognized song. Why not one of his Beatles Week hits, or even his Mariah Carey cover? Something, anything that won't disorient the audience with its newness. People can't handle it. Even if this is his best performance ever, it's going to be less memorable than Fetus performing "Imagine." Even if Fetus screws up a bit.
Cook's voice is stellar and smooth and textured here, and the arrangement reminds you of "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. But even when the song climaxes with the chorus, something sounds too wispy, too soft, and may not be enough for him to win the title. It's just not the most memorable song, it's not a powerhouse race to the finish. He ends on a falsetto-whimper and starts crying. It doesn't feel contrived, though, but a cathartic ending to a long-ass journey.
"Cook, I know exactly how you feel. Love, Hillary Clinton"
Randy tries to be nice and says he enjoyed how Cook showed his versatility and many-sidedness, and that he totally thought Cook would put out an album like Collective Soul.
Paula plugs in a mystical healing crystal lamp and says that Cook is standing in his truth, delivering unbelievable songs with integrity. She gives him a standing ovation while Simon just looks embarrassed for her.
Simon clears his throat and tells Cook he is one of the nicest, most sincere contestants they've had, but being nice doesn't win you the title of Prom King. He admits the song is beautiful but completely and utterly the wrong choice for this competition. Truf. He should've sung "Billie Jean" or "Hello." Randy concurs.
Cook retorts that he sort of understands, that he sees "this whole thing is a progression, so why do something I've already done?" Burn! I would kind of feel the same way too, if I knew Fetus was pulling out "Imagine."
Simon is clearly stressed, if he's actually rooting for David Cook and just fake praising Fetus to get people to vote against him.
Bloody hell, my eye twitch has returned!
Fetus, Song #3: "Imagine," John LennonWhat can I say? Fetus has taken the arrangement and evolved it into the super-deluxe version with extra frills, runs, bells, and whistles of the vocal kind. He barely sings anything straight, it's crammed with vibrato and crowd-pleasing pop-hit notes. The melisma is in full effect.
The tune is golden to start with, so I am feeling bad for David Cook. Fetus is talented, and he's got robotically perfect phrasing! It's got wishes for no more war, no more hunger, no more old people. It's implicitly laced with visions of puppies and unicorns frolicking through fields of clover. Speaking of unicorns, I had a dream last night that I was being hunted by a sniper with a double-barreled shotgun (or something like it) with wood paneling, like a very deadly weapon version of the old Ford Country Squire station wagons. Sigh. And at the end of my nightmare, I had to climb a chain link fence to avoid being gored by a pack of rabid unicorns straight out of a Lisa Frank memo pad. All we're missing is a Mariah Carey-approved falsetto.
« Dancing with the Stars: Milk, Milk, Lemonade, Round the Corner... | Main | Desperate Housewives: I Too Was Molested By a Clown »
Comments (15)
I have been waiting for your snarky recap. Love it!
I hope to hell that Cook wins tonight.
Archuleta is SOOOOO boring.The poor kid looks terrified that his dad is going to beat him if he doesn't "perform". Two words---Elevator Music.
1 of 15 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on May 21, 2008 6:33 PM
Cookie for the MOTHER EFFING WIN!
Check his back for tire marks, because the judges threw him under the bus, then reversed and drove over him again.
Honestly, I think it was strategy. Archuleta DID show SOME personality last night, but too little, too late. And I am sorry, but it was NOT a knockout. Simon had been going around saying how he wants Cook to win - methinks the producers wanted to make it more exciting. I think Simon did it to infuriate the Word Nerds - which he did. I voted 3000 times.
Frankly, Cook is going to be the winner here, no matter what. Archie has a Disney contract already - he's going to be starring in Disney stuff until he's no longer cute. Cook - going to sell.
And thank you, for acknowledging that Cook IS sincere. I honestly cannot figure out where this "Cook is arrogant" garbage comes from. He has always been gracious and humble - maybe not when perfroming always, but it's a rocker persona. So what if he winks and half-grins? I don't think he's ever meant them to be disrespectful. Honestly.
If you think he's arrogant, provide examples, please. I will bet that you are taking them the wrong way or out of context.
He deserves this, more than any Idol ever has. He's the most original and most creative contestant they've ever had. And, quite frankly, he is EFFING DELICIOUS.
Thank you. I will get off my soapbox now. COOKIE BOOTS FTW!
2 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 21, 2008 8:09 PM
Also, your theory about Simon = totally right. He was on Leno the day before and Ellen the day OF saying that he wanted Cook to win. And I think he was genuinely upset with Cook for not pulling an old standard out.
But he did make me furious. I was having a mini voting party with a whole bunch of other Word Nerds and everyone was just livid at the judges (though esp. Randy) and was voting like MAD to prove them wrong.
Cowell, you are smart.
3 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:22 AM
Am I the only one who caught Randy saying something about this "being the hottest idol ever for 2007". I'm not sure what his specific words were, but he definitely had the wrong year in there. That, plus his "you could sing the phonebook" line, I really thought he was looking at notes he took from last year. Please replace him!
4 of 15 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:08 AM
T.Vo, I just did an obnoxiously long post-mortem on the finale in the forums, so I won't repeat it here. I totally agree with you on the musical merits of D.A. vs. D.C. and I was shocked and thrilled to see D.C. pull it off, and it wasn't even close!! Cook nearly shot himself in the foot, but obviously fans were voting on the whole season's cumulative performances and future potential and not just on those three songs. I also agree that Cook seems like a decent and humble guy and I never got the arrogance accusations like he was the second coming of Constantine Marulous or something.
Anyway I mainly just wanted to say thanks for the great work recapping all season. I assume Flipit is recapping the results show so I'll give him his props then.
5 of 15 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:36 AM
Aww, georgiababe -- We knew you were rallying for your man, David Cook!
JasonR -- I'll head to forums to read your take on the finale; I'm still a "Bloody Donkey!" with no posts. As for the results show, uh, you will either love us or hate us for it (but hopefully LOVE) because we did it together!
6 of 15 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:53 AM
T.Vo, One question. I mean the one that really matters most of all here in this awesome recap:
Korg Triton Extreme or Studio? I've got the Extreme and it kicks Studio booty!
7 of 15 | Posted by timberwolf | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:56 AM
I was rallying for him T.Vo, I was. My man. Hmm. That sounds lovely. :)
Thanks for a great recap and a great season, even though I almost always disagreed with how you and Flip portrayed Cook. But alas, what would TVGasm be without snarkiness, right?
8 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 10:14 AM
yeah...Randy had the wrong year. If it had been Paula, it would have been a headline.
I also caught Randy take a back-handed slap at Cook, saying his third song was one he could "get by with" in the real world. Very rude.
I'm so glad Gasper The Friendly Mormon didn't win. I can't stand that vacant little boy.
9 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 12:17 PM
"A heavyweight title reserved only for superstars (clarification: Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, and Carrie Underwood, but no one else)."
I thought that was hilarious...a title DAUGHTRY NEVER HELD...yet the producers included Daughtry's photo, hoping the audience is too dumb to remember.
10 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 12:21 PM
I've got a korg too, but I don't know which one--the one that nearly plays itself, coz with my chops, it would have too!!!
I did think Fetus sang his patooties off, and most of it was pretty good--he ruined Imagine though, I mean, yeeeechhh--and I was actually looking forward to it, and thinking it would be longer and not start on the third verse again . . . alas. I dunno, I was so sick of it, when gaycrest ever asked what they needed to do to win, I was wishing I had a magic bullet to take him and Randy out in one blast, but instead, I ff'd all the judges all the way thru--LORD, if I heard the phone book cliche just one more time, my TV would have looked like flip it's does after a year!!!
(not pretty--we saw it after the Brooke stop gate)
thanks for all the guffaws T.vo, I'm headin' on over the finale cap now!!!
HEART to all . . . and georgiababe--so nice to see you basking in the gasm spirit, some people get sooooo upset when they're fave is under fire . . . I appreciate your good sportspersonship!!!!
11 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:18 PM
Thanks for another FINE recap.
I almost choked when my DVR cut off right after Tink said "And the new American Idol is David..."!
The final two shows were much better than I expected (proving Homer's law of low expectations).
Best TVgasm tag-team recapping ever (you dawgs could recap the phone book :)
12 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 22, 2008 1:59 PM
Aww, thanks for all the love, ladies and gents! I was thrilled to be a part of this with you all (and Flipit, of course). And thanks to ChickBomb and HugoStop for their cameos during this season!
juddfan -- Does this mean that Flipit owes you 20 bucks? Did you win your AI office pool?!
timberwolf -- I have a Korg Triton LE 88 (Music Workstation), and I got it in 2003. So it's probably not as Extreme as yours. *cries* I would've loved have dragged my upright piano to college back then but it was out of the question. One push of a button and a turn of the wheel does turn any room into an insta-rave, though.
georgiababe -- don't worry, I defended Cook last night while chatting with Flipit online. You'd have been proud.
13 of 15 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on May 22, 2008 3:23 PM
Lol, thanks T.Vo. My heart is swelling with pride.
14 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 22, 2008 7:48 PM
Okay so I had a revelation...Britney should try out for AI...Or like show up and be added as a surprise finalist. How juicy would that be!? She'd do it, you know it. Redemption! Mortification! WHO KNOWS! Oh wait she can't really sing...hmmm...well at least her and Paula could play with eachothers' hair and pop pills in the dressing room.
15 of 15 | Posted by ttsnibbly | Posted on May 26, 2008 7:02 PM