America learns the proper way to give a hickey.
Dear Seabreath,
Why does my vote matter more this week? It would only matter more if fewer people were voting, but that doesn't appear to be the case since you claimed that 45 million people voted last week. I may be the only Asian kid alive who can't do calculus, but I still think this is Fetus's American Idol title to lose. No matter what I do, I can't rock the vote!
Three of our top 4 have been #1 in the votes in previous weeks, so I'm guessing Miss Syesha never made it to the top. Seabreath claims that we only have two weeks to go. Two weeks until AI decides to squeeze the last bit of milk out of this cash cow with a week dedicated to revisiting auditions and the life and times of rejects.
Is that an apathetic Antonella Barba in the audience? Or a poor man's Hillary Swank?
Randy is rocking a bedazzled orange shirt, Paula is sparklier than glitter eyeliner that scratches your retinas out, and Simon's v-neck is drooping dangerously, revealing a hint of man-cleavage.
Let's learn some American Sign Language
Translation: "How many fingers am I holding up, dawg?"
Translation: "This is a right angle, loser."
Luke Meh-nard is waggling his thumb somewhere out there in the audience in agreement.
Our contestants had a lot to choose from since the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opened its doors this week. So David Cook is going to pick at least one crappy song that can rival his Our Lady of Peace performance, Syesha's going to try and belt a diva song (Gladys Knight? Martha and the Vendellas?), and Castro will hopefully pick something laid back and folksy. Although I would pay to see him attempt some Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five.
Funnily enough, they're playing KISS' "Rock and Roll All Nite" during this Rock and Roll Hall of Fame montage but KISS isn't an inductee (which doesn't make any sense, right?) and fans cry every year that the band is robbed. Ironic!
We get a history lesson about Alan Freed, DJ and "relentless" promoter of all things rock and roll. In '51, Ike Turner's busted amp (it fell off his car) resulted in the trademark distortion that we know and love today. Broke and jobless guitarists, don't invest in those expensive effects pedals, just toss your crappy amps off a roof. That, combined with your mastery of four basic chords, will make you sound awesome.
Times before MS Paint were tough.
Also, we're not dumb. None of our top four will end up in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Only after Zac Efron is elected President.
Tonight, they'll all race through two songs each, inevitably flub some notes or lyrics, and incorporate some creative choreography. At least I hope they do. Seabreath emphasizes that the judges will critique the kids after each performance, with an "Everybody clear?" to make sure Paula's with the program. Also, make sure you are bubbling in your answers completely with a number 2 pencil. Paula's famous adjective-laced gibberish ramblings have been particularly memorable this season. I've heard more coherent things coming out of Bjork's mouth.
"When I go home I throw nickels into the oven and it's music! CRASH! BOOM! BANG!"
David Cook is singing Duran Duran's "Hungry like the Wolf." What the hell? R.E.M., U2, AC/DC, I would've understood. But when I think Duran Duran, I think of how much my 7th grade teacher loved that band. That, and Hootie and the Blowfish. And then I remember she was still wearing Velcro Reeboks and acid wash Jordache jeans with tapered ankles in 1997. In his video confessional, Cook is wearing a Simon-approved red v-neck and a silly looking chunky pendant necklace. Is this in homage to Duran Duran's music video, which makes no sense and has snake charmers, hungry children, and Indiana Jones' hat in it? You tell me. I wasn't even born yet.
I was hoping for a BFF necklace, personally.
Let me sum up the performance. "Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doodoodoo doodoo."
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Comments (8)
Hahaha. OMG Castro sucked it up this week, but your recap was awesome. Way to go T.Vo!
1 of 8 | Posted by bone | Posted on May 7, 2008 10:05 PM
It's actually 101st, not 101th. Sorry, I'm a word nerd. Like Cookie. I just discovered that he and I are soulmates, so I'm full of love tonight.
Castro annoys me - so much. Carly and Brooke (who I actually liked) were way stronger vocally than he is and he did not deserve his spot in the top 4, at all.
I want Cook to win, mainly because his brother is dying of cancer and it would be a nice thing for his family. But on the other hand, I don't want him to win because it means that he'll be stuck doing Idol-related stuff for quite awhile and he won't be able to do his own thing. Like how Daughtry said he was actually glad he didn't win for that reason.
I'm over David A. I like him, but meh. I got a super gay vibe from his Star Search days video - anyone else get that? Too bad for the fangirls.
LOVE David Cook! And great recap!
2 of 8 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 8, 2008 1:31 AM
Great recap-ness!
Jason deserves to go (from the show and from my memory) for so many reasons - not the least being his contempt for the show and it's producers.
I like that Syesha has pulled up near the leaders.
I hope Fetus wins. He is the only one who MIGHT be better off (career wise) winning rather than being a runner-up.
3 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 8, 2008 7:58 AM
Something that more cowbell can't fix.
How funny can you be. I was laughing throughout the entire recap, and then you had to end it with that last remark. Too FUNNY!
4 of 8 | Posted by crazycatally | Posted on May 8, 2008 1:13 PM
"Paula likes extended metaphors and says the song left her with a big appetite to see him grow and flourish."
Paula the cougar.
5 of 8 | Posted by dredge | Posted on May 8, 2008 1:17 PM
I think the guy would win the arch-fest fer sure!!!! Spot on recap!!! Can't wait to see who wins this puppy, but hmmm could it be a David--If it's DC I'm a gonna win the office pool!!!
6 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 8, 2008 2:31 PM
Loved the recap T.Vo - you had me giggling hysterically to myself at "My face thinks it's Brooke White"!
hilarious!!
7 of 8 | Posted by molo | Posted on May 8, 2008 5:20 PM
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me someone else has this episode still saved on their DVR or whatever!!! Watch the original end of Archuletta's performance where his voice cracks, and then watch the reviews, where they replay the singing at the end....TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ENDINGS!! In the review, his voice doesnt crack at all. Its a different performance...
Any insight on how that happens on a "live" show???
8 of 8 | Posted by Crowni84 | Posted on May 19, 2008 11:34 AM