Testimonials

The arrangement of "I Shot the Sheriff" is heavy on the brass section, and Castro has managed to capture the essence of the panhandling bum at Venice who insists on turning plastic trashcans upside down and playing them as drums. The dreads are about the only thing truly evocative of Bob Marley (in a non-painful way). The guitar playing doesn't really add anything to the song, and Castro's voice just comes off as weak and strained in contrast to the big-band sound. I want to say WTF?! but I mostly feel meh about it all. WTF?! is too active of a feeling for such a passive song. Is it possible that Castro was too mellow and laid-back for an already mellow song? Thinking about that makes my head hurt. I probably can't relate since I am one of the few kids who never got over my D.A.R.E. lessons.

Randy calls it bad karaoke, and that it was okay and not special. He says it's not enough to just have fun (wait, wasn't that what Syesha was doing just now?) and that they have to show the world they deserve to be in the finals. This is because Randy likes big notes and shiny things, like the Swarovski crystals on his shirt. Paula tries to keep it positive, saying that he's good at performing for the audience at his local coffeehouse. She admits she's not crazy about the song, but she's crazy about his realness/genuineness/honestness (yes, I know these aren't real words) and she's won over by who he is. I like that Paula leaves vocals entirely out of the Castro critiques. She also leaves his visual appearance out of it as well, because he never wears anything sparkly. He's looking more and more like a Muppet every week.

People of Earth, do not be alarmed!

Simon tells him to stand back because he reeks. Atrocious! He says the arrangement and the song was as bad as he's ever heard, i.e. a first round audition massacre. Simon doesn't know what Castro's thinking and tells him so. In my second favorite segment of the evening, Castro defiantly replies: "I was thinking Bob Marley! YEAHHHHHHHH!"

The only similarity was the hair, says Simon. Sheesh. No one is forcing you to drink the bong water, Simon.

It makes sense that Fetus identifies with Macauley Culkin in "My Girl" because he probably wants to die from something as mundane and non-singing related as an allergy to bee stings. How did I not guess he was going to sing "Stand by Me"? Evidently, he sings it to himself in his room as well as to his dog. That's one of the saddest things I have ever heard, along with "I suffered from vocal paralysis because I've been forced to sing since I was a zygote, wear suspenders, and seduce Justin Guarini." He claims he's never sung it in public before, unlike "Angels" which he conveniently reprised for Inspiration week. Why can't he sing something upbeat that doesn't require runs? It's probably the same reason why I can't get away from my laptop, off the couch, and outside for a brisk run. But I'm not on national television to entertain you, and he is. Everything Fetus touches turns into Disney Radio/Star 98.7 poppy fluffy cotton candy. Or a magical puppy.

The birds on my shirt represent peace and freedom. Something convicts will never know. Poor convicts.

It's sort of upbeat but it sure isn't young-sounding. What can I say? It's a typical Fetus performance with pleasing, saccharine melodies, professional efficiency, and more vocal power than Jason Castro's vaporizer. Fetus does seem to strain himself to hit the high note near the end, though. Of course, the tweenyboppers all recognize the song because of Sean Kingston and give him thunderous applause. Yawn.

He traded in his sketchy baseball cap for a newsboy cap! What does it all mean?!

Randy could cry, he's so happy that there's at least "one guy that hits the stage (sink?) every time he hits the stage trying to win the whole thing! Hello!" Exsqueeze me, I understand not what you're saying. Hot man vocals were broughten. It was hawt. Paula reminds us that everyone forgets that Fetus is way beyond his years, that he really delivers like a seasoned pro, like a Chinese gymnast who has been forced to train every day until she's like a well-oiled Wikipedia-less vaulting machine. And that he really is internalizing all the advice he's been given, like the whole "communicate with your eyes" bit from Lord Webber. It's tough giving up the one thing that allows you to pretend this hellish business may end someday, but Fetus managed to do it.

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Posted in American Idol by T.Vo at 8:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Last Comment: Crowni84 on May 19, 2008 11:34 AM.