Welcome to Paradise, Mr. Pedophile.

That was too funny.

First thing- Joseph Smith, not John. Unless he and Pocahontas honeymooned there (sorry, pet peeve).

Syesha has more personality, so I'm sad to see her go. Cook better get out while he still can. I think Archuleta has been under the control of his dad for so long that he has no clue how to act like himself. My husband said it was coming down to a contest of personality over pipes.

I'd like to think that Fetus isn't really as humble as he is on when he's on camera, and that he's really a major prick. It's just easier that way.

T.Vo, we all share your pain, but thanks for a recap that almost made it worth sitting through the results show. Hell, I'll even forgive you for not giving me a shout-out in the recap.

If Fetus: Obama, then I'm thinking Cook: Gore.

T.Vo, we all share your pain, but thanks for a recap that almost made it worth sitting through the results show. Hell, I'll even forgive you for not giving me a shout-out in the recap.

If Fetus: Obama, then I'm thinking Cook: Gore.

I'm totally in agreement that David C. deserves to win, but will probably be better off not winning. David A. is so fucked I can't decide if he'll be better off winning or losing. He really needs to tell his father to go to hell and just go off to college somewhere.

Fetus:Obama::David Cook:McCain

So obvious. Why again did I only score a 1080 on my SAT?

Great recap. I am in the same dilemma. I am all for D.Cook but would rather so D.Baby win so Cook can pull a Daughtry and actually be a somewhat success.

We shall see.

So obvious!

Fetus:Obama::Cook:McCain

Why again did I only score a 1080 on my SATs? Puzzling.

I'm in the same dilemma. My support for D.Cook is trumped by my unwillingness to see him become another Idol indentured servant. Let Baby D win and we can only hope Cook can pull a Daughtry.

Great recap nonetheless!

People, people, people...VOTE for David Cook because he STILL will be signed by 19 Entertainment no matter if he makes the 1 or 2 spot. All top 10 Idols are under contract w/ AI and AI can decide whether to manage them or not and do you really think they will let Cook go? Uh uh.
Also, just found out that Daughtry is w/ 19 and he is just fine. Cookie DESERVES to win this thing!

Oh and T.vo, GREAT recap, too too funny.

You so funny! Great recap!

Fetus:Obama::Cook:"Yo, Mama"

At first glance, this may make no sense, but I hasten to point out that it.

does.

rhyme.

(What did I win?)

T.Vo, your recaps are stellar!

I could not believe Fantasia's performance. She was like some crack-ho up there, screeching and shaking like she was having DTs. Simon's face was absolutely priceless.

David A. simply bores me to death. He is SO dull! Go David C!

Thanks for the shoutout! I love you too!

And THERE you are, DC fans! Where have you been all these weeks?

Great recap - I LMAO'd through the whole thing. Especially the screencaps and their respective captions - the ones of Fetus were especially priceless.

And YES I do remember Mavis Beacon teaches typing - I definitely rocked that thing. And now I type very quickly and reasonably error-free. Thanks Mavis!

Also, David Cook did get a David Cook Day - why they didn't show it, I'm not sure. But he did.

And renoblondee is right - Cook will still be signed to AI's label, no matter if he wins or not. So vote for him - he deserves this over Fetus. And as for him being forced to do Idol crap, I actually don't think that will happen. I mean, he's known for turning the songs he's given into rock ones - if he turns into a cookie cutter artist, he'll lose his fanbase. They know this, so they won't touch him.

I think Cookie can win this - but my only concern is the winning song contest entry. Both boys are going to have to sing it and I don't think DC will be allowed to change it up - Blake wasn't allowed to last year. He can outperform Fetus, but he doesn't always outsing him. Fetus has a great voice. I guess we'll just have to see.

OH and next week, you HAVE to put in a pic of Ernchuleta. A WordNerd posted it on the AI forums to piss the Archies off and it is seriously hysterical. ERNCHULETA FTW!

Also, can someone please SHOOT the choreographer?

Seriously, the BOX STEP? WTF? What are we, 12? Last week's group sing was more painful than this one, but it was still bad. Honestly.

I'm looking forward to a wheel chair bound AI contestant to see how they do the group dance. It makes me think of Joe dancing in Family Guy where they have someone hold him up. LAFF.

laska: I apologize, I knew it didn't look quite right at 2 am (a lot of my good high school friends went on missions, so I used to be thoroughly schooled in LDS tenets and history since they'd try to practice converting me). Now I remember that Joseph Smith was actually a Jr. and he had a theophany at age 14. Sadly, my spellcheck doesn't have a historical accuracy filter.

JasonR, I'll make it up to you, I promise. Do you think there's any chance in hell Cook is secretly a Republican? I'm not entirely convinced that Fetus is the equivalent of Obama, since he's the opposite of inexperienced.

fire@will and taters: You can rock, paper, scissors it out for a caption in an upcoming recap.

georgiababe: I think the choreographer is having a lot of fun fucking around with the contestants. I really don't think Castro could've handled the box step had this been done last week. And he would've definitely giggled had the choreographer been, "Alright, guys, you're going to do a ball change now."

renoblondee: Thanks for enlightening me about the management contract situation, I was hoping he'd have the freedom to leave and go somewhere -- does he have the option of not signing with 19? In any case, Posh Spice and Becks and Emma Bunton (Baby Spice!) and Amy Winehouse are clients of 19, so he should be in decent hands. Unless he goes totally bonkers like Winehouse.

Whee, I love you all, and am excited for the recapping extravaganza that will be next week!

Thanks for the shout-out Tvo!!! and hmmmm . . .
Fetus:Obama::Cook:Oprah

I'm going to miss you and Flip it terribly!!!! but I'm ready for this pain to end . . . Thanks so much for all the LOL!!!

I posted on the last recap that Simon wants to lower the age limit to 14--UGH!!!! I think a stage full of Archies will be the nail for me . . . most of the 16-17's this year were not ready--think Ramielle--look at Fetus, just coz he can BLOW (thanks for that horribly inappropriate analogy, Mr. Jackson) doesn't mean he's got a clue about anything else, and I agree, his overbearing stage Dad ass has stunted his growth in every way!!! I'm starting to think the kid may be a tad asbergers-anyone?

anyway, I don't expect Fox and TPTB will be accountable to any of us, as far as voting goes, note Seabreath says "qualified" votes, or something like that, which I think means, the ones they're counting, and not the grand total . . . call me crazy . . . or jaded, or dammit, just call me Fantasia coz I'm gonna cluck my way across the stage, and in a tip to Fetus, to keep those fans back, just screech at 'em, they back off everytime!

Maybe D. Cook = John Kerry? Unusually long head, arrogant manner, will likely come in 2nd place in what amounts to a huge popularity contest?

Fetus doesn’t seem to be getting a lot of love, but I am really pulling for him. I don’t know why, but I grin like an idiot whenever that kid is on the screen. He would probably be way more devastated than Cook if he were to lose. And I think Daughtry was a much better singer than Cook so it would bug me for them to come in 4th and 1st in their respective seasons. I know my reasons aren’t that valid but then again I voted for Bo Bice like a thousand times which shows how dumb I am when it comes to this show.

Could someone please explain to me how Cook is arrogant? I'm a total loss. I've watched every episode probably at least twice and I haven't the faintest what you are talking about.

He does that half-smile thing though, which kind of looks like he's smirking most of the time. Is that why?

Or is it because he has joked with the judges in the past (ie his hair in Hollywood week) and people have taken it as an honest comment?

I just don't get it.

To JuddFan, are you serious that Simon said he wanted to age limit to be 14 and up because if that's true, oh my ****** god, next year is going to be full of boring ass David Archelutas because you know their just going to keep picking people like David Archeluta.

David Cook has to win because if David Archeluta wins I am seriously done with this show, let's face it David C. is slightly boring too, but nobody is as boring as David A.

I'd love to cry "sabotage" with Syesha having to sing that Happy Feet song, but she fucked herself over with "Fever," anyways.

And as much as I loved Syesha, I knew there wasn't a shadow of a doubt that she was going home this week, even if she would have come out and outperformed them all.

Now I'm left with only David Cook, since just watching Fetus just about gives me diabetes/suicidal tendencies.

I will admit one thing, though. Fetus winning would give me the priceless pleasure of watching him do a load of terrible interviews and guest appearances. He has no charisma at all; it'll be great to watch him gasp, giggle, lip-lick, and generally fumble his way through every interview.

Gildedlulz, I think you'll be granted your interview wish either way, and I couldn't agree more!!!! Usually successful people in entertainment are charasmatic . . . right!? It's bizzare that they have never called him out on being boring, or that he can't move and only stands there, or that even his melisma makes the songs sound the same, rather than elevating the emotion . . . I totally think, asbergers . . . with the dead eye contact, and the goofyness, if it's the case, at least knowing that, we could cheer on his brave struggle, rather than expect him to be someting more than a kid bot--

and Bigjr, let me see if I can find where I read it, I feel the absolute opposite, the kiddies bore me and are always the ones that the kiddies keep in there--do an American Idol kid show, if that's what you want!!!!

Here's the link, sorta--would love to know what you all think!

suntimes.com/entertainment/zwecker/951207,CST-FTR-zp15.article

just add the usual start to the address, after the w's

I was really pulling for Syesha to win the whole thing. At least the girl is entertaining. Archie is overwhelmingly boring and needs about ten more years of seasoning. And I'd just hate to see Cookie be the first rocker to win, since I think that Daughtry is lightyears more talented. So, at this point, I just don't care.

I do feel badly that AI banned Archie's dad from rehearsals for sampling a song not on the approved list. What, it cost them money? OMG! How many millions do they make? Archie's dad should have just written a check for $500 and called it even. It seems to me AI might have been trying to shake up poor little Fetus.

Thanks for the picture of Simon's reaction to Fantasia's crack-ho performance. I'm fairly sure I was making exactly the same face and felt quite vindicated that it wasn't just me thinking WTF.

Thanks for a great recap!

Thanks for the recap offer, but after I LOL'd at Braps brilliant answer (John Kerry), I humbly offer my reward to him/her.

I'm so depressed at the thought of not "getting together" here with all my (lovably disfunctional) friends once the season ends!

So...I need to vent about my concerns regarding tonights show - and I figure there is no
better place than right here!

Based on lack of options - I'm hoping Comb-Over pulls this one out - but in the
grand tradition of AI - I know the final shitty song is totally going to cater to Fetus's voice and style (and by style I mean the brills way he stands in one place, stretches out one arm, and fucks up the lyrics entirely). And while, I think Cook is talented, I don't know if there is enough talent in the world to make "this is my now" not vomit-inducing.

While we're on biggest fears, I now how a fear of being accosted in an airport by a 9 year old singing Kelly Clarkson songs while his parents stand there and telling
me how cute he is, what a star he will be, and how I should read the Book of Mormon - while I just want to say, "fuck off," but he's only 9, so I can't.

Thanks for the recap - seriously - I can't even stomach the results shows anymore but your recaps are the equivalent of the 1 ciggy that I sneak every day even though I told everyone I know that I quit like a year ago! HAHA