Brooke Whitebread, the lanky blonde with crazy eyes who's introduction to the judges was all about how she's never seen an R rated movie or said the f word or jerked off, comes to the stage looking way hotter than she has yet with dark eyeliner and controlled hair, but that's about all that can be said. She sings "Happy Together" and starting off, it sounds like she has that nasty cystic fibrosis that's going around, but she warms up and starts hitting most of the notes. As if sensing that she's tanking, she starts grabbing the sides of her head, I guess to emote? I don't get it. Again, bore snore. Get some and try again next year.
Excedrin: You stop, but the pain doesn't.
Randy tells her that no matter what the song is, she needs to come out and slay it. There is too long of a discussion on what Randy means by that, and I think you should pick your battles, Simon. That one actually made sense. Brooke, with a hint of sarcasm, says "I'll slay it" and makes a whipping motion. Paula starts with "this show is all about originality, and..." long pause. Is Paula actually gonna call someone generic Saltine crap?..."and you've got it!" Nope. Still Paula. The advice/compliment to herself? If you wanna be a star, people have to turn on the radio and instantly recognize the sound of you squealing into a tin can.
Simon says he feels like his in a "washing up liquid" commercial tonight, and I agree. Every single song has been in an ad for something. Has our culture raped and killed every single tune from the 60's? Possibly. It's sad. The music is generic and so is she. He says it was fine but he suspects she's just gonna by all happy go lucky and nice through the whole competition. She asks if that's gonna be a problem and Simon and I both answer "yes" at the exact same time. She says sorry, don't know what to tell ya, and maybe it's just me, but this girl is kinda sassing off and I don't like it. I never trust people who are that overly cutesy and "nice". A nice person doesn't tell you how sweet and nice they are, they just do things for you. This girl's faking it. Just my opinion. Time will tell.
I love the name Alexandrea Lushington. It sounds like a flavor of Mary Jane. That's all I know about her. I barely even remember this girl from the auditions, and I completely zoned out during her intro montage. Something about a grandma and staying up late. Then I uncross my eyes and wonder aloud how long I've been sitting here with my eyes crossed and not even noticed. Anyway, she gets to the stage and wakes me up. She has a ton of energy, and if the volume was turned down on my TV it would seem that this fashion challenged teenager was nailing it. But woah. The volume's up.
She misses most of her notes during "Spinning Wheel" and then switches it up and gives us some falsetto. There used to be this cook at work who would sing Michael Jackson songs and screech out the fals, and I can't help but think of him. I don't mean that as a compliment. Again. How many people auditioned for this show?
Uh...Go Longhorns?
Either I am totally off, or Randy's praising her right now because he's realizing that almost everyone he had part in choosing this year is average at best. "You worked it out, dawg!" Paula jumps on his train and blows as much air as she can up the girl's cornhole. Simon hated it and compares it to a really bad performance in a really bad 60's musical review. Paula's retort, and latest words to herself? "She's relevant"!
Tink backpeddles a bit after mispronouncing her name (it's not his fault you're named Alexandrea. I personally will remember it because I have made it the sequel name to Victory/Victoria in my head) and then points out that Simon seems to be commenting on an entirely different show. Simon says that he would expect more from the contestants who have made it this far, and Tink reminds him that he's the one who brought them all here. He's got you there.
Kady Malloy sang her ass off in auditions and does a killer Britney impression. And she would be a really great singer if she could hit all of her notes. The ones she does nail sound great, but she never gets through an entire phrase without a boner.
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Comments (10)
LOL your recap.
Before this week, I thought there was more talent this season. Now I'm just hoping it was a matter of the jitters and that black plague thing that's going around.
I laughed twice at Randy's remark about how all the boys can blow - once when I heard him say it and again when you reminded me.
BTW - I suspect the change in Hollyweird format was largely intended to ensure that another Sanjaya didn't slip through the cracks.
1 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on February 22, 2008 9:41 AM
Flipit, I stopped watching this show when Sanjaya stayed and stayed and stayed. It aggravated me so much, although the funniest part of it was that he really thought he could sing. Anyway, I'll watch it through your recaps, since you make even the worst show funny!
2 of 10 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on February 22, 2008 10:11 AM
Flipit, hold off on the Prozac for now. I too completely agree that this is starting off scary. I haven't been super impressed with any of them at all. This is not good to have NO standouts at this point!
3 of 10 | Posted by renoblondee | Posted on February 22, 2008 11:01 AM
Flipit - I couldn't agree more! All throughout the episode, I was thinking - these are really the best people they could find??
Are you Fing serious!?! (oddly enough the same thoughts I have while watching Rock of Love 2)
All throughout Alexandrea's performance I was so uncomfortable and prayed for it to end - when the judges were all praise-y, I had to re-wind and watch again only to be even MORE hopeful that she had just fallen down the stairs before even opening her mouth to sing! YUCK
Some of my hopes for the upcoming weeks:
1. Carly gets a volumizer.
2. During hard-rock week the only song left for Brooke White is Closer by NIN.
3. Kristy Lee Cook pulls Jamie Lynn Spears and gets knocked up mid-season!
4. Simon tells Alaina that he could fit his thumb through the gap between her teeth - and actually tries it.
4 of 10 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on February 22, 2008 12:42 PM
FLIPIT!!! glad you are back - I've missed your particular brand of snark.
This show is in serious trouble if out of 7 bazillion people, these 24 are the ones they found to abuse our eardrums for the next few months. Seriously, are any of them any good AT ALL? Even the "ringers" did a shitty job - Carly and Michael better bring their game because I think they both sucked and didnt get called out.
This is the most talented season ever?? we're screwed!!
5 of 10 | Posted by jelliepair | Posted on February 22, 2008 1:06 PM
I've missed you soooo Flip (tho I'm slowly digesting the BB recaps--I just can't make myself watch, but if Ryan was hairier I'd be right there!)
Well, for whatever reason, I love, love, love Asia'h, and her distinctive voice and fun-ness. I thought Lushington was great myself, ya know, the middle part seemed connected to nothing, but I appreciated her efforts, and slight melodic changes on the choruses. Very relevant! I liked gap tooth too, and was surprised she did well.
Amanda, who I keep forgetting is named that, as skunk chick might be better, was not that great to me. I really hope she sings the s**t out of some slower song so I can hear more than 3 or 4 notes from her. I like her, but I prefer melody. Wish she'd done a Blake, and gone completely outside of what we expect--it's fun that she can't dance! I wanna like Kady for the Brit imitation alone, we'll see.
As always, I do think the top 24 is loaded with "cannon fodder" (I believe that's what they're calling it), as Nigel's way of controlling the top 12---God Forbid that Carly doesn't make it, or MJ or David A . . . I imagine they'll be stuffing those biotches down our throats till we choke like one of Paula's dogs who found her perscription vial.
6 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 22, 2008 3:23 PM
Flipit - you are right on track! I consumed mass quantities of Bloody Marys and it still didn't help. Next week I may have to try something stronger . . .
7 of 10 | Posted by kdfinjpn | Posted on February 22, 2008 3:34 PM
DUDE YOU DO RECAPS?!?!?! WTFFFFFF!!! sorry i'm lame like that, but ive never read your stuff and, well, my dad kicked me out of his office moments ago because i was laughing too hard. you are the biggest dork in Idol land and for that, you are the true American Idol.
california roll... oh gawd, i just had a ross gellar 'umami' flashback. im dying here. im dying here!!!
hugo baio
8 of 10 | Posted by hugostop | Posted on February 22, 2008 4:57 PM
I think one of the biggest problems, besides these 24 pretty much sucking in general, is having them sing 60s songs on the first night of the real show. WTF was that. This is probably the least-enjoyed show of anyone under the age of 40, which accounts for about 99% of anyone who would vote. Why can't they sing whatever song they want?
It just cracked me up that they are calling all these 16 and 20 year olds old-fashioned when they're forcing them to sing 40 year old songs. I am disappointed in this season so far.
On another note, do you think Josiah acted like such a crybaby schoolboy bitch because he knew he had no TV in his car and would never have to watch the auditions?
9 of 10 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on February 22, 2008 9:25 PM
Flipit-you totally ROCK!
I totally laughed from the beginning to end.
I'm looking forward to more of your recaps-love ya!
also i agree with DP Hooker-forcing them to sing old songs and then calling them all old fashion was just plain STUPID.
10 of 10 | Posted by yuds101 | Posted on February 23, 2008 8:46 PM