Simon thinks this was the best song of the season so he's glad he sang it, but he hates the coat, thinks this was too theatrical, and says Ham looks like he's in Hamtom of the Opera. Randy screams "Twilight! Twilight!" OK first off, vampires aren't orange, and second, I love the image of Randy sitting at home watching Twilight in his thong with four cartons of chubby hubby, crying his eyes out and muttering "dawg. Dawg." Ham says that it was theatrical cuz he heard they had dry ice machines and a lift under the stage and was like hell yes! Get that shit together! LOL. Simon says that with the dry ice, long black coat and Tink on the side...then the music starts playing. But I think he was about to make a Wizard of Oz munchkin joke, which would have made Paula's plastic emeralds work.
Now for a fascinating video package of Krispy Twink. I was hoping for an explanation of why he always has pudding smudge on his upper lip, but no luck.
Cosby Pudding Mysteries
We do, however, get a family photo, which is cute and kinda psychic. The two boys in horizontal stripes make one giant ugly sweater that takes up half the pic. It's like the universe knew Krispy would one day meet Randy Jackson.
KrispyMom tells us that she used to have to pay her son quarters to sing for her, but a couple of years ago he gave her a coupon book. I'm sure this is supposed to be heartwarming, but what a cheap little bastard.
Aw how sweet. Now get a job and move your beeyatch of a wife out of our garage.
Tink chuckles and tells us how cute that is. Krispy's singing "Ain't No Sunshine." Meh. He should have done the Kanye song. He's off key for his first sustained note, but then gets on it. He's stressed, cuz he's still singing very softly and already looks like this.
I went back and watched his iTunes week performance, and it seemed effortless (if herky jerky and epileptic) compared to tonight. In his defense, the stress level is much higher now and he does take the time to give us a few pained unlocked jaw sideways faces.
Thank you. That's all I needed.
I actually had to use the gasm's search function to remember when he even sang this song, which is a bad sign. Of his ability to stay in America's memory, and of my ever decreasing brain capacity. Once he kicks into gear he does really well and sounds great, but it looks like hard work. And that's gonna hurt him in the battle with Ham. He messes up his end run a bit, but commits to it and stays on through his final fals note. He's a talented kid, and gave it his all. Skara still looks mad that he's even still here.
You're gonna ruin the anthem I wrote for Church Lady, you hick!
Krispy's wife is looking very pretty in her Forever 21 formalwear, and his mom has dressed like Barbara Walters tonight.
When was the last time you cwied?
Krispy nervous. Randy gives the Lakers a shoutout and says he thinks that was one of Krispy's best performances. Skara agrees and says if you weren't moved by that, something's wrong with you. Hey suck my cracker, Skara! Paula looks more and more like Sophia Loren with every passing moment. Sophia Loren in 2009.
"You waken, awkaken the spirit in all of us and with your unoop, unake, unique way of 'Allenizing' your trademark all over not only this inspirational song but every song you sing and that's the true marking of a true artist." LOL. WHAT?!?! She nods proudly, like she just spit out a true gem. God I am gonna miss her ass.
That's right. I said it.
Simon admits to thinking America made the wrong choice last week (OUCH), but says he takes it back now after that performance. Sorry, still ouch. Krispy looks like someone just tried to wax the pudding off his lip.
That hurted.
Simon says round 1 went to Krispy!! Wowee! Now for round 2, The Other Simon's choice. He's chosen "Things Are Gonna Change". For a guy you want to sell as a glam rocker? Other Simon is ridic. Clive would have chosen Whitney Houston.
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Comments (17)
this was one of yer finest recaps ever, lover.
ham destroyed my eardrums after week three, so i've just been watching the faces and feeling very violated.
i'm casting my non-phoned in vote for krispy.
1 of 17 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:16 PM
OK first off, vampires aren't orange, and second, I love the image of Randy sitting at home watching Twilight in his thong with four cartons of chubby hubby, crying his eyes out and muttering "dawg. Dawg."
That had me laughing my arse off! I wouldn't buy a CD by either of these guys. What was uo with Paula's fugly lime green satin cap sleeved hot mess of a shirt? WOW! Thanks, you make AI bearable.
2 of 17 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:34 PM
I have to agree with soapboxx that the chubby hubby comment was just plain hysterical.
I'm watching the finale (2 effing hours of filler!!! GAH!) now, and Queen Latifah looks fantastic. It's amazing what Jenny Craig and 4 girdles can do!
3 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:47 PM
I'm pretend voting for Ham, I think it's time America be forced to embrace the gaymosexual. Awesome job, Flipit, and thanks for letting so many of us be a part of it this season.
love you madly,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
4 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:49 PM
Wow, Flip it!
The song is about thinking about giving up cuz you're too old and tired to live your dreams and then your wife dies and it's just so sad and depressing, but then you find that changing your hair and glasses every day can make other people smile and point at you and you think maybe I won't just be a pasty chunky lesbian with glued on facial hair singing in a mega church for the rest of my life after all!
I was thinking the same thing!!! In fact, I am still surprised they didn't get their wish, and VFTW was supporting CL, eventho Krispy was clearly not chosen for such glory . . .
Anyhoo, too funny throughout. It almost makes me feel sorry for Skara, coz here was her chance to legitimize her place here, and give them a good "choice" of a song, and you know, it didn't have to be a coronation song, here was their chance to break that corny awful tradition and shove all the magic rainbows up everybody's butt and just do something new and wild!!
Oh well, I guess I hope Adam wins, but I heard they are both getting signed, and "maybe more" whew for Allison!!!
Enjoy the show, all!!!
Oh, and I agree with Soapboxx too--hyfuckingsterical!!!!
5 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 20, 2009 6:12 PM
Oh Flip, I'm gonna miss ya! Awesome recap, as usual, thanks for making me laugh out loud!
I honestly don't know who is going to take it - I thought Adam was guaranteed the win, but Kris has been picking up steam. Not to mention he'll likely get the votes from Danny's fans.
Who knows? I thought it was a good final two. I'm pulling for Adam, but I'd buy both of their cds. Plus Allison's.
I'm watching the finale results show right now (although the winner has not yet been revealed) and I have actually really enjoyed it. Best finale in years, I think.
See you next season, all! (Well, after the finale results recap.)
6 of 17 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 20, 2009 6:55 PM
I think all the comments about how America needs to "vote for the gay" is hilarious. It's like Affirmative Action has reached AI.
Really, people...do you think middle America has never before bought an Elton John CD...gone to a Queen concert (back when Freddie Mercury was live)...watched Ellen, either her sitcom or her talk show? Who do you think made Liberace a star decades ago? Grandmothers and mothers from Iowa, Illinois, and Wisconsin (where he was originally from, and where he created a several Music Scholoarship endowments.) And who do you think made Clay Aiken's run in Spamalot a success? Middle American Tourists who flock to New York every year.
Adam isn't the first gay singer. So if he falls short, don't blame it on that. Place the blame where it belongs...on his screeching, and on the lack of warmth in his voice.
7 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 20, 2009 8:34 PM
I think that the guy with Adam's parents is his brother. And I also might hate myself for knowing family members of Idol contestants, but what can you do?
Paula and Simon make this show enjoyable for me. Without their hilarious comments, I have no idea what I would do.
And I'd probably buy either of their CDs. Or maybe just Adam's and I'll pirate Kris'. I know, I'm a monster.
8 of 17 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on May 20, 2009 11:36 PM
thanks for all of the great recaps! maybe you'll handle big brother coming up, or something.
anyway, i thought skara's song was terrible, and i loved how they all just dismissed it - even SKARA!!! lol. great stuff.
dax
9 of 17 | Posted by idax | Posted on May 21, 2009 6:15 AM
Great recap. Thanks for a legendary season of recaps.
I couldn't have picked the winner, either. It was almost like AI was trying to sabatage them both - or at least even up the voting. Scary's song was pretty disappointing, but the middle one wasn't much better. (Conversely, I found the finals to be unexpectantly fun and interesting... Danny and Allison and others got to showcase themselves on the big stage... and Scary showed where her real talent lies.)
10 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 21, 2009 8:10 AM
"'Things Are Gonna Change'"?? By "Cocker"??? Sam Cooke was already spinning in his grave with that crapfest by Adam.
11 of 17 | Posted by mikey | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:03 AM
^^^lol sorry bout that. thanks for correcting me. i didn't mean to inflict more harm than was already inflicted. thanks for reading you guys! i am working on the finale now, and so far it's just three pages of WOW. REALLY? WOW.
12 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:19 AM
Great season...I Totally caught that shot with Scott facing the wrong way.
I disagree in that I really liked Adam's 2nd performance...I think my tv has bad speakers, because i thought it was the best of the season and possibly the best of the series.
13 of 17 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on May 21, 2009 1:29 PM
Flipit--seriously, the funniest recap I have read on this site after years of dedicated viewing. You caught it all, from Krispy's pecs, to Scott literally posing for an invisible camera to the funniest description EVER, Paula's baskball on fire color. LOL! Just so spot on time and again that I won't bore you with a recap of your recap. Brilliant!
14 of 17 | Posted by willintherace | Posted on May 21, 2009 3:07 PM
I thought Adam's second performance was EXCELLENT. V. disappointed with the outcome.
15 of 17 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on May 21, 2009 8:48 PM
Weird. I lost interest in this show right after the Church Lady was booted out.
Neither of the other two inspire the same sort of bemused repulsion.
16 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:43 PM
I just have to add for the record -- Pauler's hair was astonishingly ugly. wtf.
17 of 17 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on May 23, 2009 2:14 PM