Ham starts with a nice big yell, but then calms down with a guitarist and bassist and chills the f out. This is kind of a stupid ass song for Ham. He is a lot of things, but a big black woman is not one of them. As if sensing that his Mandisa act isn't working, he drops it and does what he does every single damn time.
And he doesn't stop. He even adds in some Mariah hands. I like Ham mostly, but SHUT. UP.
He ends on a nice soft note.
Kidding!
That was one of his screamiest, and that's saying something. Ouch. That sounded like a pig farm in India the day they found out about swine flu. Randy loves the song and thinks Ham can sing his face off. Hell, he can sing our faces off. Skara thinks it was his best performance and interpretation to date. HUH? Skara is very Tony Robbins today. I miss her whining. Paula stands and says it's the best she's ever heard him sing evah and he looks like a superstar and he will be iconic. LOL. I think she meant "ironic". Simon says he is back in the game. Tink says something about Paula and herky. Or did he say jerky? I think he said herky, but jerky makes more sense.
Slim Dim Jerky
Tom Cruise's wife is there. Glad to see she found the escape route out of that crazy ass house. She is following Scientology rules though and not letting her kid listen to any of the music.
Shut it Suri. You can hear again when Kirstie Alley tackles us and puts us back in our cage. It's mommy time.
Other Simon chose "What's Goin' On" for Krispy. Jesus, Other Simon. Show your age much? Motown Night sucked enough the one time we had to sit through it. Krispy starts soft with just his guitar. Smart move to do it in his own cracker way and not try to compete with Ham shouts. The small band kicks in and he turns in a really nice, sweet version of song. I could see this being on a fabric softener commercial. And it probably will be. Krispy tops even himself on this one. At least in the facial department.
I am out of retard jokes. Sorry but it's been a long season.
He doesn't even attempt to do the falsetto bridge, and instead keeps singing "just tell me" while hanging his tongue out the side of his mouth like a very thirsty bulldog. That was very elevatory and waiting on holdy, but to me it sounded better than Ham's screamfest. Randy thinks it was too light for the finale, Skara Robbins rolls her head with attitude and says that he uplifted people and made them want to change. Paula: "I know what's going on! You tore that song up!" LOL. She's been waiting to use that one all day. Simon thinks it was like three friends in their bedroom strumming along to Marvin Gaye. He gets booed, but agrees with Randy that it was boring. Tink tells Simon to leave his bedtime stories out of this, but Krispy says the most. With his pecs. You've been working out. You win!
Hey! Look! It's the cast of the season! Blind Guy must have pissed the group off, cuz no one even bothers trying to point him in the right direction, poor thing. He's gonna be so upset when he sees this.
Tour's gonna be bumpy.
Now it's time for Skara's song, which is called "No Boundaries". TEEHEEE. I was hoping it would beat "This is My Now" in the cheesy title department, but it comes close. Ham is out first, and he starts in the dark again, with a pink spotlight. He almost matches the back wall.
The song is about thinking about giving up cuz you're too old and tired to live your dreams and then your wife dies and it's just so sad and depressing, but then you find that changing your hair and glasses every day can make other people smile and point at you and you think maybe I won't just be a pasty chunky lesbian with glued on facial hair singing in a mega church for the rest of my life after all! Man, Skara really wanted Church Lady to win this thing.
Someone done laid an egg. A rotten one.
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Comments (17)
this was one of yer finest recaps ever, lover.
ham destroyed my eardrums after week three, so i've just been watching the faces and feeling very violated.
i'm casting my non-phoned in vote for krispy.
1 of 17 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:16 PM
OK first off, vampires aren't orange, and second, I love the image of Randy sitting at home watching Twilight in his thong with four cartons of chubby hubby, crying his eyes out and muttering "dawg. Dawg."
That had me laughing my arse off! I wouldn't buy a CD by either of these guys. What was uo with Paula's fugly lime green satin cap sleeved hot mess of a shirt? WOW! Thanks, you make AI bearable.
2 of 17 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:34 PM
I have to agree with soapboxx that the chubby hubby comment was just plain hysterical.
I'm watching the finale (2 effing hours of filler!!! GAH!) now, and Queen Latifah looks fantastic. It's amazing what Jenny Craig and 4 girdles can do!
3 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:47 PM
I'm pretend voting for Ham, I think it's time America be forced to embrace the gaymosexual. Awesome job, Flipit, and thanks for letting so many of us be a part of it this season.
love you madly,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
4 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:49 PM
Wow, Flip it!
The song is about thinking about giving up cuz you're too old and tired to live your dreams and then your wife dies and it's just so sad and depressing, but then you find that changing your hair and glasses every day can make other people smile and point at you and you think maybe I won't just be a pasty chunky lesbian with glued on facial hair singing in a mega church for the rest of my life after all!
I was thinking the same thing!!! In fact, I am still surprised they didn't get their wish, and VFTW was supporting CL, eventho Krispy was clearly not chosen for such glory . . .
Anyhoo, too funny throughout. It almost makes me feel sorry for Skara, coz here was her chance to legitimize her place here, and give them a good "choice" of a song, and you know, it didn't have to be a coronation song, here was their chance to break that corny awful tradition and shove all the magic rainbows up everybody's butt and just do something new and wild!!
Oh well, I guess I hope Adam wins, but I heard they are both getting signed, and "maybe more" whew for Allison!!!
Enjoy the show, all!!!
Oh, and I agree with Soapboxx too--hyfuckingsterical!!!!
5 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 20, 2009 6:12 PM
Oh Flip, I'm gonna miss ya! Awesome recap, as usual, thanks for making me laugh out loud!
I honestly don't know who is going to take it - I thought Adam was guaranteed the win, but Kris has been picking up steam. Not to mention he'll likely get the votes from Danny's fans.
Who knows? I thought it was a good final two. I'm pulling for Adam, but I'd buy both of their cds. Plus Allison's.
I'm watching the finale results show right now (although the winner has not yet been revealed) and I have actually really enjoyed it. Best finale in years, I think.
See you next season, all! (Well, after the finale results recap.)
6 of 17 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 20, 2009 6:55 PM
I think all the comments about how America needs to "vote for the gay" is hilarious. It's like Affirmative Action has reached AI.
Really, people...do you think middle America has never before bought an Elton John CD...gone to a Queen concert (back when Freddie Mercury was live)...watched Ellen, either her sitcom or her talk show? Who do you think made Liberace a star decades ago? Grandmothers and mothers from Iowa, Illinois, and Wisconsin (where he was originally from, and where he created a several Music Scholoarship endowments.) And who do you think made Clay Aiken's run in Spamalot a success? Middle American Tourists who flock to New York every year.
Adam isn't the first gay singer. So if he falls short, don't blame it on that. Place the blame where it belongs...on his screeching, and on the lack of warmth in his voice.
7 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 20, 2009 8:34 PM
I think that the guy with Adam's parents is his brother. And I also might hate myself for knowing family members of Idol contestants, but what can you do?
Paula and Simon make this show enjoyable for me. Without their hilarious comments, I have no idea what I would do.
And I'd probably buy either of their CDs. Or maybe just Adam's and I'll pirate Kris'. I know, I'm a monster.
8 of 17 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on May 20, 2009 11:36 PM
thanks for all of the great recaps! maybe you'll handle big brother coming up, or something.
anyway, i thought skara's song was terrible, and i loved how they all just dismissed it - even SKARA!!! lol. great stuff.
dax
9 of 17 | Posted by idax | Posted on May 21, 2009 6:15 AM
Great recap. Thanks for a legendary season of recaps.
I couldn't have picked the winner, either. It was almost like AI was trying to sabatage them both - or at least even up the voting. Scary's song was pretty disappointing, but the middle one wasn't much better. (Conversely, I found the finals to be unexpectantly fun and interesting... Danny and Allison and others got to showcase themselves on the big stage... and Scary showed where her real talent lies.)
10 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 21, 2009 8:10 AM
"'Things Are Gonna Change'"?? By "Cocker"??? Sam Cooke was already spinning in his grave with that crapfest by Adam.
11 of 17 | Posted by mikey | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:03 AM
^^^lol sorry bout that. thanks for correcting me. i didn't mean to inflict more harm than was already inflicted. thanks for reading you guys! i am working on the finale now, and so far it's just three pages of WOW. REALLY? WOW.
12 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:19 AM
Great season...I Totally caught that shot with Scott facing the wrong way.
I disagree in that I really liked Adam's 2nd performance...I think my tv has bad speakers, because i thought it was the best of the season and possibly the best of the series.
13 of 17 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on May 21, 2009 1:29 PM
Flipit--seriously, the funniest recap I have read on this site after years of dedicated viewing. You caught it all, from Krispy's pecs, to Scott literally posing for an invisible camera to the funniest description EVER, Paula's baskball on fire color. LOL! Just so spot on time and again that I won't bore you with a recap of your recap. Brilliant!
14 of 17 | Posted by willintherace | Posted on May 21, 2009 3:07 PM
I thought Adam's second performance was EXCELLENT. V. disappointed with the outcome.
15 of 17 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on May 21, 2009 8:48 PM
Weird. I lost interest in this show right after the Church Lady was booted out.
Neither of the other two inspire the same sort of bemused repulsion.
16 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:43 PM
I just have to add for the record -- Pauler's hair was astonishingly ugly. wtf.
17 of 17 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on May 23, 2009 2:14 PM