There are lots of lyrics, and Ham can barely keep up. He misses a lot of notes and squeaks out some of the high parts, and it's one of his worst performances so far. That said, how can you blame him? The song is ridonk. And is he wearing snakeskin pants? There goes the PETA vote. At least the tire workers of America will like the shoulders. Once he gets to the screaming notes at the end, he does really well, but he screws up his final fals note, then veers back on course and ends sounding like an eighty year old soprano in the choir. Yikes. If I had never seen the show before and I just turned it on now for the first time, I would turn that shit right back off again. I don't even care who wins. Just please don't make me listen to that song on the radio for the next year. PLEASE. I'll do whatever you want!
Audience? Bizonkers. Randy thinks it was just ok and it was pitchy.
Excuse you? I used my entire trunk of Mary Kay for this performance you fat fuck.
Skara gives herself props for being moved by her own song, and Ham thanks her, cuz he can't call her the c word on national TV. Paula can't think of any adjectives. You don't say. She says he can sing anything and she'll be a fan. Too nice to diss Skara's song. LOL. Simon refuses to judge the song and says over the season he's been one of the best and most original contestants evah and he believes Ham is a stah. That was sweet, but he also didn't comment on that shite performance. On closer inspection, his pants are just acid washed, and not snakeskin. I'm disappointed, but that's kind of a running theme tonight.
And that's the only time he's ever getting on Eve, so tell her to calm down and cross her legs.
I am worried for Krispy. That song is crap, but it's very difficult crap, and he's gonna really have to pull it out. And swing it around. And offer it to the voters. Krispy makes more sense singing this tripe, at least at the beginning. There was a blank spot in there and I can't tell if he forgot the lyrics or just ran out of breath. He misses a lot of notes too, and this song, as suspected, is way too big for him. He handles the front of the song way better, but Ham wiped the floor with him on the big belt notes. This song sucked, and neither one of them overcame it. Can Spanx win again? She's not much of a singer, but she's at least fun to watch make funny faces and pretend she's Beyonce.
This song should have been called "Reeeeach".
Randy says he should be proud of himself and his voice fits the song better than Ham's. Skara doesn't want him to be judged on her too high crap song, she wants him to be judged on his cute little butt I mean artistry. Paula says it's the most compelling finale evah, and Simon thinks that his highlight was the first song but he has come a long way since his first nervous audition. He deserves to be in the final two. Which is a nice way of saying you lose but thanks, k? Krispy looks bored.
It's usually pretty obvious at this point who's gonna win, but I honesty have no idea. I assumed it would be Ham, but after this finale who knows? They're both original (at least in the American Idol plastic factory), they're both talented. I think that finale song makes much more sense sung on the radio by Krispy and some Pro Tools, so I'm picking him. Krispy FTW!! Weigh in, and come back tomorrow night for some finale goodness. LOVE YOU GUYS.
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Comments (17)
this was one of yer finest recaps ever, lover.
ham destroyed my eardrums after week three, so i've just been watching the faces and feeling very violated.
i'm casting my non-phoned in vote for krispy.
1 of 17 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:16 PM
OK first off, vampires aren't orange, and second, I love the image of Randy sitting at home watching Twilight in his thong with four cartons of chubby hubby, crying his eyes out and muttering "dawg. Dawg."
That had me laughing my arse off! I wouldn't buy a CD by either of these guys. What was uo with Paula's fugly lime green satin cap sleeved hot mess of a shirt? WOW! Thanks, you make AI bearable.
2 of 17 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:34 PM
I have to agree with soapboxx that the chubby hubby comment was just plain hysterical.
I'm watching the finale (2 effing hours of filler!!! GAH!) now, and Queen Latifah looks fantastic. It's amazing what Jenny Craig and 4 girdles can do!
3 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:47 PM
I'm pretend voting for Ham, I think it's time America be forced to embrace the gaymosexual. Awesome job, Flipit, and thanks for letting so many of us be a part of it this season.
love you madly,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
4 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:49 PM
Wow, Flip it!
The song is about thinking about giving up cuz you're too old and tired to live your dreams and then your wife dies and it's just so sad and depressing, but then you find that changing your hair and glasses every day can make other people smile and point at you and you think maybe I won't just be a pasty chunky lesbian with glued on facial hair singing in a mega church for the rest of my life after all!
I was thinking the same thing!!! In fact, I am still surprised they didn't get their wish, and VFTW was supporting CL, eventho Krispy was clearly not chosen for such glory . . .
Anyhoo, too funny throughout. It almost makes me feel sorry for Skara, coz here was her chance to legitimize her place here, and give them a good "choice" of a song, and you know, it didn't have to be a coronation song, here was their chance to break that corny awful tradition and shove all the magic rainbows up everybody's butt and just do something new and wild!!
Oh well, I guess I hope Adam wins, but I heard they are both getting signed, and "maybe more" whew for Allison!!!
Enjoy the show, all!!!
Oh, and I agree with Soapboxx too--hyfuckingsterical!!!!
5 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 20, 2009 6:12 PM
Oh Flip, I'm gonna miss ya! Awesome recap, as usual, thanks for making me laugh out loud!
I honestly don't know who is going to take it - I thought Adam was guaranteed the win, but Kris has been picking up steam. Not to mention he'll likely get the votes from Danny's fans.
Who knows? I thought it was a good final two. I'm pulling for Adam, but I'd buy both of their cds. Plus Allison's.
I'm watching the finale results show right now (although the winner has not yet been revealed) and I have actually really enjoyed it. Best finale in years, I think.
See you next season, all! (Well, after the finale results recap.)
6 of 17 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 20, 2009 6:55 PM
I think all the comments about how America needs to "vote for the gay" is hilarious. It's like Affirmative Action has reached AI.
Really, people...do you think middle America has never before bought an Elton John CD...gone to a Queen concert (back when Freddie Mercury was live)...watched Ellen, either her sitcom or her talk show? Who do you think made Liberace a star decades ago? Grandmothers and mothers from Iowa, Illinois, and Wisconsin (where he was originally from, and where he created a several Music Scholoarship endowments.) And who do you think made Clay Aiken's run in Spamalot a success? Middle American Tourists who flock to New York every year.
Adam isn't the first gay singer. So if he falls short, don't blame it on that. Place the blame where it belongs...on his screeching, and on the lack of warmth in his voice.
7 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 20, 2009 8:34 PM
I think that the guy with Adam's parents is his brother. And I also might hate myself for knowing family members of Idol contestants, but what can you do?
Paula and Simon make this show enjoyable for me. Without their hilarious comments, I have no idea what I would do.
And I'd probably buy either of their CDs. Or maybe just Adam's and I'll pirate Kris'. I know, I'm a monster.
8 of 17 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on May 20, 2009 11:36 PM
thanks for all of the great recaps! maybe you'll handle big brother coming up, or something.
anyway, i thought skara's song was terrible, and i loved how they all just dismissed it - even SKARA!!! lol. great stuff.
dax
9 of 17 | Posted by idax | Posted on May 21, 2009 6:15 AM
Great recap. Thanks for a legendary season of recaps.
I couldn't have picked the winner, either. It was almost like AI was trying to sabatage them both - or at least even up the voting. Scary's song was pretty disappointing, but the middle one wasn't much better. (Conversely, I found the finals to be unexpectantly fun and interesting... Danny and Allison and others got to showcase themselves on the big stage... and Scary showed where her real talent lies.)
10 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 21, 2009 8:10 AM
"'Things Are Gonna Change'"?? By "Cocker"??? Sam Cooke was already spinning in his grave with that crapfest by Adam.
11 of 17 | Posted by mikey | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:03 AM
^^^lol sorry bout that. thanks for correcting me. i didn't mean to inflict more harm than was already inflicted. thanks for reading you guys! i am working on the finale now, and so far it's just three pages of WOW. REALLY? WOW.
12 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:19 AM
Great season...I Totally caught that shot with Scott facing the wrong way.
I disagree in that I really liked Adam's 2nd performance...I think my tv has bad speakers, because i thought it was the best of the season and possibly the best of the series.
13 of 17 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on May 21, 2009 1:29 PM
Flipit--seriously, the funniest recap I have read on this site after years of dedicated viewing. You caught it all, from Krispy's pecs, to Scott literally posing for an invisible camera to the funniest description EVER, Paula's baskball on fire color. LOL! Just so spot on time and again that I won't bore you with a recap of your recap. Brilliant!
14 of 17 | Posted by willintherace | Posted on May 21, 2009 3:07 PM
I thought Adam's second performance was EXCELLENT. V. disappointed with the outcome.
15 of 17 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on May 21, 2009 8:48 PM
Weird. I lost interest in this show right after the Church Lady was booted out.
Neither of the other two inspire the same sort of bemused repulsion.
16 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:43 PM
I just have to add for the record -- Pauler's hair was astonishingly ugly. wtf.
17 of 17 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on May 23, 2009 2:14 PM