This episode of American Idol is like the day after Thanksgiving - you have all these leftovers, and you don't know what to do with them. You can't let them go to waste so you figure what the hell, I'll just slap these all together and see what I get. Some of the ingredients are great, some are iffy, and some are just plain awful, and when you put them all together you wind up with something that does its job, but really just makes you reminiscent of how good it was before. So sit back, relax, and join me on this last audition episode of American Idol - soggy turkey sandwich style.
This one's definitely the congealed turkey fat.
We don't waste any time tonight, and dive right into the first audition. Luke Reeder's our man, and he's rocking what looks to be a brave hunting cap-hospital gown ensemble. There's screaming, flailing, and general psychosis, giving further credence to my belief that this one snuck out of the psych ward while Sister Evelyn entertained all on the piano. It's a no for Luke.
You know who also sucks? Victor Villegas, who sounds like a dying goat. The judges agree, and say barnyard animals are a no-no. But in Victor's defense, you can somewhat understand why he thought barnyard animals were so money. After all, Carmen Rasmusen was in the top 6 in season 2.
Baaaaaa
The first sob story - and guaranteed Golden Ticket - belongs to Amy Davis. She grew up in a family "lower than lower middle class" (aka working class? Glad you've got those brains to climb out of that. Oh wait), which has given her great ambition to succeed. She goes into the audition room, her boobs and plunging neckline leading the way. You can take a girl out of the lower than lower middle class, but you can't take the lower than lower middle class out of a girl. Randy tries to cover his ogling by complimenting her shoes - which don't match by the way - and Amy gets through to Hollywood even though she's somewhat mediocre. After seeing her run down the stairs in excitement, I'd recommend that Amy's first purchase after climbing out of the lower than lower middle class be a bra.
Now that we've gotten one Golden Ticket out of the way, we're back to the crazies. Tiffany McCambell is convinced her voice was a gift from God, and while she admits it's not perfect, it's just a matter of finding the right tone. Dressed like Dana Carvey's Church Lady, she gives us a preview before heading in front of the judges - yep, this bitch is tone deaf. If that's a gift from God, then He hates your ass. The judges mock Tiffany somewhat for her divine inspirations, and after she caterwauls for a few moments, Simon asks if God has a return policy. But God don't want that shit back anymore than we want to listen to Tiffany sing. The answer is no all around.
I don't think that's God's voice she's hearing...
Up next is a montage of people auditioning in pairs - siblings, dating couples, spouses. We've seen this on Idol before, but what we haven't seen is a fake, camera-whoring love triangle! So we've got twin guys, who not only dress identically (that stopped being cute in grade school, asshats), drive the same car, and have the same friends, but they evidently like to pork the same girl. The girl in question is an orange Paris Hilton wannabe, complete with a tiny dog that makes secret plans to chew her face off every night. I shouldn't mock her too much, though. She's making great strides for feminists everywhere - showing it's not just men who can have the slutty twin fantasy. You get down with your bad self!
What do you say... rock, paper, scissors to determine who goes first tonight?
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Comments (4)
Ha ha ha! Loved the screencaps. You had me giggling the whole way through. Thanks!
1 of 4 | Posted by ItsLikeKissingAPeanut | Posted on February 9, 2008 5:09 AM
I loved this recap. The Thanksgiving leftovers analogy was right on! Just one quibble: I, personally, would love a Dolly Parton week. I think she would make a kick-ass mentor to the contestants and actually have some helpful advice for a change. Barry Manilow surprised me no end with how good he was-Dolly would be good, too. Love her!
2 of 4 | Posted by LonnaSaur | Posted on February 11, 2008 7:01 AM
This recap was extremely snort and guffaw worthy -- yeah, especially the screencaps.
Love the bit when they keep telling Simon the cameras are off and he eventually buys it and then half-jokingly shoves the dustpan back into the PA's hand.
3 of 4 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 11, 2008 12:49 PM
great job! lol
i agree with dmg, i want a dolly parton ep! that lady is hilarious. she did a concert here last year and some drunk dude kept shouting up to the stage at her "I love you dolly!" finally she stopped and said "hey! i thought i told you to stay in the truck!"
hahahahahahah
love her.
flip
4 of 4 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on February 11, 2008 1:06 PM