We start with an extraordinarily clever mock-up of the Miami Vice opening credits to prove that we are, in fact, holding today's auditions in Miami. Oooh, I get it. Miami Vice was in Miami, just like American Idol. Seacrest tells us that over ten thousand certifiably insane people have waited for hours in the heat for their chance to be a superstar. Like Justin Guarini. They herd everyone into an indoor stadium and force them to sing "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You," by Gloria Estefan, because that is very representative of what is hot right now. Or because she used to belong to Miami Sound Machine and everything has to be a tie-in. Next Don Johnson steps out to wish everyone good luck - wait, no he doesn't.

Ah, here come the judges. Paula tells us that Miami is one of her favorite cities - never get high on your own supply, Paula - and Simon and Randy have no idea where they are. The whole audition circuit is such a whirlwind, you know. Now we meet a young lady named Shannon McGough - she must be Mexican - who is wearing an outfit straight out of the 80's and fitting right in with the Miami Vice theme. She's from Okeechobee, Florida and she tells us that she works at her parents' glamorous meat market where they have wallpapered the place with pictures of Shannon winning singing contests. Who's small-town? She also graces us with her belching talent, which is absolutely thrilling, and you just know she thinks it's hot. She prances in and tells the judges that she will be singing "Cry Baby" by Janis Joplin. Then she opens her mouth and positively screeches her way into the song.

American Alley Cat

Simon gives her an appalled look and tells her that he had a late night last night and he certainly didn't want to wake up to this nonsense. Paula and Randy agree - they couldn't detect a melody and it was all-around horrible. Shannon asks if she can't sing something else and the judges beg her not to, but she does anyway, so they reiterate everything that is wrong with her. Namely, she can't sing. Shannon is 100% dumbfounded. After all, she won Okeechobee Idol! She's been "singing" since she was three years old and no one has ever had the nerve to tell her before that she sucks. Simon says (hee hee) that's because most people don't know what they're talking about. So I don't get it, is she going to Hollywood or not? It's unclear. Ahem, that would be a unanimous NO and Shannon is seriously baffled. She steps out into the hall where she and her family all look into the cameras imploringly, as if to ask us all if we can believe this tomfoolery. Shannon announces she's done with American Idol - oh what a sad loss - but now she's back to Okeechobee where she can win every single contest because when there's one entrant, guess who wins.

Next we meet Robbie, who used to be in a boy band, but is now a rocker. Well, whatever sells, Robbie. He's actually got a pretty nice voice, but there is absolutely nothing "rocker" about him. He might as well have sung "Tearin' Up My Heart." They like him, so he's in and he runs out into the hall where his family is waiting to spray him down with silly string. How rocker. Now we see blips of a bunch of guys who totally bite it, including one who is wearing a poncho and who doesn't sing, but plays a Pan flute - I wish I were kidding.

Lost boy

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Posted in American Idol by Honey Gangsta at 1:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: marishka on Feb 12, 2008 10:01 AM.