Testimonials

Then there's Fabienne Hyppolite, whose name is enough to make her the next American Idol. She sings "When I Fall in Love," with a really heavy accent while plugging one ear. Simon tells her he was tempted to plug both ears. Sorry, Fabienne. Richard comes in and sings straight through his nose for the judges to rip him to shreds.

Now we are lucky enough to meet Julie Dubela, who has absolutely no doubt of getting invited to Hollywood because you see, she was in the top 20 of American Juniors, four years ago when she was 12. What's American Juniors? We see clips of a bunch of little kids singing and doing arm motions and the editors have cut in scenes of Julie recreating those performances today for her fellow auditioners. They are so lucky! Julie tells us that this is her dream and she doesn't believe in mediocrity. Well excuse us, Julie. She marches in like she owns the place and sings another Janis Joplin song. While she sings she strides around making grand arm gestures and Simon cuts her off and tells her he'd rather see it without all the acting. She's over-rehearsed, you see. They tell her basically that her bark is way too big for her bite - in other words, she sucks. I actually thought she had a nice voice, but her snooty little attitude was enough to make me never want to see her again. They tell her she's not ready and to take off. With that, she bursts into Mariah Carey's "Butterfly," because nothing wins these judges over like being ignored. Simon suggests that Julie give up singing and become an actress and she yell-argues back that she's just being herself - SHE'S NOT ACTING!!

"Listen, retards. This is like, my real personality.
I was on American Juniors!"

They tell her to forget it and she turns on her heel and storms out. Seacrest has been listening at the door and backs away quick. Julie comes out and announces that she gave up singing at a Red Sox game to grace us with her presence here today and those idiot judges didn't even have the common courtesy to adore her! She was on American Juniors! She tells us all to be sure and not audition for American Idol. Oh thanks, Julie, I was just zipping up my suitcase. I'm glad you saved me the trip.

Up next is a very "special" hopeful named Brandon Black. He is not only a singer, he is also a standup comedian. He enters his audition in full swing as some obnoxious alter ego of himself, introducing himself while wearing a wig. Suffice it to say it is highly inappropriate and extremely irritating. He finally drops the character and tells Paula he will be singing "I'll Make Love to You" directly to her. Paula has the audacity to pretend this offends her. Oh please, attention whore. He does a little falsetto thing and starts stripping - I swear this is true - while he sings. He follows his striptease up with a little ditty he wrote himself about him becoming the next American Idol. This is obviously nonsense and the judges tell him to knock it off. So how does he finish? He gets back into his alter ego character and does some more "funny," then asks them if it is a yes or a no. Ha!

Mercifully this is the end of the Miami audition circuit and we get to see lots of people bawling after being told they are worthless. Only 17 are told they are decent enough to continue to the next round of public humiliation. Next week it's off to Atlanta where a whole new crop of crazies show up to prove that they are attention-starved wannabes. Can't wait!

Thanks for reading!
Honey Gangsta

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Posted in American Idol by Honey Gangsta at 1:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: marishka on Feb 12, 2008 10:01 AM.