Testimonials

Seacrest calls Garrett up and starts talking about how hard is is to say goodbye. I'm gleefully clapping my hands at this point 'cause I know the kid is about to get the axe. Instead of teasing us, Seacrest dismisses Garrett faster than a Russian gal administers a Brazillian wax. He just rips the strip right off! Unfortunately, Garrett hasn't even bothered to shave his wimpy molestache, because it's only grown more pronounced and skeevy in a few days. The kid is starting to look like a Hobbit playing a used car salesman. He seems to take the elimination in stride

It just sucks that your final performance wasn't much better than Tuesday's, except that your "hauntingly" pale face is now partially covered by a fedora. Why can't all eliminations be this direct? It's delightful. Go get yourself some Roscoe's chicken and waffles, kiddo.

Safe from elimination, but not from being fashion victims.

After a montage of the women's performances, Seacrest declares it's time for the first female elimination. Kristy Lee Cook is called down to join him, but after making her sweat over her sickly performance of "Rescue Me" for a bit ("So...you were kind of teh suck last night...and you looked like you were gonna die, it's unfortunate to get the flu during performance night, huh?...and I needed to someone to rescue me from your singing."), he tells her to rest up because she is safe. Then we get a quick shot of Amy Davis' face, right before Seacrest announces that Amy Davis has to pack her bags and go home. Yawn. Amy's farewell performance only reinforces why American didn't vote for her. The girl films well but her looks can't compensate for her weak vocals. She kinda reminds me of the Pink Power Ranger from the first season of that show. I see trade show modeling in your future!

Oh my god! It's time for Paula Abdul's comeback video. The woman hasn't released anything in twelve years - i.e. when David The Fetus was only five. "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" is a title that sounds directly borrowed from that quote "Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching." I wonder if Paula has the saying embroidered onto cushions scattered around her house.

A formal analysis of Paula Abdul's "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow"

Paula Abdul supports China and Coca-Cola.

While I half expect a boobapalooza, what ensues is more complex, with a few moments of artistic choreography and some subtle nuances. Sorta. We go from Paula singing as the personification of the scarlet letter to Paula vamping it up with a bendy microphone stand (it comes back whenever she hits it, like a boomerang or Bobo the clown) in a lace corset with Randy on the bass in a grand ole' tribute to Marshall amps. I have a feeling this scene will be used in Guitar Center promo ads for Marshall products for the next year.

The scenes filmed with long, red sheets of fabric fluttering in the background are definitely a shout-out to Paula's sponsor, Coca-Cola. It also functions as a symbol of the fight against AIDS, just in case drinking Coca-Cola really does cause some sort of terminal illness. It's also considered a lucky color to Chinese and Vietnamese people, so perhaps Paula's on the market for an Asian baby. It's rumored that she and Emilio Estevez split up because she wanted kiddies and he didn't, so hey, I could be right.

Paula makes a statement about the objectification of women in pop.

These segments alternate with dance sequences that show us that Paula's still got moves. As for the song, it's trying too hard to make her look young. At the very least, she doesn't look like a sack of potatoes. I associate her so strongly with the '80s and early '90s, Reeboks, Trapper Keepers, and those plastic t-shirt clasps that you'd pull your hem through and make a little tail with. Oh, and Lisa Frank day-glo unicorns! You know what I'm talking about. Her backup dancers are barely legal. The dance pop tune isn't super-catchy to me, the melody's really lacking and just sounds like the Milli Vanilli of something a much younger artist could pull off. For what it's worth, Paula Abdul is listed between George Michael and C+ C Music Factory as a notable dance pop artist. But hell, even Hillary Duff is catchier. It's beat heavy. It's...godawful, and there's a whole lot of overproduction on Paula's vocal tracks. And synth. And the sound of a million little inspirational necklaces being sold on QVC.

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Posted in American Idol by T.Vo at 3:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: VICI on Feb 23, 2008 04:57 PM.