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Sarah sings to the judges about being happy. The song is truly insane. Simon calls Sarah strange. Thank god he's here to point out the completely obvious. Randy and Simon both say Sarah's out, but Paula says "yes." Is that right? Dude, Paula is totally not interested in this shit anymore. So, Sarah's out. Of her mind! Thank you, I'll be here all night! No Hollywood for the wrestler.

When did Marylin Manson get so chunky?

Seacrest pokes his head in and argues with Simon because the producers told him to. The argument culminates in Seacrest swapping places at the judging table with Paula. Wow, so she came in late and now wants to get out of doing her job. That's completely reasonable. Anyway, when Seacrest sits down, he makes some joke about pretending to be Paula and asks, "How do I pretend to be overpaid for doing no work?" I have an idea: Host American Idol. Oh, wait, you already do that. Tool. So, Paula plays Seacrest and Seacrest plays Paula.

Samantha is auditioning. She sings "I Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones. She actually kind of sounds like Norah Jones. They throw Seacrest out and Paula's back in. They bicker about how "hard it really is" to judge. Is it weird that I miss recapping America's Most Smartest Model? Because I do. This episode is as bland as the corn that grows in Nebraska. Long story short, Samantha's in. I have to say that it may be time for some different judges, because they're totally half-assing it today. We're treated to a good singer montage. Woo. They celebrate and jump around. Good lord, is it like this every week? And then something really, really funny happens. As some girl rides down on the escalator, she says, in total seriousness, "I'm going prove Simon wrong that I AM America's Next Top Model." Ha!

Commercials. So, here's my Evil American Idol Plot. I would totally audition for the show as such: I would dedicate the song to Paula, and then I would sing "I Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her)" by Guns n'Roses. That would totally eff with her already fragile mind. Or she'd fall in love with me. We're back, and things are about to get serious. Seriously. Angelica has had some issues with her dad and family. They haven't always gotten along, so she moved out. She misses her dad, and her moving out hurt him. Angelica went to . . . oh, forget it. Long story short, she played a Martina McBride song on his voicemail and he said he'd pay for her American Idol audition.

Martina McBride: solving one family crisis at a time.

Why is the American Idol logo in almost the exact middle of the screen? That's really distracting, Fox. Angelica walks into the audition room. Her choice is "Power of Love" by Celine Dion. She has a great voice, I'll give her that. Randy says, and they all agree, that she is mimicking Celine, not performing the song as her own. But whatever, she's in. Paula tells her to "be confident and have fun." Paula Abdul has spent more than 20 years in the music industry and that's the best she can come up with? "Be confident and have fun?" How about "Sing better," or "Open your mouth to make sound come out?" Such pointless advice. Oh, man, Seacrest puts Angelica's dad on the phone to tell him the news. My TV. screen is oozing Velveeta right now.

After commercials, we're treated to "the band Daughtry" and part of their music video. Next there's a montage of "rockers." Which, in American Idol land, means people who have dyed hair! Boys who wear kilts or skirts! People with pierced stuff! Oooh, edgy! David has dyed hair and sings Bon Jovi's "Livin' On a Prayer." We played that song in high school pep band. You know that "oh-oo-woah-woah" low synthesized part? All trombone, baby! Again, Randy's all, "work on your performance." Is the writer's strike affecting this show as well? Because that's all Randy has said and it's booorr-ing! Anyway, David's in, because he has dyed hair, and here on Republican, conservative, Bush-loving Fox, that makes you an edgy rocker.

Faux hawk + soul patch = rocker, baby.

Back in the audition room, Paula has the hiccups, probably because her "plane was delayed." Johnny is next and he's supposed to be weird, but other than his gold shirt, I really don't see anything out of the ordinary. Oops. Spoke too soon. Jazz hands. Really bad jumps. Falsetto. Simon says that he sees and hears everything he hates in Johnny. Oh, snap! Finally! Simon gets bitchy! They all say no to Johnny.

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Posted in American Idol by Hypnotoad at 2:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: glover47 on Feb 5, 2008 09:37 AM.