John Lennon chokes on hacks. Again.
I've been seriously deliriously sleep-deprived this week, because I thought Mariah Carey was scheduled to guest judge this week, or at least perform "Touch My Body" while Kenneth the Page hula-hooped and twirled flaming giant turkey legs around her. Alas, it was all a croissant-fueled hallucination. Join me, mon ami, as we romp through John Lennon's grave and stomp on Beatles B-sides, La Cucaracha-style, 'cause this is American Idol!
Instead of the usual fun pageant walk involving choreography and criss-crossing the stage, we get close-up shots of our contestants slowly descending the dual staircases. When they get to the bottom, they just stand there. Yep, they're planted awkwardly still, with eight different variations on waving. Or fist-wielding, as David Cook is wont to do. He is most definitely exhibiting some alarming symptoms of Smug Doucheitis.
I got this "Grow Strong" bracelet for my hair.
It's as though they're being peddled at an unwilling organ donor auction or about to be shot in the head by Javier Bardem's cattle gun-wielding character in No Country For Old Men. It is the opposite of the awesomeness that is the Von Trapp children introduction after the Captain summons them with a dog whistle. Or even the way they ascend the stairs in song at the big ole' party before they have to flee the Nazis. "This is strangely contrived," murmurs my boyfriend.
Invisible waitress platter, or what will happen if you don't vote for Syesha.
Asia'h 0.5
Seacrest re-introduces the Unholy Trinity and himself for the millionth time, for any viewers who have been living under a heavy rock for the last 8 years. It reminds me of how Ann M. Martin would annoyingly reintroduce every freakin' member of The Babysitters Club in every single one of her books, but with slight tweaks of tone depending on that book's protagonist. Does anyone remember that? It was like she thought I was retarded and couldn't remember that Kristy was a tomboy who preferred softball to boys, that Claudia was a dyslexic artist junk food-aholic who brought shame to her extremely Asian parents, and that Dawn was a California veggie-hippie who would later experiment with girls in college (if the characters ever got older than 13, which they never did, although at least four books involved them celebrating Christmas.)
He calls Randy out for yawning. Randy, rocking yet another man-cardigan (in a tasteful baby blue) explains he's gotta get it out of his system before an Idol hopeful bludgeons a Beatles ballad. Paula is dressed as Liza Minnelli, Simon is nondescript as usual, and they all natter on about what the contestants can do to improve marginally this week.
Seacrest tries to clarify that last week was Lennon/McCartney, but this week is ALL BEATLES, ALL THE TIME. It's totally different yet distinct, like poop-flavored ice cream instead of ice-cream flavored poop. Don't change the channel, because this is the first time they've ever expanded on a theme other than "Time Life's Greatest Hits." Will this include any songs from Ringo Starr's discography on Shining Time Station? I sure hope so.
Sorry you got raped by Heather Mills' peg leg.
Seacrest and Simon launch into their philosophical debate about whether AI is a popularity contest or a talent competition and whether Richard Dawkins is right about this God delusion thing since Idolism is practically a religion. The answer? It's both (Simon says 50% popularity/50% pre-existing connections to Idol's producers), and Dawkins is right. There is no God because Simon Fuller killed him and made this show two hours long.
While jibber-jabbering about song selection, Randy exclaims "Let's dance like there's no tomorrow!" as Paula does a little jig in her seat. It isn't pretty, and I can't tell if Randy is pimping Paula or if Paula is covertly pimping Randy to promote her. It will not be the last time we hear a plug for the deviated septum that is Paula's career, and I only wish I had a shot of Goldschlager with extra flakes to down for each successive mention.
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Comments (20)
Yeah - David Cook is getting way too smug. He needs to get knocked down a peg or two. And, I can't help it, but I love the "Spicoli"-ness of Jason Castro (see, Randy Jackson, I can coin a new word, too!) Okay - so if these people have never heard of the Beatles, can they not at the very least LISTEN to some of their music BEFORE they pick a song??!!! Oy, vey!
1 of 20 | Posted by kdfinjpn | Posted on March 20, 2008 2:46 AM
I really don't like the Beatles, so I missed last week's show and tried to sit through this week's. I'm not really a fan of Amanda's voice- it gets old fast to me- but her personality and attitude are fun. David C. makes me want to hit him. I couldn't understand the first few notes of the talk box. Brooke was really, REALLY out of her element walking around. I have no desire to even hear the full version of the song Michael Johns sang. That was a mess. I quit watching after David C.
2 of 20 | Posted by laska | Posted on March 20, 2008 5:29 AM
I said the exact same thing about Brooks piano playing last week. It was so irritating that she kept looking at the keys. She must not of been P.M.S.ing this week cause she didnt spontaneously burst in to tears.
I have two words to describe Carly's performance.........Hey Koolaid!
I actually enjoy Jason's ball sqeezers. Its a good look for him. Much better than when Danny N. attempted it. But it wasnt how he looked in them that was so gross...it was all the gyrating and hip jerking he did. ...eeeeah..Im still trying to get those images out of my head
3 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 20, 2008 7:18 AM
I said the exact same thing about Brooks piano playing last week. It was so irritating that she kept looking at the keys. She must not of been P.M.S.ing this week cause she didnt spontaneously burst in to tears.
I have two words to describe Carly's performance.........Hey Koolaid!
I actually enjoy Jason's ball sqeezers. Its a good look for him. Much better than when Danny N. attempted it. But it wasnt how he looked in them that was so gross...it was all the gyrating and hip jerking he did. ...eeeeah..Im still trying to get those images out of my head
4 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 20, 2008 7:19 AM
Based on this week's performances, I think the voters got it right on the bottom two... and probably the bottom one. I expect the other one to go home next week.
Notice how there was not one ugly woman in the top 24? I don't think that was just a coincidence.
Long shows make for long recaps. Had to skim - DANG it - but loved the screen caps!
5 of 20 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 20, 2008 10:28 AM
My first time commenting. If you're going to mock something Canadian, it is spelled "eh" not "ay". We don't mind being mocked, but get it right.
6 of 20 | Posted by leaffan | Posted on March 20, 2008 12:43 PM
leaffan: I am truly sorry for misspelling "eh." I believe I was in "aboot" mode, and also incredibly sleep deprived.
7 of 20 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on March 20, 2008 12:59 PM
I have to say, you finally made me register with that Babysitters Club analogy. I never really realized it till now, but that is exactly what they do, and that was always the most frustrating part of those books. Glad someone else can feel the pain
8 of 20 | Posted by realityjunkie | Posted on March 20, 2008 1:44 PM
hmmm . . . They all said Taylor Hicks was cocky and full of himself, so maybe David C is going to win . . . I loved his version of "Day Tripper"
9 of 20 | Posted by Juddfan | Posted on March 20, 2008 2:09 PM
Best recap ever! And that is saying a lot.
That whole Michael Johns/ bad haircut analogy...priceless!
I'm sorry Amanda went home. She wasn't the best singer in the competition, but at least she was interesting. If I have to hear one more twangy "country-fied" tune from that Kristy Lee I'm going to gag.
10 of 20 | Posted by michigan | Posted on March 20, 2008 2:40 PM
Amanda was the only reason I was watching the show religiously, and maybe-kind-of-sort-of thinking about going to the Top 10 concert. Now that she's gone, I'll be reduced to watching their songs on youtube. Thx, voting public.
I've known all along she wouldn't even get CLOSE to winning, and I think it's a miracle that Amanda made it this far, but choosing Kristie Lee Cook over her? REALLY?
11 of 20 | Posted by GildedLulz | Posted on March 20, 2008 9:04 PM
Amanda was the only reason I was watching the show religiously, and maybe-kind-of-sort-of thinking about going to the Top 10 concert. Now that she's gone, I'll be reduced to watching their performances on Youtube instead of watching two hours of commercials with some people singing in between.
Thx, voting public.
I've known all along she wouldn't even get CLOSE to winning, and I think it's a miracle that Amanda made it this far, but choosing Kristie Lee Cook over her? REALLY?
12 of 20 | Posted by GildedLulz | Posted on March 20, 2008 9:06 PM
I don't have anything to add but props, T.Vo. That was a really good recap.
13 of 20 | Posted by angelic_shy_sweet_guy | Posted on March 20, 2008 9:49 PM
I love how Kristy accidentally sexually harassed Simon. Her offer for sexual favors kept her around one more week.
14 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 21, 2008 7:02 AM
I love how Kristy accidentally sexually harassed Simon. Her offer for sexual favors kept her around one more week.
15 of 20 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 21, 2008 7:03 AM
Great recap! I loved the bit about the BSC - that was spot on.
It bothers me a little though that you post recaps after the result show has aired and still make predictions about who is going to go. It seems like you peek before you post as your predictions are usually correct.
16 of 20 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on March 21, 2008 7:26 AM
Nice predictions, T.Vo! Spot on!!
[oh, I just read BRaps comment, and now I'm a little bummed out.......]
I didn't mind the vocoder - it was retro and trippy and David Cook's perfect smug kinda makes it work.
I'm glad Amanda is gone. Her constant growling was getting so tedious.
I predict it'll be down to Brooke, Carly and Fetus.
I'm really liking Chikiese and David Cook, though. They seem to be the only ones who are really *performing*
Unless Syesha does something dramatic, she's on her way out too.
Kristy Lee can go next - like I said before, we already have Carrie Underwood.
17 of 20 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on March 21, 2008 2:24 PM
Hey BRaps and Donna Martin --
I swear I'm not peeking at results, it would be no fun that way. I don't watch TV or read anything AI related until I'm done recapping the episode. I was totally wrong about Danny Noriega and Chikezie in past weeks, and I thought Danny'd still be around. I'd hoped Amanda would stick it out for the Top 10 since she's incredibly entertaining. The only reason why I didn't think Kristy Lee'd be sent home was because they set it up to look inevitable during the performance show and her video confessional, and they always like to "surprise" us, right?
Also, when we post our entries, it doesn't automatically get published in real-time (recappers) since we don't push it to the site ourselves. It often sits there for some hours before it's actually put on the site by our editors like Flipit, and that's what time it shows up. I finished my recap on Wednesday in the late afternoon here in LA but it didn't get published till the late evening.
Sorry to sound defensive, but recapping for TVgasm is really a labor of love and I try to finish as fast as I can since I have a real day job and work to get to. Recaps of shows as long as this often take me 8+ hours to complete, sadly. There's a lot of re-watching, pausing, and reflecting. I know I'm a slowpoke, but I'll work on being faster and getting the recaps posted earlier in the day.
18 of 20 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on March 21, 2008 4:21 PM
I was thinking the same thing about how the predictions seemed a little forced. But now that I've read your comment, I believe that you don't "peek."
I really want Kristy Lee to go. She's so incredibly boring and flat. I hope she doesn't pull one of those acts again where she says something totally random at the end of a boring performance.
I liked all of the analogies and really appreciate all of the time you put into the recap! 9 pages is impressive!
19 of 20 | Posted by flallet | Posted on March 23, 2008 3:46 PM
T.Vo -
I sincerely apologize for my accusation. I shouldn't have posted that, especially since I had no proof! Forgive me!!!! I must have been feeling bitter about my poor performance in the office American Idol pool.
Anyways, I love your recaps and appreciate all the effort you put into them. Please keep up the good work!
20 of 20 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on March 24, 2008 7:24 AM