Gums can move!! He leaves out the wiener grab, but he's still way better than the others. I can't tell if Lil is good or not, cuz all I see is weave. Unfortunately, like all good things, this number comes to an end eventually.
Disco didn't die tonight, but it was beaten, abused and shamed pretty badly.
Paula gets up on stage for a bow and gets some flowers for that mess. Everyone tries to get a hug, but she won't get off Gums.
OK. OK. Ouch. Ok. You're hurting me. Let go. Let go. Help? Ouch!
The front row is getting quite a shot.
Vegans also like potato sack pants, underarm hair and rock deodorant. Flattering.
I'm not really sure what today's Ford video is about. All I know is Krispy Twink is doing it in blackface, and he should be ashamed of himself.
This ad is satanic. Racism, overt sexual innuendo,
...topped off by Hambert and Little pouring mayo on a dog for supper.
So much for family hour.
The contestants were changing during the ad, and Tink makes fun of Gums for taking the longest. "He had to put on his makeup!" HARDYHARHAR. That would be hilarious if you didn't look like you just stepped out of a Mary Kay convertible.
Now for some results. Let's start with Little! She stands, breathing heavily and giving attitude while Tink repeats Skara's comments. Tink says he can tell she wants it really badly. She has to walk to the far side of the stage. Tink tells us she's courageous and has three kids and she's OUT! Wow. That was quick. It seems a bit harsh, but at least she didn't have to sit onstage during the Fetus performance. She sings "I'm Every Woman" again.She doesn't hit all the notes, but she gives it more than she gave it last night and it's a lot better. I feel for her, but I feel worse for her dad, who's not taking it well.
I'm Every Pissed Off Stage Dad and Someone's Gonna Pay
Paula says it was classy to go out at the top of her game, and Randy says it's just the beginning of rejection and heartache. Welcome to Hollywood, suga! Simon says that he's a fan and he's gonna miss her family screaming at them every week. LOLOLLL. Couple questions. When did Tink learn to make this face? And when is Krispy's mustache gonna not look like pudding smeared on his upper lip?
And now for a medley of disco hits starring Freda Payne! In case you're wondering who Freda Payne is, she's not just an old lady in a see through dress with bouncy boobs who sings off rhythm, trips over herself and pulls the mic away from her face (like Little!) when she can't finish a sentence from being out of breath.
Not that those qualities aren't worth a screen grab.
She's also the chick who sang "Band of Gold". This is more Motown than disco, but she recorded it after ditching Motown, so she couldn't be on with Berry and Smokey and she wouldn't leave the AI stage door.
Now that's how to air hump!
Freda is out of breath and mumbly at first, but once she gets into it she starts sexing it up and doing that "ride em cowboy" dance move while jiggling her underarms at us. I don't know about you, but I've got a total boner right now.
How many couples turned this off and had sex after? Raise your hands.
OK Freda is getting too comfortable. She's jiggling and air humping herself near to death. She's so out of breath, but she doesn't care. Toward the end, she crouches down and starts pumping up and down. LOL. Man just give her the win and let's all start Summer early. When she's done, she announces Thelma Houston with "Don't Leave Me This Way". Thelma is more tweety bird than Sharon Stone, but that doesn't stop her from humping us all, too.
She sings directly at Simon about filling her need, and it's hilarious. Sex sells, people. Thelma comes off a lot better than Freda, but it's because she's not afraid to take a break when she's not singing.
Girl, I'm tired. Wake me up after eight measures.
And now, it's KC of KC and the Sunshine Band! WOW. KC grew up to look just like Paul Reiser's friend on "Mad About You". But worse.
KC enunciates like Marlon Brando. Marlon Brando in his later years, not in his hawt years. He surrounds himself with skinny young hos, which he probably thinks makes him look younger.
Ho Patro
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Comments (14)
cattyfan, sorry about the death of your comment, and also thanks for fixing my misspell. i posted in newsgasm. DOI. love
1 of 14 | Posted by flipit | Posted on April 24, 2009 10:00 PM
This episode had me laughing and txting my friend. Here's a sampling:
nothing says manly like pink sweater and caterpillar eyebrows
paula's moving pretty well for someone with so severe back probs that her meds are the go-to excuse for the inebriation we keep seeing
thelma wore a bright yellow babydoll dress and wild up-do dreds. oh here's KC. he's WELL past his sell-by date. poor guy.
good for him for still getting out there. now simon gave ryan a smackdown. yay
gah this is such pathetic shitty entertainment. uhoh anoop in the bottom
I skipped to the end. poor Anoop Dogg.
silly how carrie underwood sings home sweet home. isn't that a motley crue song? or poison?
Sad how American Idol turns our lives into this. BTW in case no one told you, that was Vince Neil and wife #4 in the audience. Hence the sell-out final song reference. Kill me now.
BTW: Essence magazine says J-Hud is with child.
I share your oogey feeling about Hokey Gokey, but I predict Chola goes next week.
2 of 14 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on April 24, 2009 11:15 PM
I may not always agree with your assesment, flipit, but I LOVE your recaps - they always make me laugh so hard my abs hurt.
Meanwhile, this is the fourth recap I've read of the results show, and I can't believe that NO ONE noticed that when Lil came out to be eliminated, her vest was buttoned crooked. Did no one think to mention it the poor girl? I know they had a quick change after the group number, but when she came back out at the end (what, 40 minutes later?), it was STILL buttoned crooked! Poor kid couldn't catch a break.
3 of 14 | Posted by youngsweetheart | Posted on April 25, 2009 12:45 PM
You know what's most crazy? That Chola and Fetus are about the same age!
4 of 14 | Posted by aholic | Posted on April 25, 2009 2:44 PM
"Kiss of the Spider Woman is the first time I'd ever seen an eighty year old put her ankle behind her neck. I'd rather not talk about the second time."
Are you sure it wasn’t an 80 year old man? (I understand. You had to pay the rent. Right?)
RE: the random queen in the photo during the group practice
Uh, who says he’s a queen? Just because he has gokey’s 5 o’clock shadow doesn’t mean he’s gay. He looks gay but, hey, gokey’s starting to look gay. (It’s being in Hollywood that does it.)
I remember Thelma Houston fondly but I don’t remember her like that. What was that crazy woman thinking with that outfit? My God. BTW: A friend of mine wants Thelma’s song, “Don’t Leave me this Way” sung at his funeral. Okay, if he goes first, I’ll do it but I don’t know if it’s appropriate.
5 of 14 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on April 25, 2009 2:54 PM
flipit...no worries. These things happen. If only I had any idea what I'd written last night.
One question...was I remotely funny, or was I a morose drunk.
6 of 14 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 25, 2009 5:43 PM
i disagree with whoever said chola is next...first of all, she nearly was eliminated. her fans will be coming to her support. second, she is the only non-white person, and the only woman left. I think Gums is out next =(
here's hoping for church lady to go.
7 of 14 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on April 26, 2009 11:19 AM
Another great recap (ho hum!)
I had those same reactions to Fetus's performance. Maybe his voice finally changed??
I hope Chola/Allison stays around. I think she could be in the finals.
8 of 14 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 26, 2009 12:31 PM
My excuses for the lateness of my commment, but I was in Paris for the weekend (that's right, suck it losers)...
Except now I'm reading your recap in front of family and they're all looking at me strangely for not only enjoying bad reality television, but liking reading recaps about them even more...
Anyway, I'll see your hatred for the Church Lady and I'll double it...yes, yes, a tool. I'm "praying" for a surprise elimination too. Go Sierra!
Oops.
9 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on April 26, 2009 1:11 PM
I am *so* glad they put Adam right smack in the middle of the disco dance number! It gave him a chance to almost totally gay out. Fabulous.
And what is up with Paula and Simon this season? My mom thinks they're sleeping together. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but they are awfully giggly.
10 of 14 | Posted by kon4mity | Posted on April 26, 2009 7:52 PM
I had a crazy theory about Simon, but it involves Ryan and that hawt daddy contestant, Matt Rogers. I think the chances are so slim about anything between him and Paula, I'm tempted to roll out my theory . . . but another time!
Saw this at a friends, and their DVR is so messed up I missed the whole Fetus thing and came in late on the group number. I do suspect it was a bad mix in Fetus' headset, and I heard one of 'em dropped out--no one sings in tune when they can't hear right.
Loved the high Five, Flipit!!! And call me crazy, but this recap is a little randy--no!?
xoxoxoxoxo
I feel for poor little fetus, reminds me of Michael Jackson for being so out of touch with normalcy . . . ; ( ( i mean kid star way)
Oh yeah, that shirt KC was wearing, I think they had to lay him on a tilt back board to button it, then stood him upright to girdle it all inside. At least he's smart enough to bring some back up singers, and I bet he's enjoying his life, plenty!
Chola is so f'ed this week with Brat pack--ugh!
11 of 14 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 27, 2009 11:43 AM
my predicitons of the order they will be eliminated: Matt, Alison, Gokey, Adam then Kris winning it all.
12 of 14 | Posted by cansnuts | Posted on April 27, 2009 12:09 PM
I understand your loathing of ChurchLady all too well, my dear...
Here's hoping for that tool's elimination soon....
13 of 14 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on April 28, 2009 5:17 AM
SO FRIGGIN FUNNY!
Love the line about pullin out a boobie!
Keep it comin!
14 of 14 | Posted by v_cap | Posted on April 28, 2009 12:59 PM