First off, Chola looks great tonight. Even in the homeless ballerina skirt. Nice work, glam squad! She may be young in years to sing love songs (still don't buy it), but she sounds old enough to have invented them. I close my eyes while she sings and picture my great aunt LuLu singing, cuz she's an eighty six year old virgin and when she sings in the shower she kinda sounds like Chola. Of course LuLu still sings "Rub a Dub Dub" and not love songs, but it's sweet all the same.
Chola belts the crap out of the song, and she sounds great in an ate up gonna be voiceless in three years kinda way. It's nice to hear her work with a ballad. She has low soft notes and belt notes and riffs, and she hits them all. She even nails the high note at the end. Atta girl! The audience is nice to her, but there is considerably less train screeching to a stop sounds. Randy thought she was gonna blow it, but she came out looking like Brittany Murphy. Slam! She was the bomb and kept it in her style. Skara calls her girl and talks in blackspeak and rolls her head, and you gotta wonder if she just has that general accent for every minority she has to address. She loved it and says it should land her in the finals. George Lopez also loved it.
Paula puts a plastic diamond ring under her napkin dress, and when she pulls it out it's a dove! WOWEEE! So we all know that Paula pre-writes her critiques now so she doesn't sound like a drunk idiot, but she's getting out of hand. She's spouting off movie reviews for Christmas sake.
When Paula's done, some girl in the audience starts screaming like she's being chased in the woods. Simon isn't sure about the performance and asks Chola if she thinks she can win. She says that yes, they all can win. Simon doesn't buy her self confidence and thinks she's in troubs. I called it! It's the skirt! He thinks that it was a mechanical performance and only scored a 7 out of ten. Skara thinks he's skarazy. Gums Giraud is up next with "My Funny Valentine", and he's posing on the platform.
Uh...Jerry Lewis wasn't in the Rat Pack.
Gums tells Tink that he studied jazz in college and got a B, so he's really excited for this week. I really wish he wouldn't hide the fetus on his forehead. The single moms aren't ashamed of their kids, and single dads shouldn't be either. Jamie doesn't have any advice after their rehearsal, but he calls Gums back later to help him out. He thinks there's too much riffing and he wants Gums to hold a fals note and build it. Gums tries, and a vein almost pops out of his neck. Jamie doesn't notice.
Poor Gums.
Jamie talks him into changing the key and thinks if he does it in his full voice, he could take the number one spot. He starts soft and smokey and it sounds pretty good, but by the end of the first verse, he's wavering and a little shaky. His fals note sounds gorge, but when he gets back to the verse he's off again. Then he gets on the belt train and knocks it out. Man, this guy is so up and down I never know what to think. I thought Jamie's advice would sink him, but the belt notes are the best part. He doesn't do anything interesting with the song, though, and it's definitely the most boring performance so far. It doesn't help that he's smiling and winking the whole time like he's in a gum commercial instead of feeling it. And that hat isn't doing his ears any favors.
I was really rooting for him to kick ass tonight, because there haven't been any surprises this season. Ah well. Maybe Church Lady will surprise me by not making me bang my head on the desk the whole time he performs. Randy gives him credit for choosing the hardest song of the night, but says it was iffy and pitchy and it was a six out of ten. Skara didn't feel emotional connection. Paula loved it. Simon did too. HUH? He wants Chola out bad. He thinks it's the only believable, authentic song of the night and compares him to Nat King Cole. Nat King Cole is laughing so hard right now. Simon is a rigger.
Ow my head. Well there goes that surprise.
Finally. A chance for my stretch marks to be STAAAHHHHHS!
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Comments (27)
Gokey does the same thing with his songs every week...but so does HAmbert. Both are predictable. it's just a matter of which style you prefer. I still prefer Gokey, because Hambert seems too caluculated (both his style and his performances) to me.
Oddly, I really liked Kris again this week...and I really liked Allison, regardless of how Simon reviewed her.
Matt and his ugly hat collection can leave anytime.
1 of 27 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:10 PM
Thanks for a speedy recap, I bet by the time I post the comments will be swelling!
So, Chola wasn't doin' it fer ya--coz I thought that was gorgeous!!!! Me likey, and I'm almost positive a girl will be in top 3, which would be her (if we leave glam out of that equation)
Speaking of, and not to her fault at all, but Glam was meh for me . . . been there done it, donned the lip gloss. She's awesome in every way, but it just didn't work for him for me.
I though the goke pulled it out this time, I think he may have converted some haters, and damn, how awkward to have Jamie fox up in your grille--was he psyking him out or what.
This should have been gums week, but alas, that was the worst.
Simon pissed me off to holey fucking hell this week, I'da punched him had I been there. He should never ever ever say "you can't win this competition" I'd fire his ass--RUDE!!!!! Now he can forget about any future sexy times we might have had, coz I'm quitting that bitch, I'd sooner hit Gaycrest at this point!!!! Now that's low . . .
Krispy was meh, but it's nice to get a good look at his daddy, who is deliciously do able to me, so thanks Flippy!!!
Next week will be the toughest to pick whose going, I think, coz it'll be Krispy and CL head to head . . . (now there's an image . . . sorry . . . )
2 of 27 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:26 PM
I'm really surprised Jamie didn't say anything about Matt's gums considering he thought Miley Cyrus had a terrible gum to tooth ratio.
3 of 27 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:26 PM
Good point Leslie!!! And what was that whole thing of no mentoring, and then dragging him back--did the producers pull him aside and tell him to sabbotage it!
Shoulda told him, do no runs!!! Or, if he insists--pull out a piano and do the notes out there and make sure it's actually in the key the songs supposed to be in--I'm just sayin', he keeps failing on those, and yet doesn't stop, and he's perfectly fine without them.
I hear Teen Angel, Taylor Hicks is on tonight--whew hew!
4 of 27 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:37 PM
Well, I keep trying to give Church Lady the benefit of the doubt but...well, okay, no I don't. I keep hoping he'll fall down whenever he's singing. Or burst an artery. And I really wish he'd stop spitting on the inside of my screen, it's getting harder and harder to see.
Hambert had me laughing out loud...I kept thinking of that sleazy old lady puppet from way back...hold on a sec, google will know her name...there it is: Madame, of Wayland Flowers and fame. I keep wondering when this guy is going to sing again, since all of his performances in the last few weeks feel more like European transvestite cabaret than anything else.
I feel sorry for Gums...if his mole was just a bit higher on his forehead, he wouldn't have to mash those hats down so hard. I mean, I like to wear hats too, but not to the point where my ears fold in half.
Alison...shame she's still there. No one's noticed that she has exactly the same personality as the fetus from last year? That same giggly gee-gollyness? Well, at least she can sing. She'll be excellent on those cruise ships.
Finally, I just can take Monkeyboy seriously. Seems like a nice enough kid. For a singing monkey, at least.
5 of 27 | Posted by itchy | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:49 PM
Oops. I meant I just can't take Monkeyboy seriously.
Uh huh.
6 of 27 | Posted by itchy | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:51 PM
When I watch, I think "Now, if I had to pay to see one of these people in concert, who would it be?" And the answer is so clearly Hambert because he is so entertaining and off the wall. The others may sound all right, but none of them are any fun or exciting.
7 of 27 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on April 29, 2009 5:07 PM
I agree...Gums is probably out...though I wish it was Danny. But I know he'll get the votes! Adam's been good every time. Definitely different, but good. I hope Chola stays a little longer, she deserves to be in the top three.
8 of 27 | Posted by fierytopaz | Posted on April 29, 2009 5:40 PM
Did anyone notice all the digs at Hambert's sexuality, with Simon noting how "theatrical" he was and Ryan saying how even HE "wouldn't come down the steps like that?" I was thinking to myself that Ham is annoying and bothersome.... I wouldn't purchase any of their CDs, but if the show insists on their inevitable sausage fest, I hope Kris can pull it out and take it to victory.
Although the eventual Gokey/Hambert final two is going to happen.
9 of 27 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:00 PM
Uh, there's no reason to insult MEATLOAF. MEATLOAF is MUCH sexier than gokey.
I'm only voting for ADAM and KRIS at this point. gokey might make it to the final two because I'm sure he's getting the middle age lady and grandma vote.
10 of 27 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:10 PM
Oh, regarding:
Marilyn Chambers
Greatest Throat Olympian of all time.
Uh, Jack Wrangler died on April 8th. The gay porn actor should have a chance at that title too.
11 of 27 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:14 PM
Love the identical cousins shot. So since Krispy is married, I guess we can assume that Tink is the one "a hotdog makes [him] lose control." LOL
Anyone ever notice that Gokey looks like a chubby verson of the guy in all those Verizon ads?
Wow, tonight's results show was pretty scary and so very wrong in terms of top and bottom. Vote, people, vote!
Appreciate your insights, Flipit. Thanks.
12 of 27 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on April 29, 2009 9:26 PM
OK, can I just say that I totally do not understand the appeal of the song My Funny Valentine. Basically the song is saying "you are so friggin ugly that people laugh at your face but I love you anyway just because I like to laugh"??? How romantic...
13 of 27 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on April 30, 2009 4:33 AM
Kristen's twin Susan had me ROFL, thank you for that Flip! I hadn't thought of those characters for so long.....I used to LOVE Days back then. Good call!
14 of 27 | Posted by renoblondee | Posted on April 30, 2009 6:08 AM
wintersux...I've always hated the song My Funny Valentine. The lyrics are horrible, and it's supposed to be romantic, but sounds like a funeral dirge.
15 of 27 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 30, 2009 8:50 AM
I haven't even read most of the recap yet, but I'm already laughing at it and the comments.
And as for Gokey/Matt style-off, Hokey TOTALLY stole Matt's look. I was watching Idol with my sister and the first thing she said was "WTF is he wearing? He looks like he's trying to be Matt, but fatter." LOL
Off to read the recap!
16 of 27 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 30, 2009 9:23 AM
I thought Jamie gave Matt good advise because I was tired of his fasetto and he sounded better this way if not great.
I was mad Jamie gave Danny good advice because I have to admit he ended up sounding great and I do not like Danny. When both Kara and Simon mentioned things Danny has been lacking all along proved the judges have been giving him false praise all these weeks . The biggest reason I dislike Danny is because the praise has been undeserved and his singing was just so-so.
From here to the end they all need to sing each song from the heart and put in good performances. That is how Fantasia won. Many don't like Fantasia and I am not crazy about her either but each night she sang on Idol she put her all into each song and tried to tell a story. She also picked the wright song for her even on nights with themes like Country or Broadway.
17 of 27 | Posted by Dreamkeeper | Posted on April 30, 2009 9:32 AM
meant "falsetto".
18 of 27 | Posted by dreamkeeper | Posted on April 30, 2009 9:34 AM
Flip, I think you've outdone yourself. Maybe I'm just excessively tired or something, but I could not stop laughing throughout this entire recap. I especially enjoyed the photo captions this week, it was great.
I thought all of the contestants were actually decent this week, which is surprising. Usually at least one person bites it hard. Even Hokey wasn't as terrible as usual.
19 of 27 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 30, 2009 9:36 AM
I keep wanting Gokey to leave, but I feel that that's not going to happen. I seriously can't watch his performances. He's another Taylor Hicks, why can't America see that? Stop patronizing this asshole, nobody's going to want to see this douche in concert or buy his albums.
That said, I'll keep my fingers crossed for a Kris/Adam show-down in the finale. Kris is adorable and only one that seems like a real singer-songwriter-musician. Glambert is sometimes painful to watch but I'm weirdly fascinated by him. I keep wanting him to really queen out just once; he was still holding back even with that strut down the stairs. I loved it.
20 of 27 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on April 30, 2009 9:53 AM
cattyfan, if you don't know Elvis Costello's version of My Funny Valentine, you should, it's beautiful, best version ever (IMO).
But then I really really like crooner music. Which is why this week was kind of torture for me. None of these people are good enough to sing those songs 'straight' which is why everything sounded exactly the same as every other song they've sung this season, that is, bad pop r'n'b.
When Gums was doing his 'riffs' I wanted to tear his tongue out.
And Gokey...don't even get me started. The guy should be put in prison for voice rape. Especially considering the way he groped Allison during the fake food fight sequence last night.
21 of 27 | Posted by itchy | Posted on April 30, 2009 10:45 AM
I'll look up that version and see if I like it any better.
and I agree about Gums's attempts at "riffs."
22 of 27 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 30, 2009 11:18 AM
Cattyfan, glad I'm not the only person who doesn't like it. I will also check out the Elvis Costello version, but I think I'm still going to be annoyed by the crazy lyrics.
23 of 27 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on April 30, 2009 11:36 AM
Love the Blog. I just discovered this comic little treasure of a blog that covers all of my favorite shows and I am hooked. As a newbee please excuse me while I ask for some clearification on some of the nicknames.
Skara I get.
Gums I get.
Church Lady I get.
Glambert I get.
please explain:
Chola for Allison
Tink for Ryan (I am sure I can guess about this one)
Krispy Tink for Kris
is there anything for Randy and Simon?
big ups on the throat olympics comment!
Marylynn Chambers is Michael Phelps, Mark Spits and Carl Lewis all rolled into one in the Throat Olympics.
keep it comin!
24 of 27 | Posted by v_cap | Posted on April 30, 2009 12:53 PM
A chola is a latina, typically a Mexican-American, that wears a lot of makeup: thick eyeliner, dark brown or red lipstick, thin scary eyebrows, hairgel for a "scrunched" look or straight and arched on top. Allison wore this arched hairstyle a couple of times: the "chola" look is common in southern California, where's she's from, I think.
Ryan is Tink because...well, Tinker Bell, fairy...you get the idea.
Krispy Tink...hmmmm. Well, his name is Kris and he's like Ryan's mini-me. =)
Hope this helps, v-cap!
ichy - yes, voice rape is exactly what CL does! Oh, and eye fucking the camera. So gross! It's worse with him than with Glam because I at least appreciate the camp when it comes to Hambert.
25 of 27 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on April 30, 2009 1:30 PM
tink=tinkerbell
nice into the woods reference...you made one during big brother last summer also lol...you must like it
with all the similarities between krispy twink and tink, i think we should change krispy twink to krispy tink
i think something is wrong with my tv...this week i'm disagreeing with many of you:
kris sounded good but a little off. same with allison
gums had some bad notes, but i thought it was one of his better performances
danny i liked...until he started belting...seriously? why isn't he out yet...
adam was great as usual, but i thought it was one of his weaker performances
my rankings:
adam
allison
matt (i'm probably biased)
kris
danny
26 of 27 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on April 30, 2009 1:37 PM
Okay, regarding Taylor Hicks playing Teen Angel from Grease, I want to point out that this is a mere CAMEO -- this character sings ONE song, namely "Beauty School Dropout" in Act 2 (from memory) and then either disappears or is an unremarkable player within the main ensemble.
But the most egregious part of Hicks appearing in this fine musical, (I know it fairly well -- I worked backstage on it many moons ago with an excellent young cast that included Guy Pearce as a brilliant Danny Zuko) is the following:
At the conclusion of the currently staged musical, apparently just before people can get up an leave, an announcer rings out with "Let's go from “1959 to 2009!!” and Taylor Hicks whips out his harmonica and comes back out to perform as Taylor Hicks, regaling the trapped audience with one (or more?) songs from his new album.
W T F U C K ??!!?!!?
27 of 27 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 2, 2009 12:58 PM