Randy didn't love the song choice, Skara thinks she looked nervous and agrees she could have chosen a better song. She also points out that everyone makes fun of Chola for not having personality, but she does when she sings. Uh, thanks? Paula calls Chola fearless. Simon thinks that the difference in her from the beginning to now is staggering, but she didn't show much originality. He says he would have preferred the Queen song, and she corrects him. It was Jefferson Airplane, and she didn't sing it cuz she thought it was too safe. He still would have chosen the other song. She is getting annoyed with him, and he sarcastically tells her "just beg. Go on!" So she snaps that he's always bitching that she doesn't talk so maybe she should start talking a lot. HAHA. PLEASE DO. Simon seems to love that he finally got her to be pissy on TV, and she does it in an endearing way. I hope it doesn't get her eliminated. Simon gives Chola credit for talking back to him, and she starts arguing all over again. LOL. He really set her off.
Finally, the inner chola starts to surface.
Krispy Twink and Church Lady are the first to duet. They are singing "Renegade". Two white prayer leaders from mega church singing "Renegade". YAY!! They start a capella: Krispy with pudding smudge on his face and Church Lady with his shaved on movie star jawline. I love that Church Lady's idea of rock is not tucking in his dress shirt.
Hardcore. He'll be choking on his own vomit after the show.
Krispy's voice is a little thin for rock singing, and it shows here. Church growl shouts exactly the same as he does when he sings anything, but this time he has a look of confused terror the whole time.
Check, please!
When they sing together you can't even hear poor Krispy, except for the times when he misses notes, which is a lot of times. This is awkward and painful to watch, but Krispy throws in some sideways mouth goodness and Church highlights his whiteness with his DJ wiggy-wiggy hand gestures and exact ooh ooh ooh runs. Ouch. Make it stop.
Randy thinks their harmonies were great but the individual vocals were only ok. Skara says it's funny they sang "renegade" cuz they're the types to help poor little old ladies cross the street. LOL. She calls them out on being off key. Paula says they were "powerful and compelling." What, are they a book on Oprah's book club list? Simon agrees with his face.
LOL.
Simon has no idea what to say, so he just says Church was better than Krispy. Rude! But less hurtful than the performance. Krispy doesn't take it well.
AWWWW, little Twinky! Come here! Let's hug! Now get on your knees.
Krsipy's next with his solo, and he's doing The Beatles. He chose "Revolution" but ended up with "Come Together". That story? Fascinating. They really need to get rid of the interviews. We cut to The Roxy, which is surprising cuz I didn't know that club even allowed Beatles songs. Krispy's nervous playing guitar in front of Slash and says he almost peed his pants. Man up, kid! Slash tells him to be "more animated" and Krispy nods like he knows just what Slash is saying. He so doesn't. Slash should have said "you're boring. Stop that." It would have been more helpful.
He doesn't do anything original with it. I thought he would turn it into a soft rock ballad, which he probably could have handled. But he didn't, and he can't belt out the opening notes like he needs to. If you have trouble getting enough cojones to sing The Beatles, you're in trouble. This sounded better in Across the Universe, and that's sad.
Reeeeach!
The backup singer out sings him, and by the end of the number, the poor kid sounds like he's going through puberty all over again. The tweens squeal at the top of their lungs, but Krispy still looks sad about Simon's diss. Randy says it was obvious he's not a rocker, but he appreciated that he made the effort with the guitar. Randy seems almost as bored as these kids.
Skara whines that Kris has moooore insiiiiide hiiiiiiiim and it waaaasn't greeeeat. Paula liked the "artistic delivery on it" and his personal signature "is the difference between it." The audience is laughing, and Paula accuses Simon of making hand gestures while she's talking. She has no inkling that her specific style of butchering English has become so fun.
See?
She ends her babbling by calling him an artist with her mouth and a loser with her hand.
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Comments (18)
YAY! There is hope for me, as I have finally joined the CL hate train!!!! Who knew it would be rock week that would do it for me!
Thanks for the speedy recap as always, I loved your skating story--did you really not skate and just eat pickles--too rich! I bet it was those big pickles too . . . and Amy Grant . . . . hehehehehe I secretly loved the Carpenters and Jackson 5 (and still doooooo)
so back to the hate fest, Gott in Himmel, what a douche--can't believe after bursting our ear drums, and probably sending ambulances to every home with their windows open, he disagrees with the judges!!! Could it please be the thing to send him packing, could it!? Why am I so in doubt, even though the internet is a blaze with hate and doomsday predictions!!!
The manipulations of the judges is so gross and blatant, I almost went for it and voted for Krispy, as he's obviously who they want gone, but I don't think they'd care if it were Chola at this point either. If anyone else had scatted in that song, their head would have rolled into the mosh pit, imagine Lil. And you know what, all these weeks are often outside of people's comfort zones, and yet, did Lil get a pass for country . . . I bet Paula had marshmellows under the desk for those weeks of skewering . . .
And for heaven's sake, they hand him a pass, and he's still all upset. I thought he sucked in the duet, as in all the energy out of the song, band and room, and poor little Krispy was just hung out there all alone. It did make me think Krispy could have done "Blue Collar Man" tho.
Didn't hate Krispy, didn't love Allison, thought Glam was karaoke ish with that, and didn't love it, but it's nice to have a big queen representing. I did regret he had to sing "woman" oh well . .. . . I guess it could apply in some circles . . .
Thanks again for getting this out before tonight, I might just explode depending on how this plays out . . .
1 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 6, 2009 6:27 PM
In my quest for the correct words to describe Danny Gokeys ear hemorrhage performance.. (seriously, my brain was as fried as the Losties when the Island turned purple!!)
I look to the wise King of Eloquence himself Mr. Gordon Ramsay.. when I say,
"F*cking Hell..WOT was THAT!?"
2 of 18 | Posted by knackered | Posted on May 6, 2009 6:36 PM
I have been a Danny Gokey fan since the auditions...and even I think he should be sent home for that assault on Steven Tyler. Holy cow!
On the other hand, I've despised Adam from square one...but LOVED the Adam/Allison duet. Best thing all season.
I don't remember Kris singing this week. Either it was completely unmemorable, or it was so bad, my mind blocked it out to protect me. But I can't imagine it being worse than that sound Danny made at the end of his song. What WAS that??? Ferret in a wood chipper?
3 of 18 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 6, 2009 8:10 PM
Ok no joke, my ears are still in pain from that horrendous screaming Church Lady did.... It was painful.
This season as a whole is such a disappointment that I've stopped watching, I much prefer to just read your recaps and use my imagination :P
Isn't that SPECIAL?! (kills me every time!)
Please never leave us :*
4 of 18 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on May 6, 2009 10:43 PM
I, for one, was flattered that Gokey made kazoo noises for me in the middle of his song.
Not enough to get me to believe in all that god hoohaw, though. Sorry, bub. You're still the biggest douchenozzle in America right now.
I suppose the fact that they had Adam sing Whole Lotta Love was meant to get me at least to believe in Satan?
Who knew a simple comment on TVgasm could have so much power?
I actually started to like Chola this show-- she's a cute kid, and the exercise/diet regime they had her on at the mansion is starting to show results. Of course, the fact that I started to like her meant that it was her time to go...
It's also really cute how the judges pander to Church Lady (and Monkeyface) by excusing their inability to sing by saying that rock isn't really their thing... Of course, judging from the past weeks, NO musical genre seems to be their thing.
And yet, they've got the vast army of bible-thumpers and middle-aged women on their sides. So they'll go far, I'm not worried.
Hambert... I'd still like him to win, but only as a big DENY to Church Lady. Otherwise, I just can't see Lamebert being at all interesting as a bonafide musical artist. Theater, sure. But music? Nope.
5 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 7, 2009 5:48 AM
America got it wrong again. Church Lady must have sold his soul to Satan. Or Lenscrafters. Pfft.
Poor Chola, not a chance. I really liked her hair last night -- way to exit the stage, hon.
Churchie's smug little "Oh I listened with my family and ouchie!" story chapped my hide something awful, but probably warmed the cockles of his fans' hearts. Aw. Shut up. Go away, smug man. My ears still hurt from your shrieking impersonation of Steven Tyler. If I were Steven Tyler, I'd hunt your sorry arse down and string up by your toenails for you douchbagging his song. Grr.
6 of 18 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on May 7, 2009 6:15 AM
Love these recaps.
I would have put money on you having a screenshot of that girl being knocked over by the camera man. Best part of the show LOL!
7 of 18 | Posted by IMissColleen | Posted on May 7, 2009 6:37 AM
So Flipit...I totally love your recaps, but really what I wanted to tell you was that when I went to the roller skating rink as a child I always made sure I had enough money to get a big pickle too!
And listenting to Church hurt and the fact that he so smugly disagreed with the judges about how it sounded good to him just made me hate him even more. Ugh!!!
8 of 18 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on May 7, 2009 7:21 AM
uh, I like that song "Baby, Baby."
I voted for Krispy (cause he's...well, he's cute) and Adam (cause he's got talent).
I missed the first 1/2 hour because I didn't get home to, like, 8:30 cause I was finishing a paper at work for a class I don't like...so I really appreciated your unbiased and totally neutral recap
Flipster
Uh, you must prepare yourself for what might happen.
9 of 18 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on May 7, 2009 7:59 AM
itchy: lots of middle aged women (like me) are voting for Hambert-- he reminds us of our best gay friend in college! Can't figure out who is voting for Gokey--kinda creepy. Sad to see Allison leave, would have loved an Allison/Ham finale--loved their duet. And finally, love you Flipit!
10 of 18 | Posted by exene | Posted on May 7, 2009 8:46 AM
Thanks for another quick n funny recap. (You deserve a home town visit more than some of the contestants).
I thought Ham was clearly the best... plus he had the pimp spot for his duet - which was also great.
The judges clearly favor some contestants over others, and subtly(?) try to influence the voters.
I thought the person eliminated this week should have made the finals... but, based on skills and performances, I think Ham clearly should win.
I don't "hate" the other two, but don't care if I ever hear from them again, either.
11 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 7, 2009 9:03 AM
My nieces (ages 28 and 22) are going to see Danny during his hometown visit.
I hope he doesn't torture them with a rendition of Dream On...
12 of 18 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 7, 2009 9:15 AM
Did anyone else catch Skara spout off yet another dumbass comment when she was telling danny that she thought that one of Areosmiths early songs liek Cryin or Amazing would have been a better choice for him??? WTF? those songs both came out about 15 to 20 years after Dream On. She is such a TWAT WAFFLE!
Why everyone is so up in arms about the results from week to week is amazing to me, because everyone has been singing for second place for weeks!
13 of 18 | Posted by v_cap | Posted on May 7, 2009 10:23 AM
I heard Paula on the radio this morning (Kidd Kraddick show), denying that she's ever been addicted to painkillers and saying that she was misquoted. There's supposedly going to be a press release today about it. I don't see how she's going to get out of this one as I'm sure the interviewer (Billy Bush?) taped it.
14 of 18 | Posted by elle67 | Posted on May 7, 2009 11:04 AM
It was lame that they kicked off with the rockingest perf of the night, as it was all downhill from there.
Church Lady stank the joint up.
15 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 7, 2009 12:40 PM
Hambert without the makeup is a handsome young fellow. He looks like he's had a nose job, though.
American Idol needs to forget trying to create rock stars. You can't really create a rock star; there are very few solo rock acts anymore, like the old days with Janis Joplin, or even Sammy Hagar. It's all about bands now, and they are born on YouTube, FaceBook, and iTunes. Daughtry has done well for himself and he has talent, but I don't know if Ham will be able to sell a big rock album.
I was disappointed they didn't sing Guns'n'Roses songs; maybe some trouble with Axl? There are many that even Church Lady could have handled, like "Patience" or "Sweet Child of Mine," and I'd like to hear Ham sing "Welcome to the Jungle" (though CL singing it would have been hilarious).
16 of 18 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 7, 2009 7:48 PM
Both Joplin and Hagar started off as lead singers in bands.
David Bowie comes to mind as someone who was solo pretty much from the get-go.
Not too many others.
If AI really wanted to make rock stars, it shouldn't focus most of the season on maudlin RnB and insipid MOR songs.
I agree, I would have loved to see Church Lady try to do that snakelike swaying thing Axl used to do.
Although anyone ever noticed that CL's left hand looks and acts like a snake when he's singing -- it's always darting out there, like it's about to swallow a rat.
17 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 7, 2009 10:59 PM
There were a few solo acts in the '80s, like Brian Adams, Corey Hart, Eddie Money...
They should stick to R & B, soul, and pop on AI. If they had a really promising, cutting edge rocker (or rapper), the judges would probably hate him, and he'd just be too much for mainstream America. (I'm thinking somebody like Kurt Cobain, Layne Staley, Tech 9, Everlast, MGMT, etc.)
18 of 18 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 8, 2009 8:24 PM