I am INFURIATED. RARGH.

I have never disliked a contestant so much as Hokey. His HORRIFIC dying-cat performance on Tuesday should have been the nail in his boring and offkey coffin, but NO! DAMN YOU AMERICA!

And I am over the judges. I don't think the show is rigged, per se, but I definitely think that the judges (not so) subtly sway the votes by picking out who they like and throwing the rest under the bus, often FOR NO REASON. It's ridiculous.

And Simon, SHAME ON YOU for saying that Hokey should be in the finale because "he's one of the two best singers". BULLSHIT. Allison, Alexis and even Anoop ALL had better voices. Gums did too, when he was on.

And I HATE how he smugly disagreed with the judges and how he continuously claps for himself and says "Thank you" like he's at his own concert. Blech.

He makes me want to hit his smarmy face with a baseball bat.

Folks, only one real question remains: Just WHO is Hokey blowing?

The best part of AI this year is that it has inspired some great recaps. Kind of a shame it'll be over soon.

I actually started to like Allison this week, so it was no surprise that she'd be booted out. Good for her -- she'll have a couple of years to mature, lose some weight, get a better stylist, and she might have a career. At least she has a voice.

I've stated elsewhere, but I've pretty much come to the conclusion that Church Lady is an in-the-closet gay.

He's got more fey mannerisms than the entire cast of Project Runway. And changing eyeglasses every five minutes is not exactly the most straight-guy thing to do. Just gives off a whole Elton John/Liberace vibe.

Not that there's anything wrong with his being gay. It's the fact that he also claims to be a 'christian', which, at least in the fundamentalist variant, is not exactly known for its pro-gay attitude. And he's definitely milking that crowd (and the anti-gay Hambert contingent) for votes.

And also that the only reason he made it on the show is because of the dead wife thing -- convenient that the beard is gone, so he can spend the rest of his life single without anyone wondering why...

Maybe I'm just pissed because he somehow managed to turn his awful performance (not just the scream, the entire damn song) into another 'gosh, ain't I wonderful?' moment.

Actually, if he did come out, I'd hate him a lot less -- it would be much easier to take him as a bitchy reality show queen than his current douchebag straight-guy persona.

Oh yeah, Slash looks like he went to Gene Simmons plastic surgeon.

You are, the BEST Flip. Great recap.

I have a little theory about why the Producers/Judges are cramming Church Lady down our throats:

I think they're all bored with the show, but can't escape the beast they have created. When Gokey wins, the show will lose all credibility and become a shadow of it's former self...finally dying and allowing everyone involved to go their separate ways and pursue other projects.

It's kinda like that story line on Curb Your Enthusiasm when Mel Brooks cast Larry in The Producers with the intention of killing the show's runaway success!

"No way out!...No way out!...No way out!..."

Hmm. If I were choosing one of these final 3 to listen to at work, it would definitely be Gokey. I enjoy the raspyness of his voice.

If I were choosing one to see in concert, it would be Adam.

If I were choosing one to listen to in an elevator or at a dentist's office, it would be Chris.

great recap! long time reader, btw. you're the best. you know you're a tvgasm addict when you watch the show and say "i know that pic will be on the recap." i thought that when i saw that kid w/ the striped shirt you posted. lol.

allison did rock it - too bad it was too late. i hope we get some mega church goodness, too. lol. HATE that prig. sooo smug.

here's hoping adam wins it.

keep up the great work!

- dax

LOL, Flip! You rock more than Gokey doing his pee-pee dance! Great recap!

[i]Well you're sincere enough for American Idol, but I wouldn't try to go to any biker bars.[/i]

Aw, Adam would fit right in at The Rainbow Cattle Company here in Austin, but he might not get out with his arse intact.

[i]Gokey admits to thinking he was awesome and then laughing at himself when he saw his own performance. Everyone claps at his humility, even Simon who just said to not be humble.[/i]

Hate is a sin, but damn it, I hated that smug tit's face when he explained how he listened to his performance and -- boo hoo -- even his family thought he sucked. Angels cried for him, I'm sure, so sincere was that look. Gag. What a fuckwit.

Aw, kitty! I would much rather watch a cat in a sock than Paula sing. Or Milli Vanelli it as the case was. In fact, I ended up watching the entire string of cats-being-bathed videos rather than *read* about Paula singing. One of the cats sounded a lot like Gokey. Another wore the same expression that Krispy wore as his mommy/master washed his wee bottom -- why are you doing this to me? Will the humility ever end? Awesome.

[i]This dress has rendered me silent.[/i]

But not me. Clearly, it is hyping Star Trek because it damnable thing is given Kara's breasts the Vulcan Neck Pinch. Live long and prosper -- until you die of asphyxiation.

Which brings me back to Danny and his insincere "What, me in the bottom three? I am so humbly NOT going home, this is just a fake out" face. Gag. HATE.

Chola rocked her leaving song, voice breaking all over the place with emotion. Bye, Chola. Grow up a bit dear and we'll see you later.

"Then she opens her mouth to "sing". She sounds like the phone lady who tells you to press one for English. But less believable."

That's pretty awesome.

I have seen only 2 of the AI shows this season and have written it off. It's over..but reading that quote above has me searching for a youtube clip.

Hted this week's performance, but I'm still rooting for Danny.

I look forward to Allison getting an album deal.

And I thing Adam will make a great spokeperson for CoverGirl.

Make that "Hated" and "think" not "thing."

Covergirl..lol!!

I like the little side head wag during the entire Led Zep tune. pretty awful actually..And Gokey...elevator music.

Hooray for Idol!

Fine recap.

My dream of an Allison/Adam showdown ruined, no matter which two are in it, it could be one of the worse finales ever.

If Adam doesn't make it, I may not even watch.

I found Paula's song much improved after I used the MUTE button.

Adam should easily win on talent, but one of the others may take by having more fans. For example, Danny started with a large base from his own church... and all the personal attacks against him (and religion) probably added a lot to it...

Not saying it's right or fair, but bottom line, it's a popularity contest.

oooo, I chuckled my way through this, I love it when you get irate, Flip it!!!!

I'm over my rant, and I bow to the inevitable, it shall be God and Church vs. decadence and cover girl, and we all know who wins that . . . sowwy . . . it's not my fault. Historically, it's Ruben vs. Clay again, right!? I refuse to vote, I don't care what, so I wish Glam luck, but she may be better off second place. I also think Chola will out sell them all. NO matter how well Krispy does, they will not sign him. He'll be out for himself like Elliot was (with a third the voice but three times the looks)

I'll be interested to hear what the other peeps actually record. I hope Glam starts a band, and I hope Gokey doesn't do something hateful, coz I could enjoy his voice in the right vehicle.

Muffin top, indeed, that outfit could not have been worse for that condition. He's definitely widening week to week, and it's not a pretty thing, it's doughy, Church Lady Dough Boy!

Lastly, it's not Chola's fault she got booted, after 62 million votes, I bet most were to save Krispy, and obv CL was in dire straights, so the "fans" of his must have dialed their fingers off.

As much as I appreciate someone's ability to laugh at themselves, I HATE when CL takes ten minutes to tell he douchy tales!!!! ARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!

@ itchy - "Slash looks like he went to Gene Simmons plastic surgeon."

OMG - that's almost exactly what I was thinking. They are both really ugly, in that thick-featured way, and do their best to cover it up with masses of hair and shades etc

Yes, a good season for perspicacious recapping.

I noticed that weird, glum kid in the stripey teehshirt, too!

God, why didn't Church Lady go?! I s'pose the only comfort is what itchy said upthread - that Allison is young and has plenty of time to mature and come into her own. *sigh*

Regarding the title: AI Church Lady Can Suck It.

Uh, isn't that kind of petty and immature? Aren't we above name-calling and behaving like 10 year olds?

WE'RE NOT? Well, in that case Gokey's a fat, smug bitch and I want his jumbo sized, pimple covered ass booted off the show! Also, I will personally kick him in the nuts if I ever see him walking his parents over by The Grove.

My only advice for you Flipster is to stock up on liquor and cigarettes for the finale. I had a tooth worked on a couple of weeks ago (by a MORMON dentist in Glendora) so I have some tylenol #3. If you want I can fax you a picture of one. You could look at it when CL is singing on the finale; it might keep your head from exploding.

Love and kisses from a CL Hater.

Okay, I admit, I get a little obssessy about this damn train wreck, so I've scoured the internet and, brace yourselves, I found someone who might hate CL more than all of us haters put together . . . there's a series of film caps here that will have you burn w rage . . . and I dare any fans to go look and not see what we've been seeing, esp the green backround dance (gay ala itchy, and the magic ford grab, even without volume you can tell he's saying, "I like this" with his tongue doing body language things-and the look on Krispy's face says he agrees with us . . .

defamer .gawker .com /5244388/ god-damn-american-idol

remove spaces for link to work (sowwy again!)

> >@ itchy - "Slash looks like he went to Gene Simmons plastic surgeon."
OMG - that's almost exactly what I was thinking.

Well, I'm going to assume you were thinking yours WITH the apostrophe.

;-p

I'm so sad about Chola. I never thought Krispy would make it to the top 3. I also was hoping for a "shocking" Church Lady elim...guess I have to save that hope for next week.

PS: I use your nicknames when I talk about Idol and my mom was all "What's a Cholaheta?" LOL! Love ya, Flip!

If I were Kris I'd be wishing I lost so I could spend more time with my wife--and get her away from that tasty looking stud she's hangin' with.

I'd vote for that guy to be American Idol even if he sings like Church Lady.

I was shocked! As much as I like Chris--because he is the only one I can look at full on without the use of my fingers covering my face--I THOUGHT he would go. Should have learned my lesson in Hign School--Cuteness counts! Anyway, aside from Chris. These are some unattractive spiecimens. I WAS shocked Hokey stayed and Allison left, maybe the Adam vs, Allison showdown would be too much for Adam. Afterall, there is a degree of realness that Allison has naturally, and Adam applies with cosmetics, I really feel bad it has come down to this. Will Chris go next and then the "SHOWDOWN" will be between Hookey and Ham? Love to see the ratings on that show. Adam will win--its been evident since the start, Too bad those of us who look forward to AI had to watch this total debacale of a season.
I really do not care who many times they say "this is the most talented group evah" I TOTALLY DISAGREE. Last season they had people with personalities, voices, experience and they always proviced an entertaining show--at the very least you could tell them apart! This has been the worst season of AI and I am the biggest fan of the show. it is the only time I never picked up the phone for any of them. I am sorry but the hype does not meet the product. These singers are not better than airport lounge singers, and I pity the mentors that had to come in and say othewise. THINK ABOUT IT--ATFTER THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF AUDITIONS--THESE ARE THE BEST? I think not.

Am I the only one that isn't totally transfixed with Adam? I thought he butchered Whole Lotta Love and unless he's singing a slow song he really seems to be screeching to me. His new hair cut makes him look like Rosie O'Donnell when she came out of the closet. Seriously if he gains 30 pounds he'll be her spitting image. They all suck IMO. LOL cattyfan @ Covergirl remark, and LOL at Mr.Dangerous too, please kick him twice in the nuts, once for me. Thanks as usual Flip, we are the real winners getting to enjoy your recaps! Flipit for the WIN!

wow. i always look forward to these comments, but this week's had me cackling like a witch who smokes way too much. rosie when she came out of the closet?!?!? LOLOLLLL best comments of the season.

I don't care so much who wins, as long as CL loses! I want to see his smug smarmy face when tink sends him packing - and the screencap and comment from flipit!

idax: i thought the same thing when they showed that kid.

i hope adam destroys danny in the finale

I think a lot of people hate Danny because of his coming from a church background, as if that's a valid reason. And I think that's sad. Who gives a shit if he's religious, straight, gay? or if Adam's gay? Or who is out and who isn't? I thought it wasn't supposed to matter -- not even be a subject to bother discussing, ever.

I'm also in the minority (I guess) because Allison never did it for me. The only time she ever sang with conviction was her swan song after being eliminated. Agreed that Kris will go next week, but it didn't make any difference to me which one of them went first (him or Allison). We've all known it'll be a Gokey/Lambert finale for weeks. If one of them gets eliminated in an upset next week, the other one will win the week after that. Game over.

Pauler was pathetic. On an up note, vocoders have come a long way since the 1980's.

No Doubt's performance made me realize I'd probably hate seeing them in concert. Her yooiiiiiinnnnng at the end of each line is grating. Their decision to take to a (30 million?) American Idol audience and do a 10-year-old song in 2009 is bizarre! I know they're well-known & all, but does anyone else scratch their head at that move?

Daugherty has the nerve to say he didn't want to be a solo artist, yet he went on AI in the first place, lost, then created a band with unknown guys and named it after himself. Ha!

I have nothing pleasant to say today. Sorry.

Oh hate's way too strong a word--too much emotional content. "Despise" comes much closer.

And I don't despise him only because he's a shill for a megachurch (which is not the same as having a religious 'background'--he plays an active part in that church's scam as their 'musical director'. Remember, this is a church that claims to be able to raise people from the dead!). No, Gokey's religiodiocy is just icing on the cake that is his utter douchebagginess.

Look, the guy got a strike against him for auditioning just a month after his wife died--and it's perfectly obvious the ONLY reason he was chosen for the show was for the pimp factor of that. He willingly participated in that.

Still, he had the chance to redeem himself-- being able to stay in key for more than a couple of measures at a time would have helped a lot. Being a decent person would have helped even more.

But time and time again over the last couple of months, he's only proven himself to be an even bigger asshole than anyone could have imagined at the beginning of the season.

Really, somehow everything this guy does ends up seeming more than just a bit sour.

And like I said, whether he's gay or not gay isn't the issue -- the issue is he's clearly generating a significant number of votes from the anti-gay (i.e., 'christian') contingent who are desperate not to allow Hambert (a far better singer and far better performer, at least in the AI context) to win this.

Oh something tells me Hambert's gonna be juuust fiiiine. Meh. I don't like Gokey much, either, but the stream of vitriol based on gayness and/or churchiness is disturbing to me. I don't see him as being much more than kinda dumb, a decent bar singer, unsavvy and out of his league most of the time.

Forgot to say earlier: Kara admonished his choice of song by stating she'd rather have seen him choose 'older Aerosmith, not newer, like Crazy/Cryin.' This shows her stupidity in more ways than one. She mixed 'em up, she didn't correct herself, plus, the newer video-driven top-40 sellout Aerosmith barely even qualifies as 'classic rock' at all.

Although I don't know much about Danny's church, that certainly isn't the reason why I can't stand him - I'm Christian myself.

Rather, it's his unabashed dead wife pimping, his wretched singing (GJBF wipes the floor with Danny), his smarmy expressions, awful song choices (Steven Tyler ought to beat him senseless for that absolute MURDER of 'Dream On'), the fact that the judges slobber all over him and rarely give him criticism and then when they do, he doesn't take it well and disagrees. That, combined with the clapping for himself, is quite enough for me to NOT like him.

Well, good. I can get behind all of that, georgiababe. But don't worry -- he won't win regardless.

Screaming is a great tradition in rock; there is even a genre called "scream-o." But these AI screamers and shriekers are a bit different than Robert Plant, Axl Rose, Steven Tyler, and the like.

Memememe, I'm with you on the gay angle. It seems like whenever a guy is disliked, people start saying he's a closeted gay and making derogatory remarks about his wanting to take it in the rear, etc. On this site, where many recappers are gay--I've never understood it. If a guy is gay or not gay isn't important, don't bring it up. I'm not all that interested in sexual orientation and if people feel the need to be closeted, they probably have their reasons.

You forgot Ian Gillian, from Deep Purple -- greatest screamer of them all. He also played Jesus in the original Jesus Christ Superstar -- I was kind of disappointed neither Hambert or Gokey picked up on that.

About the gay thing -- if this were Project Runway, it'd be a whole other kettle of fish. But it's American Idol. On Fox. Where homophobia is part of the political platform.

Why is why the fact that they 'seem' to be pimping Hambert for the final two -- but really really really want Church Lady to win--makes whether one or the other is or isn't gay a bit more relevant.

Although they let a jewish guy win this a few seasons back, so you never know. I wasn't watching back then--I'm assuming he didn't perform in a kipah? Or maybe he wore a different one every week? :-D

Anyway, I realize the tone of what I write may sometimes come off as way more earnest than I actually mean it to be -- I'm really just having a good laugh at all of this.

In the end, it's just another silly reality show, isn't it?

Oh wait. He didn't win. Gotcha. ;-)

Sucks to be you, Hambert.