"But who will be singing?" Seacrest wonders. And then, come the finalists, to torture us with one, final Beatles medley before we can finally go back to letting poor John Lennon rest in peace. Archuletta sings first, and I'm sure you know by now, he can do no wrong in my book. Then Castro and David Cook sing together. David Cook has taken to giving the camera that creepy, intense stare patented by uber-cheeseball Constantine Maroulis. I didn't think it would be possible for an Idol contestant to irritate me more than Constantine did, so congrats David Cook.
This song is called I Love ChickBomb, and it has been playing in my head ever since he sang it.
Then comes Chikeze, who hits some unfortunate notes, but I love him anyway. At this point, I'm not sure the next contestant, Michael Johns, can sing at all, but he's so hot, I could care less. Finally, all the boys do a chorus together, and then it's time for the girls.
Brooke kicks off her verse, and then Ramiele joins in. You can't even hear Ramiele. Why is she still here? Carly sounds great, like always, and Syesha's verse starts off a bit week, but improves. Kristy Lee sucks, like always, and why does she have to tap that microphone with her fingers every time she picks it up? It's almost as irritating as that lunge stance she never moves from while she's singing.
Kristy Lee liked that dress she fashioned from a Hefty bag last night so much, she used the scraps to make a shirt out of it for tonight. And I'm noticing that David Cook isn't the only one who's making googly eyes at the camera. They're all doing it. We close with a verse from Amanda. Same screeching as always, but I love her for doing whatever the hell she wants. Overall, a very lackluster group performance. The Idols are over the Beatles too.
Seacrest tells us that "they treated us to a second dose and really took us on a ride." A ride to a very bad place where no one with working ears wanted to go. Look, Simon Fuller, we're all proud of you for having secured the Beatles library, but enough is enough already.
And with the extra week, I've had time to realize how creepy it is that Michael Jackson is making so much money off this cute little boy singing Beatles tunes. Gross.
And then, they recap the night before. I didn't realize this at first, but did you know that David Cook's version of Day Tripper was ripped off from Whitesnake? No one denies that Whitesnake could actually play, but come on, a Poison cover would have been less embarrassing. Michael Johns ate it, but again, I see nothing past the hotness.
Carly reminds us what a delicate little wounded bird with an already failed record deal she is, and Castro smiles at us with that hokey pokey look that he knows is gonna help him skate through cause the singin' ain't much. Syesha was lovely and understated, and I must have that dress, but she's a little too full of herself for my taste.
Kristy Lee Cook really tortured us last night, and I'm not just talking about the Hefty bag dress with cowboy boots - anyone who's emulating Britney's style at this point has problems way bigger than pitch. We flash back to Simon's comment about how she's "musical wallpaper" - really, loud, ugly, mismatched wallpaper.
Then we see Brooke and her lame yellow dress - we get it honey, sunshine radiates out your ass, no need to shove it up mine. Then comes Chikeze and his harmonica, which I admit I actually liked! He's another one I'm prejudiced for, how can you look at that smile and not just love him? Ramiele reminds us that she can't sing, and that she's obviously being paid to be a walking advertisement for Wet Seal.
A girl's gotta make a living.
I admit that Archuletta was a bit of a snooze, but whatever, he's still my perfect little Mormon angel and I can't say a bad word about him. His Long and Winding Road certainly wasn't worthy of the praise the judges heaped upon him, but if the judges want to wet themselves over him, fine by me.
And now, it's time for the results. Seacrest directs us to view the furniture - there's a Safe Couch, and Dangerous Stools. Dim the lights, start the music, and here we go!
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Comments (17)
Sorry...but I am not a David Archuletta fan. The boy's faux humble act is wearing thin, and he seems destined to star in the next installment of High School Musical.
Plus, it was pointed out to me during the results show that The Fetus bears a striking resemblance to a chimpanzee...and it's unfortunate, but I have to agree.
1 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on March 21, 2008 1:10 PM
Great recap as usual, Chickbomb! I agree with your assessments of the remaining Idols except for Ramiele - she's good and I hope she does well. The Fetus is the cutest human being in the world and I can't see anyone taking the title from him!
2 of 17 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on March 21, 2008 1:35 PM
I'm not a fan of David Archuleta. And I'm especially not a fan of his creepy, controlling father, who was banned from the audience during David's "Star Search" days, and criticized him so much that he's supposedly the reason why David's performance was so horrible last week.
3 of 17 | Posted by alison8754 | Posted on March 21, 2008 2:12 PM
I had a problem with a dangerous stool once.
4 of 17 | Posted by BobCaygeon | Posted on March 21, 2008 6:12 PM
You are so freaking hilarious that I actually become giddy when I see there is a new installment.
5 of 17 | Posted by StuckInAStrangeDream | Posted on March 21, 2008 6:27 PM
I would love to see (hear) them sing Journey songs. It would be great to have Steve Perry as a mentor. Of course, they'd probably really screw it up.
6 of 17 | Posted by TVJunkie | Posted on March 21, 2008 9:56 PM
After years of watching AI, I've learned an important lesson on who I choose as my favorites. The question I have to always ask myself is "whose album would I buy?" You see, I looooooooooooved Clay Aiken. And I was a card-holding member of the "Soul Patrol". Fantasia could also do no wrong in my book. But whose albums did I buy of those three? ZERO. I have more Idol losers albums than winners. In fact, the only winner's album I have is Kelly Clarkson. I have bought Daughtry, Bucky Covington, Kat McPhee, Pickler, etc. So, I have learned that picking an idol is not about who performs the best on the show, it should be about whose album I would potentially buy after this is all said and done.
So, what does that mean for this season? Archuletta is adorable and has the voice of an angel... but the ballads he would put in an album would compare with sappy Clay Aiken. At this point in the competition, I am most likely to buy Brooke or Cook's albums. So they are my top two picks. Brooke may be too bleeding heart in personality but I like her voice and style. Cook reminds me of Daughtry and while I think there may be no more room for another Emo Alt Rocker in the industry, I think he could make some hits.
7 of 17 | Posted by Scarlet | Posted on March 22, 2008 5:59 AM
I cant believe you didnt mention how Seacrest cracked on Pickler about "growing in more ways than one" Then he paused for a minute so we could all get the joke. It was funny.
Scarlet, I agree totally with you about the whole who's cd would I buy thing. That's also how I decide who to vote for. This year I dont think anyone of these contestants would put out a good enough album for me to buy except maybe Castro. I like his voice. David Cook is just a little too reminiscent of Chris Daughtry and there can only be one Chris D.
8 of 17 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 22, 2008 7:57 AM
I cant believe you didnt mention how Seacrest cracked on Pickler about "growing in more ways than one" Then he paused for a minute so we could all get the joke. It was funny.
Scarlet, I agree totally with you about the whole who's cd would I buy thing. That's also how I decide who to vote for. This year I dont think anyone of these contestants would put out a good enough album for me to buy except maybe Castro. I like his voice. David Cook is just a little too reminiscent of Chris Daughtry and there can only be one Chris D.
9 of 17 | Posted by donnac923 | Posted on March 22, 2008 8:02 AM
Has it been said that Fetus has a tongue issue when he sings, that he licks his lower lip quite often while singing? That little tongue darts out like a frog trying to nab a fly. Once you notice it, it is all you can focus on during his singing.
10 of 17 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 22, 2008 9:38 AM
As usual I loved the recap, but I have to disagree with you on the David Archeluta thing. He can sing and hold most of the notes, but he's only good at singing sappy ballads and trust me I don't want to hear that from him for the rest of the show. Someone with a little bit of edge and who's versatile needs to win this competition and David Archeluta is not the one.
I'm going to miss Amanda, she wasn't my type of singer, but she amde this competition interesting. Besides Carly, every other girl is boring as hell.
The only people who are actually interseting in the competition are David Cooke, Carly, and Chikezie, everyone else I'm really not feeling.
11 of 17 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on March 22, 2008 10:51 AM
Scarlet...Clay Aiken was not a winner on AI. He came in second to Reuben.
But Clay is the only Idol contestant whose album I bought and who I have paid to see in concert. (I love Daughtry, but his ticket prices were too high.)
12 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on March 22, 2008 11:15 AM
Boy, there's a lot to cover in this episode.
I'm not a Mariah hater, but what exactly is her mentoring advice going to be? 'You can't sing that note like I can, so go here instead.' 'No, you need to work it in a hip-hop style. And wear a slutty skirt when you're singing.' ugh!
Did you mention that one of the mentors is going to be Andrew Lloyd Webber. I sure hope it's for a wider Broadway week and not just his songs. Don't cry for me, Fairfax District of L.A.
A long-since-forgotten episode of one of those VH1 'rich people make us mad' shows told us that Simon Cowell's black t-shirts cost him, like, $800 each. They're custom made by some London design house. So take that, Cheryl from Wherever.
It bugs me that they are using "Celebrate Me Home." It's a Winnie the Pooh composition and is considered to be a Christmas song. This is the best that AI, those arbiters and final word on what is hot in pop music, can offer us?
Pickler and Kristy Lee both slap their microphones when they sing, and they're copying Carrie Underwood when they do it. Pickler's performance was embarrassing. Kristy Lee's too, but that's a given.
Agreement about Carly and Brooke and Chikeze and that a-hole Smug David Cook. I'm not a huge Archuleta fan, but it has more to do with his breathy delivery, his incessant lip licking (ARRGHGH!), and the reports that his father is a stage dad to end all stage dads. When does Dave turn 18?
Mentors. Let's see. Duran Duran is a good idea, actually. How about Lindsay Buckingham? or is he too heady. Oooh, I know. Garth Brooks. Dolly ought to do well. She's an old school crossover sensation, with a sunny personality. But she's successful so I bet she's tough when she needs to be. How about Joan Jett? She's made a really long career for herself, and still tours. The mentors never give touring/live performance advice.
Sorry so long. Thank you for the excellent recap!
13 of 17 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 22, 2008 5:37 PM
Hope the stage dad horror stories are not true!
I do like Kristy, but agree that she clearly should have gone home before Amanda - I think even Kristy felt that way. Amanda may sing every song the same, but she'd be a great part of the tour. Kristy will probably do okay there, though. She'll have more time to practice and be singing the same song over and over.
Seems to happen every season - hope Kristi either raises her game - or gets voted off - soon.
Mentors? How about our favorite former raspy voiced marine Drill instructer? "Now listen up, you maggots! Shut yer pie holes!" I think us musicallt challenged people could relate to that more than to whatever Neil Diamond will say.
Great recap. I FF'd most of the actual show, but don't think I missed anything. And besdies, reading your recap is a much better use of my time!
14 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 24, 2008 12:09 PM
DP Hooker: I noticed that, too, a couple of weeks ago, and I cannot stand to watch the Fetus because of it. Reminds me of Jabba the Hutt. : )
15 of 17 | Posted by marishka | Posted on March 24, 2008 3:28 PM
OMG your post had me dying at work; my office mate must think i'm nuts! I disagree with you fire@will, I think Kristy was like Yeah I'm in the top 10 peace out Mandy! She's the worst kind - sucks and doesn't know it.
16 of 17 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 25, 2008 2:23 PM
Did anyone else besides me notice during the Kellie Pickler montage that her boobs went from normal to GIANT but that, when she came out onstage in her red high heels, they were somewhere in between???
Oh, and Amanda Overmyer was WAY too cool for American Idol. I, for one, WOULD be one of the people who would say, "Hey, that chick looks pretty cool. Let's go see what she's all about!"
17 of 17 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on March 26, 2008 3:38 PM