Tonight on American Idol, Carly Smithson does a Delta Burke when she was thin impression and Tatiana has a seizure.
Cooooooooonsuela!
Tink starts us off like always, walking down a line of contestant desperation, and it's good to see him finding stuff for himself to do to make this hour more fun for himself. Today he's playing with a pretend top hat.
Welcome to American Idol, m'lady!
There were over twenty four milllliiion votes! Tink tells us that that is more than ten million votes than last time this year, which means either more people are watching or old people are finally figuring out how to use their cellies.
Can I speak with Danny? Well tell him he's one hot piece of ass for me hon! Hello? Hello? If I'm calling India right now someone's gonna get it! When is America gonna be America again?!?
Tink asks the judges what they thought of last night. I can't really hear Randy cuz his shirt's so quiet tonight.
I'm sorry could you tell your shirt to speak up?
Skara says that some were good and some "disappointed me." Way to take it personally.
You should all feel like shit right now. You've disappointed Skara.
When asked to name names she says "Stevie, Casey, Stephen..." Randy cuts her off before she names the entire group and adds "Simon!" Randy? Hilarious. Paula, always the original one, takes the Simon answer and repeats it a few times. Tink says "I'm not talking about after the show, I'm talking about during." Ha. The judges don't really get it, so Tink asks Simon how he thinks Skara did on her first live night. Simon asks "during dinner?" and Skara yells "we didn't go to dinner!" OK just black this shit out and let's start over. Simon dryly and eye roll-ily answers the "how did Skara do?" question. "Amazing. Unprecedented." HA.
And now a montage of the contestants' journey to the performance rounds. Jackie as a slutty clown at a kids birthday party, Alexis Grace signing over custody papers for her kid to her manager at Wal-Mart, Oil Rig Bear packing up his Crisco and rubber gloves, Anoop standing in a line thinking he's auditioning for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Tatiana cutting off tulle from a tutu and hot glue gunning it to the bottom of a dirty soiled tube sock for her audition dress, ChoirHawk rubbing alcohol on Gay Best Just Friends' cheek while looping Tony Robbins quotes, Casey putting a small child uner her hairdo...oh the humanity!
Turn that frown upside down little one. I'll be back in a few months. Wait for me in the cookie aisle and for all that's good and holy don't get pregnant.
And now for the first group number of the year! "I'm Yours" is the song. The boys have trouble snapping to the rhythm, especially Danny Gocke: ChoirHawk, which makes me wonder how the hell his choir stays on beat. There are a million and ten ways to fuck up "Holy, Holy, Holy".
You'd think this group would have snaps down.
Between Annop's scared don't hit me eyes, Brent's crouching down to the ground for no reason, and Oil Rig Bear's scary ass faces, the other group of dudes doesn't stand much of a chance tonight.
AAAAGGHHH!
Casey gets right in the camera with her giant head and moves her hand around like she's rapping. It's kinda hilarious. It looks like she can sing her ass off the way she's acting, but her mic is the loudest and, well, she can't. Tatiana's mic isn't even on, which is understandable, because it looks like she's singing a word behind everyone else. At one point she just stops singing for a second and poses. I love this woman.
Line!
The choreographer doesn't really know what to do with this group. They just wander around like they're playing Marco Polo while Tatiana grinds to the audience and the cowpoke girl with the giant mouth stomps her feet.
Two handsome black men for the price of one.
That's right. It's time to earn your keep, you little wench.
My new headshot.
20 years?!?! How OLD am I?
Tink calls last night "(beat) raw". Very nice way of putting it. Then we get highlights. Jackie's more ridonk the second time around, and Braddy can sang! Damn I already forgot, which can't be good. Then we get to see the disasters again.
Let that baby free!
Casey crying and saying it's so much fun and "I just don't want it to end!"
Casey it's for you. Telenovela's calling.
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Comments (12)
I found the lack of tears more than odd. I do hope sweet Tati gets in as a wild card, though. The show needs a good batch of bonkers.
1 of 12 | Posted by Recneps999 | Posted on February 21, 2009 3:24 PM
Anoop clearly was robbed.
"Racial prejudice is a terrible thing, Yosarian. It really is. Why should a decent, loyal American Indian be treated like a nigger, kike, wop or spic?" (Chief Wild Half-oat in the book Catch-22)
2 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on February 21, 2009 5:49 PM
I love you Flipit! Really, I do. You are pure genius!
I also found the missing tears from Tatiana strange.....perhaps she's not giving up? She did say she was going to win again and again and again and again....etc.
I also think that Anoop was robbed. I think the quote above is a bit much. Goodness!
3 of 12 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on February 21, 2009 7:56 PM
Naw, Anoop's problem is that he doesn't have an easy sob story to sell (the show needs to find something to do in between all the commercial breaks).
I guarantee that ALL of the 'winners' in the next weeks will be the people who have been featured as overcoming some adversity, or whatever. We've hit Depression-era production values. Makes you wonder who the next Fred Astaire will be.
Means the near-blind guy who can't sing that great will definitely be in. Maybe if Anoop gets an arm cut off? Wait, I know, leprosy...that oughta work. He can lose a new finger every week...
I'm wondering about why they'd give us that group sing only AFTER the votes were in? Wouldn't it make more sense to showcase these people as much as possible before the votes?
What? Oh.
I already hated Hokey Hawk before this, because of the misshapen head thing (does the world need another Cook?), but after this show, I can't stand the guy. He's a decent singer, he'd be great on a cruise. But beyond having a dead wife, he's not all that interesting.
And one last thing...I used to like 'The Letter' (it was a hit when I was a kid). I can't believe how horribly those two mangled that song. They completely shit (shat?) on the melody. I hate it when people do that. Oh right. Okay. I hate AI.
And Carly's clothes were so tight, it looked like her face was about to explode. So there. Pffft.
4 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 21, 2009 11:46 PM
You know I didn't watch because I was working on a paper [for my 2ND masters degree. Have I mentioned that before? :)] anyway those are some funny pictures of oil rigger/welder man. (I forget which one is the oil rigger and which one is the welder. Why don't you just refer to them as Bald Hottie and Hairy Hottie?)
That ANOOP was robbed. He should be in and fauxhawk out.
I think I got too much info about YOU when you mentioned Oil rigger bear, Crisco and a rubber glove.
Don't cry for Tatiana. She'll be back.
5 of 12 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on February 22, 2009 6:26 PM
In a way Anoop Dog was robbed, but then again... Ricky Braddy also had a great voice, but was utterly forgettable. While I think Anoop has a beautful voice, I can't help but think he reminds me of Taj from Van Wilder, before he got all crazy and cool, you know? Like you'd more likely see him at H&R Block than on MTV. Maybe he needs to get on the "slut-it-up" train with Alexis and, I don't know, paint his fingernails black and comb his eyebrows inward until he looks like Bert. Whatev's!
Why all the Gokey hate?
Oh, and I can't really see the point of fire@will's race card play in light of the fact that A: 20-something million people voted and B: American Idol has had 2 black winners and one Jordin Spanx (plus whatever planet Hicks is from). Just sayin'.
Hope Anoop catches the wild card though.
6 of 12 | Posted by Timberwolf | Posted on February 22, 2009 7:53 PM
Thanks for doing these gratuitous recaps Flip!!! It helps me reach completion--even w/out gloves and crisco . . . sorry Mr. D
Well, Flip, I can clearly see you're not taken with the welder and oil rigger, but that's okay, if someone had to take it from anoop, at least it was eye candy.
What's tuff is in the wild card we still have a bunch of future rejects to fight it out, and why do I doubt a wild card will make into the top 6-I'm just sayin' america has spoken, the rest are just almosts--tho anoop was only 20, 000 short-whatever that means!
I for one competely enjoyed Tati's display, salty's or no, too f'in funny--I was busting one, which I suppose is terrible since her dream was dying! Could there be 2 winning wild cards from this group!? Guess we'll have to tune in.
I still like Jackie, kind of, she was so grossly wrong in % maybe not--I didn't vote eiter bitch-step it up!
I hope the welder sings well, he's starting at a singing disadvantage, from what I've seen, but my needs might make me vote, ugh!
7 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 23, 2009 12:04 AM
oh yeah, Carly and Hot one, absolutly f'in terrible!!! Why!!!!
8 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 23, 2009 12:06 AM
ACTUALLY
rj helton (i think #5 in season 1) and clay aiken (obv #2 in season 2) were both wildcard pics
so wildcard people do have a chance of going far in the top 12
.... god i need a life
9 of 12 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on February 23, 2009 1:43 PM
Wow angelbayyb!!! I bow at your throne of accuracy!!! And anyway, good to know, I'd hate to see it "cough" gokey "cough" pre-ordained!!!
10 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 23, 2009 6:56 PM
My name! Haha, I guess I and David Cook have become synonymous recaps.
Flip, I must tell you, I love you. And don't worry about making fun of Cook. I may love him, but I can take a joke, unlike most of the ArchAngels, judging by the copious YouTube footage of the tweeny crying parties when Gasper the Friendly Mormon lost.
And the picture of the other Idols not letting him in was amusing. I snickered.
I'm late on commenting, but I loved the recap, as usual!
11 of 12 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on February 25, 2009 3:16 PM
synonymous in AI recaps*
12 of 12 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on February 25, 2009 3:20 PM