Tonight on American Idol, dreams are stamped out at twice the speed!
I'll still take your credit card number, honey. Don't cry. BUY.
We start off with the poor blind guy staring off into space while Tink touches a homely girl. The touch healed the girl. Not of her homeliness, Lord bless her, but of her fear of dorky dancing.
Sorry Scott, but Tink can only make you whiter. Maybe lasik?
Randy's back to his too femme to be gay wardrobe tonight, and I suddenly remember why I like him again.
He can wear the fugliest clothes in the world, but dagnabbit he's gonna find sunglasses to match that shit.
Now for a montage of this group's path to Idol: You Ugly sobs with lipstick all over her face while she stares at a cracked mirror, Blind Guy hums his audition song and tries to play a game of Batlleship by himself, Lil affixes hula hoops to her ears while her three kids sob about her stealing their only toys, Reborn pokes holes in his face with knitting needles and screams at his Meemaw for not loving him enough to buy him tickets to a Duff concert, the Puerto Rican Sammy Davis Jr sells fruit and chile on La Brea, Pacitti is handed a Little Orphan Annie Wig and told that the Other Simon has changed his cell number so stop calling, and this little pasty kid stands in the mirror trying on cheesy hats and making sexy faces.
That's some heartwarming stuff. And now for the group number! Today it will be Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold". Tink says "their friendships are tight, but how bout their choreography?" You really want an answer? I haven't even watched it and I can already tell you that they can't even snap and sway at the same time. The girls start on the balcony. You Ugly tries to make sexy face and of course fails miserably and Cute Girl doesn't know any of the words. I find it hilarious that Cute Girl hates being called cute but then she wears a Shirley Temple ribbon taped to the side of her head.
Yeah, you're mouth should be open right now.
The guys sit on the stage and sing up to the balcony. It's like Romeo and Juliet!! How cute. My favorite part of that play is the double suicide. I hope they go there. And wow. The HAIR. Blind Guy is the only one with an excuse. A hot brother who doesn't wanna be upstaged. Did you think I was gonna say blindness? Seriously though, hot brother, help your bro out! How does he get away with that? It's handicap abuse! I have a feeling Reborn watched a lot of Tammy Faye when he was a youngin.
The Lord loves yeeaoooou! Send us money.
Samuel Davis Junior looks like he's pooing while Ju'Not ignores it and Eyebags tries to wave off the stank.
Oh man. I just realized who Reborn looks like. Does anyone watch Big Love? Reborn is Margie's nosy neighbor/friend, but with way worse hair.

Sure enough, the group all starts snapping and no one is on the same beat. Especially Eye Bags, who can't remember the words or the beat or even why he's here.
Sugar, take a nap.
I would swear from watching this that Blind Guy isn't blind, cuz he keeps staring straight into the camera while shouting words after the phrase has been sung and randomly punching the air off rhythm as they all do some kind of weird couch dance. I'm not saying nothing's wrong with him, but it has less to do with vision and more to do with general ...awkwardness.
Timmay!
When they're done they have a seat to wait for results and Tink asks how they are. Blind Guy laughs uproariously. LOL. Clips from last night. Painful enough the first time. FF.
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Comments (26)
great recap flipit! It's my first post here but after the debacle the past two nights I had to comment.
Really? Megan? I would take Johnny Lang's sister over her.
And I am furious over the blind guy who "cannot" sing getting in.
Okay I would write more, but I want to be sucessful so I am going to go gouge out my eyeballs!
1 of 26 | Posted by nir-rad | Posted on March 6, 2009 2:40 AM
I'm totally cool with the Top 13. I am SO not a fan of Danny or Lil and most of the others are just meh, but my favorites - Matt, Alexis, Adam, Anoop, Scott, Jorge and Allison - got in, so I'm happy.
There are some who I think really deserved a WC spot that didn't get one though - namely Ju'Not and Mishavonna. I think Mishavonna should have had Megan's spot, honestly. I really thought that her vocal was one of the best of the girls in all of the groups. Ah well.
2 of 26 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:37 AM
Great as always, especially the captions!! Ok, they brought Anoop and Gums up together, and destroyed all of Anoop's dreams by putting Gums through. Then, Simon says, "Oh yeah, by the way, we just decided to change everything, and have a Top 13." Which means, Anoop is IN! Well, he will be once they use the defibrillator and bring him back from his heart attack, poor thing!
Poor Tati, that's all I can say about her.
I thought Scott was the best chair sitter and finger pointer of the bunch!!!
3 of 26 | Posted by valmommyt | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:01 AM
Okay, Flipit, one thing you missed that I hoped you'd catch was that when they picked Megan and outted Tati, everyone was so concerned over Tati's impending suicide attempt that they just kind of shoved Megan over to the stools to fawn over Tati. Poor Megan just kinda stood there bewildered. Like it was some kind of tragedy.
Then the show was over really fast once they announced Anoop and Gums.
This show might actually be interesting. Especially when Lil gets knocked out before Megan due to "relevance"!!
Hahaha.
Love.
4 of 26 | Posted by michigan | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:08 AM
Anoop actually sang the Bobby version of "My Prerogative". The original one.
5 of 26 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:53 AM
My husband is totally convinced this is 'the best group of singers on AI ever' But he's totally tone deaf so I guess he gets a pass.
Did anyone notice when the group came down to hug Anoop, how they all left Scott the blind guy just sitting there? No one helped him, and his hot handler had to come and guide him down to the group. We found that pretty hysterical.
I'm still annoyed Ju'Not didn't make it into the wild card, I thought he was pretty awesome. Alot of those wildcards were just awful.
Ick. Worst season ever.
6 of 26 | Posted by lifesabeach | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:58 AM
I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking "Bob's Big Boy hair!" toward Von, I was calling him Bob all night. LOL.
Hate that Jasmine and Megan got in. They are terrible. Oy
7 of 26 | Posted by renoblondee | Posted on March 6, 2009 6:58 AM
YAY Flip, I just love your recaps. The wild card show was total BS and I loved how the judges "deliberated" for the length of a commercial break. Yeah right, like they didn't already know who they wanted.
And we here in Raleigh, NC LOVE Anoop. UNC is just down the road from here. Anoop gave a shout out to Eve Carson, UNC's student body president, because yesterady was the year anniversary of her death. Kind of a big deal around here. Just letting you know. Thanks for the recaps!!
8 of 26 | Posted by Yanksfan24 | Posted on March 6, 2009 7:13 AM
Things that drive me insane:
1. Kara's fake "s" sound, where she deliberately contorts her mouth to where the "s" sounds like "sh". At times she'll pronounce the "s" normally. I know other people who do that, too and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with them either.
2. The contrived way Matt is being styled to look like Justin Timberlake. The guy has a good voice; why dress him up like someone he sort of resembles only so he can continually fail to be the real thing while his own personality takes a back seat?
3. Freakin' Creakin' Megan. WTF, she sucked.
9 of 26 | Posted by boris8 | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:07 AM
Thing that I love:
1. How Kara's over-indulgent, pseudo-observational and desperately specific commentary is making Paula try harder this season. I actually look forward to hearing Paula's comments now.
10 of 26 | Posted by boris8 | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:14 AM
Thank you for the Bare Skin not Bearskin. Give me some more of that.
I did listen to your Tatiana re-enactment. You said that we were supposed to envision you in the same swimsuit top Tatiana was wearing but my question is, "Do they make swimsuit tops big enough to fit you?"
P.S. Don't give up your writing gig for acting. That would be a mistake.
As a gay man I don't know what a "jay jay" or a "tang" is so maybe you can give that to me on the downlow.
Finally, when I read this following sentence, "Samuel Davis Jr. is so happy to have the shance to be here" I thought, "He is such a bitch!" But let me tell you something, sweetpea, I was laughing while I was calling you a bitch. That was some funny stuff. I have a feeling Jorge is going to get the Flipit treatment and I'm kinda looking forward to it.
11 of 26 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:37 AM
This season is terrible. I can't believe Pretty Tattoo girl got in. She was awful! Simon called Gums try-hard but what about Pretty and her stupid dancing and fakey cartoon singing? Lame! I feel bad for Mishavonna. Her little piggie nostrils ruined her chances. I'm sorry to see Tati the Bull go. The way she annoyed Simon was wonderful and her voice was pretty amazing.
12 of 26 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:58 AM
Megan? Really? That girl makes me want to poke my eardrums out with an ice pick! And her stupid little dance should be outlawed. If I don't look at Anoop I can get behind his singing, but when I look at him all I see is a little Ray Romano. But I like him. LOL at Timmay!
Love you flipit!
13 of 26 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:13 AM
One word: Timay!
I will be laughing about that caption all day. Yes I'm going to hell but so what- I'll have Flipit to keep me company. I was really bummed Ju-not didn't get a WC. I don't like that they have the same # of girls to guys when there are way better guy singers that should have some of the girl spots. And I guess the rumor of BGBF Jamar coming back was just that a rumor......bummer.
14 of 26 | Posted by corndog | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:20 AM
A couple-a things here:
Flip: awesome as always, and DVR has a feature where you can automatically record 10 minutes over. After I my DVR kicked off last finale right after Tink said "the winner is... David..." I figured it out.
Megan-hippie-hippie-shake-Joy Corkerey: never doubted for a second she would make it in. Because she's great? Hell no! Because the judges have had a collective chubby for her and Jasmine ever since ever, and either one of them could have sung "I'm a little teapot" and it wouldn't have affected their "Relevance". Saw that coming from a mile away. Don't forget, the judges can't stop America from voting their butts off the show.
Gums is awesome, and I was wondering how they were going to deal with the whole Anoop/Gums dilemma, but I guess they figured it out. I guess if things don't work out for Anoop, he could always go back to H&R Block.
15 of 26 | Posted by timberwolf | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:49 AM
I'm not as optimistic this season as I was last. (Must be the economy.) My big hope (other than an occasional costume malfunction) is that someone will improve dramatically and surprise and delight us all (my other hope is that I'll win the lottery without having bought a ticket).
16 of 26 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 6, 2009 10:18 AM
Only made it through the first page, but I have a question. Do I automatically go to hell since my first thought after that group performance was to dump Scotty so we don't have to suffer through weeks of couch dancing?
17 of 26 | Posted by Tadow | Posted on March 6, 2009 10:23 AM
Tadow, I'll see you there!!! I''m afraid couch dancing is waaaay tooo lame!!!! Surely he could just stand in the center while the other's swirl around him . . . I'll give him props, as he's never had sight, so to mime out all the moves based on training is great for him. Should he be here--NO--is he a sweet guy and an inspiration--perhaps--does it matter--Guess not!!! I could not bear to hear him sing that song again, and I FFed my way to a one way hell ticket . . .
Tati F'ed that one--Grrrrrl, I was pulling for your dramatic ass, but when you sang that song yet again, sad horns for you. I also thought the beginning was awful and squinty. The accent wasn't going to help you with the judges . . . aduh . . . but good luck on the William Hung route to fame! Wasn't she the one that did song after song on her first try out . . . I'm just sayin'
and yeah, Megan, Saw that one comin' for miles, I knew the first time, but I'm sorry, I think she may be the worst performer of all, those stupid booty shakes, I think AI wants a winehouse/duffy all their own--Good luck with that, Adele can wipe the floor with her . . .right!? I actually think, if they wanted a cute blonde, country Kendall was far better, looking, sounding and moving . . . not that that means she was great or anything . . .
Anoop, glad he's got fans, meh to me, but he does make it one extra boy.
so, gums is one of my favorites, but I ain't never gonna go for those f'in fedora's--HATE_HATE_HATE-- I never knew I'd grow to see Darren Stevens be a fashion trend setter . . . and Justin Timbah--Oh lord--NOT!!! Do I even have to mention the scarf--this is why I have no taste and will never be with the in-crowd. Back to singing tho--Boy's got the music in him, and me likey, I think I would like Scott hella better if he was feelin' the music like this guy, coz it doesn't take peepers to feel, yes--hope he takes him out in the competition, and that is all.
Overall, I like Danny (go 'head, throw stones) Gums, and Allison--I'll be good with hearing Lil, Kris, Jorge and Adam sing, the rest meh. I do hope Megan can deliver a Winehouse sound, but voice wise, there were better choices for the raspy chick . . .
So, Flipit, thanks ever so much as always for your speedy recaps, and how 'bout that "unofficial" pool . . . thoughts? I can help ya keep score if you like, or we can take turns . . . lemme know!
And thanks to all of you, guess this is my yearly obsession, and I can't help but go on . . .
And Scara (or thumper hunch back) a "package" artist should not be in a singing competition, there's not time to auto-tune here--#*)($#*%)*$#(*$)
18 of 26 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 6, 2009 11:22 AM
I also like Danny. But I fear that there are too many haters out there. Just remember Idol fans -- he's not the one promoting his dead wife -- it's the shows producers.
I couldn't believe some of the choices they made last night -- or should I say the other night since you know there's no way that they decided in a commercial break.
Jasmine-No; Megan-Double No. The guys I could live with.
I read somewhere (maybe on this site) that Felicia had a bad attitude the other night when she didn't make it through. I don't remember that and I already deleted from the DVR.
Oh, well -- let's see what happens next week.
19 of 26 | Posted by TVJunkie | Posted on March 6, 2009 11:55 AM
Uh, as I've said before Danny is a WILLING PARTICIPANT in exploiting his wife's death. He searched out American Idol, he auditioned for American Idol and he told American Idol about his dead wife.
Danny has exploited his wife's death to win sympathy and to win votes.
He obviously has no shame.
20 of 26 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 6, 2009 2:23 PM
The instant Matt G started to sing, I thought: "Damn, he just kicked Hokey Gokey's ass." Although MG kind of spoiled things by going way over the top. I don't understand what he hopes to get out of this show though. I mean, he should be growing a little jazz 'stache and doing the Tom Waits thing. This is a pop show. How's he going to compete?
But I gotta say: you people are all wrong about Megan. She's the best of the singers in this bunch. Not technically, sure. But the best singers aren't always technically perfect anyway. I'm saying artistically she's the best. I'm willing to be that given the chance to grow over the next few weeks, she'll be a real contender in this competition. (And it's not because she's so damn pretty --and yeah, I'm a sucker for her wiggle dance--because that tat-arm of hers totally cancels out any good looks she might have for me. Wish I could cut the damn thing off).
I kind of wish they'd put in Bette Davis forehead. Sure, she's a smarmy asskisser, but did you see those legs?
Can't really remember the rest. Noop dog is only there for entertainment, he's a joke otherwise. Decent singer but looks like a dork.
Etc. etc.
21 of 26 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:45 PM
I'm glad the judges got their "package" artists into the top 13. I can't wait for America to vote their asses OUT. Ya know, like we already did.
Clay was a wild card that America voted IN, because Kimberly Locke and Ruben Studdard were in his semifinal group. Interesting that they were the final 3 during their season. Stop taking credit for Clay's success because he was a wild card.
And Jennifer Hudson finished 7th in her season. Not all that impressive a result for a wild card. Despite her talent, she had an attitude that America didn't like. Furthermore, there were two other R&B divas her season.
They got rid of the wild card for a reason, and after last night, I know why. Cause it doesn't work. Viewers are going to vote for talent and backstory over "package artists."
Sorry for the rant. I'm just annoyed. The producers obviously think we're stupid. I may be a mindless lemming (for watching and loving this show), but I'm not stupid.
Flipit - your humor brings a whole new level of enjoyment to this show! THANK YOU for being so hilariously snarky.
22 of 26 | Posted by slumrville | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:40 PM
To me, the 'wild card' ideal underscores the producers' ambivalence to this whole process.
On the one hand, they let 'the people' vote in candidates--but, let's face it, America's filled with idiots (George Bush's second term, anyone?) and besides, people who vote for these types of shows are not exactly the most musically educated (i.e., I suspect there's a heavy white 10-year-old girl contingent). So they end up voting for the obvious--and their vote is easily manipulated in order to achieve the results the producers want (i.e., Gokey, the Blind Guy, the fat oil rig guy, Lil Rounds, etc.)
On the other hand, the show's 'integrity' (not to mention future royalties) depends on revealing, recognizing and developing actual talent and-- especially--people with some degree of actual star quality.
Not just someone who can sing like everyone else (i.e., Gokey, Lil Rounds, pretty Blonde Mama, and, frankly, nearly all of the others) in a pleasant enough sort of way that would be excellent on a cruise ship or at your cousin's wedding.
So the 'wild cards' give them a chance to add back in people who presumably will reveal true talent over the course of the new couple of months. Or at least a bit of star persona.
But mostly, I think they needed the wild cards to redress the big problem with the final 9 -- too many white people, too many white guys (even if they're ALL trying to sing like Aretha Franklin...). Which is the only real reason to include Anoop and Jasmine (not that she's awful, just bland--and she's only 16, so it's not like they can sex her up).
Secretly, I believe Megan is a ringer. Just a feeling I get, that she was scouted for the show.
Of course, I am under no illusions when watching this show that I'm seeing any kind of true artistic talent -- this is a pop show, just another variety show, might as well be the Donny and Marie show for all the 'music' we'll get from this.
My problem is I'm hooked to the recaps, and the recaps are more fun to read if you've actually seen the show. Thankfully, there's the FF button!
23 of 26 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 7, 2009 2:10 AM
I think the artistic originality came and went with David Cook last season. After season 7, I was so looking forward to a "new" Idol - the one that takes a rocker winning and runs with it to try and encourage actual MUSICIANS, people who rearrange songs, strip them down, reinvent them, constantly bring something new to the table.
I was so wrong.
24 of 26 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on March 7, 2009 11:52 PM
Personally, I've seen Anoop live a few times (I grew up a Chapel Hill brat and saw the Clef Hangers a few times) and he's much better than he's presented on the show.
As for the Eve thing.. March 5 was the anniversary of the murder of UNC's student body president, Eve Carson. It's still a huge deal around North Carolina and UNC in particular, where Anoop is from.
25 of 26 | Posted by lady_guinevere | Posted on March 8, 2009 3:16 AM
Wow - I had the same DVR problem at the end, and I too was all, "whatevs, I'm going to bed, don't even care to check it out online." Which tells me how bad this season is for me so far - if this had happened in past seasons (can't believe I'm admitting this) but I guarantee I would've called everyone I know that watches idol to find out what I missed.
Oh: Tadow - LOL!!!!!!!! And I totally agree, I think hell will be way more fun anyway :)
My 2 major disappointments were Jesse and Felicia, I really liked them both and think they would've made for a much more interesting singing battle up there.
Now it seems like a competition of a few good singers and mostly mediocre hot people...
I would officially like to announce my prediction for the Winner of AI Season 8: Alexis Pink Hair; Runner Up: Adam Lambert
26 of 26 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on March 9, 2009 11:15 AM