Tonight on American Idol, Uncle Phyllis goes back to teaching volleyball at an all girls school and the In and Out stays one Chola safer for at least another couple of weeks.
Sorry Gay Best Just Friends, you have been replaced by a Christmas Ham in an Elvira wig.
The producers are trying something new today with the opening. Now instead of just being in one single line like they're on a firing range, the contestants are lined up next to each other making a little hallway for Tink. I have my fingers crossed that this is gonna turn into a rousing round of toss the dwarf, but nothing. Tink takes a moment at the end to stand next to the "hilarious" guy who looks like my ex Uncle Phyllis and asks America "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?" Don't blame us. This bs is all on the judges. So far. I believe in America.
I also believe in whoever's in charge of the TVPGDL sign.
The three singers who were moved on last week are sitting up on stage again. Even Tink's yawning.
Tink jokes with Simon about being more brilliant than ever and Skara quips about stuff getting better with age.
Bet your ass, sister!
Touching background clips of how the contestants all got to this point. The dueling piano guy crying as he's told by his doctor how much gum surgery costs, Welder Bear in a leather jock strap promising all the guys in the dungeon he'll be back with better chicken than ever, Kai the Lie dying his hair and putting clothespins on his face to pull it back while his mom yells from the other room that she needs her feet massaged, the real red head shaving off her eyebrows so she can have the biggest forehead on tv ever, the fake redhead standing outside In and Out spraying her chola bangs and giving me murderous looks as I, terrified, wait in my car for twenty minutes for someone to come take my order, Misha running from the big bad wolf praying that someone will build a new house for her and her sisters, Hambert sitting backstage during "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat" with a pic of David Cook cut out of People and a fat chick behind him trying to style his Liza Minelli wig just right, ...it's all so touching.
Whoever is in charge of the onscreen logos is totally flirting with me tonight. The answer is yes!! I will marry you!
Are you guys all crying right now? Me too. GROUP NUMBER!! Tonight the song is Neo's "Closer". I would have preferred Kyra Sedgewick's "The Closer" , but what can you do?
Thank yeeew!
Hambert and Piano Gum start. Hambert eye fucks the camera while Gums McGee plays with his crotch.
Welder Bear is trying his best not to break into his thumb dance while Lie snaps womanly and off rhythm and scrunches his face so hard a clothespin pops off the back of his head.
All the kids are wearin' tie shirts these days.
Kris gets stuck with Uncle Phyllis, who looks confused and dismayed without his outfit on.
Keep it inside, Fanny Brice.
He also doesn't know any of his lyrics. The girls come in for a little backup singing and then everyone wanders the stage in different stages of snaps and stomps. Uncle Phyllis feels a little left out so he gets right in the camera and tries a JHud riff.
The onscreen signage guy was busy I guess so I'll help him out on this one.
Lech!
Tink says not to FF because during the commercials there is a hidden unseen audition we don't wanna miss. HMmmmm. I love a mystery! Especially if said auditioner gets to come back for wild card.
Sorry we've got enough bears to fill Yellowstone.
Sorry, too talented and you don't cry enough.
WINNER! Make Skara cry!
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Comments (10)
Sometime I get to feeling a wee little bit guilty about all the nasty things I write about the fame-whores n' freaks who wander across my reality TV viewing screen.
And then I read one of Flipit's recaps and feel much better!
1 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 1, 2009 9:01 AM
Hey, how can I apply to be a producer on American Idol? Apparently, the only qualification is being LAZY! And since I haven't gotten up off my couch all weekend, I'd say my resume is pretty solid. We get a recycled clip package from last year, a bunch of repeat performances, and results void of any drama whatsoever. YAWNzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Even Brooke's performance was snooze-worthy.
And yet, none of it mattered, because KRIS MADE IT!!!! My inner tween girl came out on Wednesday, as I power voted for him, and lo and behold... IT WORKED!!! Never underestimate the power of delusional gay boys who equate reality show support as currency to be traded in at a later date for sexual favors.
2 of 10 | Posted by slumrville | Posted on March 1, 2009 10:49 AM
Dear Flipit,
I LOVE YOU!
The end!
Love, L
3 of 10 | Posted by lrhflute | Posted on March 1, 2009 1:44 PM
You finally got Hambert's hair right. He has Liza's hair! Since he's already done Cher's BELIEVE I'm looking forward to his rendition of Judy's THE TROLLY SONG. Then he can do Liza's NEW YORK, NEW YORK and finally a melody of Barbara's DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE, MY MAN and PAPA CAN YOU HEAR ME? At that point he'll just be SO relevant.
Sorry to see Welder Bear go. He would have moved on if he had sang pant-less. I can see him singing and doing that thumb dance he does so well --while his big johnson banged back and forth on his huge man thighs. That would have got America dialing their phones.
Good snark-filled recap, man.
4 of 10 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 1, 2009 5:57 PM
You know what I was thinking about? This really isn't about these results, but the wild card.
If the rumour that the judges can bring back contestants out of the top 36, I bet that Jamar's surprise ouster was completely staged. They want him to be in the top 12, but first they had to make him more interesting - he's the underdog now, getting a second chance.
I see right through you producers! I know what you're doing!
5 of 10 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on March 1, 2009 8:23 PM
Hey, I wish they would sing Nine Inch Nails' "Closer." In fact, if they all had to sing Trent Reznor songs I might even WATCH.
Flip, there is something wrong with the "Lost" recap. It is teasing me with a picture and headline, but it just isn't there. Help me!!!
6 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 1, 2009 9:33 PM
agreed. jamar will be back in the wild card fo sho!
and i think the lost recap is back! sorry bout that. something went wonky on our end!
7 of 10 | Posted by flipit | Posted on March 2, 2009 12:00 AM
Ha, pixie, what a great idea!
If only there were a parallel universe where people on AI sang really cool songs...
Hmm. I'd like to Tattoo Arm sing White Light White Heat and do that lil' Betty Boop jiggle thing she's got goin'.
8 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 2, 2009 7:06 AM
Is there any validity to this bringing-back-people-who-didn't-make-it-out-of-Hollywood thing? I think that Gay Just Best Friends is better than most of them, and leave it to the producers to pull one of those fast ones, but I've had my heart broken before.
I've been standing up for Hambert over the last couple of recaps, but he's making it hard for me when his encore is hammier than his original performance. Reel it in! Take a valium! Less sugar on the cereal! Something!
9 of 10 | Posted by Timberwolf | Posted on March 2, 2009 11:14 AM
First, I confess, Closer was the best group number I've heard . . . yes the gun's in my mouth, but before i end it all, I mean really, particularly the 3 girls with Ham, nice harmony, and the song lent itself well with the call and response . . . I so thought it was Usher tho, wooops . . .
Kris was a surprise, and tho it's spelt like the girl version, he is not a girl, and now there's 4 boys to two girls. Assuming next week yields 2 girls (wont it be amazing how America wants even sexual ranks) That will be 5 boys to 4 girls, so will that make it harder for a boy in the WC--I hope not, but I can't imagine they wont even it. If there's only room for one, then who, GBJF, or Matt dueling piano's, Ricky?! who can sing but meh . . . I know that's it for WB--he lacked in stage presence, and even if he fulfilled Mr. Dangerous' fantasy with a few good swings, I'm not convinced. I'm happy they are at least trying to please our demographic tho!
I don't know why I go on, but if it's Lil and whoever, Kristen unattractive (cough) or Kendall super hot, will the blind guy make the cut and not Jorge, or Von, or reborn--hmmmm.
Okay, LOVE flip, and thanks for going through all this with and for us. Now I will finish myself off with this gun, tho I hate to die with the taste of metal on my tongue . . .
10 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 2, 2009 11:47 AM