Money was also spent on classes to teach the villagers how to use the nets. The kids even have songs about malaria symptoms that they dance around to. How uplifting! Nothing like a good round of malaria symptom verses to start the day off right. Carrie asks a lady if she's ever had malaria and she says no. Then Carrie turns to the cameras and earnestly says "Good! The nets are working!" Hey! I've never had malaria either. Thanks, American Idol! The kids see a skinny blonde chick with expensive sunglasses on her head and think they've just hit the jackpot.
Buy me, Madonna!
As a thank you, a girl tries to teach Carrie Driftwood how to dance. It's not pretty.
Save America some embarrassment and just go back to nodding your head.
Carrie explains that the nets are good, but American Idol's not cheap. They also brought the kids toys.
The empty water bottle is like the hula hoop of Africa.
As Carrie leaves in her luxury SUV, the villagers chase her. I think they mean it as a compliment, but you know she's freaking out in that car. One lady is wearing her kid as a backpack as she runs. And she's worried about malaria? We need to send some money over there to have classes taught on shaken baby syndrome.
Tink asks Church Lady about his song choice, which is a bad move cuz this guy doesn't shut up. ARGH SHUT UP. He's singing "You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker. Of course he is! Mom panderer! He starts off slowly and softly, which is dangerous territory for him. He pulls it off. He sounds nice, and he's at war with Ham cuz there are a ton of fals notes added in there, which he nails. If he wins this whole thing, I hope he goes to the dentist.
Yamin knows a guy.
Danny said he re-arranged the song, but he didn't. He just slowed it down to a snail's pace. Church chose one of the most boring songs ever written for his final plea to America. Kinda fitting, I guess. At least he's upfront about what he's gonna give us when he wins. His voice sounds better than it has in weeks, and it's the first time he's shown that many vocal levels and not boned it. I think he's a hacky lame bore, but he sounded great tonight. Randy says he can really, really, really sing. I wonder if Randy goes home and wonders why he isn't paid more. Skara says it was stunning. Paula says they're all breathless. I'm sure there's a pill for that. Simon didn't like the arrangement but calls it a "vocal master class". OK I wouldn't go that far.
Church rambles to Tink about how he had to give up all his nerves and worries about oh-pinions and he "came out here with a fresh mind and a fresh heart tonight." PULEEZE. Next time try a fresh shave and a fresh paper bag over your head. GET HIM OFF MY TV.
Krispy's next, and he doesn't have some long lame ass story about how he chose his song. He says it just kinda came to him. What is it? "Heartless" by Kanye West. LOLOLLLLL. Tink's reaction is way more subtle than mine.
Errrrrrrr....
Tink asks how it was preparing the song. Kris smiles. "Fun!" If this show doesn't run over, it's thanks to Krispy. This is the same song Kanye mouthed the words to a few weeks back. Most hilarious performance ever. I wish Krispy mouthed along to the same track and bounced around and grabbed his wiener and stuff, but noooooo. He comes out with just his guitar and he's changed it into an emo cracker playing for change outside the NYU subway station version. Oh, Krispy. Well, it's original, and his vocals are better than they were on the first song. Most importantly, he gives great sideways face.
It sounds like a normal song, which is quite a feat. I feel bad every time I watch him though cuz he's squeezing so hard. By the end of the song he's given himself Heather Locklear neck.
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Comments (13)
Flipit, ILU. The entire content of page 5 made me laugh so hard I had to tinkle.
The only person I know who actually likes Church Lady is my mom, and she doesn't vote... (ok, I don't know anyone who actually votes, though, so that's sort of irrelevant). Fingers crossed!
1 of 13 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on May 13, 2009 3:20 PM
I dunno...at this point, AI has me too exhausted to hate the Church Lady anymore. Instead, I just laugh at him. He reminds me a lot of Scratchy, of 'Itchy and' fame (no relation). I'm hoping Hambert will cut him open with a chainsaw next week. Won't that be a hoot?
Laughed all the way through the recap -- I have to say, the Church Lady brings out the best in you, Flipit.
2 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 13, 2009 3:40 PM
awww, come'on..Gokey isn't so bad! He's so authentically Milwaukee, that is part of the pasty attraction. Besides, he looks like a younger, doughy, brother of Robert Downey Junior. (But Gokey, couldn't ya get a spray tan?)
3 of 13 | Posted by teeto | Posted on May 13, 2009 4:27 PM
Actually, if Ham is gay, then he won't win because AI hates the gays... which would actually be better for him. He can have a career, creatively, if he goes off on his own and leave the pop music to the church lady.
If anything, Gayken lost to Ruben Studdard... and no matter what a joke Gayken has become, he was a much bigger talent than Ruben's gut ever was! And, the Gayken is much more famous now than he ever was on Idol (ANTM, anyone!).
4 of 13 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on May 13, 2009 5:09 PM
Another great recap...
By the end of the show, I really felt like it was a three-way toss-up. wouldn't want to bet the mortgage on who would be eliminated.
I was pleasantly surprised by both Danny and Kris on their 2nd songs.
Ham is liable to suffer from having set our expectaions so high - even though he does amazing (unhuman? Hmmm!) things with his voice, we've come to take that for granted.
Kris could win in the finals because of all the people that don't like Adam (for being gay) or don't like Danny (for various reasons).
"The Three Amigos were funny on purpose." LOL
5 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 13, 2009 5:27 PM
Yay, Flip!!! I've been waiting all day for this, so glad to see it up! As usual, I'm all over the top with this, but I couldn't wait to see what you thought (or the rest of us for that matter)
For me, Kris was best with the Kanye song, I also thought he did Apologize better than one republic does it live. Falsetto live is not a good thing. The backing vox came in to support nicely, and I liked that he could change it and do it more full voiced. Then of course they left tire marks all over his face. Does KuntyScara not listen to the dress rehearsals anymore . . . did she not know what was to come . . . . does she expect the kid, in one week, during his hometown visit and endless appearances to learn and change both songs. He is the only one to play 2 instruments on the show, and he learned two songs, and one he performed by his onesies . . . I give him FULL PROPS, and at least the goddamn bonus check chasing judges had to give him credit for the 2nd song.
I don't know what they see in Gokey as a marketable artist worth swaying everyone for. As I've said, I like his voice, and in the right setting, I could listen to it, but the douchiness is on overload. As I was refilling my drink, and he was going on and on and on talking, I was screaming from the kitchen to "Shut the fuck up!!!" Yes, I'm so proud. Glad you picked up on that tho, Flip!
And lastly, our miss Glam. . . . well, I still love her, but I hated those . . . yeeech--completely ruined the U2, and the broadway version of Cryin'--a lame-o choice to begin with, heck, I dunno. Sadly the peeps around me don't know his song or Krispy's so I can't commiserate with anyone!!! Sad Horns . . . . Does she not realize what a shock it would be to just sing something normal . . . is it me!?
Anyhoo, I'm hopin' for an upset, but I've long since resigned myself to our countries tendency to back the religious one.
Also, I read all the comments from last week. May I just say, I don't care what religion people are, I try to love everyone, as corny as that sounds, and I also don't have to call people i don't like gay and then make fun of them. I always think this is the place to come and let it all hang out, and yea, sometimes it can cross certain lines, but I can hate someone and not have to call them gay. I'm good with being gay, and I'm thrilled to have a sister as a frontrunner--just wish I dug the songs better this time . . .
6 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 13, 2009 6:03 PM
Flipit, I will marry you yesterday! Each and every recap is a "written masterclass!"
7 of 13 | Posted by BeccaRULEZ | Posted on May 13, 2009 8:26 PM
"Nothing like a good round of malaria symptom verses to start the day off right."
Hahahaha. One of many gems in this recap. And yes, pg. 5 was hilarious.
Thanks, Juddfan, for saying what I was thinking but couldn't express so well.
8 of 13 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 13, 2009 9:24 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
Can't WAIT for your next recap! buwahahahahaha!
Victory is ours!
ChurchLady was so painful that my cat woke up from her nap and left the room.....
I muted it until it was over...
This season is such a farce! but your recaps keep me going, Flip! :D
9 of 13 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on May 14, 2009 1:24 AM
Flipit one of your best yet. The "Ray Liotta" photocap sent coffee up my nose. Are the results considered a "spoiler" by now? Well not to take a chance, I'll just say "yesssss!", and that a certain favorite is going to be in big trouble because all/most of the fans the guy who was eliminated are going to vote for the underdog, if they vote at all.
10 of 13 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on May 14, 2009 6:56 AM
Love the recap, Flip!
Kris has turned AI into Survivor. I love it. My only wish is that the Personality Fairy would deliver him from monotony because he is boring as hell when he isn't singing. Speaking of Hell, Danny and Adam's second performances were on different rings in Dante's Inferno.
There was the slow, burning, I am going to die if you don't finish this damn song version of "You Are So Beautiful" which had all the sincerity of a used car salesman's last-ditch pitch for a Ford Fiero. And then Adam got outsung by the backup bitch. Whoa. Only one bitch on the stage at once! The pressure seemed to make Adam prematurely ejaculate to the end of "Cryin'" in record time with a whole lot of gyrating and eye-reeming. Ouch.
I did like "One," but the arrangement sucked ass -- why did they jump to a fast, high tempo ending from the slow build? Hello? And then again on "Cryin'" the buildup wasn't there. They forgot the foreplay again! These are songs that are supposed to grow into the wailing. Slow down, and savor the song. Grr.
Kris was just lovely. Sure, he blew the notes. I think RandSkara forgot Gums was let go a few weeks back and got a little confused about who they were dealing with. I liked both performances from him, bum notes an all. And, btw, his version of "Apologize" was more original than Danny's "You Are So Beautiful." I sw Joe Cocker perform that live (well, as live as that man gets, which is slightly above shuffling Zombie; and it was a Tina Turner concert, I wasn't there for him) and it was quite pretty. Danny just looked constipated from trying to reign in his screaming.
11 of 13 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on May 14, 2009 7:53 AM
America's tendency to back the religious one? What planet are you on, Adam has been the frontrunner the whole time and he's obviously going to win.
I get that Gokey is annoying, but everyone i know can't stand Hambert and his screeching and tongue wagging. I don't get it, why would anyone want to listen to that on purpose on an album? gay, straight, whatever, he's unbearable! I hope after he wins, he just goes away like Taylor Hicks in some off, off broadway revival of Wicked.
12 of 13 | Posted by welcometothepartypal | Posted on May 14, 2009 8:07 AM
Simon reminds the girls that this is AI and not "that silly little dancing show next door". Teehee. What did Dancing With the Stars ever do to you?
I took that comment as a shot at SYTYCD. What with Nigel Lythgoe leaving Idol and all
13 of 13 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on May 14, 2009 1:30 PM