Randy says it was better than the original, Skara asks why he didn't do that with the first song. It was brave, bold, fearless and it was perfect. Paula says he's the bravest singer to sing about Simon like that. She also calls him RELEVANT!! Simon thinks the first song was a lame choice and he had written him off, but this performance changed everything. Kris tells Tink in his many words that it felt great. The audience won't shut up and Tink snaps that it's about the singers, not them. Damn, Tink!! That's almost as lame as the letter Cook wrote to his fans requesting that they stop following him around so much.
Hambert's next. Pimp spot yet again. These producers are shameless. He's going with Aerosmith's "Crying" and Tink asks him what he's gonna do with "the range." Huh? He's gonna squeal like a baby being stung by bees, of course. With Elvis face.
Yawn. Ham does exactly what you'd think. He squeals and snarls and sodomizes us with his eyes through the cameras. The backup singer kicks ass on this one. Ham misses a bunch of notes for the second time tonight. What gives? He screams and squeals the entire thing out and it's frankly painful and annoying. Especially when he hits the same money notes he hits every single time. This ho needs some new tricks.
Does every single song need this note? EVERY ONE?!
The last thirty seconds of the song are spent doing an imitation of a fire alarm. Randy says he's one of the best they've ever had ever. Skara doesn't know how he can still talk. She is pretty sure he will be in the finals. Paula says the bar is set high and he should be collecting frequent flier miles. Huh? Simon laughs at her idiocy. He refuses to suck up to him and says not to assume that he will sail through. He wants people to vote because he deserves it based on squeal talent. Tink asks Ham how he feels, and he says his competition is incredible and it's an honor to be in their company. He says it in that "thank God they're so perty" kinda way, but it was still nice. I guess. Why do I care?
What do you guys think? I have my fingers crossed for a Church Lady axing, of course. I think Krispy Twink was better and I don't want to be without his sideways face and Heather Locklear neck. With both Ham and Church Lady in the final two, I will need to take lots of aspirin. That's a whole lot of growlyells. Tomorrow night Jordin Spanx is on the show!! SEE YOU THEN!
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Comments (13)
Flipit, ILU. The entire content of page 5 made me laugh so hard I had to tinkle.
The only person I know who actually likes Church Lady is my mom, and she doesn't vote... (ok, I don't know anyone who actually votes, though, so that's sort of irrelevant). Fingers crossed!
1 of 13 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on May 13, 2009 3:20 PM
I dunno...at this point, AI has me too exhausted to hate the Church Lady anymore. Instead, I just laugh at him. He reminds me a lot of Scratchy, of 'Itchy and' fame (no relation). I'm hoping Hambert will cut him open with a chainsaw next week. Won't that be a hoot?
Laughed all the way through the recap -- I have to say, the Church Lady brings out the best in you, Flipit.
2 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 13, 2009 3:40 PM
awww, come'on..Gokey isn't so bad! He's so authentically Milwaukee, that is part of the pasty attraction. Besides, he looks like a younger, doughy, brother of Robert Downey Junior. (But Gokey, couldn't ya get a spray tan?)
3 of 13 | Posted by teeto | Posted on May 13, 2009 4:27 PM
Actually, if Ham is gay, then he won't win because AI hates the gays... which would actually be better for him. He can have a career, creatively, if he goes off on his own and leave the pop music to the church lady.
If anything, Gayken lost to Ruben Studdard... and no matter what a joke Gayken has become, he was a much bigger talent than Ruben's gut ever was! And, the Gayken is much more famous now than he ever was on Idol (ANTM, anyone!).
4 of 13 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on May 13, 2009 5:09 PM
Another great recap...
By the end of the show, I really felt like it was a three-way toss-up. wouldn't want to bet the mortgage on who would be eliminated.
I was pleasantly surprised by both Danny and Kris on their 2nd songs.
Ham is liable to suffer from having set our expectaions so high - even though he does amazing (unhuman? Hmmm!) things with his voice, we've come to take that for granted.
Kris could win in the finals because of all the people that don't like Adam (for being gay) or don't like Danny (for various reasons).
"The Three Amigos were funny on purpose." LOL
5 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 13, 2009 5:27 PM
Yay, Flip!!! I've been waiting all day for this, so glad to see it up! As usual, I'm all over the top with this, but I couldn't wait to see what you thought (or the rest of us for that matter)
For me, Kris was best with the Kanye song, I also thought he did Apologize better than one republic does it live. Falsetto live is not a good thing. The backing vox came in to support nicely, and I liked that he could change it and do it more full voiced. Then of course they left tire marks all over his face. Does KuntyScara not listen to the dress rehearsals anymore . . . did she not know what was to come . . . . does she expect the kid, in one week, during his hometown visit and endless appearances to learn and change both songs. He is the only one to play 2 instruments on the show, and he learned two songs, and one he performed by his onesies . . . I give him FULL PROPS, and at least the goddamn bonus check chasing judges had to give him credit for the 2nd song.
I don't know what they see in Gokey as a marketable artist worth swaying everyone for. As I've said, I like his voice, and in the right setting, I could listen to it, but the douchiness is on overload. As I was refilling my drink, and he was going on and on and on talking, I was screaming from the kitchen to "Shut the fuck up!!!" Yes, I'm so proud. Glad you picked up on that tho, Flip!
And lastly, our miss Glam. . . . well, I still love her, but I hated those . . . yeeech--completely ruined the U2, and the broadway version of Cryin'--a lame-o choice to begin with, heck, I dunno. Sadly the peeps around me don't know his song or Krispy's so I can't commiserate with anyone!!! Sad Horns . . . . Does she not realize what a shock it would be to just sing something normal . . . is it me!?
Anyhoo, I'm hopin' for an upset, but I've long since resigned myself to our countries tendency to back the religious one.
Also, I read all the comments from last week. May I just say, I don't care what religion people are, I try to love everyone, as corny as that sounds, and I also don't have to call people i don't like gay and then make fun of them. I always think this is the place to come and let it all hang out, and yea, sometimes it can cross certain lines, but I can hate someone and not have to call them gay. I'm good with being gay, and I'm thrilled to have a sister as a frontrunner--just wish I dug the songs better this time . . .
6 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 13, 2009 6:03 PM
Flipit, I will marry you yesterday! Each and every recap is a "written masterclass!"
7 of 13 | Posted by BeccaRULEZ | Posted on May 13, 2009 8:26 PM
"Nothing like a good round of malaria symptom verses to start the day off right."
Hahahaha. One of many gems in this recap. And yes, pg. 5 was hilarious.
Thanks, Juddfan, for saying what I was thinking but couldn't express so well.
8 of 13 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 13, 2009 9:24 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
Can't WAIT for your next recap! buwahahahahaha!
Victory is ours!
ChurchLady was so painful that my cat woke up from her nap and left the room.....
I muted it until it was over...
This season is such a farce! but your recaps keep me going, Flip! :D
9 of 13 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on May 14, 2009 1:24 AM
Flipit one of your best yet. The "Ray Liotta" photocap sent coffee up my nose. Are the results considered a "spoiler" by now? Well not to take a chance, I'll just say "yesssss!", and that a certain favorite is going to be in big trouble because all/most of the fans the guy who was eliminated are going to vote for the underdog, if they vote at all.
10 of 13 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on May 14, 2009 6:56 AM
Love the recap, Flip!
Kris has turned AI into Survivor. I love it. My only wish is that the Personality Fairy would deliver him from monotony because he is boring as hell when he isn't singing. Speaking of Hell, Danny and Adam's second performances were on different rings in Dante's Inferno.
There was the slow, burning, I am going to die if you don't finish this damn song version of "You Are So Beautiful" which had all the sincerity of a used car salesman's last-ditch pitch for a Ford Fiero. And then Adam got outsung by the backup bitch. Whoa. Only one bitch on the stage at once! The pressure seemed to make Adam prematurely ejaculate to the end of "Cryin'" in record time with a whole lot of gyrating and eye-reeming. Ouch.
I did like "One," but the arrangement sucked ass -- why did they jump to a fast, high tempo ending from the slow build? Hello? And then again on "Cryin'" the buildup wasn't there. They forgot the foreplay again! These are songs that are supposed to grow into the wailing. Slow down, and savor the song. Grr.
Kris was just lovely. Sure, he blew the notes. I think RandSkara forgot Gums was let go a few weeks back and got a little confused about who they were dealing with. I liked both performances from him, bum notes an all. And, btw, his version of "Apologize" was more original than Danny's "You Are So Beautiful." I sw Joe Cocker perform that live (well, as live as that man gets, which is slightly above shuffling Zombie; and it was a Tina Turner concert, I wasn't there for him) and it was quite pretty. Danny just looked constipated from trying to reign in his screaming.
11 of 13 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on May 14, 2009 7:53 AM
America's tendency to back the religious one? What planet are you on, Adam has been the frontrunner the whole time and he's obviously going to win.
I get that Gokey is annoying, but everyone i know can't stand Hambert and his screeching and tongue wagging. I don't get it, why would anyone want to listen to that on purpose on an album? gay, straight, whatever, he's unbearable! I hope after he wins, he just goes away like Taylor Hicks in some off, off broadway revival of Wicked.
12 of 13 | Posted by welcometothepartypal | Posted on May 14, 2009 8:07 AM
Simon reminds the girls that this is AI and not "that silly little dancing show next door". Teehee. What did Dancing With the Stars ever do to you?
I took that comment as a shot at SYTYCD. What with Nigel Lythgoe leaving Idol and all
13 of 13 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on May 14, 2009 1:30 PM