It's been almost a full week since Idol Gives Back and if nothing else, I have learned at least one thing. Teri Hatcher will never go away.
Dear Tink, Please leave your hags at the bar. Love, Flipit
Tink tells us that everyone's still feeling the shockwaves after last week's boot out of Johns. What was so shocking about that? I can't even remember what he sang. Anyway, the point is, every single vote counts. As minutes on your cell plan.
Miss Mariah Carey is tonight's mentor, and she was also the guest on today's Oprah. After seeing her three thousand square foot closet and French nutritionist, I kind of just want her to leave me the hell alone. The problem is, she seems really nice and come on. It's MARIAH. Do you complain when Christmas comes twice?
When she talks to the idols she tells them that she is uncomfortable with judging people so just think of her as their friend who sings for a living and writes songs occasionally. I prefer to think of her as the delightfully out of touch diva who squeals like a calf popping out of the womb in almost every song she records, and also the girl from Glitter. I meant that as a compliment.
Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that she just surpassed Elvis as the solo artist with the most number one hits. She told Oprah that that title makes her a bit nervous, but the title that really gets her is "the solo artist to have more hits than any other artist ever." LOL. You gotta love Mariah Carey.
I'm just a girl!
Tink asks Randy how he's going to deal with tonight when he is always telling contestants to stop singing Mariah songs. Randy says he doesn't expect anyone to actually sound like Mariah, just please don't suck. Tink asks Paula the same question and she says she's gonna "differ" to Randy. How is that different from any other night? And wow. Learn English.
The Fetus is the first with a one on one session with Glitter, and the first thing she does is jump on top of him and try to give him CPR. No, silly, he's not dying! He was just pulled out the womb early so his dad could pimp his vox for cash. Fetus says that he is a true fan and bows down to her. Shocker. The kid was singing Jennifer Holiday when he was ten. How could he not be a Mariah fan? Next you're gonna tell us you like antiques and catching up at brunch with the girls. I'm just saying. Maybe she's born with it.
Maybe it's Gaybeline.
Mariah is touched by his rendition and tells him that in order to sell it, he's gonna have to squeal like a little girl being chased by the cookie monster. He gives her an example of his falsetto, and instead of covering his mouth and saying "never mind", she just nods proudly. I hope his dad yelled at him til he got that down, because I'm worried for the kid. Glitter says that if he bones the high notes, at least it will be real. Don't ever listen to a grown woman in a Hello Kitty band aid.
He sings "When You Believe". I thought I wouldn't be able to pay attention to this performance because I would keep flashing back to the Mariah/Whitney "When You Believe" diva riff smackdown at the '99 Oscars:
But it turns out that I can't concentrate because of this:
Do you remember that episode of Friends where Ross wore leather pants on a date and then got them wet and they shrunk to doll size? Who knew someone kept those?
He does a pretty good job with the song. He riffs more than he ever has and most of them come off well, but more than a couple sound like white boy wannabe too slow and exact riffs. He doesn't add any emotion to the song, and the falsetto is there, but it's weak. It doesn't help that he not only took on Mariah, he also took on pre crack Whitney. Sorry. The kid's got talent, but next to those two he looks like a tiny dim little bulb on the bottom of the tree. And he wore leather pants. Thanks for that, kid. Otherwise, it's a solid meh.
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Comments (15)
It was strictly dullsville for me tonight. I'm not a big Mariah fan so maybe that's why. I will say that everytime I see Carly all I can picture in my head is a big ole banana Moon Pie. Her face is so damned ROUND I can't get past it. That little double chin she's got going on is like the filling dripping down from those round cookies coated in that yummy banana icing. Mmmmm...I need a Moon Pie.
1 of 15 | Posted by blueaspic | Posted on April 15, 2008 11:19 PM
Flipit, my God that was a quick recap! Color me impressed. I was also annoyed how Simon called Vanishing a song no one has heard of. Truthfully, I've heard Vanishing more than the song that Fetus sang.
2 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on April 16, 2008 3:50 AM
Did anyone else notice that Mariah s hair is almost the same color as her skin?
3 of 15 | Posted by katiekatie | Posted on April 16, 2008 6:06 AM
I don't listen to pop radio, so I hadn't heard any of these songs before. Other than "Vision of Love" and the song that samples "Genius of Love" from Tom Tom Club ("Fantasy"?), I couldn't name one song of hers. Based on last night I'm not missing much.
Cook was by far the best. Even the haters have to admit he did something different and interesting with that song, and at least so far as I know he's not copying someone else's arrangement.
Brooke was by far the worst. I think Brooke has gone as far as she can, and frankly, as far as she wants to. I don't feel like she is enjoying being on AI anymore. I felt bad watching her tremble through her performance.
As much as I hate to admit it, Syesha was really good and I thought the judges didn't give her her due. How the hell can Simon criticize her when she does performers' signature songs which invite comparison and then slam her for picking a song that will be unfamiliar to the audience????
I found Archuleta really boring. Carly was solid but unexciting. KLC fell somewhere in this category also.
Castro was pretty good, but I thought the song was so bad I'm having trouble judging the performance objectively.
I'd rank 'em:
David Cook
Syesha
Castro
Archuleta
Carly
KLC
Brooke
Bottom 3 will be as above, with Brooke or Carly out.
4 of 15 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on April 16, 2008 6:44 AM
"I hope Daughty steals this shit"
Awesome!!
5 of 15 | Posted by sibbie | Posted on April 16, 2008 6:52 AM
Flipit, fantastic recap... and so fast! (that's what she said - sorry, Office flashback)
Overall, I really enjoyed the performances:
Fetus - I just love his voice so it was all good on that front. However, the leather pants are another story. WTH?!
Carly - enjoyed her performance from beginning to end. TAttoo face scares the heck out of me though.
Syesha - oh dear. Someone needs to check under this girl's skirt to make sure she isn't smuggling 2 fuzzy wuzzies. Seriously this girl has some balls. 'Vanishing' is one of my fave MC songs and I think it ranks as one of her strongest vocal performances ever (seriously, even if you're not a fan check it out, it's just her and a piano - I still get chills hearing it). But it's not a song that lends itself well to being truncated to a minute. Also, for Syesha to try and ape the original is ridiculous, she simply pales by comparison. It was fortunate for her that none of judges seemed very familiar with the original. Seriously, Simon is the only judge whose opinion I really value but why does he know fewer songs than I do.
KLC - um, I enjoyed the performance. She's been picked on so much that I'm starting to root for her. She really could have a country hit with the song.
Brooke - horrible, simply horrible. I don't mind that her vocal range is so limited but I felt no connection to the song from her. It was just a mess both musically and vocally.
David Cook - awesome. I never in a million years would've thought that could work. 'Always be my Baby' is the most sugary pop song this side of 'Mmmbop'. I know everyone likes to compare him to Daughtry but honestly I think he's more talented.
Jason Castro - also did a fine job. His performance last week of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' may be my favourite Idol performance ever so he can coast on that for the next couple of weeks.
6 of 15 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on April 16, 2008 7:20 AM
"Maybe it's Gaybeline" made me laugh so hard, my husband came down the hall to see what was wrong with me.
Outstanding recap!!!
The Fetus bores me to death...and could he be anymore vapid in the interviews?
Carly is over-rated. She can hit the notes, but has no real emotion. Her personality in interviews is slightly rude, like she thinks she's better than all this. Plus her husband frightens most of Middle America...and parts of the coasts.
Syesha is derivative...and that's why she won't win. Syesha did an okay job, but she hasn't inspired a decent fan base.
I liked KLC (I never thought I'd say that,) David Cook (I never thought I'd say that, either...although what's left of his hair is still a fine joke,) and Jason C.
I see Brooke, Carly, and Syesha in the bottom three. And I wouldn't miss any of them.
7 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 16, 2008 10:50 AM
Everyone else has ranked them, so I will too.
Archuleta: Yeah, he's definetly lost most of his sparkle. He peaked way early and I don't think he's going to be the shoo-in winner anymore.
Syesha: I don't know, I wasn't feeling it from her, never really have though - I thought she was a'ight. I think she's up for elimination this week.
Carly: Ok chicky, it's time to step it up. Most of the song was repetitive and boring. Learn how to emote without it looking so damn forced!
Jason Castro: I'd buy his record right now. He's a genuine talent and wasn't my fave for a long time. He's pulled it out now and is truly starting to shine in my opinion.
Kristi Lee: OK I've never liked this girl, but seriously, she DID give me goosebumps this week and I will be downloading this version on iTunes. Just don't tell anyone.
David C.: Daughtry 2.0, new and improved version. Was it me, or did the song sound a bit "stalker-y"? Listen to it again and imagine a creepy stalker guy singing it. Though, point taken, he definetly made it his own.
Brooke: As a piano player for 15+ years, I can tell you, that arrangement was pretty complicated. I was loving it until the klunker note that was her downfall. She just plain didn't pull it off, and for that, she'll be in the bottom 3 again.
5 bucks says Syesha goes home tonight. Any takers?
8 of 15 | Posted by MargotTenenbaum | Posted on April 16, 2008 10:59 AM
Another FINE recap - and so quick!
Thanks for pointing out that the judges seem to favor some contestants over others. I don't know how it effects the voting, but it must.
I was wrong last week, but I can again see having three girls in the bottom three. Brooke really had a bad week - I think the missed wedding really threw her off her game (she may even be wondering if show business is worth it, if you have to sacrifice family to that degree - WTF couldn't they have let her go to the wedding? she isn't exactly fighting world terrorism here!)
Carly looked so much better with long sleeves. Now, if she could only get sleeves to cover her husband's face...
9 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 16, 2008 12:09 PM
Terrific recap! The captionless picture of David Cook slumped over the microphone actually inspired me to think of a caption: This is why it is universally suggested that you wait one hour after lunch before swimming.
10 of 15 | Posted by denisesb | Posted on April 16, 2008 1:19 PM
^^^ ^^^^^^^^ and Now, if she could only get sleeves to cover her husband's face...
LOLOLLL you guys
xo
11 of 15 | Posted by flipit | Posted on April 16, 2008 1:22 PM
I seem to be out by myself in all of this. I hate Fetus, Castro, and Brooke, and I love Syesha and Carly. I also thought David Cook's song was kind of boring, and I'm actually a fan of his.
Syesha and Carly really get fucked over by the judges, though. If they were just faux-humble 17-year olds with questionable fathers or Rastifarian look-alikes with very little singing ability, the judges would be all over that shit.
Seriously, they could go out and sing really well, and the judges would be kind of "meh" about the whole thing. Then Jason would come out and have his voice crack continuously over three notes that are repeated the entire song while looking sort of constipated, and they'd hail him as the second coming.
This show pisses me off, but for some reason I'm still keep coming back for more.
12 of 15 | Posted by GildedLulz | Posted on April 16, 2008 2:16 PM
No matter how much I hear how good this group is, this is still the most boring season ever with the most boring contestants ever.
Anyway, I do agree that the judges will let their favorites slide even when their horrible, but when someone they don't like gets on stage and completely nails it, they hardly have anything positive to say, case in point David A.
David A. has been doing the same boring ass performances every single time and missing notes left and right, but the judges never say anything about it. I do not get the hype over David either, a robot kid who sings ballads all the time, how is he popular?
Personally I'm not that into Carly although I am feeling Syesha, but the judges clearly don't give two shits about these girls and are ready for them to leave any minute now. Simon hardly gives any credit to Syesha at all even when she's really good and Carly is not letting go and is way too tense. None of this matters because neither of them have a chance in hell of winning.
If David Cook doesn't win this season, this season blows because he's the only one who's even remotely interesting even though I like Jason and his pothead self, but if it weren't for David Cook, I probably wouldn't watch this show at all.
13 of 15 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on April 16, 2008 2:31 PM
yay!!! fast recap!!!! Love ya, Flip--and I'm sooo failing at predicting this year too . . . My caption "More Brains"
I do see Sy is generic, but I enjoy watching her and listening. Carly is not in her body out there, the way she keeps opening her eyes, and looking at nothing, and that wrinkle in her forehead--never thought I'd endorse a shot of Botox, but if it made her look less scowly, could help. Once again, Syesha has vocal control and POWER--she can blow and hold those notes and still get a little actressy with her face and eyes, and her forehead wrinkle is pretty--Carly seems to have to push too hard--but I'm gonna stop picking on her, I actually enjoyed it mostly last night, but wish she had done a hit, like "We Belong Together"--no one hit the Mimi material, and it's some of the best . . .
Fetus, meh, hate that song, and for a Diva notefest, it's pretty bland melodically, makes sense she wrote it for Gloria. He's fine, he's fine, I could give a s**t about the pants, but glad he wore a shirt and not 3 layers . . . DC was great, Jason and KLC good, Brooke, train wreck, but it'll make her fans vote-no one could have missed that dial it home end . . .
I'm gonna say Carly's going, and I feel bad, as she may in fact not get a contract after this--Vote for the worst hates her with a passion, and her hubby's okay with me, I don't have to sleep with him . . .
14 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 16, 2008 2:52 PM
I know this was posted weeks ago and I actually didn't read this recap until today, but I just wanted to let you know that Cook cried not because he's an egomaniac, like you think, but because his older brother Adam (who is fighting brain cancer that spread to his spine) was able to come and see him sing and was in the audience for that song.
15 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 7, 2008 9:26 PM