PS If you enjoyed this watered down bs, get your tickets for AI LIVE! You'll get another three hours of it! Tink leads us through a recap of last night. First off, T.Vo, you were not wrong. Syesha totally boned the beginning of her song. Unlike someone else, though, she got her shit together and went on. Simon got a boner and then told her that she would be relegated to Broadway for the rest of her life. That's not my snooty tone, it's his.
The Fetus performed a beautiful if somewhat driftwood-y version of "Think of Me" while wearing a smaller version of the jacket Randy's wearing tonight, Brooke screwed up again and then lied about it (which was my hands down favorite moment of the season, btw), Castro gave Kermit the Frog a run for his money, Carly sang her ass off and then ruined it all with her personality (did she have two t-shirts waiting in the wings with the PA, or did she just know that she wouldn't suck?), and Cook did a respectable job with a really tough song. Best judgment of the night came from Paula, who told Brooke after a looooooong, awkward, Ambien pause: "You can't stop and start." Record a robot's voice onto a track and move your lips to it, dipshit. Duh.
Tink sits ALW down in one of the awkward space stools on the stage and throws questions at him. Personally, I am charmed by the tiny Brit. His arms are flinging all over the place and he's always shifting his eyes back and forth like he's waiting to catch a fly with his tongue. Tink brings up last night's incident, otherwise known as Brooke's latest fuck up. He says "for the first time ever on this stage, Brooke stopped and started again." Come on now, we all know that's bs. What's with all the lying? ALW says stopping and starting happens all the time, and it happened on the judges panel last night too. Oh snap, Broadway. Simon points to Paula, who in turn regurgitates Brooke's stale ass excuse:
They even have the same neck!
ALW continues on that Brooke was good in rehearsal and has a decent career (as a nanny) ahead of her, and some brat in the mosh pit tries to do the "I'm crushing your head!" thing to Brooke's face with her hands.
Aim higher, kid.
ALW says that Castro didn't take his advice and he completely agreed with Simon and there is no way anyone could have been happy with the performance. LOVE IT! Get this man his own show! Tink asks him if he wrote a love song for Paula and Simon, what would he title it? "Cruel" Good answer. Then he twitches and jerks back so far that he almost falls off his stool. Whistle Down the Wind aside, I love this little man.
American Idol Postage Stamps: If ever you needed a reason to go green and use email instead. This week's stamp is my fave of all time, Fantasia Barrino, and all I can do is close my eyes, shake my head, and whisper "grrrrrrrrl".
Were any of you one of the five people who saw that AI spoof American Dreamz, where the President of the US was so desperate for decent poll numbers that he showed up on the show? Remember how stupid and almost funny that was?
Blah blah blah. WHY IS MY GAS ALMOST FIFTY DOLLARS A WEEK, BITCHES?
I'll spare you a disgusted, revolted political rant and just say this: Laura looks more brainwashed than the Fetus.
Elimination time. Too bad the Bushes aren't on the stage. Sorry, I can't help it. Cook and The Fetus are up first. Tink asks Simon if he still thinks The Fetus sucks, and Simon's eating candy. LOL. No, he didn't suck, he just wasn't as good as previous weeks. Cook says he didn't change up the arrangement of his song because ALW is the most brill ever (wouldn't go that far) and Fetus says that he's always a little nervous but....who cares? NEXT WEEK IS NEIL DIAMOND WEEK!! Lolollllllll. In case you haven't watched this show, like ever, they're both safe.
And now a special sneak peak of Will Smith's new movie. It looks retarded, but it's not called I Am Legend, so it should be a step up. Back from break, we get to see all of the Idols who have been on Broadway. Gayken's in Spamalot? Holy crap, I am going to NYC tomorrow. I didn't know a young Shirley McClain was even a role in that show! Way to squash those gay rumors.
Give it a couple decades. She'll be playing Ouisa in Steel Magnolias: The Musical
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Comments (11)
thanks for the speedy recap, Flip!!! Great analogies, and tho I zipped at the speed of light the minute the dark lord and his minion hit the screen, seeing your screen grabs, I am reminded of the song, "Backstabber" "they smile in your face"
I have some old, dirty needles of mine shipping to you express, maybe they'll be just the thing for your voodoo doll!!!! I say backlash next week, are people really going to stand for this!?
ps. I think Warble's hubby is the younger guy with more hair just off screen--who had a telling look on his face at one point . . . my coworker says Warble's recorded full lengths are great--anyone ever download one?
Fetus is getting creepier, yes!?, they don't need to make a bobble head, he already is one . . .
1 of 11 | Posted by juddan | Posted on April 24, 2008 12:23 PM
"never really had her breakout moment."
But she was given plenty of chances to have that moment...both in this show and with her previous recording contract.
And to Randy: of course this is a popularity contest. That's what the entire entertainment industry is. You have to be popular to sell...and you get popular by being charming, interesting, and likeable IN ADDITION to having some talent.
But being a "loser" on this show doesn't mean no career. Plenty of early exits have been followed by great success. (Clay Aiken, Tamyra Gray, Kimberly Locke, Bucky Covington, Jennifer Hudson, Chris Daughtry.) You just need to know how to expand your exposure once the show is over.
2 of 11 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 24, 2008 12:47 PM
I was so happy last night because both Jason and Brooke took ALW's music and pissed all over it, and I thought that there was NO way America was dumb enough to not vote one of them off, since everyone else got rave reviews.
I was FLOORED when not only were they not voted off, but neither of them were even in the bottom.
My guess is that people got all asshurt because "Jesus Christ Superstar" sounds really sacreligious, but SERIOUSLY. Jason over Carly?
Carly was my favorite person that was left, too!
Now I hate everyone left but Syesha. And sort of David Cook. I've liked him from the start, but knowing he's becoming the next Fetus really kills it for me.
3 of 11 | Posted by gildedlulz | Posted on April 24, 2008 2:38 PM
Hey Flipit,
Tell me where to send the money for your Brooke's "Hit" fund, I'm IN!!!!!
4 of 11 | Posted by ecthelion | Posted on April 24, 2008 3:28 PM
I can't be the only one who noticed that carly said "and i remembered all the lyrics!" at the end of her bottom 2 performance...
5 of 11 | Posted by aidennme | Posted on April 24, 2008 5:42 PM
i can't be the only one that noticed that carly said "And I remembered all the words" at the end of her bottom 2 performance... LOL
6 of 11 | Posted by aidnnme | Posted on April 24, 2008 5:44 PM
Great recap!
I think Brooke's husband is the 4th guy in.
I am sad that Carly is gone, but she as much as admitted she wasn't herself, and so never connected with the audience. When she was herself, I liked her -- and she clearly was close to many contestants. She has the raw material, she just gets in her own way. Oh well.
Brooke has to go, though. I'm afraid she is going to have a meltdown on stage.
Jason, well, I love him. Not Tuesday night, he was bad, but I have a total crush on him (I'm sad to say) and I am 25 years older than he is. I'm not sure why, 'cause I don't like the stoners, not a fan of the dreadlocks, and find him annoyingly inarticulate. Yet, I love him. He won't win, and 3rd is his best possible outcome, so anytime now he will be leaving me.
Of course, I don't vote, so don't blame me if you want him off.
7 of 11 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on April 24, 2008 9:55 PM
My dumbass actually shed a tear when Carly got voted off the show. Poop on me. I feel sad and let down... I really liked this season 'til now.
8 of 11 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on April 25, 2008 1:22 PM
I'm so glad that there are others who hate Brooke as much as I do.
This was posted on the LA times blog by someone who was at the results show :
"The high jinks however, took a more dramatic turn after Brooke White and Syesha Mercado took their turns on the stage. Once Angel of Death Ryan Seacrest gave Brooke the all-clear, she rushed to collapse on the couch, lying face down once the show went to commercial and openly weeping, a spectacle that summoned Paula to the stage to comfort her and raised many an eyebrow about her seeming bottomless well of neediness. Meanwhile, across the stage, Syesha, alone on her death stool, turned her back to the audience to let her tears flow, clearly thinking, I gave it my greatest performance and I’m still here on this damn stool. What more can I do for you people?"
WTF? Get that self-centered drama queen of my TV screen now. I'll pay for the therapist myself.
9 of 11 | Posted by Casiopee | Posted on April 25, 2008 10:17 PM
If it hasn't been clear this entire time how much the season sucks and now with Carly going home on her best performance, it surely is clear now.
With having all the intersting people been voted off, we are left with these zombies on stage namely Jason, Brooke, and David A who have been doing the same boring ass performances since week 1.
The only interesting person left is David C. and maybe Syesha. How awesome would it be if that robot kid David A. got eliminated in the top 3 and Syesha and David C. were the final 2. I know that won't happen, but one can dream.
10 of 11 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on April 26, 2008 11:27 AM
I didn't think either of the bottom two should have been there. I thought Carly and Tink chatting while Syesha sang was REAL rude and wanted Karma to nail Carly (thank you, Karma).
I agree that Carly's song choice lost her a tatoo parlor full of votes. Sort of the reverse of the famous ""Proud to be an American".
Things beyond AI control are having an effect on ratings - the election low-hijinks, the gas crisis, the housing crisis, possible food shortages, the resumption of "quality" programming, start of bikini season - America only has so much time and energy to go around.
Vote early and often.
11 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 28, 2008 12:31 PM