He shows up as himself today and says he will even dress like bikini whore to make it to the next round. Paula tells him that he needs to stay his wacky self and Skara says she misses his schtick. And he's through. OK this is just getting fucking depressing. I don't wanna hear anyone from this show complaining that it's becoming it a joke (coughSanjycough). Montage of people making it. I feel sick to my stomach. Uncle Phyllis made it through. This show has officially become a parody of itself.
Jackie Tone is next. She's meh at best and off key through half her remember last week clip but she's cute and wacky so she makes it through. She freaks. And she's followed by the biggest freak of the show. TATIANA! Montage of her craziness. She comes in wearing one of Paula's tinfoil QVC pieces of crap, screaming and carrying on like an idiot. Simon's tells her "just for once, try not to be annoying." HAHAHAHAHAH. Paula cringes when she sees Tati wearing her jewelry and then Tatiana goes on and on about how it was a sign from God, who is apparently really tacky and cheap. Tati says that she really wanted the ring and cried when it was sold out. Paula stands up and puts the ring on her finger. Tati cries. Simon says it's very generous of Paula to so shamelessly promote her shit jewelry on national tv like that. LOL. She's in!! Oh. My. GAWD. Anyone still taking this shit seriously? Raise your hands.
She breaks down and Simon hugs her and whispers in her ear : "Paula's gonna want the ring back." HAHAHAH. Well at least we can laugh while the ship sinks, eh? Tati leaves squealing and sobbing and screaming. Ok, this disaster I can live with. She's hilarious. The rest of the waiting room can barely bring themselves to applaud.
Another sing off! This time it's between a guy named Jackie that I can't even remember and the sad pierced multi tone hair queen that I hated on site. I have been trying to figure out who he looks like. I thought Martha Plimpton at first, but she's Vanna White in comparison. Garbage Pail Kid? Nah, those were at least cute enough to collect. Then it hit me. I had a flashback to that 20/20 or Dateline or whatever about those dolls that look like newborn babies. Reborns.
Tell me you don't see it.
Jackie has a nice voice but is milquetoast. He sings "When a Man Loves a Woman" and it's very nice and booooring. Skara thinks he's great and shouldn't have to be in a singoff. Flashback to Reborn's monologue about not getting enough love in his childhood. Now we get an explanation of what that means. He tells us that he's lived with every member of his family because he was too annoying and dramatic to keep. His grandma says she took him in when his mom went to jail for "her problem."
Was this before or after she became a famous lunch lady that competed on Survivor?
Grams is adorable. She cries and says that she hopes American Idol can help him, ie get him the f out of her house. Reborn, in bright red stretch jeans and a purple scarf, comes bopping into the judges chamber. Simon asks him wtf he's wearing. LOL. He says in case it's his last day he wanted to come in as much himself as possible. Yeah, that? Please stop. He gets up to sing and gives cryie face and sings better than he has yet. It pains me to say it, but he outsang milquetoast. DAMMIT. In the waiting hallway, he starts fauxsobbing like a little girl and tells Milquetoast "I want this so bad but I don't wanna take away your dream!" Get him off my TV PLEASE. Again, he's not really crying. Fucking faker. I really hate this kid.
I would totally cry for you, but I'm a young David Bowie.
They are brought back in and Reborn is still pretending to cry. And it works. He's in. And I am officially over it. Gay bashings are going to increase, and it's all on your head, Reborn!
Newest peanut butter packaging.
And then Salma Hayek comes on breast feeding someone else's baby in Africa. I'm not kidding. Dude, hand the mom a twenty if you wanna be nice.
I keep looking out the window waiting for the world to end. Any second now. I'm ordering a pizza.
Montage of people crying and passing through. And ps there's no way this guy's under the age limit.
Can I borrow some money for more dye to hide my mane of grey hair?
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Comments (19)
This cracked my ass up--Expwain why you sowd bad peanut buttuh.--
Hahahahaha! And I cannot believe they ditched Gay Just Best Friends guy and let SO many others thru! Reborn is gross. I don't even care if he can sing because I can't get past all the freakin fake ass crying. I want them to send Tati home just to see her lose her shit, but then I'd miss her. Von needs to go away. Again with the faces. Ugh.
Love you flipit!
1 of 19 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on February 14, 2009 1:42 AM
Notes:
1. I had the feeling I was watching the Gay Pride parade for most of the show. They saved the two or three hetero guys for last. Though the jury's out on the welder.
2. Punk hair? That's not punk. That's some over-paid stylist's idea of marketing. This guy sucks. Which means he'll probably win.
3. Skara? Hee hee!
4. I like the hot mom (Alexa). She's the only one of the girls I can remember at any rate. She'll be fun watching, at least until she buys fake boobs, puffs up her lips and buys a botox factory. Ah, Hollywood. It doesn't bother me too much that she's 'leaving' her kid--it's not like they're locked up in the Big Brother house. Surely she'll be able to see her once in a while?
5. If they had to put a blind guy on, they could have at least found one who can sing. And wear shades. This guy is decidedly mediocre.
6. I agree that Jamar was better than most of the rest. But those piercings were just so stupid, they had to get rid of him. Dunno why they kept the other pierced clown (the crybaby): comic relief? But then, it seems like most of their choices are pure entertainment cannon fodder.
Anyway, at this point, I stop watching the show and only read the recaps. I'll let you suffer through that awful music for me. You'll be like christ. The original Idol.
2 of 19 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 14, 2009 1:42 AM
Okay, so I was on my way to reading the Top Chef recap, which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, because it is written by the best recapper EVER...Flipit! But, I get distracted by the AI post and think, Oh, what the heck, might as well read that first. And as I'm reading it, I'm thinking, Wow, this is really funny! They must have another great recapper here!! And I get to the end and...WTF...FLIPIT!!
Yay!
I bow to the feet of your greatness.
3 of 19 | Posted by michigan | Posted on February 14, 2009 6:24 AM
Flipit, I agree with every single thing you said. What is up with this season?
Also, no one else thinks Alexis looks just like a young Molly Ringwald? I'm talkin' twins!
HILARIOUS recap btw!!!
4 of 19 | Posted by User Name | Posted on February 14, 2009 7:40 AM
At the risk of calling you out, Nigel is NOT producing this season, which may explain the overall crappiness of EVERYTHING so far. I really feel that when the judges were playing jigsaw polaroids, they picked 24 posers to ensure their ideal Top 12 make it through. I've never been so angry watching the early rounds of AI before.
That being said, I LOVE YOU, FLIP!!! Your recaps are pure genius, and I genuflect at the altar of TVGASM.
5 of 19 | Posted by slumrville | Posted on February 14, 2009 7:41 AM
That was me. Don't know why my name didn't post? Sorry!
6 of 19 | Posted by Renoblondee | Posted on February 14, 2009 7:42 AM
This recap proves why you are The Master. All hail Flipit!
7 of 19 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on February 14, 2009 10:06 AM
Flipit... pure genius! I'm in pain from losing various body parts while laughing madly. I sooooo totally want to SingleWhiteFemale you, cuz you are the bestest ever!
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 19 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on February 14, 2009 11:07 AM
JUST WHEN I WAS BEGINNING TO LIKE IDOL AGAIN, BECAUSE OF THE ACTUAL TALENT THIS YEAR IN THE EARLY ROUNDS THEY GO AND DO SOMETHING STUPID, LIKE ELIMINATE THE ACTUAL SINGERS FOR REALITY TV PERSONALITIES. I THINK WE CAN ALL REMEMBER THAT THE MOMENT THAT GAY JUST FRIEND JAMAR WAS ELIMINATED AS THE MOMENT THE SHOW JUMPED THE SHARK, LIKE REALLY WTF, THE ONLY ACTUAL TALENTED SINGER WITH A PERSONALITY THAT MIGHT WORK IN ENTERTAINMENT.
PS. I think Simon is purposely messing this show up, so it can die faster, then he can bring his shoe X Factor to America, just like he did with America's Got Talent
9 of 19 | Posted by nflow | Posted on February 14, 2009 3:03 PM
Think ED SULLIVAN. You have to have something for everybody. If you just had good singers that would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? 36 good singers like Jordin Sparks? Listen, baby, I wouldn't watch that show.
Personally, I think oil rigger and welder are much better singers than fauxhawk's black luver man.
Plus, I was getting tired of that ebony and ivory luv fest. Just come out of the closet and tell America you're a gay couple (and you're getting married!)
Your uncle Phyllis (Bobbie Gentry?) may not be the best singer but he does have some entertainment value.
And who doesn't enjoy laughing at Nathanial? He's such a big, gay misfit. He's like Bigfoot's gay son.
(I apologize to Bigfoot for dragging him into this.)
Remember, Funny good. Angry not so good.
10 of 19 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on February 14, 2009 4:08 PM
Oh Flipit, you are the best recapper no offense to the others
Adam - I so agree with you on him, he sucks and I really don't know why these AI obsessed people love him or it's just those delusional woman who like Adam just like those woman who were obsessed with Clay that didn't want to admit with themselves that he was gay.
Gay Just Best Friends Guy -The only reason they got rid of Jamar was because they wanted to show some drama between him and Danny when one of them eliminated. Jamar was edgy, had his own style, and different voice and could potentially become a huge star. AI sucks when they this disregard real talent to show drama.
Nigel doesn't produce this show anymore which explains why this show sucks now. Tatiana or Nick/Norman whatever his name would have not made it or any other season. Must I not forget Reborn or Von something tells me that judges hate them their just doing it because producers want them to there to entertain us when all its doing is pissing us off.
Well this season sucks and the only reason I'm gong to watch is to follow with these recaps. Luv U Flipit
11 of 19 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on February 14, 2009 8:04 PM
I disagree completely with almost everybody on here.
Firstly, Adam Lambert has a brilliant voice. He's got fantastic range and excellent pitch. I don't know if you guys are tone deaf or what, but he's got talent. I would put him in the top 5 male vocalists that Idol has ever had.
And Nick/Norman? He's got chops too. He's not the best singer they've ever heard, but he's certainly better than some (like Kristy Lee Cook, for example) that have made it all the way into the top 12.
I think this is one of the best bunch of singers that Idol has had in a long time - of the 12 performing on Tuesday, I really like at least 9 of them. Some of the personalities are grating (eg Nathaniel) but they're all decent singers. Even Tatiana, who makes me want hit her with a large, blunt object. She is annoying as hell, but she can sing. Too bad she'll get kicked off really quickly though.
I was annoyed that Jamar got kicked off, but that was my only real qualm with the top 36.
I think some of them have stuff they really need to work on, like keeping the volume down (VON!), keeping the faces to a minimum (VON, Adam) and just generally working on vocals, but otherwise, I am liking this season so far.
Dunno what the rest of you are watching...
And by the way, regarding oil rig salaries. I live in Alberta (Canada) where we have more oil than Saudi Arabia. Although business has slowed considerably, rig workers make huge money up in the oil sands in Fort McMurray. Half the kids I went to high school with moved up there to work on the rigs. So I'm sensing a little BS in Oil Rig Michael's story. Otherwise, he needs to come to Canada - they'd pay him well.
12 of 19 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on February 15, 2009 1:19 AM
My problem with the 'Punk Hair' guy is not that he can't sing --if you like that high-pitched girly voice stuff -- it's that he's so clearly a package deal. He's being handled by a team of stylists, etc. (with questionable taste-- that euro trash emo look--although most likely they did some targeted market research first), there's nothing natural about him, i.e., he comes off as a true poser. Or someone just opened a can. There's no reason for him to be on the show.
Normal Fell sings....okay. He's not a great singer, and he knows it--that's what his whole schtick is about, it's a mask to cover up his mediocrity. Nothing wrong with that -- I prefer 'flawed' singers anyway.
But anyway, it's a show, it's supposed to be fun to watch. So I'm happy enough they kept as many weirdos as they did.
13 of 19 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 15, 2009 2:22 AM
"If I had this man at home I would never leave. Neither would he. Or I would follow him and possibly kill him."
HAHAHAHAAAA!!! (Flip, I remember seeing Frankie's husband on her audition day and thinking, good lord! I hope they keep that girl just so I can see her hot-as-fuck husband again!)
I had to laugh about the girls with the blond hair and neon pink highlights cause hey, when they loose this show, it's like easy transition to Rock of Love Bus Season 2 - ya know how Bret loves the gay skunk look!
Also, every time Tati is on screen it makes me think of that crazy lady Penelope that Kristin Wiig plays on SNL that always tries to one-up everyone - but if Penelope were on speed and thought she was the second coming of Mariah Carey.
Loved the recap - and agree almost 100% on your observations, I cannot stand the dude with the fauxhawk and dead wife, I just get serious boy-band flashbacks every time he sings.
PS.
New UN press release:
Salma Hayek: Curing World Hunger, One Ginormous Booby At A Time
14 of 19 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on February 16, 2009 8:56 AM
Great job! Honestly, I don't know how much I can take of the two drama queens (AKA Natiana).
It seems there are two catagories - the genuine contenders and the others who are chosen more to appeal to differnet demographics (sort of like Vice Presidents).
I do think looks are one legitimate factor in trying to pick a potential star. All other factors being fairly equal, the better looking one is easier to market.
15 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on February 16, 2009 9:54 AM
Notes:
1. I have a hard time believing that Gay Best Just Friends is worse than Uncle Phyllis, tacky Tati and that effing ridiculous Reborn. I liked his voice; the other three did nothing for me.
2. Although Norman or whatever Tio Phyllis calls himself might try "Last Comic Standing." Then he can be cut from two reality shoes for wasting our time. If he's entertaining, we all need to get out more.
3. "If I had this man at home I would never leave. Neither would he. Or I would follow him and possibly kill him." Amen.
4. I admit it, I like Punk Hair Lambert, but I love musical theater. Besides, he's less punk, more emo Fallout Boy sap/singer Peter Wentz (Wince?) who married Ashlie Simpson. Only with a bad dye job, more eyeliner and worse skin. (Lay off the foundation, mate.)
5. I have taken to putting Tati on mute whenever she comes on screen after that first audition and the squawking she did in group week. And I thought she was horrid then so ...
6. If she and Reborn where to have a test tube baby, no doubt that child would be the anti-Christ of Annoying. I can't decide which one annoys me more. Seriously, her screaming laughter (insane) or his faux-weeping (equally imbalanced). The only entertaining thing left to this season will be deciding wh/ one of these basketcases is going to boil Simon's bunny (or Seacrest) first.
7. Please don't compare David Bowie and Reborn to each other. Bowie is incredible; Reborn is incredibly irritating and likes to wear rubberbands around his head as a fashion statement.
8. Flip, please finish out this season of AI so I don't have to watch it anymore. Pretty please? Your recap made this episode less painful.
16 of 19 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on February 16, 2009 11:25 AM
I can't believe it's taken me so long to absorb the joy that is one of your recaps, Flip! Guess me and J-mo ( and Mr. Dangerous and "who's the other one, Angelina) are the lusters for the welder and rigger (tho I prefer the former--hope he is gay, itchy)
So, it's my first post from home, hope it works--such a joy to bring you home with me and have you tuck me in!
So, I like the widower, I could see him winning, guess I'm sucker, as i wrung a few salty's for his "I Hope You Dance" - so wrong of me to like that song, esp after this fuckery!!! Couldn't believe they dumped Gay Just Best Friend, I think they had to stop them before they touched lips . . . scandel!
Tati reminds me of Judy Tenuta, so maybe I could learn to find her entertaining, she threw her song down tho, me likied. Can't stand bandanna's on heads, but where did you find that screen grab of reborn, amazing!!!
I love Jackie Tohn, she's got a song on you tube, it's a little meh, but I love her tone--perfect gravel, and I think she's cool, and she must be a witch coz she made the window fall on Skara!
Who thinks Skara's purpose on the show is going to be to write the final songs with the two peeps to fake cry to the top--she did work with Paris Hilton, didn't she!?
also, wasn't it top 24 last year? Maybe the extra fodder is to extra extra guarantee they're chosen ones. I'm glad this year wont have a failed recording artist, sorry what was your name, and at least they keep picking outragous gays--if I was still young enough to try out for this, I fear I would have come off like reborn, uggghhhh!!!! I even wore red pants in my day, but I talked to God and he forgives me . . .
17 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 17, 2009 12:09 AM
I can't believe it's taken me so long to absorb the joy that is one of your recaps, Flip! Guess me and J-mo ( and Mr. Dangerous and "who's the other one, Angelina) are the lusters for the welder and rigger (tho I prefer the former--hope he is gay, itchy)
So, it's my first post from home, hope it works--such a joy to bring you home with me and have you tuck me in!
So, I like the widower, I could see him winning, guess I'm sucker, as i wrung a few salty's for his "I Hope You Dance" - so wrong of me to like that song, esp after this fuckery!!! Couldn't believe they dumped Gay Just Best Friend, I think they had to stop them before they touched lips . . . scandel!
Tati reminds me of Judy Tenuta, so maybe I could learn to find her entertaining, she threw her song down tho, me likied. Can't stand bandanna's on heads, but where did you find that screen grab of reborn, amazing!!!
I love Jackie Tohn, she's got a song on you tube, it's a little meh, but I love her tone--perfect gravel, and I think she's cool, and she must be a witch coz she made the window fall on Skara!
Who thinks Skara's purpose on the show is going to be to write the final songs with the two peeps to fake cry to the top--she did work with Paris Hilton, didn't she!?
also, wasn't it top 24 last year? Maybe the extra fodder is to extra extra guarantee they're chosen ones. I'm glad this year wont have a failed recording artist, sorry what was your name, and at least they keep picking outragous gays--if I was still young enough to try out for this, I fear I would have come off like reborn, uggghhhh!!!! I even wore red pants in my day, but I talked to God and he forgives me . . .
18 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 17, 2009 12:09 AM
Well, that's good to know. You obviously have NO idea what makes a good singer and NO idea what your purpose is in this world. If you think you're in the right position to horribly insult an amazing singer and performer like that, why don't you show me your pipes. Like GeorgiaBabe said (THANK YOU!!!) he has amazing pitch and an amazing range. Take it from someone who knows.
19 of 19 | Posted by BroadwayBaby | Posted on March 30, 2009 12:22 PM