Can You Feel The Love Tonight? - 
by B-Side
It was an emotional roller coaster on tonight's American Idol. The big story tonight was that Elliot sang so well he made Paula cry. It was either that or whatever painkiller cocktail she'd imbibed before the show. Yes, Elliot shone brightly tonight (as did Chris), but when it came to duds, it was all about Pickler. Kellie was absolutely painful to watch. Her best moment came before her video clip even rolled -- and from there, it was all downhill. As for the rest of the gang? Blah. A big ole blah. Hope everyone enjoyed last week's magic because it sure as hell wasn't caught in a bottle.
This week's theme was "love" -- as in, we ever so "love" when random popera singers drop in and offer advice that's only barely more helpful than "sing that better." Yes, Andrea Bocelli swung by to help the kids sing love songs, and since it was evident that he could offer little in the way of constructive criticism, the Idol producers roped in über music producer David Foster to help out. Actually, he probably would have been there anyway since apparently Foster and Bocelli have an album "dropping" any day now. Ah yes. Blatant product placement. Where would Idol be without it? (Excuse me while I sip a Coca Cola.)
The show begins with Ryan back to his clean-shaven, beardless look. I rejoice that for now, I no longer have to stare at his feeble attempts at Moses-like greatness. I have a feeling that this episode can't be nearly as good as last week's stroll through the Standards, a premonition that's only strengthened by the startling image of Stevie Scott smiling at the camera. I swear, she's like the little girl from The Ring all growns up. Nothing good can come from this.
Ryan then reveals that all the singers will have two numbers tonight, "so there's no excuse for not voting." Actually, there is an excuse: DIGNITY. Okay, okay, it's become normal in society to vote for Idol, but I have yet to cross that boundary. Maybe for the final two, I'll take the plunge...
Next, it's time to meet our guest star, Andrea Bocelli. We immediately cut to Celine Dion -- another harbinger of all things evil. Seriously, all this show needs are a flock of crows to fly by and maybe a black cat to cross the stage. This night is cursed.
Anyway, Celine Dion says, "If God would have a singing voice, he must sound a lot like Andrea Bocelli." Is Celine implying that God isn't as good Andrea Bocelli? That's a bold move, Celine. Sounds like the gauntlet's been thrown. Time for a sing-off: Andrea Bocelli vs. God. Best two out of three songs.
For those of you who don't know, Andrea Bocelli is a (so-called) opera singer who has found success by merging classical sounds with modern pop. In this way, he has opened the door for such schlock acts as Sarah Brightman, Il Divo, and (barfing a little) Josh Groban. Oh, and he's also blind. Ryan says, "Bocelli has bridged the gap between classical and pop." Yes, he has. And that bridge SUCKS. And if anyone doubts me, feel free to give a listen to Bocelli's popera version of "Can't Help Falling In Love."
We then spend some time with David Foster, formerly of The Princes of Malibu, and we learn that when it comes to music, he's a hardass. Wait? So you're saying that Simon's not the only jerk in the music business? This is absurd! I thought they were all such friendly people!
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