Tonight's show starts with Ryan dressed all in black -- a bold shift from last night's gray outfit. I guess he wanted to put all those gray rumors behind him. All that gray has gone right back into the closet! Before we can even buckle ourselves in for tonight's super Elvis-y results show, our first celebrity sighting is shoved in our face. Why, it's Rebecca Romijn -- a.k.a. Pepper Dennis. SHE'S BIG NEWS. Sorry. Anyone who lives in the Los Angeles area has been inundated with dumb billboards and bus ads for that stupid show. Sitting alongside Ms. Romijn is perpetual goofball Jerry O'Connell. Unlike Pepper Dennis, he is not big news.

The fast forward button on my Tivo gets an early workout as Ryan recaps last night's show. When we return to the live show, Ryan tells us that for four finalists, "it's now or never." Hey, sounds like somebody's been reading TVgasm! Or, er, has a perfunctory knowledge of Elvis's biggest hits. But I prefer the first theory. Makes me feel special. Hi Ryan!

We then cut to commercial, but not before gazing upon the awkward image of Simon holding Paula down on his lap against her will. Normally, I'm sure she'd thrash and kick and scream, but you can never underestimate the vegetative state the scientists keep her in. She's like a Terry Schiavo who can walk (and clap her hands like a seal). Anyway, we leave for a break, and when we return, it's Ford Fusion time! This week's commercial is environmentally themed, and for once, no one's chasing a small bulldog. It's set to the old classic, "Wonderful World," but incongruously, the action centers around Taylor, Chris, and Elliot cleaning out Katharine's junk-filled garage so that she can park her car in it. Not only does the music barely match (the guys give her garage an eco-friendly theme. What a wonderful world, get it?), but the entire narrative is one of the weakest yet. I mean, it's about PARKING A CAR IN THE GARAGE. Next week, the show will center around someone opening a refrigerator or changing a light bulb.

Anyway, I know I really shouldn't question these little Ford Fusion commercials, but c'mon. They're ridiculous! At one point, Taylor puts a macaw parrot in the garage. Why? Why? It's an exotic bird! It'll die!!! At another point, the guys line the garage floor with grass. It makes no sense! We don't drive on grass normally! Why would we in a garage? And an eco-friendly car certainly shouldn't be driving on grass. It's like stomping on plants! Okay, okay. I'll settle down. Can't expect logic. Must lower standards -- as is always the case with American Idol.

"(squawk) Get this gray-haired freak away from me! (squawk)"