High Standards - 
by B-Side
Here's a surprise. Almost every single performance blew away the judges on tonight's American Idol. It was a great night of music, finally bucking the trend that began with 21st century music, ballooned with country, and then climaxed with Queen. I have to be honest. After the last few weeks, I had very low expectations. Plus, I'm just not crazy about when these kids sing old school music (tonight's theme was the American Songbook). I also must admit that I pretty much hate Rod Stewart (with a few exceptions here and there. Who can deny "If You Think I'm Sexy"?). As you can imagine, this was all adding up to be a night for the mute button, but surprise, surprise. There was magic in the air. Or at least as much magic as American Idol can allow. Just about the only major dud was Kellie Pickler, but c'mon now. We could all see that one coming for a mile.
Tonight's show opens with a dubious image: Marilu Henner clapping in the audience. For a moment, I have bitter flashbacks to 1998 when her stupid diet book was all the rage. I swear, if she gets up on stage and talks to Ryan Seacrest about the virtues of floaters versus sinkers again, I'm giving up this show. Luckily, Marilu remains in her seat, and I'm able to enjoy the rest of the show (speaking of Marilu Henner, Idol becomes a lot more amusing when you imagine the Taxi song playing whenever the show's theme music plays. Remind me to do that for Clipgasm sometime). By the way, here's a fun fact: Marilu Henner's real name? Mary Lucy Denise Pudlowski. Ha! She's SO a closet Pudlowski!
Okay, enough Marilu Henner discussion. Let's talk about the show. Ryan appears on camera with a mild stubble. It's supposed to be trendy, but like many things with him, it just looks lame. Ryan then introduces the judges, and inexplicably, Ryan omits Paula's name. Scandal! Oh wait. Upon further review, his microphone merely had gone dead. No scandal after all. Ryan then introduces the night's theme by saying, "American Idol is going smart!" I believe that's an oxymoron, but that's okay. Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, Rod Stewart is the guest star, and he's here to promote his American Songbook collection -- something all fading musicians do when they no longer have a creative bone in their body. I guess I'd prefer a lame cover of a great classic instead of a tepid version of a new dud. But you know what would sound best of all? Silence.
Brokeback Rod
Ryan then says "Rod Stewart is a rock legend." Yes. And now he's sold out. Wonderful! We then cut to footage of the Idol contestants standing around a piano and rehearsing. Rod walks in with his fiancé Penny and his newborn, Alistair. "I'm sorry we're late,' he says, "but we were making wedding plans." How lovely. But guess what? WE DON'T CARE! You be prompt, Rod Stewart!
Anyway, we then see a montage of Rod being a total clown during rehearsals. He doesn't seem to be helping at all. Barry Manilow is still the best teacher so far. But then again, we'll have to see how the performances are before we say anything more.
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