People came far and wide for this last city on the audition tour. Some people drove all the way from South Carolina. I like to call those people "crazy." With 11,000 people showing up, there were certainly many to choose from. First up was a guy named Bryan Kyrish. He was ready to take on the judges, noting that Paula, Simon, and Randy put their pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. Wait, you guys put your pants on one leg at a time? Huh. I guess that would make more sense than what I do: jumping into them two feet at once and hoping for the best.

Anyway, Bryan said his voice was akin to Billy Idol, Ozzy Osbourne, and the guys in AC/DC. Translation: this was going to be horrible. Not saying those singers are horrible. I just think oddly shaped men approaching thirty who aspire to be like them usually sound horrible.

Bryan informed the judges that he entered a mock American Idol contest and actually won the grand prize; so for a moment, we actually had high hopes for him. Well, maybe not high hopes. More like mildly elevated.

Sure enough, Bryan was totally flat, but his performance did pack a wallop. He screamed his way through Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell," and I'm sure you could hear his bellows of "MORE! MORE! MORE!!!" all the way down the street. As you can imagine, he was summarily denied. Bryan meekly exited the audition room and then serenaded Seacrest with his own special version of "Beauty and the Beast." It was awful.

Next up was Haley Scarnato, a pretty girl who'd been singing in a wedding band ever since she was fifteen. She looked good and seemed relatively normal; so we already knew she would be moving forward (the normal people on this show most always can sing). As soon as she walked into the audition room, she won an early fan with Paula, who absolutely adored Haley's outfit (despite it being purchased in a self-professed hootchie store).

Once the impromptu Project Runway moment came to a close, Haley then announced she would sing "I Can't Make You Love Me" (a popular entry on my "Cheesy/Slow" mp3 playlist). She earned another early fan in Simon, who upon hearing which song she'd be performing, bleated out an enthusiastic, "LOVE IT!" Geez, Simon. Settle down!

Well, Haley wasn't great, but she was definitely good. Paula seemed positively entranced, but that could have been due to any number of different reasons/pills. Ultimately, the judges praised her control, even if it did sound slightly cabaret-ish. They also questioned whether or not she was unique (no), but that didn't really matter. Like I said before: she was pretty and reasonably talented. To Hollywood!

Next up was a quiet, shy girl named Jasmine Holland, whose family held up a sign that amusingly (but kind of sadly) said, "Jasmines Are Next American Idol." Hey, did madeyoulaugh write that? To be fair, maybe they were just making a general statement about how all Jasmines will be the next American Idol. It's very possible.