Luckily, Akron got his groove back and sang a second song to prove he had personality. The gambit worked, and he earned himself a well-deserved ticket to Hollywood. I really hope he goes far because I really liked watching him and his cousin. Just sayin'. Gosh, not everything has to be a joke!
We then sat through a montage of terrible singers (including one off-putting "Vogue" singer who claimed she could make people cry with her voice). Then came Sandie Chavez, a teacher who came to sing the seminal '90s hit, "Black Velvet." We knew she was trouble right away when she said her musical training came from singing at parties when she was six. Well, she stood in front of the judges and performed a terrible, bizarre, and unnerving rendition of the song. The best way to describe her voice was like Kristen Wiig's Target lady doing karaoke. She also committed one of my favorite Idol fouls: clutching her ear as if she were listening to an earpiece when clearly there was no earpiece there at all. She might as well have clenched her fist up and pretended to sing into a microphone.
Well, the judges told her she was no good, and Sandie promptly began crying, eliciting sympathetic responses from some of the judges (not Simon). Eventually, she left the room, and as Simon studied her background information, he discovered that she wasn't just a teacher. She was a music teacher. Poor Sandie. She's so getting fired, you know, tomorrow.
Next up was one of the more curious auditions of the night. Ashlyn Carr apparently had such a good voice that she got beaten up over it in high school by some rival bitch. She wound up blacking out with a concussion, which is always a sign of success if you ask me.
Well, Ashyln sang a Michael Bublé cover of a Nina Simone song, and while she seemed like a good singer, something about her voice kind of bothered me. Hard to say what it was. The judges were equally mixed. They thought her voice was good, but what really bothered them were all her weird facial expressions which detracted from her performance. Randy further noted that she seemed to spend more attention on the vocal affectations than with the melody itself (exactly! That's exactly what was bothering me). Reluctantly, Randy said no, causing Ashlyn to burst out in tears. Paula, struggling to overcome her sentimental impulses, also passed on Ashlyn, which meant that no matter what Simon said, she wouldn't be going to Hollywood. Too bad since Simon said he would have given her a yes.
Ashlyn politely left the room and cried in the arms of her parents, and meanwhile, Paula sat in her chair looking totally crushed. Simon quietly commented that letting the girl go was a mistake, and feeling totally regretful, Paula and Randy decided to give this girl a second chance. But would it work? COMMERCIAL!
Even before the commercial break was over, we knew Ashyln would get the golden ticket. I mean, why bother bringing her back if she wasn't going to get it? Well, Ashyln sang a second song and tried desperately to control her spastic face, but hard as it was, she simply could not resist contorting her mouth from time to time. She eventually ended, and it was time for verdict 2.0, which, in the case of Simon, was the perfect opportunity to massage one's own bosom.
In between mantit rub-downs, Simon told Ashlyn that she made a lot of poor choices as a performer, but that she deserved to go to Hollywood. Paula seconded that, saying that there was enough time for Ashlyn to work on her strange facial expressions. And with that, Ashlyn defied the odds and earned a golden ticket. She sauntered out of the audition room, suddenly proud as a peacock and entirely too arrogantly for my tastes. I had been mildly pulling for her, but her cocky display really put me off. It might have been just a jokey response, but then every other time we cut to her, she was still strutting her stuff. I hate her now.
As the show wound down, we met Jacob Tutor, an odd fella with long sideburns and a goatee that seemed to be fashioned from Borat's bag of "pubis." He pretty much sucked, and we just know that the judges ripped him apart about his appearance, but in this post-Rosie O'Donnel/Kenneth Briggs universe, those harsh comments have mysteriously disappeared of late. Instead, we just watched as Jacob cursed the judges out afterwards. Eh. Who cares?
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Comments (33)
I am so glad you caught the "Jasmines Are" sign - I had to pause it to make sure I was reading it correctly. Seriously, there were 4 people in that group, and not one of them noticed the sign was wrong?
I also loved the cousins - the first one was hilarious, and it looked like the judges thought he was pretty funny too.
Loved the door montage. You know the reason they didn't put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on it is because it was so funny to watch everyone go to the wrong door.
Ashlyn drove me nuts. Her voice was ok, but her facial expressions were killing me. She needs major improvements. Or she should have tried out for Grease.
1 of 33 | Posted by Mrs.Meow
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Posted on February 7, 2007 11:23 AM
As I was watching, I tried to read Jasmine Holland's family's sign. I couldn't believe my eyes when it said "are American Idol". I turned to my boyfriend, laughed, and said "are American Idol?". I too felt bad for her family. I was in shock! Then, her mother asked where Simon was from? The country of French? No, British? I was guilty for laughing too hard!
But, did you hear Ryan's voice over when he said that before Simon flew back to British, there was one more audition? I lost it!
Oh, well..I can't wait for the Hollywood week - it seperates the wannabees from the real talent. But, I think tonight's episode will be fun (by the preview).
2 of 33 | Posted by augustburns2
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Posted on February 7, 2007 11:27 AM
I don't really have any favorites from last night. The last gut to audtion was really good though.
On a completely unrelated but kind of related note, I'm so glad you mentioned Kristen Wiig's Target lady because I love when she does that lady on SNL and I think she's completely underrated. It's nice to see someone else is watching her!
3 of 33 | Posted by Chris
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Posted on February 7, 2007 11:29 AM
B-Side are my favorite righter of all time.
4 of 33 | Posted by chief113
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Posted on February 7, 2007 11:35 AM
Too bad, I liked him too! On a lighter note, crazy facial expression chic has a little history herself!
http://www.tmz.com/2007/02/07/idol-hopeful-nixed-from-hwood-for-pot-rap/
5 of 33 | Posted by lotrchic5
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:05 PM
Did anybody else wonder how Baily's dad convinced her mom that he was the last man on earth? Seriously? How did he pull that off?
I loved the cousins! And was so glad that the second one could sing.
One thing I thought was weird, were Randy and Paula's instant turn-arounds after hearing Simon thought Ashlyn deserved a second chance. I felt like it made them look like they did whatever Simon said. (Which is probably true)
I love when people question Randy and Simon's involvement in the show. Isn't Simon like the producer/creator of the show? Like...you dumbass, there wouldn't be a show without them.
6 of 33 | Posted by Remy11
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:05 PM
With such impeccable grammatical skills, Jasmine's family must have orchestrated the whole "All your base are belong to us" mess from a few years ago.
The only future top-24 contestant that we saw last night would probably be Baily. All the other golden ticket recipients weren't particularly great or memorable.
7 of 33 | Posted by WhosYourPapi
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:08 PM
I liked Ashlyn, how was she acting arrogant? Her facial expressions were weird, but you can tell she's a very good singer. And of course the other two judges were gonna say yes if Simon says yes. From now on to avoid this in the future just let Simon judge first then the other two can follow suit. Love him!
8 of 33 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:09 PM
I am SO GLAD you commented on that little rub down Simon was giving himself. Honestly, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, it was awful/awfully funny!
9 of 33 | Posted by Ash
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:11 PM
OMG I just read the TMZ article on Akron and Ashlyn, how sad! Both are kicked off.... But Akron's charge was back in 2003, don't people deserve a second chance?
10 of 33 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:23 PM
The hilarious part of Simon's (as B-Side so wonderfully put it) "mantit rub-downs" was that they were talking about breaking habits that distract. I could not look away or pay attention to what he was saying! :-P
I agree that it was sad about the low education that Jasmine's family showed, but I couldn't help laugh, too. Damn you for making me feel shame, whoever decided to leave that in, damn you!
The cousins were quite likable. It was great that the first one took it so well, but inadvertantly made his cousin uncomfortable. I was worried even though he said his cousin could sing better.
11 of 33 | Posted by raggedy_andy
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:40 PM
Chief 113, you mean b sides are favorite righter of all time.
Remy11, the producer/creater is actually Nigel Lithgow.
And I didn't think that Ashlyn's facial expressions were any weirder than lots of other people we've seen on the show. Or other singers who actually have careers. John Mayer? Whitney Houston?
12 of 33 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:45 PM
Ashlyn's faces were truly bizarre.
Jacob Tutor has Rosie O'Donnell to thank for Fox not airing what Simon really said about him (I bet it was witty and hilarious).
I was just wondering who would be the first contestant to be booted due to a police record.
13 of 33 | Posted by soflat
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Posted on February 7, 2007 1:00 PM
I missed the first twenty minutes and was debating whether or not I should download the whole episode just to catch the small bit that I missed.
However, when I heard that I had missed a wrong door montage, the decision was clear. And it did not disappoint, I've been waiting for that all season!
Also, Simon's self-groping was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen, if not the most hilarious.
14 of 33 | Posted by NateTheOkay
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Posted on February 7, 2007 1:12 PM
B-Side, you are too funny.
I was a little shocked that they gave Ashlyn such a hard time about her expressions. Doesn't anybody remember Clay? He used to look like he was doing a bad imitation of a bad lounge singer. He got over it. (mostly)
15 of 33 | Posted by Karo
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Posted on February 7, 2007 1:21 PM
Couchpotato, it may be a moot point now, but I believe the arrogance displayed by Ashlyn came after she got her ticket, and sauntered out of the audition room with a look on her face that seemed to say, "Yeah, I knew I was good enough to go." I agree with B-Side, that didn't sit too well with me, after she was handed a second chance to prove herself.
"It was probably the product of her upbringing and various struggles in her life and whatnot. I can't make fun of that.
But on the other hand, she did say "He needs to go back to British," and dammit if that's not hilarious."
My feelings exactly. I thought that was great. Ryan even threw in the "British" comment later ("Simon will finally get to go back to, uh...British."). Is it me, or was he actually kinda slightly funny this year? Maybe? It's probably me.
16 of 33 | Posted by Cody M.
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Posted on February 7, 2007 1:30 PM
I did not notice the "are" on that sign until you referred to it here! AHAHAHA! Thank you, B-Side!
And puh-leeze! Don't feel bad about pointing out that family's lack of education.
If no one ever says anything, how else can they learn the truth?
Maybe pointing out such mistakes publicly will motivate them to figure out where "French" is as opposed to the country of "British".
And how to use a spellcheck to boot.
17 of 33 | Posted by Eyepoke
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Posted on February 7, 2007 2:26 PM
Well that was a bad episode. The horrible singer segments were not very interesting and not very memorable, aside from Jasmine's family there, which was funny. The highlight of the show, bar none, was the door montage. Second best segment of the year behind Ashanti Johnson. The 5 singers they showed getting the golden ticket are either boring or horrible to me... I can't understand it. And out of 11,000 people, you know there were far more golden tickets. Were these SERIOUSLY the best auditions in San Antonio? I don't think our Idol is coming from here, TVgasmers. Oh well. Hopefully we'll see the better San Antonio auditions later tonight on the clip show. Here are my thoughts on tonight's tickets:
Haley Scarnato - She was reasonably good... I'm not blown away, but she was easily the best they bothered showing. Hopefully she'll get better and her prettiness won't be her only factor in staying around. Simon was right for worrying about the unique factor. I think she's probably gone before the Top 24. Oh well.
Baylie Brown - I thought she was horrible. Her voice was cracky and it made me sick. I'm getting sick of these country girls, even if she was far less country then Mrs. "My Father Shot Hisself." At least Kellie had more of a voice, and I recall her actually being good in her audition and in maybe... 4 performances out of 10 the entire year (I hated Kellie, fyi). I can't understand why the judges were so for Baylie, and if she breaks Top 24, I call bullshit. We don't need another dreadful country girl making it to 6th place.
Akron Watson - First song: Cracky, slightly out of tune, and yes, absolutely boring. Second song: Showed a bit more charisma, but it wasn't much better. He won't break Top 24. Not much else I can say, I was bored.
Ashlyn Carr - Boring, cracky voice, a little out-of-tune, stupid facial expressions, whatever. It sucks that she got beat up as a kid, but, damnit, I didn't like her that much. Very interesting that she's the first Hollywood contestant to be brought back in after being denied, but whatever. Her second song was a little better, if short, but I just say "Meh." And yeah, her cocky display afterward was disgusting. I hope she's eliminated first round of Hell Week.
Jimmy McNeal - I heard maybe 3 different tones? I didn't like him that much. Boring, uninteresting... I actually liked Ruben, so that comparison was retarded. Whatever. Not Top 24 material. What a boring show. I'm gonna go watch my videos of Sundance and Chris Sligh again. :D
18 of 33 | Posted by Smoke_Rulz
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Posted on February 7, 2007 2:29 PM
I'd like to know the real reason some chick kicked Ashlyn's ass. It sure wasn't jealousy over her singing; much more likely that they couldn't stand looking at her while she sang. She'll never make it past Hollywood.
19 of 33 | Posted by Barfly
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Posted on February 7, 2007 2:57 PM
I had a big laugh at Jasmine's family. Their sign was funny enough but "Where he from? French?" That's comedy GOLD!
Simon, um, pleasuring himself is nothing new. He did it fairly often back in the earlier seasons of Idol. I remember one time in particular while Fantasia was singing. The powers-that-be had put a stop to it but it was entertaining to see it leak in once again. Wonder how long before they put a stop to it again.
The wrong door montage was great. Glad they included Simon using the wrong door in it. That was the best part!
I figured that Ashlyn got beat up not because she could sing so well, but that the other girl felt that Ashlyn was making faces at her!
20 of 33 | Posted by 626
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Posted on February 7, 2007 4:13 PM
I can't believe there was NO screen cap of Jasmine's major CAMEL TOE! I lost a bet to my husband over that. I swore there would be one on tvgasm today.
Please can we just get to Hollywood??
21 of 33 | Posted by angie
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Posted on February 7, 2007 5:51 PM
Yeah, the auditions are getting a little tiring but Jasmine's family highlighted a pet peeve of mine: are = our. Or my favorite: your = you're. I work at a Fortune 500 company where most of my co-workers have at least a bachelor's degree. I can't tell you how many emails I've read that substitute "your" for "you're". ARRGH! and for that reason, I can't blame it on poor education or struggles in life, but just plain bad grammar. As for the France = French, I do blame that in part on American/state isolationism, don't take it for granted but large numbers of people can't ID countries outside of the USA, let alone States outside of their own. Poor education? Consider, you never leave your neigborhood, you don't know what's out there. You don't use what tidbits you pick up in school, you lose it. This reminds me of the time I asked someone if they spoke Mexican, knowing that there is a Spanish language--Ai Yi Yi! Head slapper moment.
22 of 33 | Posted by LaLioness
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Posted on February 7, 2007 7:04 PM
Yeah, the auditions are getting a little tiring but Jasmine's family highlighted a pet peeve of mine: are = our. Or my favorite: your = you're. I work at a Fortune 500 company where most of my co-workers have at least a bachelor's degree. I can't tell you how many emails I've read that substitute "your" for "you're". ARRGH! and for that reason, I can't blame it on poor education or struggles in life, but just plain bad grammar. As for the France = French, I do blame that in part on American/state isolationism, don't take it for granted but large numbers of people can't ID countries outside of the USA, let alone States outside of their own. Poor education? Consider, you never leave your neigborhood, you don't know what's out there. You don't use what tidbits you pick up in school, you lose it. This reminds me of the time I asked someone if they spoke Mexican, knowing that there is a Spanish language--Ai Yi Yi! Head slapper moment.
23 of 33 | Posted by LaLioness
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Posted on February 7, 2007 7:18 PM
Holy hell, where to begin? As many people have already stated, the moment I saw the sign Jasmine's family had made for her I KNEW it was gonna be mentioned on the 'Gasm somewhere. Same goes for Simon's tender moment with his pecs. I had a good thorough giggle at that.
Smoke_Rulz, amen to you brutha/sistuh. Bailey can bite my shiny metal ass. I found absolutely nothing special about this girl. She came off as kinda cunty to me. "Oh, well, I'm from the country, but I hate everything about the country, I'm so much better than the country, look at the clothes I bought at Target. I didn't buy them at Walmart cuz I'm not country. City girls shop at Target." Not to mention her singing was subpar at best. People we've seen turned down had better voices than her. And just to hate on her some more, I don't like her nose or her butt chin. Yeah, I said it. Butt chin.
Pressing forward. I initially liked Ashlyn, I liked that she didn't beg for another chance like so many other people do. But when she got her second chance and still made those weird faces, I lost a little like for her. Now I hear she poured sugar in an ex-boyfriend's gas tank, I think I like her a whole lot more. Crazy = entertaining.
Finally, I feel for that Akron Ohio guy. I don't care enough to look up his actual last name, but I feel for the guy. He most likely wouldn't have made it very far in the competition, but damn it, I liked him, he at the very least deserved one of those on the beach at sunset moments we've seen in the past. So what if he got busted for pot? It's not like he was beating his girlfriend or blowing snow ::coughscottsavolcoughbobicecough::
And I'm calling out the winner now: That dude with the long hair and beard that sang the Johnny Cash song. I'm totally in love with this mountain man Judd Nelson looking motherfucker.
24 of 33 | Posted by brendahamLincoln
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Posted on February 7, 2007 10:46 PM
@ #7 post: Haha, I remember that robot music video back in the day. Give the phamily a break. At least the sign was well made.... "go back to british!!"..The look on Ryan's face...lol..good stuff.
When I heard that one pretty girl sing "I can't make you love me", one of the most difficult songs to sing, it reminded me of Carrie Underwood when she sang that song for her audition. It really shows how hard it is to sing that song, especially to hit the higher notes. It also reminded me how good of a singer Underwood is. I went back to the best of season 4 DVD and watched her sing Heart's 'Alone'. She is one great talent! I overlooked her this whole time.
25 of 33 | Posted by roleepolee
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Posted on February 7, 2007 10:48 PM
Jacob Tutor scared me. Seriously - he looks like an axe murderer. Creepy.
I thoroughly enjoyed Jasmine's family. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't hear the next few minutes. That French line is absolutely classic. It totally made my evening.
~Georgia~
26 of 33 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on February 7, 2007 11:31 PM
I wonder why B-Side didn't put "PASSION!!!" as caption beneath that photo of Ashlyn. Oh well, perhaps he got tired of that old joke.
27 of 33 | Posted by joyfulchicken
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Posted on February 8, 2007 4:56 AM
B-side, the past two recaps I've guessed right on the screenshot you leave off with: creepy panther boy and manboob Simon. That makes me proud.
Anyways, this episode was just okay. I was sad to read about Ashlyn and Akron getting kicked off the show, but I'm assuming that's because they weren't honest with the show in the first place. As far as I know, if they had told the show about the arrests and been upfront about it, they wouldn't have been kicked off. Their loss.
28 of 33 | Posted by Juana_Wanna
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Posted on February 8, 2007 5:30 AM
I'm not sad! Not after reading this link:
http://idol-mania.com/american-idol-fan/2007/02/07/ashlyn-carr-american-idol-arrested/
So if this is confirmed, the auditions were in August, and she committed her crime, for which she was arrested and jailed, in November. She didn't disclose it, because she hadn't committed it yet. Stupid, very stupid. She's ruined her own chances. Good, maybe she'll learn when you do something juvenile, after having a great opportunity handed to you, there are consequences.
29 of 33 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on February 8, 2007 2:36 PM
brendahamLincoln (#24) - Heheh, thanks for the props. And I'm male. :) And I don't think Sean Michel will be making it to the Top 24, sadly. :( He's one of my favorites too, but, I think he'll be overshadowed by the likes of Sundance and Chris.
killbondnow (#29) - Wow, I never saw that. I'm not sure if that makes her eligible for disqualification, but I would hope so. She shouldn't really be arrested, though, because sugar in a gas tank won't ruin anything. She's technically committed no crime.
30 of 33 | Posted by Smoke_Rulz
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Posted on February 8, 2007 3:06 PM
Thank you angie (post#21) here I was thinking the same thing and wondering why no one else had commented on it. Even the camera man lingered on that hideous sight (for just a little longer than most contestants) as she put her number on, and then we got a treat with a nice view of her backside too! I wouldof lost a bet too because I was certain we'd get a chance at seeing one or both of her in a screencap too.
Now Simpon caressing the Man Boobs... now that bet woulda been a sure thing to be a screen cap. Glad to see that made it in!
31 of 33 | Posted by MrsC
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Posted on February 9, 2007 1:47 PM
ok so basically you stupid fucks dont know what its like to be nervous in front of three main dip shits of america. I bet most of you fuckers dont have voices or the balls to go up and sing in front of simon so if i were you guys i would shut the fuck up.. You guys dont know what its fucking like. And all i can say is how far can you make it in the auditions process probably not very far since you mother fuckers are jealous and have nothing else better to do other than bash others.. Get a fucking life... And do the world a favor and kiss my ass...
32 of 33 | Posted by snakeman101
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Posted on February 20, 2007 10:48 AM
ok so basically you stupid fucks dont know what its like to be nervous in front of three main dip shits of america. I bet most of you fuckers dont have voices or the balls to go up and sing in front of simon so if i were you guys i would shut the fuck up..
33 of 33 | Posted by snakeman101
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Posted on February 20, 2007 10:49 AM