Fergie comes out and tries to sing a nice soft song with John Legend accompanying her, but it's too hard, so she starts yelling half way through even though there's no band to back her up. Ow. That hurted. She kicks Legend off stage and brings out Anne and Nancy Wilson to sing Barracuda. Heart! A. RIGHT ON! and B. What the hell? They can still rock the shit out of that song, and I'm especially impressed by Anne. She may look like Dawn French is playing her, but bitch can SANG. Fergie comes out, and as if to taunt the now biggish Anne, starts bouncing around, belting, and doing cartwheels. If I was Anne I'd shove the mic down her throat and kick her offstage, but I'm not, so I'll just concentrate on my Little Caesars. Fergie, calm down, nutso. You're scaring Heart.

Adam Sandler is generous enough to let a camera into his trailer to shoot a give money segment. Aw! And back to the stage. Tink is pretending to talk to people on the phone again. There's my girl Amanda!! I love that she doesn't even fake it. She just sits there and smiles at the cameras. LOL Amanda. David Hernandez is also there in the background, and as Tink moves onto the next bit, he waves and waves. HEY! I'M DAVID HERNANDEZ! REMEMBER ME?

Picture 2-15
'Fraid not.

Eli and Peyton Manning come out to show us why football players should never be allowed to speak on TV. They introduce a clip of Katrina. Still sucks. The boys took a trip down there to check out some kind of counseling center for victims, and Eli cracks me up because he is smiling and gesturing to the camera awkwardly like he's selling used cars on a local station, even when they are talking about lives being destroyed. Someone should go into politics...

Picture 3-15
Vote for Hurricane Eli!

The Beckhams come out and all I can say is he's hot and I am really getting sick of seeing her haircut EVERYWHERE. Jennifer Aniston must be hellapissed right now. While they talk I throw pepperoni at the screen and tell them to donate their own damn money, freakin rich people, but then David says that they are donating too. Woops. I take it back and eat pepperoni off the entertainment center. What? Sixty second rule. Victoria has the most beautiful smile, doesn't she?

Picture 4-9
Say cheese!

Tink checks in with the fake call center and tells us that they have raised 18 million dollars so far! Does that include the 15 already ponied up by the sponsors? Wouldn't that be sad? You know what else is sad?

Picture 5-9
Still no?

Back to Bono in Africa. He talks to a kid who lost both his parents to AIDS. Then he introduces Annie Lennox, who is in South Africa talking to brothers. She asks "Do you have a mom?" They answer no. "A dad?" No. A Grandma? A Grandpa? An Uncle? An Aunt? Cousins? Second cousins? Jesus Annie, no. Gaaawd. They start crying. I hope you're proud of yourself, Lennox! She narrates that the boys have no family. Yeah, we got that. This is a truly sad story, and it turns suspenseful when Annie gets them all in a van to go take an AIDS test. Oh, man, we've all been there. I cried for two hours and ate a gallon of Rocky Road when I got my first one. Thankfully, they are all negative. I hope that doesn't mean they don't get any money, cuz that would be a wasted trip. Annie breaks down at the end, and I squeeze out a couple, too. This night is a roller coaster. Africa segment done. Now maybe Bree Van de Kamp will come out and sing "Since You Been Gone".

When the segment is over, Annie comes out on stage!! Hey! She was just in Africa! I call shennanigans! She's wearing a t-shirt that says HIV Positive. Huh? Who even manufactures those shirts? They would be helpful in bars, for sure, but they seem kinda inappropriate. I am going to make a t-shirt that says "overweight and balding" and wear it to the grocery store. ANYWAYS, Annie sings her ASS off. This woman is amazing. She is technically perfect and emotionally involved and she has no fear of singing ugly, as Fantasia would say. All I can say is damn. I bow down, Lennox!

Picture 6-6
Badass.

Idol Gives Back 2: Give Me the Two and a Half Hours You Stole From Me and I'll Send My Own Goddamn Mosquito Net Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

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Comments (18)

fire@will:

Thanks for taking a bullet for the old home team! I fast forwarded through most of this (while wishing I'd cleaned my shower instead).

The New Orleans segment was the most optimistic. The whole housing situation in this country needs some serious thought.

Without some fundamental changes, mostly political, keeping more people alive in poor countries is sadly just a short term bandaid that will mainly result in even more poor children later. How about raising money to replace Mugabe with a democracy? (Teach a man to fish...)

FanAttic:

Love me some Manning brothers, but is it just me or does Eli look like Tucker Carlson?

juddfan:

There they are again, WHY do the gates of hell always ominously creak open beneath me--oh well, perhaps coz I FF'd most of the show, I didn't even watch Annie cry--what's happened to my soft marshmellowy heart, and why does Bono ALWAYS wear redonk sunglasses!!!! Is it me, it screams DOUCHE!!!! I know he's like (stop it GATES!) a nobel prize charity douche, but a DOUCHE (was that a flame singeing me) is always a DOUCHE!!!!

phew, I feel better and now I can make some heart smores!

Thanks for takin' this one on again, Flip It! and I got cut off too--and I missed Mariah, I heard . . . .Fergie looked and sounded hot--she can sing! My first Miley experience, just aiight, not awful, but how unflattering to have her boast about her (all because of the Disney machine) accomplishments . . . as if she's made it on her own with hard work and determination!

I also cannot look at her Dad and his douchey hair extensions, it must be embarrassing to go visit poor people while being all dolled up in Hollywood fakery!

lalia:

Just a little FYI: The correct person who performed with Snoop was Charlie Wilson NOT Little Richard. Charlie & Little Richard don't even look alike, and Snoop and Charlie have done a grip of songs together. It's common knowledge(at least amongst Snoop fans) that Charlie has been a big part of Snoops life & career.

james woods rules:

I, too, dare I say it, was impressed with Fergie. I would NEVER have thought she could sing like that. I don't listen to her, so maybe that's why I didn't know. I have seen BEP performances, though and she always....kinda....sucked....

james woods rules:

OH MY GOD, Flipit! I forgot to thank you for the goddamnedest fucking hilarious recap, EVER.

Common cold? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!

greeneyes:

Excellent recap, Flipit, but extra hugs for including links to the charities where we can donate for ourselves.

chooch850:

I love reading what you think of a show because you say all the things I say to the TV but I'm too chicken to post those same comments. Ilove you for that!! Great job once again and cudos for getting it posted so fast.

Brad Pitt was soooo dreamy!!!!

CheriesTake:

LOL flipit! Most of that shit was depressing as hell, which I guess its supposed to be but damn, did they have to let Terri Hatcher SING!!!! I think I blacked out after that. Oh wait I remember seeing Fergie doing cartwheels in front of fat Anne and was hoping Anne would knock the hell out of her! Bitch.
Love ya!

addicted:

The last thing that I want to see on an "Idol gives back", or a regular Idol, or really anything is fucking Kobe Bryant. Is he supposed to be inspiring?

JasonR:

Flip, bravo . . . a f-ing masterpiece. I only watched this during commercials and intermissions of the Devil-Rangers game 1 (damn you, Lundqvist!), but I have to admit, Teri Hatcher didn't suck, Carrie Underwood and Fergie were amazing, and Annie Lenox was incredible. Why isn't she more famous? She should by all rights be this generation's Aretha Franklin.

TheVoiceOfReason:

Those who are praising Fergie's stage-hogging during the Heart number must have been born after 1980. (Wait, all of the Idol contestants are that young, too. Um, why the hell do I watch this show again???)
I was stoked to see Heart onstage, but I began getting pissed when Fergie first strutted out to sing WITH Heart. WTF??? THEN, when she did the whole Marilyn Monroe-esque self-boob graze complete with hair extension flick, writhed on the floor, and then a fuckin' cartwheel??? And did ya see when she sorta tousled Ann's hair as she walked behind her? I wanted so much for Ann to turn around and swat her like a mosquito or for Nancy to her famous guitar kick and accidentally on purpose take out one of Fergie's teeth.
Ann and Nancy are hot because they've always been strong women. (RE: their songs don't necessarily have to call attention to things like, oh, I dunno..."lovely lady humps" or shit like that.)
Fergie should have recognized and stayed off-stage while some true rockers showed their staying power.

renoblondee:

Flipit, once again you have outdone yourself! That was f'n HIlarious! I just wanna say, thank you so much for being you. You. Rock.

carmelicious:

Flipit - I just wanted to say THANK YOU for the excellent recap! Made me laugh on this crappy Friday morning (you all don't know me - but I am a miserable piece of shit until about 11am)

"Ok, ok! I'll call! Wait brb someone's AIMing me"
....fing brilliant!!

ibanez_bw:

Was that the cop from heroes on drums? If he could read my mind he would hear "Play louder so i don't have to listen to that terrible screeching woman!"

Anonymous:

hey guys!! thanks for the comments. i am a miserable bitch til around noon so this totally helped. and agree one hundred percent about fergie and annie lennox. fergie is lucky she still has her bones intact and annie lennox needs to never retire ever.

oh and i am completely and utterly shocked that that wasn't little richard. thanks for the heads up. xo flip

james woods rules:

Hey Voice--
I totally agree with you that Fergie could NEVER be in the same ball park as Ann and Nancy, but I was also surprised she could sing that well. I didn't hear the song she sang with Legend so I can't comment on that. It was ridiculous, though, her nasty floor humping and gyrating between Ann and Nancy. She actually sort of reminded me of "Youth Gone Wild" era Sebastian Bach with her leather pants and long blond hair. I am still not sure if that's good or bad.

TheVoiceOfReason:

Flipit, darling, you have a gift. I always happen to read your stuff when I’m crabby and you always cheer me. Thanks, hon.

Woods: Alas, my teenage sons say that Fergie’s pants were most definitely good and I, too, was surprised that Fergie sang that well. However, her antics were disrespectful and self-serving. I’d love to have been backstage to see what the Wilson sisters really thought of it. They seemed a bit annoyed to me.

I forgot to add in my earlier comment that I think Annie Lennox is an absolutely phenomenal talent. She is above and beyond.

Did anyone besides me wonder how many times Amanda Overmeyer sighed with relief to NOT have participated in that Solid Gold Opening Tribute? Could you just imagine her in on that?

Just a note on Exxon Mobil…last year’s earnings were $39.5 billion (that’s with a “B,” folks!) Justify THAT with the foreign and domestic poverty depicted on the “Gives Back” program. I wonder if Chief Executive Rex Tillerson gave his share. I think he gets around $1.75 million per year, not including cash bonuses and restricted stock.

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