Robin Williams has a rep for stealing material, so it's kind of perfect that he shows up doing an impression of a Russian Idol. My first thought was "wow, he's reaching all the way back to Yakov Smirnoff for this one. Crafty." Then Tink asks him his name and he says "Yakinov." L. O. Fucking. L. Piece of work, I tell you. He makes some aren't Russians wacky jokes and I can't see what he's doing because my head is in my hands. When I look up, Simon is not buying this bs any more than I am and dammit, Simon. LOVE YOU.

Picture 1-21

Randy calls it forcibly pitchy, Paula (sporting hair inspired by the do from the New Orleans mom pictured above) says she likes his shirt, and Simon says he was brilliant. Then Robin grabs his ass and begs Brad and Angelina to adopt him. God it's getting late. Are you tired? Robin Williams is.

Rob Shneider follows with a blurb saying that they need to raise a billion dollars and Bono's only willing to pony up half. LOL, Schneider. I don't think I've ever typed that. Now I'm just plain grumpy. Check, please! David Spade comes out looking skanky as ever to introduce Brad Pitt, who has made it his mission to rebuild New Orleans after Katrina. Get busy, dude. It's been three years!! How is it possible that in this country that place is still completely wrecked? That's a damn disgrace, yo. Brad's gonna change it!! He supports a charity that builds affordable housing and who cares? BRAD YOU ARE SO FIIINE. His is definitely the most cheerful and hopeful of all the clips. Great music plays and everyone he interviews is happy and dancing. I'm surprised they aired it. Right on, Pitt.

After the clip, he comes on stage and the girls scream as loudly as they do for the fetus. You've still got it, tiger! His mic doesn't work, and the girls scream to tell him. The stage manager comes onstage to help him fix it and says "It fell down." I wish she had added "dumb ass movie stars". Instead, she says "I just wanted an excuse to touch him." Then she does a take to the cameras. HAHAHAH, stage manager lady. She ate that UP. Good for her.

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See? Idol Gave Back! It's all worth it!

After all that, I expected a big speech, but come on. It's Brad Pitt. He twinkles his eyes, pouts his lips, introduces Chris Daughtry, and gets the hell out of there. Well done. Chris sings a song to a group of African children who seem kind of bored at first, but by the tenth take they're totally into it. For those of you who can't understand why I give the current "rockers" on this show so much shit, this is why. They're kind of Chris Daughtry clearance rack knock offs. This guy is fun to make fun of, but he's really really gooood. Even though I'm bored senseless by most of his music. Random African child, do you agree or disagree?

Picture 3-17
Rude.

HEY!!! WTF? My DVR cut off. Was that it? Dammit. What is this, the Oscars? Alright, well sorry bout that. You guys will have to fill me in on the fireworks ending. Thanks for sticking with me on this one. If you want to donate but feel like a total jackass handing your credit card over to Exxon Mobil and Nigel (did I mention my gas cost forty five bucks?) here are some charities that could use your help. And you won't have to listen to Teri Hatcher butcher anything to get it done. LOVE, Flip

amFAR, Habitat for Humanity, Red Cross, The Hunger Project, Doctors Without Borders...

or pick your own flavor from a trusted source:

Charity Watch

Idol Gives Back 2: Give Me the Two and a Half Hours You Stole From Me and I'll Send My Own Goddamn Mosquito Net Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

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Comments (18)

fire@will:

Thanks for taking a bullet for the old home team! I fast forwarded through most of this (while wishing I'd cleaned my shower instead).

The New Orleans segment was the most optimistic. The whole housing situation in this country needs some serious thought.

Without some fundamental changes, mostly political, keeping more people alive in poor countries is sadly just a short term bandaid that will mainly result in even more poor children later. How about raising money to replace Mugabe with a democracy? (Teach a man to fish...)

FanAttic:

Love me some Manning brothers, but is it just me or does Eli look like Tucker Carlson?

juddfan:

There they are again, WHY do the gates of hell always ominously creak open beneath me--oh well, perhaps coz I FF'd most of the show, I didn't even watch Annie cry--what's happened to my soft marshmellowy heart, and why does Bono ALWAYS wear redonk sunglasses!!!! Is it me, it screams DOUCHE!!!! I know he's like (stop it GATES!) a nobel prize charity douche, but a DOUCHE (was that a flame singeing me) is always a DOUCHE!!!!

phew, I feel better and now I can make some heart smores!

Thanks for takin' this one on again, Flip It! and I got cut off too--and I missed Mariah, I heard . . . .Fergie looked and sounded hot--she can sing! My first Miley experience, just aiight, not awful, but how unflattering to have her boast about her (all because of the Disney machine) accomplishments . . . as if she's made it on her own with hard work and determination!

I also cannot look at her Dad and his douchey hair extensions, it must be embarrassing to go visit poor people while being all dolled up in Hollywood fakery!

lalia:

Just a little FYI: The correct person who performed with Snoop was Charlie Wilson NOT Little Richard. Charlie & Little Richard don't even look alike, and Snoop and Charlie have done a grip of songs together. It's common knowledge(at least amongst Snoop fans) that Charlie has been a big part of Snoops life & career.

james woods rules:

I, too, dare I say it, was impressed with Fergie. I would NEVER have thought she could sing like that. I don't listen to her, so maybe that's why I didn't know. I have seen BEP performances, though and she always....kinda....sucked....

james woods rules:

OH MY GOD, Flipit! I forgot to thank you for the goddamnedest fucking hilarious recap, EVER.

Common cold? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!

greeneyes:

Excellent recap, Flipit, but extra hugs for including links to the charities where we can donate for ourselves.

chooch850:

I love reading what you think of a show because you say all the things I say to the TV but I'm too chicken to post those same comments. Ilove you for that!! Great job once again and cudos for getting it posted so fast.

Brad Pitt was soooo dreamy!!!!

CheriesTake:

LOL flipit! Most of that shit was depressing as hell, which I guess its supposed to be but damn, did they have to let Terri Hatcher SING!!!! I think I blacked out after that. Oh wait I remember seeing Fergie doing cartwheels in front of fat Anne and was hoping Anne would knock the hell out of her! Bitch.
Love ya!

addicted:

The last thing that I want to see on an "Idol gives back", or a regular Idol, or really anything is fucking Kobe Bryant. Is he supposed to be inspiring?

JasonR:

Flip, bravo . . . a f-ing masterpiece. I only watched this during commercials and intermissions of the Devil-Rangers game 1 (damn you, Lundqvist!), but I have to admit, Teri Hatcher didn't suck, Carrie Underwood and Fergie were amazing, and Annie Lenox was incredible. Why isn't she more famous? She should by all rights be this generation's Aretha Franklin.

TheVoiceOfReason:

Those who are praising Fergie's stage-hogging during the Heart number must have been born after 1980. (Wait, all of the Idol contestants are that young, too. Um, why the hell do I watch this show again???)
I was stoked to see Heart onstage, but I began getting pissed when Fergie first strutted out to sing WITH Heart. WTF??? THEN, when she did the whole Marilyn Monroe-esque self-boob graze complete with hair extension flick, writhed on the floor, and then a fuckin' cartwheel??? And did ya see when she sorta tousled Ann's hair as she walked behind her? I wanted so much for Ann to turn around and swat her like a mosquito or for Nancy to her famous guitar kick and accidentally on purpose take out one of Fergie's teeth.
Ann and Nancy are hot because they've always been strong women. (RE: their songs don't necessarily have to call attention to things like, oh, I dunno..."lovely lady humps" or shit like that.)
Fergie should have recognized and stayed off-stage while some true rockers showed their staying power.

renoblondee:

Flipit, once again you have outdone yourself! That was f'n HIlarious! I just wanna say, thank you so much for being you. You. Rock.

carmelicious:

Flipit - I just wanted to say THANK YOU for the excellent recap! Made me laugh on this crappy Friday morning (you all don't know me - but I am a miserable piece of shit until about 11am)

"Ok, ok! I'll call! Wait brb someone's AIMing me"
....fing brilliant!!

ibanez_bw:

Was that the cop from heroes on drums? If he could read my mind he would hear "Play louder so i don't have to listen to that terrible screeching woman!"

Anonymous:

hey guys!! thanks for the comments. i am a miserable bitch til around noon so this totally helped. and agree one hundred percent about fergie and annie lennox. fergie is lucky she still has her bones intact and annie lennox needs to never retire ever.

oh and i am completely and utterly shocked that that wasn't little richard. thanks for the heads up. xo flip

james woods rules:

Hey Voice--
I totally agree with you that Fergie could NEVER be in the same ball park as Ann and Nancy, but I was also surprised she could sing that well. I didn't hear the song she sang with Legend so I can't comment on that. It was ridiculous, though, her nasty floor humping and gyrating between Ann and Nancy. She actually sort of reminded me of "Youth Gone Wild" era Sebastian Bach with her leather pants and long blond hair. I am still not sure if that's good or bad.

TheVoiceOfReason:

Flipit, darling, you have a gift. I always happen to read your stuff when I’m crabby and you always cheer me. Thanks, hon.

Woods: Alas, my teenage sons say that Fergie’s pants were most definitely good and I, too, was surprised that Fergie sang that well. However, her antics were disrespectful and self-serving. I’d love to have been backstage to see what the Wilson sisters really thought of it. They seemed a bit annoyed to me.

I forgot to add in my earlier comment that I think Annie Lennox is an absolutely phenomenal talent. She is above and beyond.

Did anyone besides me wonder how many times Amanda Overmeyer sighed with relief to NOT have participated in that Solid Gold Opening Tribute? Could you just imagine her in on that?

Just a note on Exxon Mobil…last year’s earnings were $39.5 billion (that’s with a “B,” folks!) Justify THAT with the foreign and domestic poverty depicted on the “Gives Back” program. I wonder if Chief Executive Rex Tillerson gave his share. I think he gets around $1.75 million per year, not including cash bonuses and restricted stock.

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