As we begin we see Simon and Ryan in the back of a limo chit chatting. Ryan tells us we are in Jacksonville, Florida. Amelia Island to be exact. Simon cuts him off and tells him to speak in a normal tone. Ryan tells him he always speaks like this and back and forth they go. Finally Ryan says it like Simon and Simon cracks up.

Oh just bang him already!

The music of Journey is being played as Ryan voice overs that 25 years ago a man made a name for himself on stages all over the country. And is name is..Randy Jackson!

Hahahahahahaha!

Oh man, that is messed up. Ryan tells us that many would love to follow in his footsteps and they have come to Jacksonville with that very goal in mind. We are treated to scenes of all kinds of nuts fans screaming Randy's name. And one sticks out. My cousin Roscoe.

Yep. I'm inbred.

Ryan tells us this is Dawg town and we see more screaming nuts fans. But he says not everyone was thrilled with the excitement over Randy. Cut to Simon saying of all the people he knows he would never think Randy would change over the years but here it is season 8 and they have a police escort to go to an audition.

Don't stop. Believing!

Let's get to the auditions. First up is Joshua Ulloa and he tells us he gets compared to Justin Guarini a lot.

I don't see it.

He tells us he enjoys being compared to Justin because it'll help people remember you. My Uncle Adolph begs to differ. Anyhoo, he starts doing some chicken having a seizure dance moves and then bursts into the audition room. Randy is already yelling "Oh yeah!"

Observe my awesomeness.

Simon looks like he smells feet.

God save the Queen and all that.

He tells them he will be singing Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On. Then he plays a pretend mouth instrument and lets loose. Its not as bad as I expected but it gets really weird really quick.

Randy's laughing, DioBitchi is snarling, Paula's floating and Simon still smells feet. Then he begins to smile. Simon says in parts it was very good, then gimicky and corny and he calls him Inspector Gadget. Randy likes him because he's entertaining. He gets 4 yes's and he's going to Hollywood!

Up next is is Sharon Wilbur and she has a cute little dog with her. Run little dog RUN! Sharon tells us she brought Sasha with her because she relaxes her. She comes in and DioBitchi decides the dog should sit in Simon's lap. But not before looking at it like its a rat.

Nasty rat.

I think he caught one of Paula's fleas!

DioBitchi growls "Why are you here?" and Dog girl says to be the next American Idol! Yeah yeah. She will be singing Superstar by Karen Carpenter. And off she goes. And its not bad until she gets to the "baby" part and says "Bay-bayyyyy".

DioBitchi calls her on her hideous Britney "Baybayyyyy" . Paula says the dog was yawning but Simon likes her and says yes. Randy says yes too and then says its up to the girls. Paula sees DioBitchi put something in her mouth and thinking it's a vicodin, lunges at her and tries to dig it out of her throat.

Cough it up bitch!

Finally DioBitchi says "Paula said yes" and waves her hands in the air like she's truly sickened by the thought. She's going to Hollywood yay!

Back from commercial Ryan is riding around in a golf cart thingy. For whatever reason. He ends up on a dirt road and seems to be lost. If I was Ryan I'd get the hell outta those woods before my cousin Roscoe finds out he's there.

Hey boy, ya sure do have a purty mouth.

Next up is Dana Moreno. You know those people that you just take one look at and know they will have the voice of an angel? Well she ain't on of them.

After the horrifying sound of lambs being slaughtered ends, Simon tells her that she can't sing those big songs. She replies that she will take any direction that they have to offer. Simon offers her the direction to the nearest exit.

The human death rattle is more melodious than you.

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Posted in American Idol by Cherie at 1:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)
Last Comment: Cherie on Jan 30, 2009 03:20 PM.