Tonight's show starts with visions of tracheotomy scars dancing in our heads. No, we're not hallucinating. It's the return of Anthony Federoz, last season's milquetoast crooner who hopefully has found a lucrative career singing on a cruise liner somewhere in the Mediterranean. Luckily, we don't have to hear his sleep-inducing voice. He's just merely one of many celeb cameos spotting the audience.

The camera thankfully moves to the judges as Ryan re-introduces them to America. Paula's hair is all semi-curly and swept up. I think it looks nicer than usual, but at the same time, it does have a certain crow's nest style that's somewhat disconcerting. Hopefully, she'll keep her nutty emotions in check this week, but I understand that's a tall order. I won't get my hopes up.

So here's the deal for this week. Each finalist will be singing two songs: one from their birth year and one from a current top 10 spot on this week's Billboard charts. I'm already anticipating a butchering of James Blunt. Anyway, Elliot kicks off the night with a song from his birth year, 1978. It's "On Broadway" by George Benson, made famous by last season's resident Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man, Scott Savol. Before we get to the song, however, we get a little glimpse into Elliot's childhood. He divulges that he has a bad habit of chewing on his finger nails. The audience inexplicably cheers. Yay bad hygiene! I can't imagine how everyone would react if he were to announce that he picks at scabs. Whoo hoo!! On the plus side, all the finger chewing might explain the bad teeth. I wonder what his fingers must look like. I can't imagine anything could survive years of gnawing from those chompers.

Anyway, Elliot takes the stage, and after a somewhat boring start, he really gets into the song. He's got a great voice, but again, the charisma! The charisma! Not really there. But he is significantly better than Scott Savol; so that's a plus.

CELEBRITUS INTERRUPTUS!
Ace Young spotted in the audience! Still looks quite punch-able!

Okay, back to the show. The judges all like Elliot. Randy and Paula give him warm, if not gushing, reviews, and Simon says it's not his best performance. Aaand we're onto our next performer. Whirlwind pace!

After the commercial break, we find two women in the audience hoisting a sing up that reads, "Ryan, we'll be your Desperate Housewives." Yes, emphasis will have to be on the word "Desperate." Something tells me he'd be more interested in the men of Prison Break.

Anyway, Ryan talks to Paris on stage, and she sounds like she's been pumped full of helium. I mean, her voice is always high, but this week, it's ridiculous. We then see several photos of Paris in big, ruffly dresses as a baby. Gosh, even then her wardrobe choices were annoying. Technically, they weren't her choices. Her mother always stuck her in these garments from Ruffle Hell -- which doesn't surprise me one bit.