One Idol To Rule Them All - 
by B-Side
Ladies and gentlemen, it's all over. The search for this year's American Idol has drawn to a conclusion, and one person -- Taylor Hicks or Katharine McPhee -- has walked away with the coveted title. Overall, it was a solid season, full of all the ups and downs and off-camera drama we've come to expect. As for the final episode? Well, it was a bit long. The first hour -- it worked. I liked it. Solid performances, solid bits (yes, I said it), and solid clips from days gone by. But then the program began to drag a bit in hour two. The whole "Golden Idol" thing got real old, real fast, and the number of musical medleys seemed to spiral out of control. Still, I can't complain too much. It's not like Idol's finale night has ever been anything but an insane showcase for copious amounts of filler. So let's stop wasting time and relive the big night!
For the record, I have now seen this damn finale three times today. Yes, three times. As readers of the previous Idol recaps may have known, I attended the official Katharine McPhee viewing party here in Los Angeles. That meant that I got to see the telecast live at 5 PM PST. It also meant that I had to stand amongst way more 12 year old girls than I would ever want to. I'll have photos of the experience up tomorrow sometime. Anyway, after I was done there, I headed to the TVgasm studios where we live blogged the show, and then it was back to my apartment where I watched a third and final time to take notes for this recap. Needless to say, if I have to relive a freakin' Golden Idol Award again, I'm going to crawl under a desk and cry. I will literally cry. Isn't that a shame that that's my reaction? So un-manly. That's what spending six hours with Idol will do to you.
Anyhoo...
As the show opens, Carrie Underwood waltzes out on the stage dressed in white. She's singing some dumb song about dreamers and whatnot -- clearly another product of the American Idol schlock factory [ed. note: apparently this was a Barry Manilow song. Same difference]. Carrie's soon joined by Taylor, who's dressed in all white also. It's like Tom Wolfe gone dreadfully wrong. Katharine walks out next, and eventually, the entire top twelve -- all decked out in white -- takes to the stage. If mental wards have singalongs, this is what they'd look like.
The song's main refrain is the typically generic "I made it through the rain." Look, it's not a big accomplishment. People survive the rain all the time. It's called an UMBRELLA. Oh, it's supposed to be symbolic? Whatever. It's still dumb. And like all stupid Idol originals, the song crescendos with a big ol' choir seeping onto the stage like gospel sludge.
Eventually, this number comes to a thankful end, and then it's time for the opening credits. Seacrest then takes to the stage, and we pause briefly to gaze at some stars. Ben Stiller (again -- he was there last night) and Heather Locklear! Denise Richards is so throwing tomatoes at her screen right now. We also see Lisa Tucker's parents, and look! It's Bucky's twin! Yay! Family! Now, let's never look at them again.
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