Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow - 
by Papi
Here's the deal: there were three episodes of Idol this week. So I have five hours of show to write about here. That's too much to do a proper analysis in its entirety; my fingers will fall off from typing. So I am giving myself one hour--ONE HOUR--to type as much as I can, based on memory. Because if I don't remember it, then it must have been boring so why write about it anyway?
Please keep in mind, I'm super-obsessive about analyzing American Idol. If Bryant Gumbel can break down a football game, I can do the same with Idol singers. In my head, they're all reading what I'm writing and learning so much from the pearls of wisdom I have to offer..."If _______ would just sing _______, s/he'd be GREAT!" And so what if they don't read it in real life? At least I try to help.
They're at the semi-final 24, working down to the final 12. The ladies sang on Tuesday, the dudes sang on Wednesday, and then there were results on Thursday.
So here we go. It's time to get very serious about this. Start the clock! (click!)
Las Mujeres
First of all: was it just me, or did Paula Abdul look like Barbarella? At times she does act like she's stuck in the Orgasmatron.
I'm never going to get through this if I keep going on tangents. First up:
1)Mandisa--"Never"
There was a point when Mandisa was singing, and the cameras swept up to the balcony where the other female contestants were watching. Paris Bennett and Lisa Tucker, two good singers who have no worries in this competition yet, were dancing along. Becky O'Donohue had a look on her face like "Oh, shit." Yeah Becky, meet Mandisa, your competition.
I always say the way to win Idolis to take a big step out of your comfort zone. Kelly Clarkson basically won her season on Big Band night, when she belted out "And Some Like That There" like she had been singing those songs all her life. Ruben doesn't sing country, but he nailed "Sweet Home Alabama." Fantasia is strictly R&B, but people still talk about her rendition of the showtune "Summertime." Bo Bice could have won his damn season, had he JUST ONCE done anything other than his acoustic-rocker thing, which started out great but became a yawnfest after a while; yet Carrie Underwood, a personality-void girl who is currently establishing her foothold in utterly boring Contemporary Christian music, blew everyone away when she wailed "Alone," by rock supergroup Heart. These are the moments the Idols shine.
Entre' Mandisa--definitely not a rocker chick--who jumped on the Heart train and tossed her weave around while shreiking out rock anthem "Never." She picked that song, she said, to show "sistas can rock too." Did she have pitch problems? Yeah, she sang sharp a few times; I chalk it up to adrenaline. Did she pull it off? Absolutely! Put her in a studio immediately to record it. She gave me chills. I'm telling you, versatility is key to an Idol win. And Mandisa knows it. Smart lady. She was so good!
Ugh, that took too long. Tick tock tick tock.
2) Kellie Pickler--"How Far"
Cute girl, sang her song as an ode to her dad in jail. She sounded cartoonish, sang most of it flat, doesn't have enough range for that song. Doesn't matter, we love her. Standing with Ryan Seacrest, she smiled into the camera and chirped "Pick Pickler!" like she was running for Student Council. She's very real. See you next week, Kellie! NEXT--
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