Tink flies around the kids and asks us if we think our favorite will be safe. Then he stands next to a confused ("we've done this before...") Sanjy and dead pans the audience. Rude! What the hell happened to you, glitter boy? Last night you were the Norma Rae for the tuneless innocents and tonight you're gonna be a little bitch? Those poor kids in Africa ain't gettin' nothin' from me, and it's your fault, fairy!
Last night's veil of sad horns has been lifted and there's a sense of playfulness again. Country Night stirred up charges of blatant pandering by a teary eyed Timby Cake, criminal insensitivity from Cowell, and insufferable sobriety from Paula. The problem was ever mentioning the awful tragedy on the show in the first place. After all, this isn't reality! This! Is American Idol!
Simon starts off the show with a beautiful, skillful tap dance. Wow! That man can fi-lap! He says that he was rolling his eyes to Paula about Timby Cake claiming singing through your nose was a legitimate art form, not about his heart wrenching, completely genuine shout out to the victims and families in the Virginia Tech Massacre. Tink pulls out footage showing that Simon was in fact making fun of Timby Cake's Nasal Art Defense, and not even paying attention to what was going on onstage. The fairy suggests he do more listening and less gabbing. Oooh, good one, Tink. All is forgiven. The audience cheers and Cowell smiles. He's not the nicest person in the world, but he's not that evil! Then he bleeds from his eyes and gnaws on a baby foot.
Tink goes to Grauman's Chinese Theater to ask "real people" who their favorites are, and wouldn't ya know it, it's BJ from the Amazing Race AGAIN. BJ, seriously. I hid a clue somewhere in Pakistan for ya. Go. Tonight's group number is "I'm Alright" and since Nigel couldn't find a choreographer who knew anything about Country dancing (Country music is even too white for a pasty ass Englishman), the kids just walk in circles, pose, and take turns sitting in the space stools. They all sound decent, but if Powder doesn't stop pointing and winking to the audience, I'm starting a letter writing campaign.
Yay! Idol Challenge! A middle aged woman has won again this week, which leads me to believe all is back to being right in the world. Tonight's question is, which contestant is able to put their entire fist in their mouth?
I saw Tootie in The Vagina Monologues a couple years ago, so I'm going with her even though Glocksen has the biggest mouth and looks way hungrier. You're not tricking me this week, Idol Challenge!
Fergie comes out to perform looking like a pregnant teenager in a huge Livestrong Bracelet. She stomps across the stage in her high platforms and growls out her big girls don't cry song along with about ten recorded guide vocals and holds hands with a an appropriately placed little girl for maximum effect. Aw. Nice work, Ferg. Now go away.
Today's Ford Commercial is a heist escape to "I Ran". LaKisha is under the cover of ginormous sunglasses. I almost didn't recognize her! Who are we kidding, people?
Jordin and Timby steal her silver briefcase with a hook and a rope and get it to the fire escape, but when Blake spooges all over Timby's face, they drop the case and Blake runs with it til he trips on a wire and the case goes flying. Sanjy can catch! Wonder how many shots that took. In the case are keys to a Ford. Sanjy wins! And that's the last time I will ever type those words.
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Comments (14)
I was so happy and so amazed that I actually watched that final performance instead of turning to ABC as soon as the loser was announced. Then I came to my senses, cuz he still sucked it hard. And he showed how much of a crybaby pansy-ass he really is.
1 of 14 | Posted by abaumga2
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Posted on April 20, 2007 4:07 PM
I posted this on the forum, and I said something about America uniting to take out big threats like him and Saddam Hussein. And a lot of people had responded to that. They thought it was kind of original to say that Sanjaya equals terrorism. I am now a certified member of the TVGasm family.
2 of 14 | Posted by nerrawllehctim
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Posted on April 20, 2007 4:35 PM
I commented already, I thought. Why does this recap only have 2 comments all day?
Flipit should join Imus in retirement. He crosses too many lines.
3 of 14 | Posted by dacoyle
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Posted on April 20, 2007 9:17 PM
Or dacoyle should stop reading his recaps!
I loves ya flipit! Cross as many lines as you want. As long as you keep making me laugh!!!!
HEART.
4 of 14 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on April 20, 2007 11:48 PM
Oh hush it, dacoyle.
Fantastic recap, flipit. The Idol Challenge screencaps always make me LOL.
5 of 14 | Posted by here4beer
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Posted on April 21, 2007 12:12 AM
Finally! Now I can watch American Idol again. This almost makes up for America voting Stephanie out.
6 of 14 | Posted by Blah Blah
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Posted on April 21, 2007 2:55 AM
LOVE you flipit, and love your recaps. You make me laugh, and cry laughing. The screencaps are priceless. So glad Sanjaya is gone. Looked like he was hanging onto Lakisha floatation devices, in the end.
7 of 14 | Posted by may1
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Posted on April 21, 2007 6:07 AM
I thought for sure Kiki was a goner..and from the look on her face..i am not sure if she woulda been entirely too upset if she had been.
~I,also,couldn't believe they were making them see Shrek3..how umcomfortable for Doolittle..and did she even get to walk the red carpet??? NO!
~I wish Tink would stop with that annoying pick which group to go in..ok we got it..the Three Divas were in the bottom 3 as a shock in Season 3..yada yada..it's stupid and a waste of my brain power which also includes anything with Seacrest.
~Martina McBride freakin rocks! I know it is custom to rip on the celebrity mentor every week but her performance made the contestants cry and not because of emotion but because they knew they couldn't touch that talent with a ten foot pole.
btw..Sanjy actually thinks he has a big enough FAN base that kept him in all this time...I thought he was in on the joke..but apparantly...we really SHOULD feel sorry for him now.
8 of 14 | Posted by UgoGurl
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Posted on April 21, 2007 6:14 AM
testing...
9 of 14 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on April 21, 2007 12:34 PM
Okay, I am sad that Mowgli lost bc I wanted him to WIN (for the same reason as Katies Hole -- I wanted his win to send a big FU to AI.)
Why won't they ditch harelip or timberfake or powder? Those guys creep me out far worse than anything girlySanjaya does. In fact, Sanj looked great in that car ad. The guy has charisma, therefore he could have a career. Pitch control, anyone? I mean, have you ever heard how badly Madonna sings in concert? She shrieks! Put Sanjaya in a studio with state-of-the-art recording equipment, make a few music videos and you'd have a guy who'd sell more albums than the rest of the AI winners put together.
.end rant.
Actually, I really want Kiki to win. I hope she brings it from now on.
10 of 14 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on April 21, 2007 12:42 PM
So once they showed that facial expression of Sanjaya's, I was like "Yep, that will no doubt be on tvgasm."
and then I hung my head in shame.
11 of 14 | Posted by BethW
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Posted on April 21, 2007 2:25 PM
Straight recaps bore the hell out of me (hello, we watched it, right??) so Flipit-snark is just what the doctor ordered! I must admit I cried a little tear when my poor Papaya got sacked, I mean, he is a kid, right? I hate seeing kids cry, well, most of the time, sometimes it's hilarious , uh, yeah, great recap Flip!
12 of 14 | Posted by Justine
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Posted on April 21, 2007 3:24 PM
I love how the crowd erupted into a louder cheer than I've ever heard at an elimination show once Sanjaya got the boot. I almost felt bad for him.
Then I remembered that he is talentless and had no business being there at all. He's gone and there is order in the world once again.
13 of 14 | Posted by NateTheOkay
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Posted on April 21, 2007 4:15 PM
Blah blah-
don't forget Sabrina!
14 of 14 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on April 21, 2007 5:15 PM